For Ana. Because she's crazy and I love her.

Not gonna lie - I amused myself writing this. Yes, it's stupid and my own sorry attempt at humor, but it was fun. And it's the result of my asking Ana for a prompt and getting a crazy idea back. So, yeah - here's my second surprising update (I don't know what's going on, haha), and I hope you all like it.

Disclaimer. Nah.

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"Tell me again how this happened?"

His brows knitting as he listened to his cousin do his best to muffle his laughter on the other end of the line, Roxas struck his shin against something in the dark, only to trip and fall seconds later. Hissing an agitated curse, he shoved aside something that felt like a broom and turned around, slamming his head in frustration against the wall as he edged himself into the corner and glowered into the darkness.

"How the fuck should I know? Axel's friends are friggin' insane, that's all I can say. I win one friggin' poker game, and the next thing I know I'm waking up in a goddamn closet in a…a piece of cloth!" His face flares, and he slams the side of his fist into a wall. "They better hope to God that I don't find out who did this – 'cause when I do, someone's gonna die."

"You know, this totally makes up for you waking me up at three in the morning. Though Kairi's kind of ready to kill you. She can't fall asleep with me laughing so hard."

"Shut up! This is so embarrassing!"

Again, another laugh sounded from Sora's end of the line, and he cast an aggravated stare onto his torso, grimacing as he saw the outline of his bare body contrasting with the dim and dingy surroundings of the room he was in. Legs shifting self-consciously, he drew his knees up to his chest and groaned, pressing his face into the concave of space they made. He was going to kill himself. It would be easy, too – there was enough crap in this closet with him to provide something useful for the job.

"I told you not to go, though, didn't I? I specifically said--"

"Oh, get off your fucking high horse. Like you honestly believed something this sick and twisted would happen. You just don't like Axel's friends."

"You don't anymore, either," Sora pointed out smugly. Gritting his teeth, Roxas rolled his eyes and kicked wildly at a box, satisfied at the subsequent crash it made as its contents spewed forth and made a mess of the floor.

"I'm hanging up now."

He listened as Sora yawned, and as beyond that a feminine complaint and soft thump sounded. When his cousin grunted, Roxas allowed himself a slight grin, glad that, on top of everything that had already happened to him this weekend, he didn't have to deal with a pissed-off, sleep-deprived Kairi.

"Yeah, I have to go, too. My girlfriend's about to smother me with her pillow." He laughed into the receiver as another thump sounded. "Kairi says hi, by the way."

"Whatever. Bye."

Before his cousin could respond, Roxas flipped his phone shut and let it drop to the floor carelessly, listening in the silence as it clacked and spun for a moment on the wood. He didn't know why he had his phone, exactly – when he'd woken up to a curiously cold feeling on his stomach and arms, he'd just found it lying there, next to his head.

Straightening, pressing his fingers in irritation against his eyes, he let loose an aggravated sigh and ground his teeth together. Then, drawing his hand down his whole face, he opened his eyes to glower at the corners of the closet, only to revert back to slamming his head again and again against the wall. Maybe this was a horrible, horrible nightmare, and by giving himself horrendous head trauma he would wake up and find himself back beneath the cover of his sleeping bag. That or he would suffer from memory loss, in which case he wouldn't have to worry about this ordeal anymore.

Going on this trip had been the worst idea Axel had ever proposed to him – mainly because the jackass had ended up getting piss drunk five minutes in at the cottage, leaving Roxas to awkwardly fend for himself against the leering grins of eleven strangers while he tried to fly off the back balcony. Growling in rage as he dug his nails into the palm of his hand, the blond again struck the wall beside him with the side of his fist, ready to scream in outrage. He was going to kill the stupid moron for being so persuasive and convincing. If not for Axel, he wouldn't be in this mess at all.

And he still had one more day and one more night where he had to hold his own against the lunatics. Therefore, he immediately resolved to stake out in the stupid closet until it was time for everyone to leave. Maybe in that time he would suffocate from lack of oxygen, or pass out from hunger or dehydration – or hell, maybe he would just die from shame. Any option would be fine by him.

So, leaning forward with a groan and pressing his forehead miserably into the heels of his hands, he glowered at his pale, bare legs and commenced in self-loathing, hoping that that would help pass the time. It did work for a little while, so that he slightly forgot his predicament, but then thoughts of how he was stuck in a closet, stripped of his clothes – and his dignity, dammit – swarmed about in his mind, and he muffled a furious shout, hands from there flying to fist his pale-gold locks of hair. Stamping his feet once against the floor, he then decided to waste away the hours by ticking off in his mind every reason why he hated every single asshole in this cabin, starting with Xemnas. Surprisingly enough – or perhaps unsurprisingly, really – there was a multitude of reasons at his disposal.

He was at Vexen – the incredibly creepy bastard – when he heard a soft but distinct shuffle on the floor. His head jerking up from its resting place on his knees, Roxas loosened his hold on his shins and trained his attention hard on the wall across from him, his heart quickening its pace in either hope or dread. Closer and closer the footfalls sounded, and for a second he thought the person was just going to pass on by and leave him to his humiliating exile. But, just as the hope that had swelled within him began to fall and crash against the barriers of his heart, the doorknob of the closet door started to wobble. Warily straightening, Roxas listened hard, the figure outside cursing as he tried to get the door unstuck. Again, it seemed like the Fates were going to screw him over and the stranger would just give up, but suddenly, in an all-too-familiar fit of rage, the person outside threw something heavy – his shoulder, his foot, perhaps a conveniently-placed chair – against the obstruction, and the wooden barrier flew open and slammed against the far wall.

Grabbing his cell phone, Roxas leapt to his feet, ridiculously happy to see light spilling onto the wooden floor.

"…the hell?" The blond felt relief roll off his shoulders at the familiar voice. "This isn't the bathroom."

As the man turned and made to walk away, Roxas slapped his face. "Axel, dammit! Get your ass back here and help me!"

The footsteps stalled, silence fell, and then Axel was turning about and walking back towards the door, peering into the closet. "…Roxas?"

"What're you, a moron? Of course it's me, y'idiot!"

At last Axel's piercing green eyes found him in the darkness, and he inhaled sharply, a sound that bounced off the walls in the silence and further served to feed his embarrassment. Shifting feet, no longer comfortable now that the redhead could make out his bare form, Roxas crossed his arms, doing his very best to keep a frustrated glare on his face. Dread filled his stomach, however, when Axel fell against the doorway with his arms similarly crossed, an infinitely amused and slightly smug smile dancing on his lips.

"Well. I didn't know it was my birthday."

Color flooding his cheeks, Roxas clenched his fists and dropped them stiffly to his side, brows knitting in anger. "Shut up. This isn't funny."

"On the contrary, Rox, I find it hysterical." Head tilting, he lifted his chin in an arrogant manner, Cheshire grin revealing the glow of his teeth. "Wasn't I the one to get drunk this weekend?"

"I am not in the mood! Now help me find my clothes, or I'll kick your sorry ass!'

Holding up his hands in a pacifying manner, Axel pushed off the wall, swaggering towards him. "Hey, now. Let's not ruin the moment here."

The blond blew out an infuriated breath, his bangs disturbed at the motion. "Don't test me."

Smirking, Axel crossed the room with ease, stepping over the spilled contents of boxes that Roxas had carelessly let fall to the floor. He made quick work of closing the gap between them, and then the blond was rolling his eyes as the redhead pushed him against the wall, moving one hand to press against the bit of wall beside Roxas's head as the other remained staid at his hip.

"I want you," he whispered teasingly, mirth dancing in his eyes.

Despite the heat warming his face, Roxas glowered at him. "Well, I want my clothes. Funny how we can't always get what we want."

Axel couldn't suppress a laugh. "Life's a bitch like that."

"Your friends are bitches, too," Roxas said crossly, pushing at Axel's chest. "Now get off me. You're not taking advantage of me in a closet while I'm in this retarded loin cloth."

"Oh? So another time in a closet will be fine?"

"Shut up."

"That's not a no."


With an exaggerated sigh, Axel pulled back a little. "Why do you torture me in this way, Blondie? All I want is for you to love me…"

"Cut the crap, you asshole, and help me find my clothes. It's your fault I'm in this situation anyway."

"Hey, I'm not complaining about that."

Shooting his friend an agitated glance, he proceeded to walk around him, heading for the door. "You coming or not?"

"Maybe. Or maybe I'll just watch your cute little butt from here."

"I'll lock you in this closet."

"You won't find your clothes doing that."

Stopping, Roxas turned around and shot him a suspicious look, half-bathed in the hallway light as he crossed his arms and tapped his foot. He wasn't comforted at all by the beaming smile that currently rested on his best friend's face as the man took measured steps forward, until he was hovering right in front of the blond and leering at him with a less-than-innocent expression.

"Whaddo you mean? Did you do this?"

"No." At Roxas's persisting glare, Axel shrugged innocently and eased around him, heading for the door. "Hey, you don't have to believe me, but I in no way deposited your mostly-naked body in this closet. You know, as much as I would've liked to." He sent a grin over his shoulder as he stopped at the threshold.

Unfortunately, this did nothing to abate the blond's distrust of his conniving and mischievous friend. "Axel…"

"Roxy, I promise. I didn't lock you in here." Turning around and leaning forward, he ruffled the blond's hair affectionately, hand slipping from there to cup the boy's cheek. As he leaned closer, Roxas wrinkled his nose in discomfort, the blood pulsing in his face as his heartbeat quickened. And when Axel's lips were inches from his own, the redhead whispered, "I just took your clothes."

Breath whooshing out of him as the man chuckled and stepped back, Roxas blinked rapidly for several seconds, trying to register that comment. When he finally did, though, his rage boiled in his veins and spread across his countenance until his expression was dark, his lust for revenge darkening his eyes. Axel delighted in the transformation, too, his eyes bright with laughter and his smirk wicked on his face.

"See ya, Blondie," he remarked with a carefree wave, and then he was slipping into the hall, hurrying away like the coward that he was.

"AXEL!" Roxas screamed, and, forgetting about his appearance, his embarrassment, his shame, he took off down the hall, following the man's laughter as several other members of the household emerged from their rooms in confusion. Disorientation gave way to snickers as he sped across the carpeted floor and whipped around corners, but the blond paid them no mind, his sights on Axel and Axel only. "I'LL KILL YOU!"

That redhead was going to die.

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Inspiration - "Forcing roxas to be in a loincloth" and the idea of Roxas gambling with Luxord, having his clothes stolen, and his comment of "Help me find my clothes" to Axel all belong to Ana. I just wrote all of the stuff in between. So, please review!