Disclaimer: The Tale of Captain Jack Sparrow belongs to The Lonely Island and Michael Bolton – it is not mine.
A/N: I finally heard this song and laughed so hard! I just had to parody it. Basically, this is what would happen if I made a song about my PotC fics with The Lonely Island. This is all in good fun. If it sounds random at first, don't worry – keep reading. Hope you like it!
A/N2: Don't worry, I bleeped all the f-words.
The Tale of Samantha Sparrow – by the Lonely Island feat. Latebloomer.
Secretary: Guys, Latebloomer is here.
Andy: Oh, great! Send her in.
Latebloomer: Hey, guys!
Andy, Akiva & Jorma of the Lonely Island: Hi, thanks for coming!
Latebloomer: Sorry I'm late. I was holding a Pirates of the Caribbean Marathon. I love watching Will and Elizabeth's romance!
Andy: Oh yeah, yeah, those films are great.
Latebloomer: Well, I checked out the track and I loved it. And I wrote you this epic song parody I think you're really gonna like.
Andy: Oh wow, that's great, awesome. You wanna, just lay it down?
Latebloomer: *smirks* Boys, let's do it.
Andy (whispering): Here we go. (song starts)
Andy: Uh, Lonely Island, Latebloomer.
Andy: The night starts now. Together on the track, the boys are back. (The night starts now.) The night starts now. Baby, roll with us. Chicks snapping at the neck when we rollin' up.
(LB: Rollin' up.)
Andy: Blow through the doors, ain't no holdin' up.
Andy: Black card at the bar, like I give a f***.
(LB: Come on.)
Jorma: Ladies shifty eyed, when we walk into the set. But the fellas looking jealous, play the back and get wet.
(LB: Yeah, yeah.)
Jorma: Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock. You either get cut, get stuffed, or get shot.
Latebloomer: This is the tale of Sa-man-tha Sparrow. Pirate so brave, on the seven seas.
Latebloomer: A post-AWE fic, on the isle of St. Maarten. Sammi loves Will. She's such a tease.
Akiva: Yeah, that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club. Buying up the bar, so the groupies show us love.
(LB: Miss Saldana.)
Akiva: Motherf***ing iceman, I'm the top gunner. Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner.
(LB: Sammi Sparrow!)
Andy: Watch it girl, cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy". More like the "Meet ya, take you home and f*** you twice guy."
(LB: Yeah, yeah!)
Andy: All dressed up, with nowhere to run. And now I make you feel crazy with...
Latebloomer: Now back to the good part! From the day she was born, she yearned for adventure.
Latebloomer: Oh, that Sammi! Givin' her parents hell! She's the captain of the Wench. The queen of St. Maarten.
(Andy: Oh, God)
Latebloomer: William's so close, and still so far!
(Akiva: Yeah, we've read the fic.)
Andy: Throw your hands in the air, and say hell yeah. C'mon.
Jorma: From the front to the back, say we count stacks, C'mon.
(LB: Evil dude.)
Akiva: Latebloomer, we're really gonna need you to focus up.
Latebloomer: Roger that; let me try it with another film.
Latebloomer: Life is a beautiful ballet, and my spot is Center Stage.
(Andy: Not better)
LB: Though I'm not the best ballerina, I get to dance the lead.
(Andy: Come on!)
LB: Ok then, I'm a blue alien. Neytiri is my name.
(TLI: Oh no, oh God.)
LB: Then you can call me Uhura. Star Trek's resident dame.
(Andy: Close enough.)
LB: You scurvy dogs wanna play rough? OKAY, I'm rebooted.
This is the tale of Nyota Uhura (This is the tale!) Communications, with a crush on Spock. (Andy: Take it home!)
LB: Got a brand new gig, on the Enterprise. This captain is crazy, just waiting to get slapped! (Just waitin' to get slapped!)
Andy: Okay, turns out Latebloomer is a major cinephile.
(LB: You complete me!)
Andy: Yup, yeah, okay.