DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM
This is my first time doing a parody story; I just hope it comes out right. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story. Thanks.
9: 45 P.M.
"Those bastards…" A very drunk Shinn Asuka said as he slams his fist on the bar. "How could they kill my precious little sister? Those Athhas, I hope they burn in hell. This is their entire fault why Mayu died. Oh Mayu…big brother misses you so much." He sobbed.
"Uh…that's a bummer. I'd feel sorry for you but you always whine about your dead sister every time you come here." Lockon, who's standing behind the bar, said.
"I need a refill." He sniffed and offers his empty glass.
"Okay." He said and grabs his glass. "I'm just wondering why you only mourn about your sister when your whole family died." He refills the glass with beer and gives it to Shinn.
"Oh yeah…parents…uh…yeah feel sorry…or something." He mumbled and drinks his beer.
Saji Crossroad comes in from the back of the store. "I'm done taking out the trash, boss." He said.
"Cool." Lockon replied with a thumbs-up. "You can leave early so you can spend more time with your girlfriend."
"I was wondering why you're letting Shinn drink? Isn't he underage?" Saji asked.
"Shut up!" Shinn yelled at him as he stands up. "That's none of your business, cabana boy!"
"I'll destroy you and ORB!" He yelled.
"I'll tie you up in a nuke and drop it on that stinking country while that Cagalli girl is busy man-humping Athrun and his little brother who stole the spotlight from me in Destiny."
"Aren't you trying to avenge your family?" Lockon asked.
"Of course I'm trying to avenge Mayu." He said. "That's why I'm still holding her pink cell phone."
"And your parents too, right?"
"Yeah…uh…those guys too…they died like…really horrible." He said. "Kira didn't know how to aim and he like bombed them to hell."
"It was obviously the druggie right? I mean they showed it in the first episode and the reason you didn't know so you'll have some intense moments with the Freedom's pilot." Saji said.
"The point is Kira killed my sister…"
"And your parents." Lockon added.
"Yeah…uh…and those guys, the Atthas are idiots and I want peace by destroying a lot of stuff and ORB along with you!" He said while pointing to Saji.
"Okay boss, I'm outta here." Saji said and he leaves.
"Maybe I'll have Luna dress up like Mayu tonight; didn't they have the same seiyu?" Shinn said as he sits back again.
"Please don't share that info to me." Lockon said.
Saji sighs as he waits for the bus. He looks at his watch and yawns. His cell phone suddenly starts ringing and he answers.
"Hey Saji, what time you coming home?" It was Louise on the other line.
"I'm waiting at the bus station right now. I'll be there shortly."
"Okay I got some news for you." She said.
"Is it good or bad?"
"It's good news for me, I dunno about you." She answered with a giggle. "Mama is here to visit. I just picked her up at the airport an hour ago."
"Is that so…?" He said. "Well we don't have anything in the…"
"That's okay. Mama said we'll eat out tonight once you get home. Well see ya later."
"Uh…bye." He said and she hangs up. "Eh…so she's here to visit." His cell phone rings again and he answers it.
"Saji-kun, have you gotten off from work yet?" It was his older sister, Kinue.
"Yeah I'm here at the station, waiting for the bus." He answered.
"Excellent, I was wondering if you want to eat out tonight."
"Oh I'm sorry, Nee-san, but Louise's mom is taking me and Louise out tonight. Maybe you want to come along?"
"I'll pass. That Louise girl can't feed you properly, Saji. Only Kinue-neesama can take care of you properly, you remember that. Only I can provide enough love and warmth for you. Not some selfish foreign girl or her mother. What do you see in that girl anyway? It's probably the boobs, right? Don't you worry; Kinue-neesama will work harder on her figure."
"Why did you move out, Saji? Big sister misses you so much that every night she…"
"Onee-san, I only moved next door. I mean we still see each other everyday."
"But Onee-san wants company tonight. Onee-san wants it bad."
"So Saji-kun, you're going to cancel things with Louise, right? And you're going out with me, right? Ne? Ne?"
"If you want company, why don't you ask Setsuna next door? I'm sure he's pretty lonely right now."
"You're joking, right?"
"You like to tease Onee-san, right?"
"Yes you do, you love teasing Onee-san, right?"
"So you're serious about me asking Setsuna out tonight?"
"Well…uh…yeah." He chuckled nervously. "I mean he's a nice guy."
"That guy gives me the creeps. He just stares at nothing and mutters stuff about Gundams. I mean sure they're cool but good lord."
"Uh…Kinue-neesama, the bus here so I'll have to hang up." He lied.
"Wait…Saji…don't hang up yet…" She pleaded but he still hangs up anyway.
"What is wrong with my sister?" He muttered softly.
"I'm home." Saji said as he enters his apartment.
"Welcome home." Louise's mother said and hugs him tightly."Oh it's good to see you again, Saji-kun." She said still hugging him.
"Uh…it's good to see you too, Ma'am." He said nervously.
"Now what did I told you?" She asked.
"I told you to stop calling me Ma'am and just call me "mama" just like Louise."
"MAMA!" Louise screamed as she comes out from the kitchen. "What are you doing with my boyfriend?"
"Just like that." She smiled at him and still hugging tightly. "How does mama's bosom feel, Saji-kun?"
"Oh I love seeing the embarrassed expression on your face. Ever since Louise's father died I always been thinking about you."
"Mama, papa is still alive and please stop doing weird things to my boyfriend."
"Louise, you know how mama gets turn on when she sees Saji, he reminds me of those loser male main characters you find in those fan service filled harem animes."
"But mama, this is a mecha show. Why don't you go and look outside through the window."
She lets go of Saji and takes a peek. A damaged MS-14B Gelgoog High Mobility Type flies above the building piloted by a very drunk Johnny Ridden. Smoke was coming out from the suit's thrusters and the mobile suit keeps swaying.
"Those assholes always mistake me for Char. I'm the Crimson Lightning not the Goddamn Red Comet. Johnny Freaking Ridden! I'm Johnny Ridden and I'm going to marry Kyclia Zabi when I grow up!" He screams as his mobile suit crashes into the building next door.
"See what did I told you."
"Mama doesn't care anyway." She said and hugs Saji again.
"LET GO OF MY PRECIOUS BABY BROTHER, YOU AEU WHORE!" Kinue screamed as she crashes through the window.
"Onee-san!?" Saji said in surprised and she pulls him off from Louise's mama.
"Who the hell are you?" Louise's mother asked.
"That's Saji's big sister." Louise tells her.
"I've been watching through the window and I am so outraged you're trying to steal away my baby brother." She hissed at her.
"Oh…is that so?" She said while raising one of her eyebrows.
"Only Kinue-neesan can take care of Saji-kun." She proclaimed. "Only I can shower him with love and warmth. Did you know we always bathe each other until he was thirteen? Oh if you could see his happy expression when he washes Onee-san's body."
"Oh I see." Louise's mother snickered. "But that's going to change now, because starting today I'm going to stay here!"
"What?!" The three of them said in surprised.
"From now on, Saji will receive my affections!"
"Over my dead and cold body!" Kinue hissed at her again.
"Do I hear a declaration for a duel?"
"Bring it on!"
"What did I do to deserve this?" Saji asked as his sister and Louise's mother fight.
Setsuna F. Seiei looks up on the sky. "Why is the world distorted?" He asked no one in particular.
"It's beginning…" Tieria said as he floats inside VEDA.
"Hey Tieria, we ran out of olives! Run to the shop and buy some." Lockon yelled through the intercom.