Title: From Father to Son
Summary: Tokiya Mikagami II reads a letter from his father. Set forty years after Urabutousatsujin.
Author's Notes: Reposted! I decided to start editing a few of my…er, most grammatically-challenged works. I know I might not be able to perfectly beta my stories but I wanted to at least make them not sound like they've been written by a retarded five year-old. Cheesiness is maintained because the story stayed the same. Be warned people!
Disclaimers: FoR is absolutely not mine.
I know you hate me. You hate me for not being vocal enough, for being stern and strict with you, probably restricting you from living the street-smart life you wanted.
I was, in a point of my life, alone. I will now tell you something which had been never revealed to you before. I hadn't always been the stable provider, the model father, and the composed man you have always seen in me.
When I was five, my kaasan and toosan died of a car accident. My ten year-old sister and I lived together on our own-from the family savings; thus, I am used of a convenient but lonely life.
When I was seven, my sister was killed by a group of underground syndicate members. They were heartless, callous, and very cruel. They wanted a kind of weapon I didn't know about then-the Ensui. My sister knew of its importance and protected it with everything she's got, eventually with her life. She handed it to me, and gave me a firm instruction. It was to protect it with all my might.
I hated the Ensui. I blamed it for all my misfortunes. I hated it because it claimed my sister, my only family, my life. When Mifuyu-neechan died, I died. Not just a part of me, but the whole me. I lived in the dark, secluded from other people.
But then I thought, I can use the Ensui as my shield, as my instrument for revenge. I used it, tirelessly used it. I gave everything I had just to gain expertise. An Ensui master had helped me, had guided me. He was like a second parent to me and I respected him more than anyone else.
I was living a perfect yet empty life when she came. Kirisawa Fuuko wasn't really the type of woman I'd fall for, noting that I had never intended any to develop any romantic interest in my life. She was this rough street brawling monkey-as I used to call her at times.
But I had to admit, she was the best wake-upper in my life. I'd been dwelling in the darkness for long, too darn long. And she had managed to break into my reverie and bring me back to the real world, to the world I had long abandoned. I was dead. But she had the magical touch, the tender voice, the sincerest eyes, the warmest love. And she re-birthed me.
I wondered where my happiness went, where my life went. I wondered what could've happened if I just let it all go before; if I had just enjoyed life. I wondered where my childhood went, the days when I should have been worried about a game, a toy, perhaps my first crush.
Then I realized that I couldn't edit my life. But I could renovate it.
She soon became my greatest comrade and my best friend. I was a catch for women, intelligent, successful and, not to mention, good-looking without apparent effort. But she didn't see me as just another pretty face. She saw me as me, as the priceless work of art she relived, she cherished and loved.
I still wasn't a completely changed man after I met her and grew with her. I still had to fight my inner demons occasionally, at times hurting her because of them. I tried over and over and when I failed I grew even more helpless than before.
But she was there; Fuuko never gave up on me. Never. She had the persistence of an annoying, determined she-monkey.
Without her shoving food into my mouth, I wouldn't have eaten. Without her dragging me to parties, I wouldn't have socialized. Without her pulling me to an embrace, I wouldn't have felt warmth. Without her and each touch, each hold, each kiss we shared, I wouldn't have loved. I wouldn't have learned how to love completely, without inhibitions nor limits, a thing I was utterly terrified to do.
Things didn't go smoothly after that. There were distractions, more obstacles in our relationship. I was filled with pride and hesitations.
On our wedding day, I considered backing out. Why?
I was scared.
I was so scared.
I know the realities of life; I had discovered them way too early.
I knew the time will come when your mother will leave me. She will grow tired of my selfish, cold nature. She would leave me. I dreaded that. I treated her as my air; without her I couldn't breathe. She'll soon get sick of me.
But more than that, I was afraid to commit, to love completely. I already did by then and yet I was still afraid to seal it for a lifetime by marriage. I never would've wanted any woman to replace Fuuko; but I couldn't stay put and tame my worries.
One day, she and I, we would die. And worse, she may die before me, and I would have to endure the pain of losing her in death.
I loved her. I have always loved her, with my heart and my life.
So I decided to marry her.
My dreaded day came. She died. She died without me there by her side. She died without warning. She left me alone. Alone, with you.
I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to die too. But there you were there.
My son, I lived for you. I went on for you.
I never told you that but I hope you did know. If not, now I want you to know that I never ignored you.
I didn't know how to raise you well. With Fuuko gone, I was lost myself. But could I let you suffer the same fate as I did when I was young?
I wanted the best for you. I was afraid that you'd end up doing my mistakes.
Your mother loved you so much. She loved you.
And now, you're a day away from your wedding, and not there's no invitation sent to me. You left me too, son, and I can't blame you for that. I know you grew to be as cold as I am, probably colder. I could do nothing but wish that she will take care of you, and mend the wounds I have inflicted on you like how Fuuko mended mine.
You have worries; I know you do. You have fears and doubts. I want to be there to help you, to guide you, to appease you. But I can't.
This is the last thing I wish for, that you read my letter and understand how I feel about you.
I was born for Fuuko. She and I, we are destined to meet. And to be with her again, wouldn't that be the best thing that I could hope for? She might be dead by now, and we may be physically apart. But I am nearing the same fate now, maybe after a couple of years, we may be together again.
Of all the billions of people in the world, I married your mother. I felt our spirit, our love, us. And there's nothing else in the world I would ask for.
I had sent you the Ensui, because I believe that you could use it well. I am too strained and old to hold it now. Use it for you and your family, to protect those whom you care about. I entrust this family heritage to you.
You are great, my son, I have always thought that. You are wonderful and I am proud of you. I wish for you to be happy and content in this new phase of life which awaits you.
I love you, son.