In An Unsightly Manner
A Sasuke-centric One-shot
By Legendary Legacy

Standard Disclaimer: Characters and settings within this story are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The plot is mine, un.


"Sasuke, if you want to avenge our clan, then hate me. Loathe me. Despise me. And live in an unsightly manner. Only then will you gain the power needed to defeat me."

And with that, Uchiha Itachi dropped his little brother to the floor and disappeared into the night. The youngest Uchiha stared after him through glassy eyes, his head swimming with the repeating images brought on by Itachi's Tsukuyomi. As the darkness overtook him, the final words of his brother kept resounding in his head.

Hate me.

Loathe me.

Despise me.

Live in an unsightly manner.

In an unsightly manner.

An unsightly manner…

And then there was darkness.


Several years later…

"Good morning, students," Iruka greeted as he entered the classroom, followed immediately by Mizuki.

"Good morning, sensei," the students all responded.

"I hope you've all prepared yourselves well for today," Mizuki commented as he set the box of hitai-ite on the desk. He pulled one out, holding it up for everyone to see. "By the end of the day, we hope to see all of you wearing one of these, so give it everything you've got."

Seeing the class all appeared good and motivated, Iruka looked at his list. "First of all, is there anyone from class that is not present?"

"Only Uchiha Sasuke," Ino stated, pointing to the empty seat next to Uzumaki Naruto in front of her.

Iruka sighed. "Well I guess that's not too surprising." Honestly, he wouldn't have expected the boy to be here anyway. Even if he had shown up, there wasn't a snowballs chance in hell that-

"Shorry I'm late, teach," a slurred voice called out as the door to the classroom flew open.

The entire classroom recoiled at the newcomer's appearance. A very, very bedraggled Uchiha Sasuke stumbled into the room, half a bottle of vodka gripped weakly in his hand. The boy himself looked two feet away from death. With his clothes in tatters and dirt and grime clinging to them, one would think he had just finished sleeping in a dumpster. On the other hand, his haggard face and blood-shot eyes suggested that he hadn't slept properly for weeks. And you didn't have to be an Inuzuka to pick up on the stench that accompanied him; in fact, that only made it worse, as both Kiba and Akamaru's burning noses could attest to.

Iruka sighed again. It certainly wasn't a shock seeing Sasuke like this, just really sad. Ever since the traumatic incident with his family, his condition had continued in this downward spiral, and it seemed that there was really nothing that could bring him out of it, and you better believe that he'd done his fair share of trying. It was such a shame; he had started out with so much promise, too.

"Sasuke, while I'm pleased to see you make it here for the testing, I really don't think you're in any kind of condition-"

Sasuke let out a noise that sounded like a mixture of a laugh, a bark, and a hiccup. "I dun need no special treatment, Scarface." He stumbled a little, gesturing toward where he thought Iruka was standing, though he was actually off by several feet. "You jush stan' there an' get ready to name me Ro-Rookie of… of the… the ye (hic)… Fuckin' Greatest, a'righty?"

As Sasuke staggered his way up the steps to his seat, the rest of the class stared after him in great distain and a little bit of pity. No one could really understand why the kid formerly referred to as a prodigy had managed to sink so low, or why he hadn't been kicked out of the academy a long time ago. He missed classes at least twice a week, he was always drunk off his ass, he NEVER bathed, and worst of all, he made very inappropriate passes at every woman he met, even outside of the academy. And speaking of…

"Hey babe," the inebriated Uchiha said as he stopped next to Sakura. "After I pash this thing, what ya say we he (hic) head back to my ma…man…manis…big fuckin' house an' do the Hokie-Pokie? Bring yer friends!"

If the come-on line and who it was coming from hadn't grossed the girl out enough, the pelvic thrusts that he added to the end of it certainly did it for her. Fighting the urge to vomit as his rancid breath attacked her senses, Sakura couldn't help but feel relief when Naruto pulled Sasuke away from her and deposited him not so gently into his seat. How could she have sacrificed her friendship with Ino for THAT?

"Fair warning, teme," Naruto growled under his breath. "You throw up on the desk again and I'm shoving your face into it."

Sasuke laughed an unnervingly high-pitched laugh and broke his vodka bottle on the desk and turned in his chair, holding the jagged glass threateningly. "I'd like ta see ya try, do- (hic) -be."

The boy, who was not Naruto, sweatdropped and slowly pushed the broken bottle away from his face. "Naruto's on your left side, dude," he explained.

Sasuke snorted. "Yeah, s'what I thought you'd say, ya big pu…pus…wimp. Ya know ya can't handle my Shrrigan."

"You don't even have your Sharingan, teme," Naruto informed him. "Your eyes are just red because you never put down the bottle."

"You dare insult my eyesh? TSUKUYOMI!" he shouted, moving forward until he was face to face with Naruto, staring wide-eyed into the blonde's eyes.

Naruto stared right back, unblinking.

"Shurr…surren…give up?" he slurred after fifteen seconds of silence.

Naruto opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it and leaned back into his seat, rubbing at his temples.

Sasuke smirked in triumph. "Servesh you right, dobe. Maybe that'll teach ya." Slumping back in the chair, he brought the mouth of the bottle to his lips, grumbling in confusion when he was met with no liquid.

"Well, now that everyone is here, let's begin the testing," Mizuki suggested, hoping to end the stupidness before Sasuke got really worked up.

"Good idea," Iruka mumbled, shuffling through his papers. "Everyone line up for testing. We'll go ahead and start with you, Sasuke."

A loud snore was his response. Everyone looked at the drooling Uchiha in embarrassment.

"Sad," Mizuki said with a shake of his head.

"Uh-huh," Iruka agreed. The council was not going to be happy about this, but there was simply no way that Sasuke was going to be passing this year either. They could already hear the group of fogies griping at them over holding back The Last Uchiha.

The two instructors shared a look. "We'll come back to him then." Maybe he'd actually have a chance at passing if he sobered up a little. "Sakura, you're first."

As the rest of the class went through with their tests, Sasuke giggled in his sleep. He was definitely on his way to achieving his goal. And wouldn't Itachi be shocked to see just how unsightly his life had become?


Hope you enjoyed that. There's a strong chance that I'll be adding to it later on to make it a real story, but for now, it's just for a short laugh.

Until next time, have a lovely day.