Strong Bad had materialized in the middle of a forest. It was one of those ominous, green, ancient-looking forests of the cliché adventure movie variety. This would have been just fine, but-
"Uh… this is definitely not the universe I was looking for." Strong Bad noted as he scanned his surroundings. He took a few steps forward and felt the damp ground squishing with every footfall. "Oh man, this place is like the Amazon." Suddenly he grinned. "Hey, that means there's gotta be some hot, topless native women around here somewhere." He tapped his chin.
"Yeah, just waiting thousands of years for the right guy to show up and rule their ancient temples full of gold and bless their… coconuts." He snickered and started threading his way through the gigantic primeval foliage. After a few steps he paused and sniffed the air. "Ah, the smell of a primitive tribal campfire. Wait…" He spun around and looked behind him. No sign of a fire or smoke anywhere. Why did something smell like charcoal?
He shrugged and decided to ignore that little oddity for the moment. Besides, he had better things on his mind. Better looking things-
The fern in front of him rustled and he stopped in his tracks. "Uh-oh." On second thought, maybe he should've gone back and prepared a little better for this. He was seriously lacking in the area of big knives and guns.
The brush rustled again and two huge compound eyes set in a chitinoid face goggled back at him. His brain hiccupped in horror for a split second before managing to motor his body out of there at top speed. He arrived back at his point of entry, panting for breath.
"Bad… ufh… idea," he muttered, leaning against a tree. "I'm gonna need to come back with about fifty gallons of insecticide and a machete… jeez, what next, giant-"
"Hey, Strong Badio-saurus!" Something yellow, fuzzy, and ridiculously Japanese-rodent-cute shoved its face into view.
"- rats?!" Strong Bad finished his statement, startled into stumbling backwards into the tree.
"Where?" The rodent backed off a step and looked around. It sounded irritatingly familiar, not to mention the white star-shaped patch of fur on its chest was a huge tipoff.
"You're a rat," Strong Bad said. "A… mutant one. And not the cool ninja kind, either."
The Homestar-rat-thing blinked and flicked a pointy ear. "Oh, that. Yeah, that's pretty weird, huh."
"Yes. Yes it is."
"By the way, your tail is on fire," Homestar pointed out calmly.
Strong Bad glanced over his shoulder. Sure enough, there was a tail there, and on the end of it was a good sized ball of flame flickering away like it was on a giant candle wick. Out of reflex he attempted to put it out, but he quickly stopped when a combination of nausea and panic swept over him.
"Here, let me try," Homestar offered.
"NO! …no, something tells me it's supposed to do that," Strong Bad said hastily. He briefly overlooked the rest of his new body before slouching moodily and scratching his head. "Man, I can't possibly rule a temple fulla topless Amazons like this. This universe sucks."
"Oh, I think I bought a movie from them once," Homestar said thoughtfully.
"The Cheat! Let's get some takin' me home puree action!" Strong Bad called out. There was no response. "Uh, The Cheat? Hello?"
"Ummm, Strong Bad there's probly something I should tell you," Homestar interrupted, pulling on his arm. Strong Bad shoved him off.
"Save it for nobody who cares," Strong Bad snapped.
"I'm pretty sure you'd care," Homestar pressed.
"And I'm pretty sure all I care about is getting out of this lame universe so I can kick you out of my house properly. The Cheat! What's going on up there!"
"But Strong Bad-"
"Shut up, Homestar."
"What do you want?"
Strong Bad groaned and slapped a claw to his forehead. "The Cheat! Hit a freakin' button already!"
"Oh, The Cheat doesn't have the blender anymore," Homestar recalled.
Strong Bad eyed his klutzy companion, fearing the worst. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It's right over there," Homestar pointed to where the blender was lying on its side, partially concealed by a shrub.
"Oh. Great," Strong Bad said flatly. He walked over to the blender and picked it up out of the dirt. Apparently he'd lost some height in this universe, because the blender seemed quite a bit bigger than it should have been.
"The good news is I don't think that game brick got zapped here." Homestar said. "Just the blender."
"That's not good news. That's very bad, "you guys are completely screwed" news." Strong Bad dusted the device off, then shoved it into Homestar's paws. "Carry this. We need to find the nearest plug outlet, pronto."
He set off in a random direction with Homestar straining along behind, the blender propped up on his small, furry back. Walking along on two legs was much harder as a yellow mutant mouse, however, so eventually he used the cord to tie the thing to his back and dropped down on all fours. From that vantage, Strong Bad seemed even taller. This irked him a bit, but decided he could live with it if it meant less straining.
"So, are we there yet?" he asked, catching up to his partner.
"No. We'd be there faster if you'd quit dragging your stubby little feet," Strong Bad responded. Not as if he knew where exactly "there" was, much less if he was going in the right direction.
He paused again, waiting for Homestar to catch up. He had to admit, having a huge advantage in height over Homestar in this universe was rather enjoyable.
"Well your stupid blender needs to lay off the milkshakes. I think it gained like twenty pounds since I last carried it to my house," Homestar griped.
"You turned into a monster mouse since you last carried it to yo- wait, what are you doing stealing my blender?" Strong Bad demanded.
"I needed it to make Marzipan one o' those soy milk health shakes," Homestar explained. "Coz I called her fat again and I was trying to make up for it."
"Yeah, you need to stop doing that," Strong Bad advised.
"Well she kind of IS, I mean for all her stupid vegetarian-"
"I meant stealing people's stuff," Strong Bad interrupted.
"I didn't steal it, I borrowed it!" Homestar said defensively.
"To make a gross soy milkshake. I bet that's why my universe portal didn't work properly," Strong Bad retorted.
"Hey, don't you be dissin' my milkshakes! Everyone knows they bring all tha boys to the yard," Homestar huffed.
"Ugh…" Strong Bad rolled his eyes. The duo started moving again, but the progress was fleeting. No sooner had Strong Bad gotten several strides ahead of Homestar when the ground beneath them gave out and they plunged into a pitfall trap.
"Jeez, Strong Bad, looks like you need to lay off the milkshakes too," Homestar noted.
"Shut up, dork, this is a pitfall trap," Strong Bad snapped, getting to his feet. He leapt for the edge of the pit, but it was a few feet out of reach.
"Well, what have we got here?" A male voice drifted down from somewhere beyond the earth wall.
"I think there's a guy up there!" Homestar whispered to his companion.
"No, duh," Strong Bad growled.
Just then a man with glasses and teal hair peered over the edge of the pit. "Oh wow- Champeen, you'd better have a look at this! These specimens are highly unusual."
There was a rustle above and another face appeared. It was a girl with blonde hair. Both figures were wearing dark outfits with a bright red "R" emblazoned on the front.
"Awww! I've always wanted a Pikachu!" She exclaimed.
"You know the rules," the teal-haired man warned.
"Oh, Homeschool, lighten up. SERIOUSLY, LOOK AT IT. I need him!" Champeen insisted.
"The boss wants all the rare Pokemon taken back to headquarters. If he finds out we kept a Pikachu- even a NORMAL one- for ourselves, he'd have our heads!" Homeschool warned.
Champeen pouted. "FINE, crush my HOPES and DREAMS, why don't'cha."
"It is what we do," Homeschool reminded.
"That's true," Champeen grinned. She grabbed a tarp and threw it into the pit.
Homestar and Strong Bad yelped as everything went dark.
The next thing they knew, they felt themselves being hauled up out of the pit in a sack of very thick fabric.
"OwowowowowOW! Watch your stupid tail!" Homestar yelped, scrabbling around.
Watch y-your f-fee- ahaha STOP IT, dammit get your fuzz out of my face!" Strong Bad likewise squirmed and protested the cramped situation.
Homeschool and Champeen tied off the sack and momentarily admired their handiwork. Then, Homeschool adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.
"Now what?" Champeen asked.
Homeschool blinked. "We have to transport them…"
Champeen glanced at the sack for a second before she hefted up the squirming, protesting bag and shoved it in Homeschool's arms. "There ya go!" She grinned, walking away.
Homeschool yelped as the amorphous container lashed out at him, knocking his glasses askew. "This isn't what I meant!"
"I think I kicked something," Strong Bad said to his bag mate.
"Sorry, that was probably me," Homestar replied.
"No, no, I meant outside!" Strong Bad clarified exasperatedly. "Hey, I got an idea. Stop movin' around for a minute, crimany-"
"Champeen!" Homeschool called after his partner more earnestly, hobbling along with the bag held at arm's length.
Champeen waited for him, tapping her foot. "Yes?"
Homeschool hesitated. "Well, I… well I just fail to see the logic in making ME carry the goods all the time."
"Oh? Why's that?"
"Because I'm a student of the sciences and I-" Homeschool stopped in mid-explanation, his face going quite red before he hollered in pain and dropped the bag.
"Ow," Homestar yelped.
"Yes! I burned through the fabric," Strong Bad declared triumphantly. He began using his claws to work the hole larger while Homestar sat curled up to the side with his paws over his nose and mouth, trying not to choke on the smoke.
"I see your point," Champeen sighed, her hands on her hips. "We can't have you dropping the poor things all the way back to headquarters. You'll give them BRAIN DAMAGE."
"It burned me!" Homeschool complained, rubbing his hand. "You said the fabric was fire proof!"
"No, no, I said fire RESISTANT. I don't think there's much of a difference, though," Champeen clarified matter-of-factly.
"Yes, there is, which is exactly why I told you to get fire proof fabric and not fire resistant fabric," Homeschool snapped. "One can still burn and one can't!"
"Oh," Champeen pondered. "No wonder my watches keep breaking…"
"They're getting away!" Homeschool interrupted, lunging for the bag just as Strong Bad was attempting to squirm through the tear he'd made. Homestar was already out, waiting beyond the edge of the path.
"Run, idiot!" Strong Bad ordered, struggling against the fabric and Homeschool's grip.
"But-" Homestar paused with his front paw half off the ground, hesitant to abandon his only companion in the current universe. He planted his paws firmly and shouted at Strong Bad's assailants instead. "You guys- cut it out!"
"They talk!" Homeschool and Champeen blurted in unison.
"No, duh, four-eyes. Get your freakin' hands off me before I'm forced to amputate a finger," Strong Bad snarled.
Homeschool blinked, stunned enough to comply with the request. Strong Bad took full advantage of the opportunity and managed to tear free from the remains of the sack of fire resistant fabric to high-tail it into the forest right behind his fuzzy partner.
Champeen glanced between the pile of fabric and her partner for a few seconds before bursting out in a fit of giggles. "PFF, YOU JUST GOT INSULTED BY A CHARMELEON."
Homeschool merely glared at her. "We have to get those two back," he said firmly.
"For the boss…?" Champeen wondered.
"Forget the boss. Can you imagine what we could do with two talking Pokemon?" Homeschool smirked.
"Glad you're finally seeing it my way," Champeen grinned. She yanked a small red and white ball off her belt. "I am SO calling dibs on the Pikachu!"
"We'll have to track them down first," Homeschool said.
"I got it covered. Go, Mightyena!" There was a flash and the red and white sphere Champeen had been holding discharged its inhabitant- a gray and black hyena-like animal. "Okay, buddy, let's get ya a new playmate!" Champeen tousled its fur cheerfully.
Homeschool rolled his eyes. "We could've just followed their footprints…" He kicked at the ruined fabric and heard something rattle. "What the…?"
The Mightyena trotted over to investigate, nosing aside the folds of fabric to reveal… a blender.
"This just keeps getting weirder," Homeschool remarked. "What would a couple of Pokemon want with a blender?"
Champeen picked up the item in question, shrugging. "Maybe they like making smoothies." She briefly examined it before handing it to Homeschool. "Hang onto that for me, willya?"
Homeschool started to protest, but his enthusiastic partner had already gone traipsing off on the hunt with her Mightyena.