The Past

The Past. Where the trees are green and the birds sing, my mother is alive, not yet killed by a lower level demon in front of me, the sisters are young, still innocent, they still go to the elders, The sun still rises clear gold everyday not yet stained with the blood. I hate it here. The good is very good, but without you there is nothing left. Without my brother my heart is empty.

All I do here is fight, not a change. Yet the demons don't run from me here, they, like everyone else don't know me. Do I like it? Yes I like being treated as just another whitelighter but…always holding back, always masking yourself is the hardest thing. I can finally understand Cole. Understand what he said about at one point just wanting to give up and tell Phoebe everything and cry. Because all I want to do is cry. Cry for my broken heart. My broken Soul. Because without you I am a half. I was never supposed to be, but now that I am, it was you who kept me and without you I am floating, floating away.

Why can't they trust me? Don't they know I would never hurt them? How can they think that I would hurt YOU?! Aren't they always supposed to know family? Why don't they see me for who I am? Everyone always told me I looked like mom, Do I? If I do, why cant they see it? Everyone said I have Leo's eyes why don't they see it? Can't they see the Halliwell In Me? No one does, Everyone sees Chris Perry the neurotic, sarcastic, manipulative whitelighter from the future. No one sees Christopher Halliwell; brave, selfless, loyal; Family. No one except you. Even as a baby you know me.

You…My Brother Always. Always my reason my living. My reason for fighting on. For enduring. Not the Lord Wyatt, no Wyatt Mathew Halliwell my big brother who loved me and held me close. Who I fight for, who I will always fight. I fight on just for you. Just to see your smile one last time. I know in my heart that I will not survive. That this version of Christopher Perry Halliwell will die. But it is worth every tear if you come. My heart can't break if it was never whole right? But it was when I was with you I was whole. I fight for you and I always will.

These accusations. Who are You? Why did You come back? How old are You? What were Your parents like? Who?What?When? They keep coming never stop. No break. Just questions, interrogations. Such constant vigilance. It wears on me. Why wont they trust? Why wont they trust their SON? As Leo speaks, saying words that barely register. Something, something like, sending me back! Going back! Don't you understand! I want to yell. I am here to go back, to before we were enemies, to when we were Brothers. That is what I am searching through time for.

Through it all I never gave up. Not when they threw me out, not when my own mother told me she never wanted to see me again. Not when Leo tried to kill me. I was used to him. Used to him hating me, abandoning me, hurting me, caring for Wyatt more. Wyatt. My Brother. Protector. Savior. The one who shielded me from Leo, from pain. The one who held me as nightmares shock my frail body. The one who was always there. The One I will never, can never hate. The one who rearranged the world for…me. The one who lifted my mangled body from that cell deep under the earth. Who carried me up, up to your room and kept me their until I grew strong, then you let me go. At that moment you, my brother seemed like the greatest force of good in this world. I loved you and I did not want to let you go. That is my brother. That beautiful creature who carried me up from hell, in your arms. That is who I would walk through fire to save, you my Brother. And I will.

As I lie here dieing all I can think of is you. All I see is your smile. You tousling my hair. And I pray. I pray that, someday, somewhere I will see you again, as that angel inside. When we young I remember you taking an energy ball for me. I remember asking why. I remember you telling me that, that's what brothers do. Chasing a memory of my angel, my guardian brings me here. And I love you that's why. I just wish. I just wish I could see you one last time before I close my eyes…Brother.

A quick one-shot i wrote while listening to kelly clarkson (i know sad but) only my second story. i am not going to give a please review speech, i mean why does it matter if you review, it is not like authors ever like to hear about their work. (That is reverse psychology btw) People if you do review give me an idea about a new story. i am thinking of doing a crossover.