EDIT 4/20/11: Finally got around to fixing all the missing scene-breaks in this story, so it should be easier to follow now. Also, chapter 7 is up. Check it out if you want.
He looked so innocent when he was asleep. Laying there all curled up in a ball, drooling and making audible sucking noises as his hands grasped futilely at the unseen pair of objects that he was apparently dreaming about. He was just like a big baby.
"Murmm...oh, you're an F-cup, ain't 'cha?"
A big, perverted, butt-ugly baby.
"Mmm, is that milk for me, mommy?"
Awww, how precious.
Jiraiya's blissful dream was brutally interrupted by a stiff kick to the ribs. Shooting up with a start, he drowsily blinked through the darkness at the boy standing over his futon.
"'S better be real damn important, brat," he grumbled.
"I want you to get off your lazy ass and finish teaching me this new technique, Ero-sennin!" Naruto demanded.
Jiraiya cleared his throat loudly, turning a bleary look out the window where the sun was just starting to rise over the horizon. Then he pulled his blanket up over his head. "Come back at noon."
"Damnit Ero-sennin!" Naruto shouted, ripping the blanket off the older man and flinging it away. "I've been doing absolutely nothing but your stupid chakra control exercises for a whole month now! When are you gonna teach me the Hiraishin no Jutsu?"
"Have you mastered creating a Rasengan in each hand without assistance from a Kage Bunshin while simultaneously maintaining an Oiroke henge and standing on top of a lake without allowing the tops of your feet to get wet for at least ten minutes, all the while not allowing any of the Kyubi's chakra to seep out of you?"
"Why am I doing something so stupid in the first place? And besides, every time I start to make progress with it the flashes from your camera distract me!"
Jiraiya shrugged. Was it his fault that the wind and water swirling around 'her' poised, naked body would make a perfect cover of his next book? "Distractions happen. If you can't do something as simple as that then you'll never be able to handle Hiraishin properly," Jiraiya said firmly. He grabbed the edge of his futon and proceeded to roll himself up in it, wiggling further inside until only his hair was visible. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of something very important with the Mizukage's sister."
"Don't go back to sleep, you idiot!" Naruto yelled, stamping his foot next to his sensei's head. "TEACH ME!"
A loud snore was the only answer he got.
Growling in frustration, the boy gave the futon another weak kick before turning and walking to the other side of the room. Kneeling down, he began rummaging through their pile of belongings, looking for something that Jiraiya might have that could help improve his rate of training. He dug to the bottom, where he came across a group of scrolls, each about a foot long. Pulling them out, Naruto noticed that only one of them really stood out from the rest: The bright yellow one on the far right with a stack of blank seal papers tied to it.
As he unrolled it and read the first line of text, his eyes lit up and he rolled it back up, stuffing it and the seals into his pocket.
"Hey Ero-sennin," he called out. "I'm just gonna take this scroll and go learn the Hiraishin on my own, okay?"
"Mhuffr. Yeah, you take it, you naughty little...mergle."
Twenty-five minutes later...
"Jeez, this isn't that hard!" Naruto declared as he finished reading over the scroll, thinking that he must have missed something vitally important that would make this jutsu seem a bit more impossible like how Jiraiya had made it out to be.
The process seemed simple enough. Just place a special seal on yourself and another one on a designated place or object and from that point on, you could use the jutsu to transport to that exact spot in an instant so long as the seal wasn't damaged or removed in any way. It didn't even have to be placed on seal paper; he could put the marking directly on a tree, a rock, another person, pretty much anything solid. He couldn't wait to get back to Konoha so he could stick one on his personal reserved stool at Ichiraku's.
Of course, there was the large warning section at the end about the importance of having perfect chakra control before attempting the jutsu, but he barely skimmed that section, mainly because the extremely sloppy handwriting was beginning to hurt his eyes at that point. And honestly, when had poor chakra control ever been a real problem for Uzumaki Naruto? No matter what the jutsu, he'd always been able to twist his way around the difficult parts, just like he had with the rasengan. And if he couldn't find an easy way around it, then he'd just master it through trial-and-error like he'd done with Summoning and the Kage Bunshin.
Besides, it was just teleporting while a seal basically anchored you to your inevitable appearing point. What could possibly go wrong with that?
And so he pulled out a slip of seal paper, and carefully drew out the proper seal onto it, double-checking to make sure he had it right. With the completed seal in hand, the young jinchuriki rolled up the scroll, slipped it back into his pocket, slapped the seal on the ground and jogged about twenty yards away. There, he rolled up his sleeve and drew another seal just above his left wrist.
He was ready.
"All right then: Time for a well-deserved increase in my Level of Awesome."
Focusing all his thoughts on the seal before him, he gathered his chakra, closed his eyes, envisioned himself traveling through space and time to his destination, and with a loud "Ha", released the chakra.
Feeling nothing, he opened his eyes and drooped when he saw that he hadn't moved an inch. Not deterred in the slightest, he repeated the process, focusing harder and gathering more chakra before releasing it. He opened his eyes, and again met with the same result.
Growling his frustration, he clenched his eyes tightly, clasped his hands in front of his chest, and gathered as much chakra as he could; which, considering it was Naruto, was a hell of a lot.
With his eyes shut, the only thing that told him something had happened was a strange pulling sensation in his stomach not unlike the feeling one got from a sudden fall. The whole experience only lasted a fraction of a second. Naruto grinned a wide, triumphant grin and opened his eyes.
"Yes! Take that, Ero-sennin! I did it all by myself, and on only my third try! I'm so amazing I just can't even- where the hell am I?"
Hiraishin: Accidental World Tour
A Naruto fanfic
By Legendary Legacy
Standard Disclaimer: These characters and settings belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I'm just borrowing them in the attempt at making them a little bit better than the hollow, pathetic shells that canon has made them out to be. Please enjoy.
One second you're standing in the woods less than half a mile outside a small town in the northern region of the Fire Country, a good fifty miles from any major body of water, and the next second you find yourself on a rocky beach overlooking the ocean.
"What the freakin' hell just happened!"
All things considered, Naruto was handling it quite well.
"What was all that crap about only reappearing where the seal was placed?" he demanded as he furiously read through the scroll again.
"God, writing important scrolls in such crappy handwriting should be illegal," he muttered as he returned to the warning section. "Okay...'While the Hiraishin no Jutsu is a very useful technique, it is also very delicate and requires absolute control over your own chakra. Using anything less than perfect chakra control can result in various problems; the most likely of which is accidentally missing the intended target location. In this case, the user is likely to appear completely at random at a previously placed seal in another location. In order to avoid these situations, it is advisable that novices of this jutsu not create more than two or three seals until their control increases'?
"...Well this still doesn't explain why I ended up out here!" he grumbled, gazing around at the waves crashing against the rocky shore where he stood. "I only made the one seal back in the forest, so unless there were..."
A quick Kage Bunshin later, the group of Narutos began combing over the beach. It didn't take long before one of them made a discovery buried under the rocks only a couple feet away from where the original Naruto had appeared. The clone held up a small pointed object for the others to see. Upon closer inspection, they realized that it was a very old and rusty three-pronged kunai. Beneath the coat of rust, a Hiraishin seal could barely be made out. Having been informed by Jiraiya back when he started him on his chakra training of how the Yondaime had utilized these kunai in battle, Naruto understood what had happened.
"So... I guess this means that any seal that the Yondaime didn't get rid of before he died is still open to me now, huh?"
Dispelling his clones, he stared in contemplation at the rusty kunai, briefly wondering what sort of battle must have taken place here that it was used in. He continued to mull his new situation over in his mind for several more seconds before tucking the relic into his leg holster.
"Oh well, Trial and Error it is then. After all, how many seals could the Yondaime have possible left lying around? I'll be back before Ero-sennin even realizes I'm gone."
That matter settled, he re-gathered his chakra, focusing intently on the image of the forest he had just been in, and vanished.
Up with the sun, bathe, eat breakfast, intensive training, bathe again (being covered in sweat and sand made for an uncomfortable day), assist brother with official village duties, help train rookies, bathe again (Very uncomfortable day) make dinner, bathe again if necessary, go to bed.
Such was the new daily routine of one Sabaku no Temari. A routine that had started almost immediately following her brother Gaara's rise to Kazekage and her own promotion to Jounin. Being a jounin should have made things more exciting, she had thought. But that was before the council commanded her through great amounts of begging and pleading to stay within the village until they made certain that Gaara didn't miss being insane and wouldn't be suffering any relapses while his siblings were away.
To make up for her lack of missions, Gaara had put her and Kankuro in charge of training several of the up and coming genin, which was great because she just loved standing around listening to Kankuro bitch and complain about having to put up with 'snot-nosed little morons who probably would never amount to anything beyond fodder anyway'.
Temari would have argued that notion had one boy not chosen that exact moment to accidentally stab himself with his own kunai.
And so here she found herself, soaking in the extra large bathtub that had previously belonged exclusively to her parents, musing on the sad and tedious existence she was currently living.
"My life is boring," she summed up to herself, sinking further into the steamy water until it reached the tip of her chin. "Why can't something exciting or unexpected happen once in a while?"
Someone was suddenly on top of her. There was no puff of smoke, no swirling of sand or leaves or anything else that would create proper dramatics for the appearance. He was just not there, and then he was there.
Fortunately, despite the size of the tub, it wasn't that deep, so she was able to keep her head above water even as the full weight of the somewhat familiar boy pressed down on her. The two blondes stared at one another in unmoving shock, doing little more than blinking for what felt like an hour.
Naruto decided to break the ice. "Uh, you're Gaara's sister, right?"
"Yeah," Temari confirmed. "And you're that kid who beat him at the chunin exams."
There was a long pause.
"Where did you just come from?"
"Er, some beach...somewhere."
Another silent pause.
"How exactly did you...you know...?"
"Oh. I'm trying to learn a new jutsu. I haven't really gotten the hang of it yet."
"Yeah. Incidentally," he added, fishing the rusty kunai out of his pocket and holding it up for her to see. "If you happen to find a seal that looks like this one somewhere in this room, you should probably get rid of it."
"I'll be sure to keep that in mind," Temari said as she took the kunai while Naruto replaced his hand to the spot that it had been before.
Once again they both fell silent. The multiple bouts of silence weren't nearly as nerve-wracking to Naruto as the overall casualness of the whole situation was.
"Well not that I'm complaining or anything, but whenever Ero-sennin ends up in a situation like this, the lady usually goes ape-shit and beats the hell out of him. And... I notice you're not. Even though I'm currently on top of you while you're naked and wet."
He glanced down at his hands. "Also, I appear to have been fondling you this entire time. And if I know anything about women and perverted interaction, you should be punching me as hard as you can right now while ignoring my pleas that it's all a crazy misunderstanding."
Temari just shrugged. "Yeah well, I would... but I suppose it's my fault anyway. I think I brought this upon myself by tempting fate and asking for more excitement in my life."
"Yeah." She looked down at Naruto's hands. "And to be perfectly honest, you're doing a pretty good job of exciting me right now."
That comment was finally a bit too much for Naruto, who slowly removed his hands from her chest and stumbled his way out of the bathtub. "So, I should probably be on my way now."
Temari felt like saying something to the effect of 'finishing what you started', but then decided against it. "Probably. The shock is starting to wear off and there's a good chance I'll change my mind about hitting you when it does."
He didn't need any more incentive than that. "Well I'm outta here then. Say hi to Gaara for me." He thought about that for a second. "On second thought, don't. The less he knows about this incident the safer I'll feel. Bye!" And with that, he was gone.
Temari leaned back into the tub again, staring at the ceiling. Not the sort of unexpected surprise she had been hoping for, but at least it had been enough to break up her normal everyday routine for a little while. As she got out and reached for her towel she remembered the kunai that Naruto had left behind.
Examining it carefully, she found that she recognized it from a tale that one of the village elders had told her and her siblings several years back about how Konoha's Yellow Flash had used these particular kunai to win many decisive battles against Iwagakure in the last Great Ninja War. She briefly wondered what Naruto had done to warrant getting to learn the signature technique of the former Hokage.
"More importantly," she added with a frown. "Why would the Hokage have put one of his seals in my parent's bathhouse?"