This fic is dedicated to my grandad John and my 2 best friends Gibbo and Dave - 'Only the good die young' x Con amore sempre
Ever had one of those moments when you're just lying there, your eyes closed, your hair splayed around you as your fingers idly pull the grass from it's roots? It's like nothing else in this world, the few seconds that you truly feel that life is good and nothing can touch you, just listening to nature and breathing in the miracle of the moment. I believe it's the serenity of it that's the best bit, the ability to clear your mind and relax, not a care in the world and no inhibitions. It's the best damn feeling in the world and it happens once in a blue moon. It's never planned, nor timed, it's an incredible phenominom when everything just seems to fall into place and your brain stops whirring. Most people only ever experience this once in a lifetime, some others are lucky enough to experience it more. It can last for a few precious seconds or minutes, never any longer, but if you truly let yourself go and revel in the sensations, it can seem like an eternity.
That feeling, the one I just described? That's how I feel every time I look at you. You take my breath away every second of every hour, you're a miracle sent down to me and I love you. Do you know that? Do you know how much? I sometimes wish I could tell you, I always wish I could show it. Would you have me? In fact, scrap that, it doesn't matter either way because just having you in my life is enough, more than enough. It beggars belief every day that you deem me worthy of your time. I am a man because you make me one, I am loved because you show me love and I am a child because you are my hero. I want to say thank you but I don't know how. So I'll do what I always do, I'll smile and wave and hope that one day I can tell you this and you won't want to run.
"When did you write this?"
"11 years ago, I'd just turned 17 and you were leaving. It broke my heart to watch you go, but of course I didn't tell you that, I never could bring myself to upset you"
"You...you kept this inside for 11 years? Why didn't you say something?"
"Because we were happy as we were"
"I was happy...but were you?"
"Jeff, I was happy every day...I was happy because I had you"
"I'm so sorry, I never knew. I should have known, I should have picked up on it...If I had just..."
"If you had known it wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference"
"You don't know that"
"No maybe I don't, but I do know this...you have been all I've ever wanted and more than I've ever needed, you've given me hope when there wasn't any and faith to be the man I am today. I love you, I always have"
"Sshh, you don't have to say anything. Just stay with me, it's nearly time. I've done the one thing I wanted to do my whole life and I feel at peace, now it's done I can go. Promise to stay till the end? I'll never ask anymore of you"
"It's not time, it can't be time yet. I'm not ready, please, I'm not ready to do this on my own. I don't want to lose you, I don't know who I am without you"
"Yes you do, you're Jeff. That's all you need to know and I'll be with you every day. Just look for me when you need me. Listen for me in our favourite songs. Taste me in our favourite meals and look for me in our favourite places. And when you feel like it's too much and you miss me, please rememberthis... I'll be the tears on your face and the wind in your hair. I love you and I'll miss you always but it's time to go"
"No, stay with me, stay with me a little longer"
"Jeff, hold my hand and be brave. I need you to do this for me. When I'm gone, open my journal to the last page and read it. I love you"
Jeff reached out and took the hand in his, tears streaming down his face he leant over and kissed his friend for the last time as he exhaled his last breath, softly stroking the hair from their beautiful face, he whispered.
"I love you too Shannon, I always have"
If I should go tomorrow
It would never be goodbye,
For I have left my heart with you,
So don't you ever cry.
The love that's deep within me,
Shall reach you from the stars,
You'll feel it from the heavens,
And it will heal the scars.
We've known lots of pleasure,
At times endured pain,
We've lived in the sunshine
And walked in the rain.
But now we're seperated
And for a time apart,
But I am not alone-
You're forever in my heart.
Death always seems so sudden,
And it is always sure,
But what is oft' forgotten-
It is not without a cure.
There may be times you miss me,
I sort of hope you do,
But smile when you think of me,
For I'll be waiting for you.
Now there's many things for you to do,
And lots of ways to grow,
So get busy, be happy,and live your life, Miss me, but let me go.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
I'll love you always, Shannon x