Author's Note: This ones by agni and blondie. Its an actual conversation over text messages, and we're letting you enjoy it.

Insane Text Convos with Blondie

Blondie: Whee. Some moron knocked out the glass of our storm door. A week ago. So we're putting mesh on it. But we got to jump through it before.

Agni: How the hell did they manage that? And haha, that's fun!

Blondie: We think…with a bat! –dies-

Agni: Hahaha! That's priceless!

Blondie: I must have done something to tick off Alice. And jumping through the door with heavy bags was fun.

Agni: Maybe because you injured her and Jazz in your rp? And hahaha, that's an interesting mental image.

Blondie: Oma. She is. Sorry Alice! Please don't kill me!

Alice: Expect me in your living room at midnight. Bring the keys to a nice shiny car and I may just let you off the hook.

Blondie: I just died. I don't have a shiny new car, Alice! Will a Toyota highlander work?

Alice: -grumble- is that the only thing you have to offer? What about the neighbors? Any shiny new cars in their driveways? A little grand theft auto never hurt anyone.

Blondie: Are you sure you don't just want the neighbors? I won't tell anybody. I'll keep you in my basement until your eyes turn back.

Alice: You know, that's a tempting offer. Perhaps Jazz and I could stop by for a midnight snack…

Blondie: My brother's tasty. We wouldn't have to tell Carlisle. Or Esme. And if my friend Agni could stop by, I'm sure she'd be thrilled. Though you can't eat her. Maybe Jazz. But we kind of need her. She's playing you in our movie.

Alice: I was just going to ask if that crazy friend of yours was going to be there. …wait a minute. She's the one who's going to be masquerading around as me? Isn't she the one who wants my Jazz all to herself? –pause- well, I guess it's fitting that she'd be playing me then. So long as she isn't let anywhere near my Jasper, for her own safety and my sanity. Or what's left of it.

Blondie: Very fitting. And for the tws girls, crazy doesn't cover it, Alice. In face, I don't know if there is a word that does cover it.

Alice: Hmm, perhaps Edward has a thick thesaurus laying around…I'm sure we could find an adequate word in there.

Blondie: Now that we know that's what he did with his free time, I'm sure he does have one. How about psycho? Though I'm not sure that does it either. Insane. Or nuts.

Alice: Yeah, such a waste of valuable time if you ask me. All that time he wasted reading his musty old books when he could have been out shopping! And perhaps 'mentally unstable' or 'clinically insane' would work?

Blondie: I'm pretty sure the two of you weren't -cough- shopping. Correct me if I'm wrong. And if more shopping had occurred, Breaking Dawn wouldn't have happened. And since we're basically classified as insane, I'm sure both of those would work.

Alice: But of course we were shopping! …there just weren't any clothes involved. –cough- I can't believe I never got to shop with Bella yet! Has Edward told you why he's so adamant about not letting me take her shopping? I've shopped for her, but that isn't the same! –pout- and I knew we'd find some words!

Blondie: Let's hope it's not the same kind of shopping you do with Jazz. And if it is, I can' see why Edward wouldn't like her to go. And I didn't know there were stores where you could shop without clothes, Alice.

Alice: Oh, no! I mean the regular kind of shopping, Edward. –glower- don't tell me you wouldn't let me take Bella shopping AT ALL this whole time simply because of one little misunderstanding? That's low, Edward. And you'd be surprised what kind of stores you can find in foreign countries. This lovely little place in Africa had a rule that forbid anyone from entering if they were over five feet tall. Poor Jazz had to wait outside.

Edward: yes, well, I don't enjoy you taking her away and coming back miserable.

Blondie: Was the door to that shop small?

Alice: Well, Edward, maybe if you could bare to be separated from her for a few hours, I'm sure we could find someplace that she wouldn't mind going to and then she wouldn't be miserable. And that door was perfectly me-sized, if that's what you were asking, Blondie.

Edward: Maybe if you didn't show her outrageous clothes, she could stand it, too.

Jazz: You can take me shopping anytime.

Blondie: I'm five foot two, do you think I would fit? You can take me to the normal shopping. I need help, Alice. Trust me. Possibly more than Bella.

Agni: OMC, I thought Edward was saying that Jazz could take him shopping anytime. And then I thought that Jazz was talking to me for a moment! –dies-

Alice: I'm quite assured as to why you call this one –points to Agni- clinically insane. And I'd be happy to take anyone shopping – the normal kind, of course. The other kind is only reserved for Jazz – anytime!

Blondie: -dies-

Edward: sorry, but I don't swing that way.

Jazz: Alice has a bat, you know.

Agni: -frantic look- sorry, guys. I'm tired. My brain doesn't work right when I'm tired and I end up reading things weird. No hard feelings?

Alice: -sharp look at Edward- Let's hope you don't swing that way, I've already got one nutcase too many after my precious Jazzykins.

Agni: Jazzykins? …I like it! (:

Jazz: Please, no. Not you too.

Agni: -sings- Jazzykins! Jazzykins!

Blondie: It sounds like a doughnut. And at horse back riding, a small girl was riding Jazz.

Agni: A doughnut? Really? –ponders-

Alice: they were WHAT? That's it! –takes bat and goes off to track down kid- Jazz, come with me!

Jazz: Yes m'am!

Blondie: -headdesk- Alice, get back here. –sigh- it's a HORSE and a twelve year-old kid, Alice.

Edward: -chuckles-

Alice: it – oh! Really? Where is this pretty little horsey named Jazz? Can we have him? – not for snacking, I promise! Oh, I've always wanted a pretty pony!

Blondie: -sigh- I'm starting to see Edward's point of view on the annoying bit. I'm sure my barn might miss him. And if I sneak in at night and steal a horse, I might get kicked. Then again, it would be a good way to meet Carlisle… Sure, Al, I'll steal the horse.

Alice: -does victory dance then dons black ski mask- Let operation: Grand theft horsey, commence!