A/N: For those that have been reading my other stories (Numb But Moving and Hunted) THIS is the cause of all my problems. Whenever I try and concentrate on writing the next chapter for those stories, the idea for this story (or another) pops into my head, so I was finally like, "screw it! I'll just write it!" So...here we are. As an explanation, this story is in first person narrative from Bella's POV except there's a lot she can't see or know about, so that's written in third person. It seems to switch back and forth, but I hope it makes sense! :) ALSO! For this chapter I recreated the Edward leaving Bella scene a little, I know it's not the same, it's not supposed to be.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.
Chapter One: Moved
He had left me.
After months and months of quoting his undying love, he had said it was all lies. That he had never loved me.
The love of my life never loved me back.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." His eyes were hard, cold.
"You…don't…want me?" I was confused. The words didn't sound right in that order.
"No." His face held no apology no matter how long I stared. There was no contradiction to what he had said there. He wasn't lying.
I continued to stare at him, realizing just how right his words were. Just how wrong I had been for ever having believed that someone as perfect as him could ever even think about wanting to be with me.
It hurt – because I knew it was true.
"No…no." I shook my head, more trying to deny my own conclusion than at what was going on around me.
"I'm tired Bella. Tired of this, of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm a vampire, not a human and it's time for a change."
The tears that welled up in my eyes were uncontrollable. I didn't feel like I had any actual control over my body anymore. If I did I would have thrown myself at his feet, asking for him to stay. To at least stay. I understood if he had never loved me. Why would he? But to leave, I didn't know if I could survive that. Then something else he had said struck home.
"Alice? Emmett? They're not staying are they?"
He shook his head, as if pointing out something simple to a child. "No. They're gone, I'm only here to say goodbye. I thought a clean break would be better. It will be like we never existed."
Little spots of white spread across my vision. I was dizzy from the intensity of the situation. I opened my mouth to say something, anything. Anything at all, but nothing came out. I felt like a fish above water.
Taking a deep, hitched breath, I realized the situation wasn't the only thing making me dizzy. I could feel myself swaying slightly under the hard gaze that had once been warm, loving.
Edward took a step forward, putting a hand on my shoulder to steady me. The comforting touch was only that much more painful when he bent to peck me quickly on the forehead.
The moment my eyes had closed to savor his last kiss – no matter how painful is was – he was gone. I opened my eyes with a snap. "Wait! No!" But he was gone. I knew it was too late, he would be miles away before the words had even left my mouth.
I stood, swaying, in that spot, looking at where he had disappeared.
I knew it was pointless, stupid even. But my legs carried me farther into the forest. Whether I hoped he was waiting just out of sight for me to find him, or if I was hoping that something would do me the mercy of being a bloodthirsty, vicious creature, I don't know. What I did know, was that I ambled forward, tears streaming down my face, hoping for one last look at my love. My Edward.
Being the klutz I am, I fell more than once. It wasn't until after all light was gone from the forest that I fell for the last time. I didn't get up. I didn't want to exist. All reason for what I had been was gone with Edward and the rest of his family. Call me melodramatic if you want, but he had been my life, my future. And then it was all gone.
Eventually, I had been able to hear voices in the woods. They were calling out something I recognized, my name. I had known that I should call back, let them know where I was, but I didn't have the strength. All of my strength had been going to holding myself together.
I don't know how long it was exactly, but eventually a russet-skinned man found me. I hadn't recognized him, but could do nothing when he picked me up.
He had asked if I was hurt, but I couldn't answer. Yes I had been hurt, more than anyone or anything could repair. The only person that could truly mend my heart did not love or care about me and had left.
The tears were gone. My pain was too deep for mere tears to relieve.
I had heard the bustle of activity. I was even able to see the lights on in what must have been my house, but I could have reacted no more than I could fly. It wasn't until my old childhood doctor was asking me whether I was hurt that I could respond. I shook my head quickly, hoping it would make the others leave faster. Unfortunately it hadn't appeared to be that simple. He continued to ask questions, but I couldn't respond with my voice, I could only nod or shake my head.
Eventually he had pronounced that I was probably in a bit of shock from the stress I had been under. I wanted to laugh hysterically as his comment. It was beyond what would be called an understatement.
After the search party had left, Charlie's questions had come. He wanted someone to blame and chose his victim wisely.
"Did he leave you? Out there in the woods?"
I shook my head hard. "He left me in sight of the house, I walked in further. It was my fault. I was stupid." In more than one way. I felt stupid for ever thinking he could have loved someone like me and for the fact that even after he told me it was all a lie, that I still loved him and could not blame him.
"That irresponsible-" I had been able tell Charlie didn't care about my explanation. He just wanted someone, anyone, to blame.
"Don't dad. He didn't do anything. I…I just can't talk about it anymore. I'm going to bed." I had shot up the stairs as fast as I could, ignoring my father calling after me.
When in my room I had noticed a very odd thing: the album Renee had gotten me was sitting on the corner of my desk. My hands shook as I reached to grab it. Something Edward had said stuck out in my mind. It will be as if we never existed.
I had opened the album and my fears were confirmed. The only thing to remind me of the pictures of him and his family were the little captions I had written, all the actual pictures were gone.
Abandoning the little album I looked in my closet. None of the birthday presents I had received were there, nothing to remind me of them.
Lastly, I turned to my CD player. My hands had been shaking so hard I don't know how I managed to open it. It was gone, the CD that held my lullaby. Anything that he had ever given me was gone.
The reality of the situation had set in as I curled up on my bed. I had still been in the muddy, torn clothes that I had been found in, I even still had my shoes on, but that didn't matter. He was gone. That was all that mattered.
I don't know how long it was since that happened. Little had changed. I was still swimming in the pain. My body was unresponsive to my will, not that I actually wanted to do anything.
I hadn't even moved from being curled up on my bed.
Renee arrived in Forks by request of Charlie. Her little girl had been found lost in the woods a week prior, after her boyfriend left her there, and she hadn't moved or said a word since that night.
Renee knew that she wasn't the most mature or responsible of people, but she had always had Bella to help her with that. The idea that her baby girl, who had always been so lively, kind, and mature, was unresponsive to anything or anyone was horrifying.
She arrived at the house she had once shared with Charlie 17 years ago, hardly noticing the fact that almost nothing had changed. Renee was focused on helping her daughter, even if it meant she had to take her to Florida and force her into a new life.
I could hear my parents talking about me. Renee was there, it sounded almost like she was taking me. But where? My mind was groggy and slow with pain.
It wasn't until they began pulling clothes out of drawers that I understood. Renee was taking me to Florida. I heard the term "new start" somewhere in their conversation and it was suddenly obvious what they wanted.
I wanted to scream at them. I wanted to force them to understand that I couldn't leave. Not if I wanted to retain any of the sanity I had left. If I was to go to Florida, where there was nothing to remind me of him, then how would I know if he had ever been real? How would I be able to survive thinking that the love of my life, that the intensity of the feelings I had were all fake? That they were a dream of some kind and he had never existed?
I wanted to kick and scream. To throw a tantrum like a two-year-old, but I couldn't, the pain I was in felt like an ocean surging around me. Any time I tried to fight for the surface, to control my body or mouth, a new wave would push me back down into the depths.
When we landed in Florida I knew it was over. I would never be able to fight to get back to Forks. I gave up fighting, letting myself sink deeper and deeper.
When Renee began packing Bella's clothes she saw something in her little girl. It was almost like a spark of life behind her eyes. Renee had never seen her daughter as lifeless and drawn as she had found her curled in her bed, so she took that little bit of life as a good omen. She believed that maybe her daughter understood that she was going to Florida; that she was going to live with her mother again and was beginning to come back to herself.
After getting to her own house in Florida, Renee began to worry once again. That little spark of life in those deep brown eyes was gone.
Edward sat in his room in a tight ball. He hadn't moved for days, leaving his stereo on random repeat so he could try and listen away the pain.
It wasn't working.
For once in his life as a vampire he was able to block out his family's thoughts. They all mainly centered mainly around him or Bella. His family understood his reasons for leaving Bella; most of them, however, did not approve.
Both Carlisle and Esme refused to voice their opinions out loud, but they couldn't help their thoughts. Some of which weren't kind.
Alice and Emmett were both furious, Alice more so than Emmett. Both did not believe that Bella would be any better without their family in her life and were constantly trying to think so at him.
Jasper sided with his wife, but he didn't lecture Edward. Even without any of the family or Bella blaming him for his actions on her birthday, Jasper still felt immensely guilty for the whole situation.
Thinking about his family did Edward no good. All those thoughts he had made such a strong effort to ignore came flooding back. It wasn't Alice's new round of I-can't-believe-you-did-that-to-her that caused him to snap. No. It was Rosalie's self-centered unsympathetic thought: She was just a human. Get over it.
Edward snarled loudly, slamming his stereo off. Disregarding the thought of taking anything with him, he ran out of his room and the house. He didn't care where he was going, but he couldn't stand to be in that house with those thoughts anymore.