Ode to the Lone Headcrab
(Note: I don't own a headcrab. I'm not that lucky.
I'm only doing this because I'm bored, not that that's a bad thing.)
/ - /
'Twas half before noon, or so they say
When Combine missiles came to play,
amongst the resistance fighters who
were in Ravenholm that dreary day.
"Oh dear lord, what shall we do?"
Women screamed and men did cry
As headcrab missiles went zooming by
The people were doomed without a doubt
And while even more fell from the sky
Humans continued to scream and shout.
But amidst the mayhem and panic
there was a scene so very satanic.
And yet it's in the human favor
the perpetrator would have to be manic
to so sway the fruits of the Combine's labour.
See there, a lone headcrab stands
For a mastermind foiled the enemy's plans.
The only one who made it that day,
was the lone headcrab who had no fans,
out to be a hero, or so they say.
It glanced about, chirped and purred,
but not a fellow chirp could be heard.
Quivering, shaking and scared to the bone,
To attack a human would just be absurd,
so the headcrab made a mad dash for home.
The bang of the shotgun rang through the air,
the headcrab zig-zagged here and there,
bullets ricocheted off of walls
The renegade soldiers chased after it where
the headcrab had scuttled down dark empty halls.
Sha-chu. Pow! Another shot fired,
the death of the headcrab was what they desired,
the little lone headcrab, scared to the core,
to a dark shady corner the poor thing retired,
and exploded in a pleasant fountain of gore.
Satisfied, the rebels retreated.
From another attack they'd emerged undefeated.
Applause met them as they left the 'battlefield,
For mission impossible had just been completed,
and already their ultimate fate had been sealed.
Just two weeks later, four missiles came through
The darkened night sky, and this time it was true
that the rebels would all too soon perish.
They'd soon learn to regret the victories few
That they had all come to cherish.
So next time you see a lone headcrab wandering,
before you shoot it, spend some time pondering,
How would you feel, as a headcrab so frightened?
If you make the right choice, there's no point in wondering
Trust me, you'll feel quite enlightened.
...Unless it attacks you. Then just shoot the bastard.
/ - /
(Fun fact: I spent 10 minutes trying to find a word that rhymed with 'pondering'.)