The Very Long Night of Xander Harris
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfiction Story
Author: Jason Thompson
October 3, 2001

Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a guy he wrote a story with characters and settings
he didn't own, but he put a disclaimer on his story and that made it a little less illegal. BTVS and
Angel are owned by Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. I don't own anything except the
situation characters are in.

Category: Anya/Xander with a surprise or two along the way

Spoilers: None

Warnings: Some Language

Summary: Why is it you can never get to sleep when it's the only thing you want…

Rating: R

Distribution: Ask First.


Dedication: Dedicated to the usual suspects; Bri, Mary, Duchess, Dale, Blaire, Stone Cold,
Ice Wing, Arashi, Aslan, Vega, Jen Zimmer, Louise, Sairs, and Queen Angel who have allowed
me to bounce my ideas off them, and Krac, cause she has the evil bunny slippers.

The Very Long Night of Xander Harris


Xander Harris dragged his sorry carcass through his front door with the last of his ebbing energy.
He sighed raggedly and slumped into the nearest chair he could find. He felt his body drifting off
to sleep, as a result a little grin tiredly made its way to his lips. He then felt a weight in his lap,
and moisture on his ear. What was going on?

Xander fought his fatigue and looked around and realized Anya was sitting in his lap. She was
doing something that would normally result in the rapid removal of clothing and a mad dash for
the bedroom, sucking on his ear. However, Xander didn't have the strength to enjoy Anya at the
moment. Xander gently pushed her away, "Not right now Ahn, I'm beat."

Anya smiled, "I could go for that…" She jumped up, "Let me grab the paddle."

Xander sighed, "No… Honey. I meant that I'm tired."

Anya turned around and smiled sympathetically, "Oh baby… I'm sorry. I'll make you something
to eat, then we can go to bed okay?"

Xander smiled, "Thank you."

Anya walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "You are very welcome." She then walked
into the kitchen.



Xander happily finished the Grilled Cheese sandwich Anya had made. He then finished his milk
and smiled at Anya as she took his plate and glass. She returned from the kitchen and pulled
Xander to his feet and led him into the bedroom. Xander stripped down to his boxers and got into
bed. He felt the mattress compress and the lights went out. Xander closed his eyes and once
again waited for sleep to come to him.

He suppressed a yawn as he felt Anya get nestled under the covers…

He drifted as Anya spooned up behind him and gently stroked his chest…

He was almost asleep as she caressed his stomach…

He was instantly awake when she began to stroke him. Xander leapt out of bed and turned on a

Anya smiled at him from the bed, "Initiating sex."

Xander looked at his girlfriend like she was insane, "What?"

"I was beginning sexual intercourse, you couldn't figure that out? You must be exhausted!"

Xander sighed, "Anya, what part of 'I'm tired' do you not seem to understand?"

Anya smiled, "That's why I made you food, a little pick you up, before you pick me up, now…"
Anya opened the covers and revealed her in only what God gave her. "Come back to bed
sweetie. We can roleplay again. You can be Captain Archer and I'll be Science Officer T'Pol
again, hmm?"

Xander sighed, "Anya, I want to go to bed, and SLEEP. Is that such a foreign concept?"

Anya narrowed her eyes slightly, "You're having an affair!"


"You're getting extra-curicular sex from that Hussy they hired down at your office. Aren't you?"

"Isabel? No! Anya. Stay with me. I'm TIRED and I want to SLEEP!"

Anya suddenly burst into tears, "You don't love me anymore!"

Xander looked to the heavens for guidance, when he received none, he shook his head dejectedly.
He sat down on the bed, then fell to the floor when Anya shoved him off the bed, Xander jumped
up angrily. "FINE! If that's how you're going to be, I'll go somewhere else tonight!" He pulled
on his pants and his T-shirt. He stepped into a pair of tennis shoes and stormed out of the

Anya followed him through the living room, "Where are you going, huh? That's sluts place?!"

Xander turned as he pulled his coat off the coat rack, "You are insane! I'm going to let you cool
off tonight! See you tomorrow."

He grabbed the doorknob, "You have two choices Xander. You stay here and admit your
infidelity, or you leave. But I won't be here when you come back…"

"You'll leave me cause I'm tired?"

Anya set her jaw, "Yes."

Xander shook his head and opened the door, "Good-bye Anya."

He walked down the hallway until one of his Babylon 5 plates sailed past his head followed by
Anya screaming, "BASTARD!" The door then slammed shut.

Xander sighed and kept walking.



Xander walked up the steps to the Summers residence with a lot of effort. He raised his hand and
knocked on the door. He strained his hearing, and he heard what was rather typical for the
Summers sisters, arguing.

The door swung open and Dawn yelled up the stairs, "I said SHUT UP! I'm not going to bed."
She turned to him and smiled brightly, "Hi Xander!"

"Hey Dawnie." He stepped inside. Buffy came storming down the stairs, "Hey Buffy, mind if I
crash on the couch?"

Buffy shrugged, "No problem, trouble in paradise?"

Xander sighed, "You have NO idea. All I want to do is sleep." He walked over to the couch,
slipped off his shoes and flopped onto the couch. His eyes fell shut and sleep was only moments
away when Buffy and Dawn began again.


"YES. You are DAWN!"

Xander rolled towards the back of the couch and buried his head into the cushions. "No! I'm not
tired and my friends stay up later than ten!"

"I don't care if your friends stay up late, you go to bed at ten!"

Xander clamped his hands over his ears, "Buffy! I'm not twelve anymore!" The bickering went
on, sometimes getting further away, sometimes getting closer, but constant.

Xander rolled onto his and growled before getting off the couch. "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" He
pulled on his shoes and stormed out of the house.

Buffy and Dawn walked up to the door and watched Xander walk down the sidewalk, waving his
hands angrily and wildly. They turned away from the door towards each other and yelled
simultaneously, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID! I DID? YES, YOU DID!" They growled and
turned away from each other.



Xander's weary knock made a dull thud against Riley's door. Xander could hear music coming
from the apartment and when the door opened he could see a party going on behind Riley, who
was completely tanked. "Hheeeeyyy Xan! Whazzup!"

Xander raised an eyebrow, "I was gonna ask to crash here for the night, but I'll just go."

Riley shook his head and grabbed Xander's shoulder, "No, it's okay! Here, I'll tell ev-rybody to
jus' shut up!" Riley turned around, "Hey guys! Guys! Xander needs to sleep, so Shhhhhhhh!"
Riley laughed. Nobody quieted, Riley turned back to Xander, who was gone, "Sorry Xander, oh
you left, well I'll jus talk to yous tomonday." He turned back to the party, "WHO WANTS TO
DO BODY SHOTS! Not you Parker!"



Xander sagged against Giles' door and knocked. After a minute passed and he got no answer he
knocked again. There wasn't an answer. He then notices a note on the door, he picked it up and
read, "Went to San Francisco. Be back Saturday. -Giles." Xander rolled his eyes and sighed,
"Just perfect!"



Xander stumbled down the steps into Spike's script, his head banging against the door. He didn't
want to be here, but he didn't want to walk across town to campus. He closed his eyes and
managed to knock twice, "SPIKE!"

The door opened, "Bloody 'ell! You look dead."

Xander sagged in the doorway, "Don't get your hopes up. I need to crash for the night." Spike
scoffed, Xander sighed and pulled a fifty out of his money clip. "Will President Grant get me in
the door?"

Spike snatched the fifty and smiled, "My crypt is your crypt. Just be quiet, I'm watching the Leno

Xander sighed and staggered in the door and slumped onto the bare crypt, "Whatever." He closed
his eyes and sighed, the crypt wasn't comfortable and he was to the point where he was actually
too tired to sleep.

Xander rolled onto his back and tried to think of something else. He could hear Leno just
regurgitating the jokes Letterman told the night before. He heard Spike chuckle. Xander
clenched his eyes shut tighter. He took a deep breath then let it out slowly over an eight count,
then repeated the process, hoping to induce sleep. Breathing silently, just concentrating on
breathing, and not how tonight was the weirdest and worst night in recent memory.

He listened to the quiet of the crypt. Actually it was a little too quiet. Xander listened harder, he
could hear the television, but Spike wasn't moving around at all. He opened his eyes and was
thankful the vamp wasn't hovering over him. He started to close his eyes when he heard a moan.
Xander's eyes snapped open, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" He sat up and looked

He found Spike standing up in front of the TV adjusting his pants. Xander felt his blood run cold,
"Oh my God! You were jerking off…" He looked at the TV seeing Jay Leno's ugly face, "to Jay
LENO?" He leapt up and charged for the door, "You SICK fuck!" He slammed the door behind
him, half hoping a vampire would kill him so he wouldn't run the risk of remembering that.

He heard Spike yell after him, "You aren't going to tell the others!?! Are you?!?"



Xander's feet felt like lead and he walked down the hallway leading to Willow and Tara's. "Just a
few more steps Xander…" He felt so tired he was starting to wonder if he was hallucinating.

Xander leaned against the doorway and knocked, he heard Tara's voice through the door say,
"Just a sec…" The door opened and Xander screamed and ran down the hall like he'd seen death
itself. Tara watched him run away in shock and confusion. Willow walked up behind her, "What
did I do?"

Willow sighed, and ushered her girlfriend back inside, "Tara, what did I tell you about answering
the door in that mud mask thing?" Willow closed the door behind them.



Xander was in bad shape. He was exhausted and he was scrapping the bottom of the barrel on
people he knew who'd let him crash for the night, and there was no chance of getting a hotel or
motel room in Sunnydale after dark. They knew the score even when they wouldn't admit it.

He walked past the SunnyRidge apartment complex, then paused. He knew someone who lived
here. He sighed, if he had a chance of reconciling with Anya, this would be too incriminating not
to screw that chance up. He couldn't crash at the place of the girl Anya accused him of sleeping

Xander sighed, "You have no where else to go Xander."

The Y? "Fyarl Demon brood lives there."

The High School? "Nope. School's locked up a lot tighter now."

Xander looked down in defeat. He then looked up and addressed the skies, "I'm guessing this is
your way of telling me and Anya to see other people? Huh? A sign maybe?" As if affirming his
assumption thunder cracked in the distance and the skies opened up. It was raining so heavily
that by the time Xander sprinted to the front door, he was already soaked. He checked the buzzer
panel until he found the one that read, "Evans, I." He pressed the button. "Please be home…"

On the other end he heard a clicking and a sleepy voice answered, Hello?

Xander pressed the button, "Isabel? It's Xander. Xander Harris from work? I helped you move
your furniture last week?"

Xander? It's almost one am.

Xander pressed the button, "I know, I'm really sorry, but my girlfriend dumped me and kicked me
out, and I tried other people… and it's a really long story and I'm really wet and cold, could I
maybe crash on your couch?"

Huh? Oh… Sure. The door clicked and Xander pushed it open.

Xander climbed the stairs to the second floor and walked down the hallway, leaving a trail of
water behind him. He got to Isabel's door and he knocked quietly. The door opened and he was
met with a tall, brunette with short hair, she smiled at him tiredly. "Hi."

Xander shrugged, "I'm sorry."

Isabel stepped aside and waved dismissively, "It's okay. It sounds like you've had a bad night."

Xander sighed as he pulled his shoes and socks off and stuffed his wet socks into his shoes. "You
have no idea."

Isabel smiled and pointed to a door across the room, "That's the bathroom, get out of those wet
clothes and hang 'em on the shower rod, I'll take them to the dryer in the morning."

Xander trudged into the bathroom and pulled his jeans, coat and sweatshirt off and hung them on
the rod. He was down to his T-shirt and boxers. When he left the bathroom he found Isabel
sitting on the pull-out couch. "Um, I haven't got a bed yet and I've been on the couch…"

Xander nodded, "I understand, the floor."

Isabel shook her head, "No, it's okay. We can share."

Xander smiled, "Are you sure? I bite."

Isabel smirked, "Kinky." They laughed, "C'mon. I'm too tired to keep flirting with you."

Xander shrugged and sat down on the other side of the bed while Isabel slid back under the
covers. Xander slid under the covers himself and got as comfortable as he could before he closed
his eyes.

There was silence before Isabel whispered into the darkness, "Xander?"

Xander cracked an eye and looked in Isabel's direction. "Yeah?"

"Your girlfriend dumped you right? So that means your single, right?"

Xander nodded, "Yeah."

The bed shifted and Xander was surprised when Isabel nestled into his side. "That's good. Good
night Xander."

Xander's eyes snapped open and he looked at the ceiling for a long time. It had been a long night,
he was tired, and he couldn't get to sleep. But considering where he ended the night, it may not
be that bad.