Harry Potter and his Creature Heritage

"Shhhhh, not so loud!" Hermione whispered. "He'll hear us."

"He won't, he's outside," Ron said reasonably.

"But what if he has superpowers?" Hermione murmured.

Draco was sitting next to them, deep in thought. "I don't believe it. Potter is a Creature?"

"He is," Hermione nodded furiously. "I am confident of it. He's been acting really weird lately."

"How so?" Draco asked with curiosity. "I mean... more weird than normal?"

"Yeah," Ron said. "During last Quidditch practice, he cried out something like, Heavens to Planetoids!"

"Weird," Draco muttered. "But not as weird as what I have seen..."

"Oh?" Hermione pursed her lips in amusement. "Do tell."

"I shouldn't. It's private," Draco said evasively.

"Okay, we can respect that," Ron said readily.

"Yeah," Hermione agreed. "Don't say anything if you think it'll hurt his feelings..."

"Fine!" Draco snapped. "He's shedding."

"Shedding?" Hermione repeated. "Shedding??"

"My sheets were covered in pink fur this morning," Draco nodded solemnly. "I was going to ask him, but he was already gone."

"Oh boy," Hermione murmured. "This is final then. Harry is a Creature. And I know what kind."

Ron looked at her doubtfully. "What? Veela? Vampire?"

"Don't be an idiot, Weasley," Draco growled. "Vampires don't have pink fur."

"Well - what is he then?" Ron demanded.

Hermione sighed. "Are you sure you want to hear? It's rather traumatic."

Ron rolled his eyes. "I want to hear."

"Well," Hermione mused. "Think about it. He lives in a stupid hole. He always tries to make his life better, but ends up worse off than before. He's chased by someone who's obviously weaker and dumber than he is... and the pink fur?"

"What the devil is he?" Draco demanded.

"A Snagglepuss!" Hermione said triumphantly.

Draco blinked.

Ron's face was completely stern. "It's a great honor to be mated to a Snagglepuss," Ron said meaningfully.

"Mated?" Draco stammered. "We are just... snogging..."

Hermione shook her head. "There's no such thing as just snogging when it comes to Creature relations," she murmured. "I just hope you are worthy to bear his children."

"Bear his children!" Draco cried. "What?"

"Snagglepuss can impregnate either male or female partner," Hermione said patiently. "But don't worry, Draco, the birth is usually no longer than a week, and not terribly painful, once the claws come out."

"Claws," Draco whispered, paling, holding his abdomen. He looked like he was going to be ill.

"It's a great honor," Ron repeated. "The breastfeeding is going to be fun. Your... you know... glands will enlarge a bit, but..."

Draco fainted.

Hermione and Ron surveyed him thoughtfully.

"Do you think we should wake him and tell him we were just kidding?" Ron asked finally. "I feel a bit guilty."

"Nah," Hermione shrugged. "I went into too much trouble to lace their sheets with pink fur. Let's milk this for all it's worth."

The End