Sasuke is actually not gay in this one. Orochimaru is. Then again, he's gay in the real manga to. OrochimaruMichael Jackson!! Oh no! Michael Jackson is hugging children! RUN!!

Sasuke was out in the woods, training. Training hard. Very hard. Super hard. MEGA HARD! Okay, enough with that. Anyway, Sasuke was preparing for an important mission. Finally, he had enough training and started to walk home. Suddenly he is gripped my two cold hands.

"Sasuke, I need you." Orochimaru whispered and knocked Sasuke out.

6 hours later:

"Where is Sasuke?" Sakura asked. "He was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago."

"Teme's probably being a lazy ass and sleeping in." Naruto yawned.

"We're going to be late for our mission." Kakashi said.

"What is our mission anyway?" Naruto asked.

"It's a very special mission." Kakashi announced. "We have to…save puppies who got caught in a tree!"

"Don't you mean cats?" Sakura asked.

"No. But where is Sasuke?"

"God damnit! Where is Teme?!" Naruto shouted.

Some ninja passed by.

"Hey, have you seen Sasuke Uchiha anywhere?" one of them asked the trio.

"No." Kakashi answered.

"Where is he?" The ninja asked himself. "Nobody can find him and Lady Tsunade wants to write him a car ticket!"

"Damn that Sasuke…" Another one of that ninja whispered.

"Damn that Sasuke…" Yet another one of the ninja whispered.

"Damn that Sasuke…" Another ninja whispered.

"Damn that Sasuke is HOT…" Another ninja whispered. Everyone looked at him like he was crazy. But the other ninja knew that deep down they thought Sasuke was hot too. It's not their fault that Sasuke has a girl figure. Back to the story!

2 hour later:

It took the ninja of Konoha two whole hours to print a picture of Sasuke on a flyer. It took them this long because Naruto kept arguing what he looked like. He kept saying "This isn't what Sasuke looks like!", and "This belly needs to be more round!", and "His butt has to stick out more! And where are his boobs?! And don't forget the mustache!" But they finally got a picture of what Sasuke really looked like.

Another 2 hours later:

The ninja of Konoha had passed out the flyers to everyone in the city. But Naruto kept coming around and drawing on the flyers! First, he drew Sasuke as a cowboy, then a hillbilly, then a stripper. Some people, including dudes, actually liked the stripper version.

Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi were sent on a mission to find Sasuke.


Sasuke was in a dungeon. What the hell?! Where am I?! Sasuke thought. Lemon… Sasuke thought. Mmmm…Lemon… BACK TO THE STORY! THIS IS GETTING GAY!!

Suddenly Orochimaru walked in. "Ah, Sasuke I see you're awake! Did you like it… Was it delicious?" Orochimaru said sexily.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Sasuke yelled.

"My apple pie? Did you like it?" Orochimaru asked again. Orochimaru smiled knowingly. "You were thinking dirty things about me, weren't you? Sasu-chan? You want it?"


"Of course your not. See?" said Orochimaru. Then he lifted up some pie. Apple pie. I like pumpkin pie better, but whatever. Hey! That rhymes! Okay! Back to the story again!

Suddenly there was a kitchen. Then Orochimaru licked a mom. Oops, I meant Orochimaru looked like a mom! He was wearing a dress. Let's just put it at that.

"You want some pie Sasu-chan?" Orochimaru held up the pie again. Only this time it was pumpkin, cuz I like pumpkin better.

Ha!! Aren't I smarticle?! I wrote my first real story!! It's not just a random crack fic!! Okay, maybe it is a crack fic. But it's not random!! Maybe a little…