Disclaimer: The Teen Titans belong to DC comics and WB.
That's all they were.
Friends with benefits, booty call, late night sex. No matter which way it was sliced it all ended up the same. A fling.
And Beast Boy had made the biggest mistake of his life believing they could be anything more.
She always came to him in the dead of night, when the others were asleep. His Felix clock would click over to midnight and with a swirl of power she would be there.
The first time she had appeared she startled the hell out of him. He'd woken from a deep sleep to find her completely naked and crawling onto the bed, whispering in that sensual voice that she wanted him badly. She couldn't deny her need for him any longer. And he could never deny her.
That night had been one of the best nights of his life.
And in the morning, nothing had changed between them.
He still played his games, pulled his pranks, she still meditated and drank her tea and hit him with her sarcastic comments. And funnily enough, at the time he didn't mind so much.
But as time wore on, as the last night visits increased from once a month, to weekly, and eventually to nightly, he couldn't deny his growing attachment to her.
He'd thought she'd felt the same way.
He'd believed that when she snuggled into his side after, her delicate hands stroking his chest, her leg twined in between his, that she was admitting her attachment to him too. It didn't matter that she disappeared when the sun rose, that she couldn't admit it outside the room. The only thing that mattered was that she felt it at least, and felt it for him.
He'd never ask her to express it. She wasn't like that and if she ever did, he knew he would have died in shock. But a growing part of him needed some sort of acknowledgment of their relationship. A small sign that she belong to him and he to her. And he wanted her to know how he felt.
He'd thought he'd had it under control. Thought he'd reined himself in, kept his emotions quiet so as to not disturb the fragile balance they'd constructed.
And then it happened.
He pushed her up against the wall, ramming harder into her tight passage. Her fingers were digging into his back, her knees tight on his hips, her head thrown back in pleasure. One hand clawed at the wall, the other kneaded her butt, desperately seeking release.
She moaned and gasped in pleasure as he nestled his head into the dip of her neck, licking the salty sweat from her skin. Her nails raked his back and he hissed in rapture and pain. Grunting, he increased the strength of his thrusts, desperate to push her over the edge, to have her moans turn to hisses and shrieks of pleasure.
He didn't need to work for long.
She threw her head back, her body clamping around him unbelievably hard, a shrill call of climax escaping her throat. With a grunt, he followed her, allowed the shuddering of her passage to push him over the edge.
Panting now, he stilled their movement and said those words that would damn him. "Oh Raven, I love you."
He hadn't expected the sharp intake of breath after he'd told her he loved her. Hadn't expected her wonderful violet eyes to fill with fear. Hadn't expected her to push him away so hard he fell. Hadn't expected her to disappear while he lay flat on his back, completely naked, staring up at her.
That's how he knew it was just about the sex.
It was never about love between them, just release.
Beast Boy wallowed.
This past week had been incredibly hard.
Raven had all but ignored him completely, staying in her room to meditate. She hadn't come to him at night. Hadn't acknowledged his presence. In fact the only time he'd seen her was on Titan alerts, and then she hadn't even so much as looked in his direction.
He hadn't been much better. Barely eating, not talking, not playing games or pranks.
He rolled onto his stomach on the bottom bed of his bunk, staring at the small picture of his bedside table. It was of all of them. The five Titans. Robin with his arms around a happy Starfire. Him perched on Cyborg's shoulders, Raven off to the side, smiling quietly.
They had noticed the funk he'd gotten into, the apparent ignoring from Raven and each of them had drawn their own conclusions.
Starfire had understood the most. Had comforted him in cat form, told him it would be all right.
Cyborg couldn't understand. Didn't know why Raven of all people should affect his best friend as much as she did. Told him to get over it, that Raven was just a girl and they had moods, and when it was over she'd be back to her normal, snarky self. But Raven wasn't just some girl. And Cyborg didn't know of their nighttime rendezvous.
Robin had berated him for whatever prank that he'd pulled on Raven, ordered him to apologize.
And he'd tired.
God knew he tired.
He'd practically camped outside Raven's door, desperate to talk to her. He'd tried to slip into the room in animal form. He'd tried pushing notes under the door, apologizing for upsetting her. He'd even brought her flowers.
Nothing seemed to work. She just refused to have anything to do with him.
Beast Boy groaned, burying his head back underneath his pillow.
He was such an idiot.
One hand snaked out from beneath the pillow fort he'd erected around himself and dug under the bed. It surfaced holding an old, worn brown bear and hugged it to his chest.
"I don't even know how to make this right," he muttered to his bear. "I screwed up. I should've kept my mouth shut. She wouldn't have run away then."
He groaned. "She's never gonna speak to me again, is she? I've completely ruined things. Why did I have to tell her that? Why did I expect us to be more? Why couldn't I have just left things the way they were Odie?"
"You have a bear called Odie?" a voice asked softly.
Beast Boy bolted upright, his fort collapsing and he was smothered under the weight momentarily before his flailing arms and legs knocked the pillows off the bed. "Raven?!" he squeaked, finally managing to free himself. He rolled out of bed, lurching upright and managed to smack the back of his head against the top bunk.
Pain scorched through his head, blurred his vision, made him stagger wildly.
"Beast Boy!" cried Raven's voice and he felt her hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"
He grunted, his head swimming.
"Sit down," she directed, helping him back onto his bed.
She made to move away and he grabbed her hand, desperate to make amends. "Raven I'm so sorry! I never meant to drive you away, I was stupid and reckless and lost my head. I'm so sorry."
Her hand was passive beneath his. "Did you mean it?" she asked quietly.
He peered up at her through his swimming eyes, seeing her hood covering her face, hiding her expression.
"It's a simple question, either you did or you didn't."
He swallowed heavily trying to get his voice working. "Well… I…"
"Yes or no Beast Boy, it's not that hard."
He hung his head. "Yes," he replied in a small voice. "I meant it."
His head shot up. "Not that hard?" he asked incredibly. "You ran away! Pushed me on my butt and bolted. You haven't so much as looked at me in a week! How can you stand there and say-" he stood and mimicked her voice and stance- " 'it's not that hard'?"
"I needed to know if you meant it," Raven replied in a small voice.
He dragged his hand away from hers. "Course I didn't," he said sarcastically. "I told the girl I've just slept with that I love them for kicks. The girl that I've been sleeping with for months. After all, I'm a stupid prankster, remember. Just a silly kid. Couldn't possibly mean it could I?"
"I don't know," Raven said meekly.
He snarled. "C'mon Raven, don't give me that. You're an Empath. You didn't need to come in here to ask me how I felt. You know. What do you want?" He took a deep breath. "If you're here to say you never want to see me again, get it over with, so I can rebuild my fort and wallow."
She glanced down at the pillows on the floor. "You do that often?"
He turned away, picking up pillows and tossing them on the bed. "Yah, sure. Makes me feel safe."
"And talking to Odie?"
"All the time," he replied tartly. "Odie's a great listener when I'm upset. Just never together. You're the only one that can make me do both at once."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, so quietly he wasn't sure he'd even heard it.
Beast Boy sighed, holding the last pillow in his hand. "What have you got to feel sorry for?" he asked. "You weren't the one that screwed things up."
"I ran away. I shouldn't have run."
"Why not?" he replied, his back to her, his hands suddenly gripping the pillow tightly. "Not feeling the same way I do isn't a crime. I wasn't expecting you to do anything about it. I just wanted to tell you that's all." He sighed. "I thought it would be better if you knew at least. I've wanted to tell you for ages Raven. I thought… maybe you might feel the same way about me. That maybe we could… you know… like try and be a normal couple." He gave a bitter laugh. "As normal as a green shapeshifter and a half-demon can be. I didn't expect anything in return. I didn't want anything in return. All I wanted was you. But I guess that's not possible."
"Cause you don't love me. Hell, you don't even like me Raven. Fuck buddies, that's all we were. Not even friends with benefits cause you never considered me a friend. We're just team mates."
"What makes you think I don't like you?" she asked timidly.
He threw the pillow away from him, disgruntled. "Well now… I've had a week to think about this… so let's see. It couldn't possibly be all the snide remarks, the slaps on the back of the head, the sarcastic comments about my choice in food. It couldn't possibly be the daily threats against my life, the way the remote control always seems to freeze when I'm finally beating Cyborg. It couldn't be the way you've ignored me for the last week. Hell, I don't even know why you picked me to join you in the nightly romps!"
"You force me to feel things," she replied quietly.
His head flicked around, startled. "I... what?"
Raven's head was hanging, her arms listless by her side and Beast Boy was startled at the trail of water down her cheek.
"Raven, are you-" his voice gained pitch, "crying?"
Her head ducked lower, so all he could see was the top of her head. "You've always forced me to feel things," she said, sniffling lightly. "Right from the first time I saw you. Your emotions… were always so open and friendly, but I knew you hid a deep pain beneath them. And you extend your hand of friendship to me, even though you didn't know what I was, what I could do, you still wanted to make me laugh, right from the beginning. Starfire… she wears her heart on her sleeve. Robin's like me in a lot of ways. Cyborg presents exactly who he is but you… you're different. So happy and open all the time, but underneath… you're… sadder… I… became tuned into you so easily. When you were happy… I felt it… when you were sad… I felt that too." A hand lifted to her hood, scrubbed her cheek. "After a while… I wanted to feel more."
"So… I'm an emotional crutch to you," Beast Boy said bitterly. "Someone to experience things because you can't?"
Raven's head flicked up. "No!" she cried. "You're so much more than that!"
"You experience things so vividly," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks now. "I wanted… I wish… I wish I could see things the way you do, feel things the way you can. I wanted a small taste of that. I wanted to share in the way you saw the world, the way you saw me. My emotions are dangerous."
"So… when I'm with you… I can almost… almost conquer them. Make them a part of myself. You help me do that. I need you."
"But you don't love me."
Raven gulped, then hiccuped. "I don't know what love feels like," she whispered, hanging her head.
Beast Boy sighed, rolling his eyes toward the roof in hopelessness.
"But," Raven whispered. "If… if it's anything like… the feeling you got before you told me that you loved me… then…"
Beast Boy's eyes snapped back to hers, his breath catching in his chest. "Then?"
She raised her head. "Then… yes… I think I do love you."
Beast Boy's hands clenched and relaxed several times in succession.
"Beast Boy?" asked Raven nervously.
He was on her in a moment; his mouth firmly attached to her, his hands clawing at her clothes. He shoved her up against the wall beside the door to his room, ripping and tearing at the cloak and casting it away. She reacted to him just as eagerly, pawing at him, her nails digging into his flesh at the same time her tongue dove into his mouth.
He hooked his hands behind her knees, lifted until she wove her legs around him and the slid his hands up to her bottom. Barely pausing, his claws tore at her leotard, slicing at bottom and pushed her panties aside, while her fingers groped at the belt of his pants.
One swift movement and he was buried to the hilt. She tore her face away from his, her head falling back, her mouth open in a wordless call. He lifted his hands to her face, palms on her cheeks, fingers splayed and covering her ears until they buried in her hair, forcing her head back down to look at him.
Their eyes connected.
With slow, deliberate movements, without ever breaking eye contact with her or moving his hands from her face, he thrust into her. Again and again, vigorously, fervently, dragging himself almost all the way out before he shoved his way back in.
Her eyes went hazy as he watched, filmed over with lust, her teeth biting down on her lip. She let out a low moan, and he echoed her almost immediately.
Again and again he thrust into her, indulging in the way she moan, the way her hands clawed at him, her legs tightened around his waist to drag him further in.
He could no longer help himself. With a growl he dropped his head to her neck, released her face, clamped his hands on her bottom and gave her the kind of sex she always demanded from him. Hard, fast, containing the essence of ferocity. Hot and animalistic.
She panted in his ear, whispered words, begged for more, just like she always did.
She came with a shriek, he followed with a bellow.
He panted, his body pressed against hers, raising his eyes to the roof. "No more," he whispered brokenly. "No more."
"What?" Raven asked, squeaking the word slightly.
He dumped her legs on the floor, pulled away, fixed his clothes. "I can't do that again…"
He heard Raven gasp in shock but he forced himself not to look at her.
"Why?" she asked and he could tell the tears had started again.
"I just can't," he replied. "That… was… what it is always like for us. It's just sex… I can't do that anymore. I won't. I'm sorry." He stalked over to the bed and quickly remade his pillow fort, tunneled inside.
He grabbed at Odie, hugging the bear to his chest again as he placed the pillow over his face and groaned in defeat. He could hear Raven's sobs, felt his heart clenching in answer. But he just couldn't do it anymore. It hurt far too much.
Raven's sobs seemed to have no end.
He sighed. "Raven?" he called softly, taking the pillow off his face and tucking it under his head. "C'mere. It's big enough for two."
Her sounds moved closer before she appeared at the small opening at the bottom. "I thought you didn't want me," she whispered brokenly.
"No," he returned softly. "I don't want sex."
She wiped her face on the sleeve of her ruined leotard as she considered him, before crawling inside and curled up against his chest. He wrapped both his arms around her, crushing her to him, Odie squashed between them. "I've never seen you cry before," he said softly, "shed a tear, yes… but cry? I didn't know you could."
She ducked her head, sniffling. "It's… one of the things that you do to me."
"I never wanted you to cry," he said remorsefully. "I'm sorry."
"I never wanted to hurt you," she whispered. "I'm sorry too."
"I know," he murmured. "We're… volatile, you and me… we hurt each other without meaning to… we're… no good for each other…"
Her fingers made small circles on his chest. "And yet, I can't imagine being with anyone else."
He kissed her hair. "Me either."
She was silent for a time and Beast Boy was glad that the tears had stopped. "You're right," she whispered eventually. "It does make me feel safe."
"It's better now that you're in here too," Beast Boy replied.
She chewed her lip indecisively. "Gar?" she asked, lifting her head off his chest to look in his eyes.
"Yes?" he asked, wiping the drying tears from her cheeks.
"Can I ask something?"
"Anything," he murmured.
"We've… done it in every conceivable position…"
"But as you said before… it's… just sex… there was nothing different about that time…"
"It was the same as it always is," he said sadly. "I…"
"Don't want to do it anymore," Raven whispered. "You said."
"So…" Raven swallowed, cleared her throat nervously. "Make love to me."
He smiled brightly. "I thought you'd never ask," he whispered and leaned up to her. He took her lips in a slow, sensual kiss, lingering, tasting, exploring each lip, dancing over her teeth, playing with her tongue. His hand crept up her back to cradle her neck.
Raven gave a soft sigh, leaning into him, the kiss more tender and loving than he'd ever had from her. Her fingers stroked at his chest, her foot sliding up and down against his leg.
He pulled away. "Just a sec," he murmured, taking Odie out from between them. His hand snaked out from between the pillows of the fort, placing the bear carefully on the nightstand, and gently facing him toward the wall.
Raven giggled, startling Beast Boy. "What did you do that for?"
"He's bear-ly innocent," Beast Boy replied, flashing his teeth in a grin. "It would corrupt him."
"That would be unbearable," Raven answered with a straight face.
Beast Boy stared at her, astounded. "Raven! Was… was that a joke?"
She ducked her head. "Another of the things you do to me."
He grinned broadly and reattached their lips enthusiastically.
He took it slow, taking time to kiss her thoroughly. Their tongues swirled together in long easy kisses. He took her hand, brought it to his chest and released, stroking his finger down the length of her arm, along her side, past the smooth curvature of her breast until it rested on the small of her back.
He pulled up her torn uniform, eager to touch bare skin. "Sorry about your uniform."
"Don't worry about it," she whispered breathlessly as he kissed his way down her neck. "It's no worse than what you've done before."
"That's true." He licked her, starting at the hollow of her neck, sliding all the way up to her jaw line. "You taste so nice."
"Mmmmm," she crooned, her neck arched, a small smile playing on her lips.
He pushed, rolled her onto her back. His hands slid up her sides, pushing the tattered remains of her uniform up as he did so. She lifted her arms, curved her back to allow him to pull it off, but he was so distracted by the breast that raised toward him, he couldn't help but tug her bra aside and close his mouth over her soft peak. His seeking fingers slipped beneath the other cup of her bra to fondle.
She gasped, then sighed, her hands in his hair to pull his head toward her at the same time she curved her back upward.
He hadn't known Raven could make so many contented noises. She purred and crooned and made cute little moans. She'd been vocal before, but now the noises actually meant something to him, sent a thrill through his body. They'd never spent time caressing each other before, it had always been quick, savage, a desperate searching for release. They'd used each other, but now he had time. Time that he intended to use.
He slipped downward, his hands tight on her ribs as he explored the skin of her stomach with his tongue. Raven made a soft little coo as she moved around and he glanced up to see her discarding the rest of her uniform and her bra.
He grinned to himself, massaging her skin lightly where his hands clamped down and licked her belly button. He couldn't help but laugh as she grabbed the back of his shirt, tugged it upward. "Impatient much?" he teased, moving away.
She actually pouted at him, her bottom lip quivering, and he knew she'd learnt that face from Starfire. Now he knew why Robin always caved when Starfire did that. He hadn't understood before, it seemed such an innocent look, but when it appeared on Raven's face, it turned him into putty and sent his heart hammering in his chest. She used that distraction to yank his shirt over his head, her hands caressing down the front of his chest.
"I can't believe that look worked," Raven murmured, shifting beneath him.
"I wonder if the other looks she taught me would work," Raven mused.
Beast Boy's eyes widened, wondering that himself. "Other looks?" he squeaked. "What other looks?"
She chewed her lip. "There… is one that I wanted to try."
He swallowed, kissed her nose. "Show me."
She cocked her head, her lips curling upward in a sultry smile, one finger twirling on a piece of hair and looked at him through half lidded eyes.
His blood began to boil. He heaved in a puff of breath. "Oh, Raven," he managed to gasp before he connected their lips in a fierce kiss.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he settled his weight over her, sliding in between her parted legs. His hands roamed up and down her body, touching her everywhere and never been able to get enough. Her skin was so soft, like silk, and she was so warm beneath his fingers.
Her hands slid from around his neck, curled under his arms to clamp onto his shoulders as she began to writhe beneath him. He could feel her wet warmth being pressed against him, felt her lift her bottom off the bed to rub against him.
He groaned, a sound she immediately echoed before whimpering in loss as he raised his hips away. The whimper shifted to a moan as his hand replaced them. She tore her lips away from his with a gasp. "Oh!"
He smiled as he devoured her neck instead, his fingers slipping beneath the band on her panties to caress and play with the treasure beneath.
He lingered, taking his time to explore her heat, watching and waiting as her sighs and gasps morphed to moans, as the clenching hands on his back became seeking claws. He tormented her, giving her all the pleasure he'd always wanted to give her, but had never been able to, all the while his lips never leaving her skin.
He could tell the moment she reached breaking point, her shoulders arcing from the bed, her restless movements, the way she gasped in breath.
He pulled his body away, but left his hand, continuing the torment as he removed the rest of his clothing, sliding her panties down her legs. Her eyes were almost white with power, a look he hadn't actually seen her achieve and he felt very smug.
She reached for him as he settled over her again, positioning himself at her moist entrance. Her hands curled and kneaded at his back as he eased inside her, her hips shifting against his in unconscious demand. He licked and suckled his way up her jaw line, tracing her chin with his tongue as he began to move.
Long, leisurely strokes, deep, powerful and yet tender at the same time. Deep seeded need to be close to her, to be inside, to hear her purr and murmur and crave and to have those same feelings wash over him.
This was a true connection, what it was meant to be like between them, not the rough tumble they were used to. He was joined with Raven, mind, body and spirit.
He thrust into her, her body moving rhythmically and aching in time with his. He could smell her heightened arousal, a sweet, musk scent that sent his senses reeling. Could feel her need for him as her legs clenched around his back, dragged him down to her, pulled him deeper.
And he gave her what she wanted. What she deserved. He gave her love and passion all in one. He gave her himself.
He pushed and caressed, pumped into her, forcing them both higher and higher, soaring.
This time when they climaxed together it was exactly the way he always dreamed it would be. Rapture. Eternal bliss. She threw back her head and cried out his name so full of love it brought a tear to his eye, and he followed her.
Almost exactly like he dreamed, for the moment he collapsed against her chest, so to did his fort.
He burst into rambunctious laughter, his head buried in her neck, especially pleased to hear her muffled giggle.
"I'm surprised it lasted that long," she whispered, her hands stroking his back.
"Me too," he murmured in reply.
She moved her hand and he felt the weight of his pillows lifting before the pillows settled around them again, built back into the fort.
He slipped out of her, lying on his side and she curled herself into his embrace. He let out a contented sigh, breathed in the sweet scent of her hair.
"Almost perfect," she whispered, her hands stoking at his chest.
"Almost?" he asked surprised.
She nodded, her eyes shining with power again, before Odie floated into the fort and nestled in between them. "Now it is." She snuggled in closer. "You know… Cyborg would-"
"Get a kick outta me calling my bear after a cartoon character of a dog, especially when my name is Garfield," he joked. "Yah I know. Which is why he'll be our little secret."
Raven was silent for a time. "Gar?"
"Odie… can be our secret… but I don't want to keep us a secret anymore."
Beast Boy's arms clutched at her for a moment, before he relaxed. "Good. Cause me and my buddy Odie are taking you on a date later."
She smiled and closed her eyes, her fingers stroking the bear's soft head. "That would be nice. I'll bring the chicken, we can double date."
Hope you liked it.
-The Red Rawr