Title: That's A Brilliant Idea, But Let's Go With Mine Now
lj community dwtwprompts "Self-conceit may lead to self-destruction." - Aesop.
Date Written: 4/28/08
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 2,001
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, one-sided Jack/Gwen, Team, Doctor
Spoilers: Doctor Who up to current season, Torchwood seasons 1 & 2.
Warnings: boylovin' again. Yup, that's right, more of it. :D And Gwen bashing (sorry Gwen fans, I'm a shipper at heart.)
Author's Notes: All right! Bad news and good news! The bad news: Last chapter of this series. Sorry. And onto the good news! The muses have poked me into two spin-off series of a bunch of one shots, which will be posted shortly. Deviations from the Norm is little Janto moments without the Doctor and Sonata for the TARDIS in D is them travelling through space and time -- with and without the Doctor.

"I should call the team," Jack said suddenly, breaking the quiet of the room.

Ianto nodded and kissed Jack's bare stomach. "I meant to ask, how does it work? I mean, I know the Doctor linked up the phone, but when we ring them up, when do they pick up?"

Jack stroked Ianto's hair idly, grinning as it stuck out at wild angles. "I think it's more or less our linear time, give or take a few hours. When we go two days without contacting them, it's about the same amount of time for them."

"Ah." Ianto kissed Jack's skin again, carefully tracing his tongue along the contours of Jack's abdomen, laughing against his skin as Jack's stomach squirmed under his mouth.

"Stop that, we're supposed to be behaving," Jack teased, his hand moving down to massage the back of Ianto's neck.

"No, we're supposed to be learning how to close ourselves off to the outside world," Ianto replied, his mouth moving up to ghost over a flat nipple. "But if we can't do it while we're distracted, it won't be very useful, will it?"

The Doctor looked across the table at the two immortals; both were bright red (even Jack, which was a surprise; he didn't think the older man still had a blush left in him).

"Well, this certainly is embarrassing," Ianto finally murmured, looking down at his hands.

The Doctor nodded and looked away. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but with all the emotion you two were releasing it was impossible not to." He didn't mention how the TARDIS had fairly glowed, feeding on the energy as well, or how Donna had figured it out eventually and called him seven kinds of pervert.

She was just jealous.

"We can't go back before we get a handle on our psychic bond, learn how to keep it between just us," Jack said, reaching over to take one of Ianto's hands.

"I don't think we should go anywhere," Ianto agreed. "We'd be painting a target on everyone."

The Doctor nodded. "I think that would be for the best." He stirred his tea idly, thinking. "There's a room that was used a long time ago for psychic training, we can move you in there. It'll dampen the sensations to those outside the room until you learn to control it." He'd taught his children and grandchildren how to block unwanted psychic attacks in that room. The TARDIS would love that it was being used again.

"Done," two voices echoed.

Jack turned his head to kiss Ianto's forehead. "I have a confession."

"Oh? Should I get the priest outfit out then?" the Welshman deadpanned, licking at the slightly-sweaty skin of Jack's shoulder.

Jack smacked Ianto on the rear lightly in mock reprimand, laughing. "No. When I was being stupid, I had my mobile with me."

Ianto lifted his head to look at him. "Jack. Did you drunk dial the PM again? Granted, it was really funny the first time, but the second time it was just bothersome."

"No! No, not the prime minister. And I only did that 'cause it was really funny listening to Harriet Jones' voice get higher and higher as she got more and more put out."

"Then who--" Ianto's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Oh, Jack. You didn't."

Jack just gave a sheepish grin and shrugged.

"You called Gwen?"

Jack frowned drunkenly at his wrist strap, prodding at random buttons. "C'mon..."

A dial tone drifted up from the tiny speakers and Jack let out an exasperated sigh, punching another button and hearing the line ring. After a few moments, the line clicked on and an annoyed female voice said, "WHAT?!"

Jack jumped a little at the force behind the voice, sloshing some alcohol over his shirt. "What did I do now?"

"Oh Jack!" He could hear Gwen's smile in her voice. "I'm sorry, I thought you were Rhys."

"Gettin' in fights s' soon?" Jack slurred, pressing the bottle to his lips and taking a large swallow.

"Yeah, it's sort of depressing," she lamented.

"Join the club, honey," the Captain said, taking another drink. He frowned when he realized that the bottle was empty.

"Aw, did you and Ianto have a fight?" Gwen soothed, her voice thin and tinny through the speakers. "I'm so sorry."

"I bet y'are," Jack said low under his voice, setting the empty bottle aside and reaching for another one.


"Nothin'." Jack pulled the cork of the next bottle out with his teeth, spitting it across the room.

"What did you fight about?" Gwen gently prompted.

"He did somthin' stupid an' got mad at me for it," Jack took another drink, wincing a little. Oh, this one tasted horrid.

"How mad?"

"Oh, y'know, he hates me. Wants ta go home." He burped loudly before covering his mouth. "Sorry 'bout that."

He could see her wrinkle her nose in disapproval. "Jack, are you drunk?"

"Yup!" He grinned proudly.

Ianto groaned, burying his face into Jack's shoulder. "Jack, you should have known better!"

"I know, I'm sorry!"

"It's rule one, Harkness, you don't call the person who fancies you to complain about fighting with your lover!"

"She doesn't fancy me," Jack defended.

"Oh sure. And I'm still a virgin."

"I fulfill a fantasy for Gwen, that's all." Jack took one of Ianto's hand, nuzzling the palm. "The perfect man. It doesn't matter who's behind it, really."

"Yes, but Gwen is a lot like a teenager in the fact that she has a hard time distinguishing fantasy and reality." He curled his fingers around Jack's face, brushing his hair. "An easy mistake to make within Torchwood, granted, but still."

Gwen did a little mental dance. Jack had fought with Ianto! Maybe they'd break up, and stop all this 'soul mates' nonsense. "Why don't you come home?" she purred into the mobile, unconsciously giving a little grin. "Let me take care of you?"

There was a long pause. "Jack?"

Eighty million light years away, Jack had passed out in the leather chair, his wrist strap beeping as Gwen's forlorn "Jack? Are you there?" echoed around the room.

Jack made a face, nuzzling Ianto's palm again.

"We need to explain it to her," Ianto said.

Jack looked up at him. "I thought that you would want to be mean to her."

"It's not worth a cat fight," the Welshman replied. "Besides, I know I have you."

"Always," the Captain said, turning to kiss his wrist.

Ianto smiled back. "I was thinking -- " he began, but was cut off when Jack's wrist strap beeped. He felt his heart catch a little in his chest. The last time it had beeped, Hart had almost killed everyone.

The worry must have shown on his face, because Jack leaned up to kiss him. "I hooked it up to the mobile system before we left," he explained before opening to flap and pressing a button. "Hello?"

"Oh, Jack, am I interrupting anything?" Gwen's voice floated up from the device. Ianto rolled his eyes and bit back his sigh. Of course she would call now of all times.

"Yes," Jack told her, looking at Ianto with raised eyebrows. Ianto smiled softly and waved his hand. "But I'll talk to you anyway," Jack continued, giving Ianto an unsure look.

Ianto gave a mischievous grin.

It wasn't gentlemanly to start a cat fight with Gwen over Jack, but a not-so-subtle reminder might be fun.

Gwen was standing in the conference room, her mobile up to her ear as she watched Owen and Toshiko go over an alien autopsy. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"Yes," Jack's voice said, then, "But I'll talk to you anyway."

"Well, I can always just ring you up again -- " Gwen said, crossing her free arm across her stomach. Damn it.

"How's everyone doing?" the Captain interrupted.

"They're good. Missing you, and Ianto."

A low chuckle came through the other end, and Gwen closed her eyes, imagining Jack standing next to her. "We miss them too. Give them our love?"

"Of course." Gwen opened her eyes, the fantasy dissolving. "Will you be back soon?" she asked.

"As soon as we can," Jack promised.

"So you and Ianto made up then?" she asked, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

There was another low chuckle. "Oh yes."

Gwen opened her mouth to ask what had happened when she heard a sharp gasp. "Jack, are you all right?"

Jack swallowed hard, then swallowed again. "I'm fine," he finally managed with a straight voice, glaring down at his dark-haired lover.

Ianto gave a self-satisfied smile, his blue eyes never leaving Jack's.

Bastard Jack mouthed.

Ianto hummed quietly in response and continued to do salacious things below Jack's belt.

"Are you sure?" Gwen's voice threw Jack back into real time, and Jack almost laughed. Ianto was blowing him while his competition was on the phone. Possessive bastard.

Oh, Jack loved him.

"Yeah, yeah," he reassured her, one hand moving down to tangle into Ianto's dark hair. "So tell me what's been going on since the last time I called."

Gwen launched into tales of Weevil hunting and paperwork and arguing with Owen over the budgets and the latest alien of the week. Jack 'hmmed' and 'oohed' in all the right places, only following half-along as he enjoyed the feel of Ianto's beautiful, perfect lips. He eventually had to cover his mouth with a hand to muffle the moans Ianto was wringing out of him.

Lovely, talented, kinky-as-hell Ianto. Oh, he so didn't deserve this man.

"Jack? Hello Jack?" Gwen's voice cut through Jack's lust-fogged mind, clearing things a little. "Are you there?"

"Yes, sorry," Jack said, pulling his hand away. He almost moaned when Ianto pulled away, that talented mouth moving up his stomach and chest. "Sorry, I'm multitasking, and I'm not as good as Ianto."

Ianto's chest moved against Jack's as he laughed quietly, leaning down to kiss Jack softly.

"Well, if I'm boring you," Gwen said, the hurt evident in her voice.

"You're not," Jack lied, arching a little as Ianto sat back on his heels, gently rolling his hips against Jack's.

Gwen pouted. "I mean, we've been talking for about twenty minutes, and you've mentioned Ianto nearly every time you've opened your mouth."

"Can you blame me?" Jack replied easily. "He's hot, he's amazing, he's -- oh dear God!"

Her eyes widened. "Jack?"

"Jack! Are you all right?" Gwen's worried voice came from the wrist strap.

The wrist strap that was on Jack's right arm, which was currently grabbing at Ianto's hips.

Ianto grinned and reached around, pulling Jack's hand off his hip and lifting it up. "Don't worry, Gwen, Jack's just fine," he said before pushing the disconnect button.

Owen and Toshiko heard something smash against the water tower and abandoned their autopsy to investigate. After about fifteen minutes, Owen held a wet, broken mobile phone delicately between two fingers.

"Hey, isn't that Gwen's?" Tosh asked, cocking her head to the side as she studied the broken piece.

"You're a naughty boy," Jack teased Ianto, sitting up.

"Don't hear you complaining," Ianto replied, smiling softly and resting his hands on Jack's shoulders.

Jack chuckled and kissed him softly. "You were saying something earlier?" he asked softly.

Ianto laughed breathlessly. "You want to have a conversation now?"


Ianto laughed again as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I was thinking, when we get home? We could, uh, maybe make this whole necklace thing legal? Well, Earth legal."

Jack's smile was dazzling. "Oh yeah?"

"Strictly for Torchwood, of course," Ianto continued.

"Torchwood does like making things official," Jack agreed, kissing Ianto's neck. "I'd like that."

Ianto smiled and closed his eyes, tilting his head to let Jack kiss on his neck some more.

"You do know we're not leaving this room for a while though, right?"

Ianto laughed. "We've got all the time in the Universe, Jack, I can wait."