There was only one cure for his current ailment.

And by God, he will have it!

Kyoya Ootori is no freaking wuss! He is not a coward! He will do this!

Forget the threats of dismemberment and disembowelment, though not necessarily in that order.

Hmmm… Kyoya Ootori, Eunuch President of Ootori Industries.

No ring to it. Time to back out and think of plan B?

No, he'd gotten this far. Do or die.

In the first place, he reasoned, it was all her fault that he was sick this way. Sick and ill.

It was her image that came unbidden to him in the past night, getting him awake at three freaking a.m. after ten minutes of sleep total. He could live with the fact that he's been thinking about her a lot. That's normal; he was a boy, and she was a girl.

But the obvious and embarrassing bulge in his boxers, now that one he couldn't.

It was really getting tiresome, having to do the perverted business in the bathroom almost every night, his stupid grunts and moans reverberating around the marble walls.

Thank God for soundproofing systems.

And when he couldn't stand doing it anymore, he opted for the cold showers.

Hence, his predicament now.

Not only did the lack of sleep mess up his immune system, but he was losing vitamins and minerals quickly! His supplements couldn't keep up with the loss.

And this is where it all ends!

Kyoya banged on the door of Haruhi's apartment, intent on breaking it down in his irritation.

Fuck, where has the calm and cool Kyoya gone?

Okay, soft raps, please. Maybe with a tune. How about the Mentos tune?

Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness…. Hehehe.

"Kyoya-senpai, why are you rapping that tune in my door?"

Double fuck, triple shit.

"Haruhi." His voice gave her shivers. It could be likened to the calm before the storm. "Inside, now."

"Seeing as it is my house, I reserve the right to go in or out as I please."

Big mistake.

"In now or I quadruple your debt."

"Would you like some tea as well? Or some coffee?"


"So, what have you come here for with that murderous look in your eye?"

"What makes you say that I want to mangle somebody to death at this very moment?"

"That isn't what I said."

"This is all your fault, you know."

"What is?"

"My cold! I got a fever and it's your doing!"

"You don't look sick."

"Ootori men never sniffle or sneeze. It is beneath us."

"So, it means that you're fine." She placed her hand on his forehead. In spite of himself, Kyoya's temperature got a bit higher and Little Kyoya was slightly awakened.

He also couldn't suppress the shiver that ran through his body when her hands moved to his neck.

"You're shivering and you do feel hot."

Oh, I am hot. Hot for something else.

"Wait, I'll turn up the heating and get you some blankets. Would you like some soup? I'm afraid I only got those of the canned variety."



"Shut up."

Kyoya pulled her to his lap, his hands going behind her as he swooped down for a kiss.

Yes, in order to stop those sleepless nights, he must flush her out of his system. And according to a trusted source, having a taste of something will make you tire of it easily.

Except that now that he tasted forbidden fruit, it made him want her more.

No, he did not just want her. He needed her. It was as simple as that and yet utterly complex.

When Haruhi had enough sense to push him away though she never left the circle of his arms, she said, "How did your cold become my fault?"

Kyoya smirked. "My dear Haruhi, I'm afraid that it's irrelevant how it became your fault." He gently lay them down on the floor so he was on top. "What is important is that it would go away and preferably never come back."

"What do you want me to do about it?" God, his hands were everywhere, and she found it hard to breathe all of a sudden, let alone form words. This was her ultimate wet dream come true!

"Haruhi, have you ever heard of the game 'Playing Nurse'?"


"If you're an attentive nurse, I'll be a good patient, I promise."

It was Haruhi's turn to smirk. She moved, rolling them over so that she was the one on top.

"Ready for your medicine, Kyoya-sama?"


As Kyoya wrapped his arms around a naked, sleeping Haruhi, he reflected that yes, there is only one cure for the common cold.

He just didn't expect that it would come from her.


A/N: Another crack, perverted fic that has completely no point except to show that Kyoya can be a pervert, Haruhi is a vixen, and that sex is a cure-all. I rated it M for safety due to the many innuendoes, but I will not put in the lemon. I'm not really interested in writing smut-filled fics. Did it once, and that was enough. Hear it? The review function of this story is begging to be used….

Disclaimer: I don't own Kyoya. Haruhi wished for him with a genie before I could.