A/N: I've wanted to write a fic like this for AGES, but couldn't think of a reason for the four guys to meet. Then it hit me, what better way for Arty's three boyfriends to meet Butler than to seek his approval! It's brilliant! I'm a GENIUS! (Someone throws something at her)

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl or Butler, OR St Bart's, I do however own Zack, Oliver and Will and Arty's cross-dressing-slut image.


Graduation was a day of celebration and cheer, of photo's, certificates and proud parents cooing over their children during their last day of school.

Indeed, it was a day that parents dream of when their child finishes school and goes off to make something of themselves, as long as that self is the next CEO of the family business. Graduating for the students in question was the time when they wouldn't have to bother about school any longer, no more homework, no more classes and teachers!

Of course, it didn't dawn on them that the fun hadn't even begun, but the ignorance of teenagers was amusing and the parents didn't mention that after a year of independence they'd be wishing to be back at school.

Yes, graduation was a nice time spent by all, except those, few who didn't do any well at school or didn't have parents to fawn over them, but who cares about them.

For four boys imparticular graduation had varied levels of enthusiasm and meaning.

Zachary O'Connell had passed everything with flying colours, as was expected of him, and his future had been carved in stone ever since the doctors had told the O'Connell's that they would be having a boy. He was to become the next soccer star and publicize his father's sports wear while he was at it. Zack didn't mind it all that much, being famous and rich suited him just fine and as long as he didn't have to sit behind a desk all day his father's plans were a-okay!

Oliver Rielly had received almost perfect grades, with the exception of Chemistry and Art. He was to be taken into the family business and taught how to run the chain of banks the Reilly's owned. Oliver had never taken much interest in the family business and dreaded working in an office all day dealing with money and stocks. Booring.

William Donnelly didn't care either way if he graduated or not, his parents had explained that Will's older sister would take over the business when Mr Donnelly retired. Will was free to do as he pleased and as long as he didn't do anything illegal whatever he chose to do with his life was fine.

Artemis Fowl the Second could have graduated when he started 1st grade so the ceremony didn't interest him in the slightest. His own future had been mapped out for him, until the Artic Incident had reawakened his father's conscience to an unusual extent. Artemis was to inherit the Fowl Crime Lord status and continue the tradition of keeping the Fowls one of the most feared crime families in Europe. Until his father had had his little near-death-experience and decided that stealing was wrong and stopped any illegal ties as soon as he was conscious enough to hold a phone.

Artemis found this infuriating, he'd had plenty of near-death-experiences and it hadn't changed him, for the better anyway. So graduating held no meaning for him at all.

So like I said, mixed feelings all around. However, graduating wasn't the important subject here; it was what would happen after they left school.

It had been planned that the four boys would move into an apartment in London together. That way they wouldn't be away from Artemis and could still get all the nooky, they wanted without travelling to Ireland every second day, which would cost countless amounts of money in the long run. The genius would get his own room/suite, because apparently he needed his privacy to do things his lovers weren't allowed to know.

They'd already picked out the place last summer and had been spending countless hours looking at furniture and things of a homely nature.

It would be perfect and even Artemis was pleased about the arrangements; he honestly didn't want to be shadowed by his mother anymore, both her and his father invading his personal space by trying "bond" with their son. Sometimes he missed being a neglected/ignored only child.

Everything was a go, all four pairs of parents agreed, reluctantly and the bond had been settled and paid for, actually, the entire apartment had been paid for, in full, with cash. The furniture was due to arrive on the day they moved in and the electricity and hot water had been taken care of, in fact, the ONLY thing, which hadn't been covered, was the small matter of Artemis' bodyguard:

Domovoi Butler

Now Butler was by nature a gentle and understanding man, when he wasn't killing and/or torturing a threat to his charge, he was perfectly nice. Artemis had told his lovers offhandedly that Butler was already… upset that he wasn't allowed inside school grounds and having his Master move into an apartment with three strangers, not to mention moving to another country and not being able to come would send him into a permanent bad mood.

The three boys had never met Artemis' famous bodyguard, though it was rumoured the guy was over seven feet tall and could throw a small car over the space of a football field. Which was nonsense, Butler wasn't 7ft tall.

Since it was impossible for the Big Move to commence without Butler's blessing, Artemis had his three lovers agree to meet the men behind all the frightening rumours.

This is what happened.


Domovoi Butler had been approached by his charge one Saturday afternoon, during a long weekend holiday. He'd been doing his rounds when Artemis found him and asked if they could have a word.

Artemis was the most important thing in the world to him, so his safety came first. Meaning the rounds needed to be completed in order for the man to have enough peace of mind for him to spend some time with his little sister, knowing that the Russian Mafia weren't hiding out in the hedge maze or something, waiting to kidnap torture and kill Artemis, should the boy come outside for a walk in the gardens.

So having a word with his little charge would have to wait, but large blue eyes and an "It's awfully important Butler," had the mans previous argument withering and dieing before he could even voice it. So he agreed, allowing a smiling Artemis take his arm, pulling him away from the aforementioned hedge maze/mafia hide out and back to the manor.


"You're moving out?"

This was the first thing Domovoi could say after Artemis finished his lengthy and surprisingly meek explanation that he'd be moving to London with some friends from school after they graduated.

Artemis nodded.

"With a bunch of boys who haven't been background checked, without me." This time it was a statement, not a question.

Another nod and Butler felt like denying his charge such freedom and locking him in his bedroom for the rest of his life. He was about to voice this suggestion, when Artemis clasped his small hands together and took a step towards the bodyguard.

"I know it's a bit of a shock, but Father and Mother have already agreed to it."

Butler narrowed his dark eyes, the words Artemis, moving and boys repeating themselves in his head.

"Then why are you coming to me then?"

"Dear Butler, you know that I hold your opinion in much higher regard than Father's or Mother's, I wanted to get your blessing."

Artemis wanted his blessing. This wasn't some sort of marriage proposal, I mean; Artemis wasn't in a relationship with one of these boys, was he? The thought sent a sort of possessive panic shooting through Butler's body, Artemis dating wasn't something he dwelt on often. He just assumed the boy wasn't the affectionate type and only went to school to prove how much better he was than everyone else was.

But dating, oh FUCK no.

"These boys…" he started, voice deep and threatening, Artemis cut him off before he could continue, completely unintimidated.

"Yes, I've set up a little meeting for you, so you can get to know eachother and give your approval."

Artemis was always a step ahead of everyone else, Butler included, and the guard had gotten used to it.


"In two hours, they're meeting us in a small café in Dublin."

Did he say one-step ahead? He meant fifty.

"So soon?" asked the manservant, wilting, he didn't want to meet these boys.

Artemis nodded and with a "Yes, please be ready in fifteen minutes," breezed out of the room and up to his bedroom to change.


Outside of the café, Butler was watching his charge as Artemis fussed over both his own appearance and Domovoi's. It made Butler curious to know who these boys were, if it made the genius so anal about something like appearance.

"Artemis, you look fine, really."

The genius ran his fingers through his ebony hair, tousling the delicate curls and glanced at Butler out of the corner of his eye.

"There is no harm in making sure one looks nice."

"Fifteen times in four minutes?"

Artemis glared him, brushed some imaginary lint off his dress, and started for the café's doors, Butler following.

"So Artemis, these boys I'll be evaluating, you're involved with one of them aren't you?"

Silence answered him and he caught Artemis by the wrist, the boy didn't stop and Butler was pulled into the large, warmly lit café.


"… well you see Butler… about that…"

They stopped in front of a large-ish table at the back of the room; three boys were already seated and looked up as the pair approached. They'd obviously spotted the genius first, as the three pairs of eyes locked onto Butler's charge with three identical looks that the guard was far too familiar with and stirred his blood lust, which had lain dormant since his mercenary days.

It was this lust for violence, Butler suspected, that drew the three's attention away from Artemis to the giant next to him and well if the light in their eyes didn't go out. Artemis sat down, Butler helping him, before sinking heavily into the chair next to him, all the while staring down the three boys across the table.

Artemis started introductions, either oblivious to the tension, or ignoring it.

"Butler, this is Zachary O'Connell, Oliver Rielly and William Donnelly. Boys, this is Butler, my bodyguard."

There was silence as the boys were pinned to the spot, too petrified by Butler's Look, to say anything. Butler of course, didn't have any such fear.

"It's nice to meet you boys."

He was met with more silence, then Artemis shifted in his seat and the blond, Zachary, twitched, his mouth twisting into a wince.

"It's nice to meet you two, Sir. Artemis has told us all about you."

He met Butler's gaze bravely, though it was a struggle and after a few minutes, the hazel eyes redirected themselves to the salt and peppershakers.

"Funny, because I've heard nothing about you." Butler replied pleasantly "Are you friends of Master Artemis'?"

More silence and this time even Artemis seemed reluctant to answer, though he got over it quickly.

"They are my friends, yes."

Butler scowled, though he hid it well, it came off as more of a frown then anything. He could tell that wasn't a lie, but the reluctance at which the answer was given had the manservant suspicious.

"So Zachary-…"

"You can call me Zack." The blond blurted seemingly unable to stop himself, Artemis shot him a look, the boy wilted.

Butler smiled, darkly.

"Zack, I'm quite good at reading people, tell me, are you my charges boyfriend? Don't be shy now."

Zack stared at him, openly horrified and Butler continued, he'd get whatever secret they were hiding out in the open.

"It's OK son, I can tell you're very close with Artemis, he had mentioned that he was involved with one of you before we came here and I can just tell it's you."

There was a muttered "No I didn't." from Artemis and Zack looked slightly elated, the other two turning to stare in poorly hidden jealousy (was that betrayal?) at their friend. Butler hid his smirk, picking up a fork and twirling it in between his fingers.

"What's the matter boy's, jealous? Don't tell me all three of you are dating Artemis." He chuckled, making it out as though he were joking.

Judging from the four, identical horrified looks, Butler assumed it was no joke. It was times like these that he was grateful to Madam Ko and her emotional training. For if it weren't for her lesson on keeping anger in check, Butler was worried he might have thrown the table into a wall and killed the tree teenagers then and there.

All of them were… he didn't even want to think about it. He knew what a teenage male was capable of and in an all boys school no less.

"Are you?"

Artemis looked off defiantly to the side, that action spoke volumes and the three guilty faces did too. The fork was bent in half and Domovoi struggled to keep his anger in check. A mantra of Killing was bad starting up inside his mind.

"I see, well… at least you don't have sex right?"


Killing was bad. Killing was bad. Killing was bad. Killing was bad. Killing was bad. Killing… was… bad. The fork was mangled even further, as Butler clenched his fists, the silver piece of cutlery trapped in his mammoth hand. KILLING WAS BAD. Artemis, his little Artemis, his CHARGE had been de-flowered by not one but THREE boys. (1)

Artemis chose this moment to speak up, being the only one brave enough to even attempt to reason with an angry Domovoi Butler.

"Butler, I know how upsetting this must be for you, but I really want to move out and I'll only do so if you allow it. After all, you are the one who understand me most."

Flattery, Artemis resorted to flattery whenever he wanted to get his way without making threats and he was good at it too. Artemis placed his hand atop the fist that was crushing the fork and looked at Butler, as he used to when he was a child, going behind both his mother and nannies back to ask if he could take apart the television. Back then, Butler had given in and now, years later, he wasn't any stronger at denying Artemis what he wanted.

"Artemis, you know I want you to be happy." He said, and Artemis smiled, taking that as his answer. It was his answer, but it was his answer on moving out. However, before he could make this known, Artemis turned to the other three.

"There, I told you he'd be fine with it."

They looked at Butler, Butler looked at them, and they knew he wasn't fine with it and never would be, ever.

"Of course I'm fine with it. You're free to move in with eachother, but I'm coming with you."


(1) Yeah Butler, you keep on thinking that.

E/N: Yeah, this could have gone better, but I have the attention span of a two year old when I'm half way through a Legend of Zelda game… It's calling me. So I'm leaving it there, it may be changed and added too later on, I dunno. What do you guys think?