I look towards the red door of the infirmary and wish that I could return to the black oblivion. No colours, no pain, no reminders of how things used to be. The nurses busy themselves around me following their normal daily routine.

Normal. Ha. I could almost laugh. I turn my head away from the normality until I feel I can face it again.

It's like I'm looking out on a cold winter's day, no flowers to be seen, and the iciness penetrates through my very soul as my heart breaks. People come and go but turn their heads from me and quickly leave not knowing what to say.

I search inside myself and find nothing but an empty void. I again glance to the door and want to blot it out. All the colour has faded from my life, my heart itself, turned black. I only wish to close my eyes and simply fade away. It's not easy to continue when something, someone, no, the one, has been taken from you.

I should have seen it coming, should have protected you or at the very least I could have taken the chance to say goodbye. I am so sorry my friend…my love. The tears come then, stinging as they leave my eyes and trail down my cheeks. As my sobs subside, I finally get my wish, the darkness comes to claim me.

I am grateful for the respite.