Hello people. Sayuri-chan here! I know you are all thinking…no is this really the one and only, infamous Sayuri?!(HA-not really because no one cares…) Best Friend of Emiko-chan?? The answer is yes, I am. I have all these ideas and never get them written down. But this one came to me and I just had to write it down. Sooo here it is…Enjoy! Oh and spoiler warnings…
Disclaimer: The day I own anything will surely be the apocalypse!
Why Everyone Hates the Hokage
Tsunade was fed up. It had taken all of her best ninjas to capture the Akutski. All of them, and most of them had come back with at least one fatal injury. Shizune and her had been working for days after that getting everyone healed. She was beat.
'Where is Shizune with that sake' Tsunade thought as she walked up to her office. She sat down at her desk and began reviewing the written reports of the shinobi that had gone on the mission.
"Lady Tsunade, Lady Tsunade!" Shizune screamed as she ran into the fifth hokage's office. "Lady Tsunade, look."
"Unless it's a great big bottle of sake, I'm not interested." Tsunade sighed as she looked at the stack of reports on her desk.
" Lady Tsunade, you have to start working on reviewing those reports. Here's what I wanted to show you." Shizune said as she waved a scroll in her hand. She laid down the scroll on top of the stack of reports and smiled eagerly at Tsunade.
Tsunade sighed, "What is it?" she finally asked Shizune as she picked up the scroll.
"It's a mental retreat and spa!" Shizune practically screamed into her ear, as she looked over her hokage's shoulder at the scroll. Bright green letters screamed 'Hopewood Resort: Renew the Mind and Soul!' The scroll was filled with beautiful pictures of what appeared to be a mountain retreat. However on closer inspection of the text Tsunade chuckled and turned toward to her apprentice.
"Shizune did you read it?"
Shizune shook her head. She had only peeked in at the pictures; after all you aren't supposed to read other's mail. She could tell that Tsunade was trying hard not to laugh at something she had obviously done. A blush rose to her cheeks.
"Ah, Shizune." her Hokage sighed, "You never will learn, will you? This isn't a beautiful mountain retreat. It's a psychiatric hospital."
"You know a booby hatch, a bughouse, a funny farm, a laughing academy, a freakin' loony bin," Tsunade took a breath than began her rampage of synonyms again, "A madhouse, a mental health institution, a nuthouse, a sanatorium!"
"Okay, okay. I got it at booby hatch…jeez." Shizune replied tartly.
"Well, just making sure." Tsunade said as she pushed the brochure aside and grabbed a mission report off of the top of the stack.
'Perhaps, Tsunade needs to visit that retreat place…' Shizune thought as she left Tsunade to herself, 'I just hope she gets some of those mission reports done.'
The report Tsunade had grabbed was Kakashi Hatake's.
Team: Akatsuki Apprehension Squad
-Left Konoha Village for Akutski headquarters
-Finished Icha Icha Maid Parade
-Arrived at Akutski Headquarters
-Kicked Akatsuki ass
-(Sasuke threw Icha Icha Maid Parade into a pond and it took a while to fish out…)
-Returned to Konoha with all six Akatsuki members.
She should have known…Kakashi's reports were always brief and gave her info o n his current reading list that she, frankly, didn't want to know.
'Kakashi's isn't even one of the worst,' Tsunade thought as she looked at the stack of reports looming in front of her. It was going to be a long night…
THREE HOURS LATER…
She had read seven reports before she had to take a break and drink a bottle of sake. Now Tsunade sat down and picked up the next Report.
Team: Akatsuki Apprehension Squad
-Arrived at Western Gate with Ino.
-Kakashi-sensei was presumably late as usual
-By now everyone had arrived and we were all waiting for Kakashi to arrive.
-Stupid bastard said "A cute girl stopped me on the way so I had to dance."
-Then Naruto was like, "You already used that one, old man."
-Then Kakashi said, "I saw a black cat on the road so I had to change my path."
-I then hit him on the head…
-Kakashi whined and said, "I got lost on the Road of Life."
-Sasuke: "Try the truth for once, Kakashi!"
-"You children are right…Sorry I'm late... A bird died right in front of me and I had to help the parents plan the funeral."
-It was absolutely ridiculous!
-Had to stop because Naruto had to pee
-Genma was looking at my ass, so I had to hit him…then he whined until I healed him…
-We arrived at Akutski Headquarters, which just as an aside looks super dark and sinister
-Actually inside, that's where all the creepy stuff goes on.
-I mean the smell alone…
-You would think that the Akatsuki have enough money to hire a maid but…
-Then again they are all men…well except Konan…
-Encountered first Akatsuki member: Tobi
-Genma, Izumo and Kotetsu fought and subdued him in a matter of minutes.
-As an after thought Kotetsu is pretty hot…kinda old though…
-Next we ran into Zetsu and Konan
-Man that Zetsu is one creepy fellow…I mean he has like two personalities! That is just abnormal…
-Anyway…Kakashi-sensei, Yamato-sensei and Kurenai-sensei took care of them right away…a few minor injuries were obtained (Several broken ribs, a couple torn ligaments, a detached finger…the usual…)
-Then we came across Itachi and Kisame in the Kitchen
-They were really tough and we were lucky to have Sasuke, although he did have to be restrained in the end…
-Lastly we came upon the Akatsuki leader, Pain.
-Well all six of them…
-We all fought and for a while I thought we were doomed…but luckily it all worked out.
-We had to stop a ways away from Akatsuki headquarters so that I could do some healing.
-Sasuke and Kakashi got in a bit of a fight, I think Sasuke was angry because Kakashi wouldn't let him kill Itachi, anyway Kakashi ended up in a pond…
-We finally came home to Konoha
-Then we had to take the six prisoners to the holding cells
-So we were going to go celebrate a successful mission but Sasuke had to be put in a holding cell, Naruto just wanted to get drunk, and I was exhausted, so we didn't go out.
P.S. Just in case you're wondering Genma thinks you have nice…er…well I'm sure you can guess.
She should have been expecting this from Sakura, after all her reports were always the longest; she seemed to enjoy writing them. Tsunade shook her head, willing the migraine that was beginning to pound behind her left eye away. Fortunately, she had made some headway…
Team: Akatsuki Apprehension Squad
'Okay, it's definitely time for another drink!' Tsunade thought as she grabbed a third bottle of sake. At about 4AM Tsunade was down to her sixth bottle of sake and had finished all twenty reports.
"These people have serious isssuess…"Tsunade slurred as her head slid off her hand onto her desk. In doing so, she succeeded in knocking a pile of scrolls onto the floor.
'Oops….' Tsunade thought as she slide off her chair onto the floor in a feeble attempt to pick them up.
It was here that Shizune found a drunk Tsunade at about 6AM.
"Lady Tsunade! Have you been here all night?" At this Tsunade, now half awake nodded. "D-Did you…um…finish any of the mission reports?" Shizune hesitantly asked Tsunade.
"I finishhhh…"seemed like all Tsunade could manage.
"Lady Tsunade, you go home and get some rest. Leave everything to me! Alright?"
Tsunade motioned Shizune's attention to a scroll laying buy her side. On top of the scroll was a check for a large amount of money, signed by Tsunade. Shizune's eyes went wide at the sight of to the check's recipient.
"Lady Tsunade, does this mean what I think it does?" Tsunade merely nodded, pointed to the stack of mission reports, and passed out.
Shizune began dancing around before she realized she had a lot of work to do, especially with such a long journey to plan!
Well, there it is. Cookies for anyone who can guess where Shizune is going, and to whom the check was addressed. Well please leave reviews…we authors live off of them.
Flames are, of course, welcome…as always.
Next chapter we'll check in on Haruhi and the gang.