Title: Dreams of Zhaan

by debc

Fandom: Farscape

Rating: G

Characters/Pairing: John Crichton, Aeryn Sun, Zhaan

Keywords: AU, mostly gen

Disclaimers: Not mine, not mine, not mine

Summary: Sometimes John dreams of Zhaan

Author's Notes: I have never written Farscape before, but this came to me in the shower and usually shower!fics turn out pretty good, so I'm putting it down anyway. The 'au' assumes that Crichton somehow returned to Earth with Aeryn and their son. Specially thanks and dedications to Angelsgracie for introducing me to Farscape in the first place.

"Dreams of Zhaan"

Sometimes John dreams of Zhaan.

Not as she was when he last saw her before her death, but as she was when they first met aboard Moya so many cycles ago. Radiant, beautiful and unlike any woman he had ever seen before. She sits meditating in the sun and he joins her willingly, wishing it was the real Zhaan and not something his mind has conjured up.

She opens her eyes as he sits and pronounces Earth a backward, primitive planet and it's people equally primitive and cruelly savage.

Sometimes he argues with her, because "C'mon, Zhaan! Look at me! I'm not like that! You just have to give us a chance!"

That had, after all, been what he'd told Aeryn when he'd convinced her to come with him and their son back to Earth. "Just give us a chance, Aeryn. They'll love you; you'll see."

They'd spent a week with John's father in the home he'd grown up in before the government came for them.

Sometimes he still sees Aeryn and little D'Argo being drug away by military guards. He still hears his son's screams of terror and Aeryn's worst threats.

Sometimes the scene replays in his mind as something out of early American history. They're dressed in slaves rags, chained and standing in the middle of a town square. They are surrounded by African slaves in similar dress and John realizes with horror that he and his family must be slaves themselves.

He hopes to God that his nation isn't like that anymore but on those nights, he doesn't argue when Zhaan condemns them. They did take Aeryn and D'argo after all, and they did eventually come for him as well.

They came for him and locked him up, not in a prison (though it sure feels like one) but a room in a hospital with white padded walls. Dr. Bender says John needs help coming to terms with reality and that once he's better he can go home with his father.

"What about Aeryn? And D'Argo?" John always asks and the good Doctor Bender gives him this look like he has no idea what John is raving about now.

"Am I going insane?" he asks the Zhaan in his dreams after one of those sessions. "Did I just make the whole frelling thing up , like that asshole doctor keeps insisting?"

"Do you think you made us up, John?" Zhaan asks in return.

"No!"

"Then why do they insist that you have?" Zhaan inquires.

"I don't know! I don't know! Maybe because they don't have the mebonks to admit they took my family because they're prejudiced bastards who can't handle anything different than themselves."

"Because they're backwards and primitive," Zhaan politely points out. "And they fear pollution of their race even more so than the Peacekeepers."

Sometimes when she puts it that way, John just sits there and says nothing.

Sometimes he sits there and wishes with all that he was that he was back home on Moya with Zhaan and Aeryn and Ka D'Argo and Chiana and that he'd never found a way to Earth.