Author:Maiyri, AKA RStarcat
Warnings:Irony? Violence, 'adult themes', fun poke-age.
Disclaimer:Don't own this lovely piece of work. Wait, yes I do! I just don't own the Flock!
Summary:Max is facing the worst challenge yet. Worse that Erasers. Worse than the School. Worse than Jeb's unclean underwear.
Author's Notes:I'm crazy, if you hadn't noticed. I mean, who writes something like this!
Set After Book Two.
Repost Notes! Yay: Hello and welcome to the reposted and now edited version of Not Too Late. One of the 'original parodies' of the Maximum Ride Fandom that achieved rather a large response when first posted. Then it got deleted. Now it's being reposted.
Part the First
It was a dark and stormy night. No actually, it wasn't. It was daytime, not that you could tell because of all the cloud and rain and howling wind. So, the sky resembled that of a dark and stormy night, but it was actually a dark and stormy day.
The Flock were flying away from Itex as fast as possible. Well, actually they weren't flying…more…being buffeted around by aforementioned howling wind, which was a headwind by the way. Which meant, if you knew about these things, that they were actually headed back towards Itex, being blown backwards, that is.
With such a setting, so dark and hopeless, of course somebody mysterious and/or evil has to show up. It's like an unwritten law or something.
"I've finally found you!" chimed a beautiful voice, right on cue.
Fang, being the lead male role in the story noticed at once that it was the most beautiful voice he'd ever heard. Of course, it made Max, being the canon lead female, sound like the illegitimate child of a harpy and a thirty-year-old horse with severe bronchitis.
Fang spun around gracefully in midair, seemingly unaffected by the wind. The sight that met his eyes was surely the most beautiful thing that had ever graced the universe. And of course, the mysterious (and possibly evil) stranger made Max look like that illegitimate HarpyHorse cross she supposedly sounded like.
Somehow, because book physics shows a strong relationship to movie physics, over the howling wind, the mysterious (and yadda yadda) stranger made herself heard. "Please land!" she called.
Angel, having the totally kickass mind-powers that she did, realised with a start that the girl was like her, a Telepath, although much more advanced, obviously.
One by one, the flock came in to land on the Telepathic girl's orders (although why they'd land in the middle of nowhere and lose their flight advantage to talk to a telepathic stranger after just escaping hell on earth is beyond the Author. She asks that you ignore this gaping plothole). The girl landed gracefully, somehow ignoring the wind, then Fang and the younger flock followed. Max scouted the trees quickly, instinct telling her something was wrong. Nothing immediate caught her eye, so she swooped in to land. A blast of wind seemingly came out of nowhere, and Max landed hard.
In the mud.
Nudge hurriedly pulled Max to her feet, as it never looked god when the leader was gasping on the ground like a fish. The Girl, meanwhile, smoothed her silvery figure-hugging dress and checked her fine leather boots for any of the mud spray from Max's…landing.
"Oh! I'm so glad I found you finally!" gushed the girl once everyone had turned to her again. "I've been looking for you everywhere since I escaped from The University in Colorado!" The Flock met this statement with disbelieving looks. There was another place like the School? In Colorado of all places?
Then something clicked in the leader of the Flock's mind. Max's instincts had been telling her to run as far away as possible, but she had to be sure. She glanced at Fang and Iggy, knowing both boys would be her best indicator…
Fang strode forwards across the grass, and took both of the girl's slender, fine-boned hands in his own. Somehow he didn't look like a bedraggled mess, like she and Nudge did, Max realized. Oh, no. It's already too late! She thought, It's already started! The way he's looking at her!
"Well it looks like you found us," Fang said, his deep, manly voice husky with emotion. "I missed you so much, I've thought about you every day since they took you from me Eleanora-Kristiana."
The girl's face lit up like the full moon, and she blushed. Overall, the effect should have been like a big red round thing, but it wasn't, much to Max's disgust. The girl, Eleanora-Kristiana, looked gorgeous while blushing, and she threw herself gracefully into Fang's waiting arms. "Oh Fangie, I've missed you too!" She cried.
"Oh! Please no, not in front of the children!" muttered Max to herself as the dark haired boy swept whatsername up into a passionate kiss. She just couldn't look. Max closed her eyes in horror, but found that she couldn't keep them closed. It was like watching a train crash, horrifying, but fascinating too.
There it was, unfortunately, the proof. But it couldn't be true, where did this come from! Fang, not him…he seemed so…stonewall-ish. Why didn't he just talk to her?
Max heard Nudge gag beside her. She turned to look at the younger girl, repressing her own urge to vomit, despair and anger trying knots in her stomach. The girls exchanged looks. This was bad, very bad. Max was glad to see that Nudge was holding up well.
Finally, after a couple of minutes of snogging the pair broke apart. "Silly Fangie," Max and Nudge both winced, "My name's not been Eleanora-Kristiana for a long time."
In a random mood swing, the girl burst into elegant sobs. "Those horrible Whitecoats changed my name again." She wept hysterically. Fang wrapped his arms around the gracefully distraught girl, simultaneously wiping tears from her beautiful azure blue and crimson ringed eyes and murmuring nonsense reassurances.
Random mood swing, and the girl smiled brilliantly, showing bright pearly-white teeth between her full, blood red lips. "My name's now Antoinette-Elizabeth. That's An-Toe-Net E-Lie-Zah-Beth", she said slowly to the flock, making sure they'd get it right. Then she sniffed, her eyes glazing as the painful memories overtook her. "Then, after they tortured me horribly by calling me that, they told me that you and my younger siblings had escaped the School with Jeb Batchelder just three days before and I just had to escape and lead you in your quest to save the world."
(The Author also asks that you ignore the minor (four year) time discrepancy between the escape of the flock and the present. Thank you, have a nice day.)
"So I used my Telekinesis to break out of my cell (how could they imprison a lovely girl like this in a CAGE, the whitecoats had thought), packed my bag (in that order) and used my Sight to find out where you were. I had to leave everything behind, my computer with twenty-four-hour internet, my four-poster bed and my genuine marble bath. Oh, Fangie, it's been so hard! But I had to find you and my siblings!"
Fang gathered the girl up again, desperate to soothe her fears.Max just winced. Siblings. This was getting worse by the second. She eyed the Girl's silver hair and ivory skin and decided that it was probably Angel and Gazzy that the girl was talking of, not the brown-haired, eyed and skinned Nudge. Definitely a relief. She'd need all the help she could get.
"After I used the telekinesis, I asked the shadows to kill the Whitecoats and Erasers for me. My precognition said that there were two hundred and thirty Erasers headed right for me! But I used my weather control and shadow control and telekinesis to kill them all before I teleported out. Luckily I managed to press the button that killed all of the Erasers before I escaped, and although I didn't want to kill Ari, who has been my best friend in the past ten years since they took me away from you, I knew that I had to. Once I escaped I flew at top speed towards you, which is very fast since I can fly at the speed of sound! But I had to find you, Fangie, and Angel and Gassy who are my siblings, and help you!" The girl proclaimed.