Hello, this one shot may contain some ooc for characters who I don't know as well as others. This is dedicated to every person who ever said something along the lines of 'The Naruto English dub sucks'. So yeah, all you people out there, this is for you :) Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Shaman King, Yu-gi-oh, One Piece, Dubbing companies, Japan, America, I don't even own this computer.
American!Naruto was mad. In fact he was furious. He kept punching a poor little tree, each time leaving a slightly bigger dent. Sometimes he growled, and every once in a while he would even curse. His anger rivaled Sasukes hatred for his brother Itachi. Why was American!Naruto so angry? Well…it all started a couple days ago…
American!Naruto had always thought he had a pretty sweet life. He was in a really cool show, that got a lot of viewers, and spawned a lot of toys. He had a cool catch phrase (Believe it!) He had multiple love interests (Sakura…Hinata…Gaara…) and most of all, he was happy. He had a signature jutsu (Shadow Clone Jutsu) and had learned summoning and Rasengan as well. Life was good.
Best of all, Sasuke had left. Sure, his character had been devastated, But less Sasuke meant that that Glory Hog would be taking a back seat and taking a couple of vacations. Yeah, American!Naruto had it made.
He had been walking with Ino, who, without a Sasuke to cling on, (and since Shikamaru was already taken) had attached herself to the next coolest person. Which was Naruto.
Naruto cackled a bit in his head. Four…four love interests. Kissed her good night, and went home. All he wanted to do was watch some TV (it was always nice to scope out the competition) and order some ramen with ice cream. But, this would not happen. For someone was already in his house.
He looked slightly like American!Naruto, only he was taller. And instead of blue and orange, he had black and orange. But other than that, there was quite a resemblance.
"Who the heck are you? Answer or I'll attack! Believe it!" American!Naruto threatened.
The other Naruto just chuckled. "I'm Japanese!Naruto Dattebayo!" He had spoken Japanese, but even American!Naruto could read little white subtitles.
He paled a bit. Shoot! He should have remembered! The show Naruto had come from Japan! No wonder this Naruto looked a bit…ok a lot…cooler.
"Sorry Japanese!Naruto. Didn't know you were coming."
"S'okay American!Naruto 'Tebayo"
As it turned out, The big people upstairs (No not god, and not Jashin-sama) had decided it would be good to send American!Naruto to the Japanese set for a bit of cultural experience.
At first, it was great. Lots of ramen. Real ramen. Actual honest to goodness Japanese ramen. American!Naruto was in heaven. This lasted about ten minutes. He then proceeded to learn the horror of the American dub of Naruto.
Jutsus names were changed.
Blood was lessened.
Rice balls became donuts.
Scenes were cut.
Shikamarus', Kankuros' and Shinos' voices. Enough said.
Puppeteer became Puppet master.
Missing-nin became Rogue Ninja
They got rid of honorific endings.
Theme song images were changed.
Ero-sennin went to Pervy Sage
Lees blush was erased when he performed drunken fi-I'm sorry loopy fist.
Shinos' catch phrase went from 'trump card' to 'ace in the hole'
Shikamarus' catch phrase went from 'How troublesome' to 'What a drag'
Instead of Ninpou (insert jutsu here) no jutsu! It became just (insert jutsu here) jutsu!
Icha Icha became make out.
And Narutos' beautiful catch-phrase Dattebayo was changed to the annoying 'Believe it'
It was all horrible. American!Narutos' pride and joy, was nothing but a cheap, heavily edited and censored knock off. And it sucked.
American!Naruto went to Japan a proud and happy anime character. He left a downtrodden cartoon. And this was why he was angry. Why he refused to ever, EVER play the part of Naruto, until the changed a couple of things!
He swore he would never, ever utter that horrible catch phrase again. He would never say 'Believe It', nor would he use the crappy translations of the jutsus.
Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The tree refused to yield. "Ninpou, Kage Bunshin no jutsu!!"
Nothing happened. Why? The god damn Japanese names didn't work here in bloody America! (Contrary to prior belief, hand signs are just for show, the real power is in stating the name as loud as possible)
American!Naruto kicked the tree, but he was still mad. Still furious. He couldn't take it anymore! If this kept up, some drastic measures would have to be taken. As the hours passed, he came up with a plan. It was a very emo plan, fit for the emo king (Sasuke) himself. Naruto nodded to himself. He would put his plan into action toni-
A weird purple circle appeared a couple yards (meters dammit! Take that America!) away. Naruto payed no attention to it. Probably some random plot device for an upcoming (and butchered) filler.
What was he thinking? Oh! Right, tonight he would begin his emo plan by-
"Well isn't this a pretty pickle?"
Naruto whirled around. Who had said that? He frowned. The person who said that, didn't look familiar at all. Probably a filler extra putting on airs because he got to be in Naruto.
The kid had black hair, which was held back by orange head phones. He wore an open beige jacket, showing off his pecs. He smiled lazily. Naruto looked at him. He seemed…disproportioned. Not like anything He had ever seen in Naruto before…
"Names Yoh Asakura."
"Never heard of ya punk. Leave me alone."
The boy rolled his eyes.
"I am American!Yoh. Of the show Shaman king."
Naruto looked at him quizzically. If he wasn't from Naruto, how'd he get here? Why hadn't security gotten him? Darn…little guy probably came through that annoying purple circle.
The boy said nothing for a while. But when he noticed Naruto wasn't saying anything, he opened his mouth. "I take it you've seen my show?"
"WHAT?! My…my manga! You've read my manga right?
"No, only read shonen jump."
"I was in shonen jump!"
"Really…? Oh yeah!! I remember! You had gotten canceled!"
At this, the boy blushed furiously. To be canceled was one of the greatest disgraces of the animated worlds. Only thing worse was when it wasn't canceled, and it should have been.
"Look…" The boy began sticking his hand in the purple floating circle. "I heard you were hatin' on your show."
Naruto nodded. "Well…yeah! I mean, compared to the Japanese show, My show sucks!!"
American!Yoh withdrew his hand, and withdrew two people. One was incredibly short, with blonde hair, and the other had blue hair and a snowboard.
"This…is Morty." American!Yoh said, pointing to the incredibly short kid.
Morty gave a little wave.
"He carries a book of ghost stories where ever he goes, and likes…well ghosts."
Naruto shrugged. "Uhh…hi American!Morty-"
Naruto looked up at American!Yoh. American!Yoh was shaking his head.
"No." He repeated.
Naruto was annoyed now. "Whad I say?"
Yoh yawned and looked back at Morty. "He's…not American!Morty-"
"So he's Japanese!Morty?"
"-because there is no Japanese!Mory in the first place."
Now Naruto was really confused. Maybe this bunch was like that pretty cool anime on a different channel. The show about the bald kid. "So…you're an American made show?"
American!Yoh shook his head. "No…we're form Japan…the difference is…"
"My name is Manta in Japan." Piped up Morty suddenly. He frowned slightly not really knowing which name was worse.
"Also, that book Is really just a dictionary on everything." The blue hair kid put in.
Naruto gasped slightly. "You mean..they changed the midgets name?"
"But not yours?"
"WELL THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!"
Yoh just sighed. "I'm not done." He motioned to the blue haired kid.
The blue haired kid did not like being spoken for and got up. "My names Trey Racer. And this-"
here some small little chibi creature appeared out of nowhere. Naruto was unfazed. He had seen many things in the show Naruto. Little chibis did not surprise him.
"-is a minutian named Corey."
"But" Naruto grumbled, seeing what was coming up.
"but, in Japan, my name is Horohoro, and this is a Koro Pokkuru named Kororo"
American!Naruto looked at the little chibi named Corey. "Well…I guess I sorta see your point…I guess…" Not really convinced, his show had had name changes as well. Were they not paying attention when he was ranting about jutsus?
American!Yoh took the 'sorta' as a 'yes' and smiled. "As you see, your show, Naruto, Is nothing compared to how much our wonderful show got butchered." He wimpered slightly, remember how many other names had been changed.
American!Naruto just rolled his eyes. If it was such a great story, why did it get canceled? He decided to call security-
"Don't even think about moving!"
The Shaman King characters and the one Naruto character looked up in surprise to see some new people getting out of the portal.
"Friends of yours?" American!Naruto whispered to American!Yoh. American!Yoh shook his head.
Five people came out. The first two looked exactly alike, both with creepy looking purple/black/blonde spiky hair. The next had blonde hair and a green jacket. The third had brown hair that as black in the back, with a beige jacket. (thankfully, he had a shirt covering his pecs.) The final, was a girl with bobbed brown hair.
The somewhat taller looking one with the creepy Spiked hair walked towards them.
Narutso eyes lit up. "I know 'bout you guys! You're from the show Yu-gi-oh! Your show sucks!"
Yami said nothing but sighed. The smaller spiked hair child stepped up. "I'm American!Yugi…and I'm here to tell you why you are all lucky!"
American!Yoh just chuckled a 'sure' and sat on a nearby rock with his friebds.
Naruto just groaned. Why couldn't they get it through their thick heads that they just didn't have it as bad as he did?
"Ok…first…I would like to say…I have mom." American!Yugi said quickly.
American!Naruto blinked and jumped up in surprise. "No way!! I've seen your show before! You're an orphan with your Grandpa!!"
American!Yugi shook his head. "I. Have. A. Mom. She doesn't have a big part. But I have one. She is not dead."
That was pretty bad.
"Next… Yami does not have name in Japan. He is just 'Dark Yugi'"
American!Naruto gawked at him for a moment. That…was bad.
"Ok, Joey is Jonouchi, Tristan is Honda, and Tea is Anzu."
One breathe, not bad. But American!Naruto had the same problem with the jutsus! Did they not understand?
American!Yugi paused for a moment, trying to explain what else had happened. "They change scenes."
American!Naruto shrugged. "Big deal dude, you need to have more firepower then that I mean…hello? They erased the blush from Lee! Very Bad!"
American!Yugi shook his head vigorously. "I mean…like one scene…when Jonouchi/Joey was really really sick, the scene, in Japan, went along the lines like 'how can we save Jonouchi-kun. This is horrible. But…in the American version…the conversation goes more along the lines of 'How can we defeat such a powerful new enemy? I feel so weak.'"
Silence. Dead silence. Naruto was stunned. He had nothing on them. Curses.
But American!Yugi wasn't done. "We don't talk about destiny 24/7, Kaiba isn't a jerk ALL the time, Yami/dark yugi is not supposed to sound like he is forty; you know the 'shadow realm? That's just a nice way of saying you get killed! And…god dang it, we don't have to win a duel tournament to save the world!! "
"And whats with my Brooklyn accent?" Joey put in, steaming slightly.
American!Naruto couldn't take it anymore. He had lost. No way he could compete with that. "Ok…ok..you wi-"
"NOT SO FAST!!"
And another group of people came out of the portal. A collective groan. How much worse could it get?
This time, it was a pretty big crowd, but the most prominent, was a teenager in a straw hat.
American!Naruto nodded. One Piece. He had seen that show once. Once.
Rufi just grinned maniacally. "You people have no idea what you're in for."
Tristan got up. "Try us Rubber boy!"
Rufi grinned even wider, "If you wish, but I warned you."
The green haired man stood up, and took a deep breath. "Let's go." He whispered quietly. It was his job to say why One Piece was the worst.
"Ok, all blood, not just a little, not just a most, all edited out.
All words are removed. All of it.
Wine is changed to kool aid.
Zoro goes to Zolo
Our theme song of classical music is CHANGED TO RAP
Nico Robin gets a redneck accent.
No death. And unlike Yu-gi-oh, we don't get a shadow realm.
Instead, a girl goes from dying from tripping over the stairs, to being hurt so badly she can't ever sword fight again. How is that better?
Another, instead of being killed, is just left alone. How you ask? LOTS OF EDITS!
Poison darts are now suction cups.
And guns are turned into little toy HAMMERS!!
Soemtimes, episodes are cut so much, we have to put part of the next episode in, just to keep it long enough!
And FINALLY! We-"
Unfortunately, the greened haired pirate had talked to much, and began to suffocate. He took another deep breath again.
"WE SKIP ENTIRE FREAKING ARCS!!"
"That sucks" American!Yoh said
"You win" American!Yugi agreed
"…" was all American!Naruto could say.
One by one, they all looked at each other. What did they do now? It was quite obvious One Piece had been butchered the most, and Naruto the least, but now most had a lot of adrenaline flowing in their veins, and just couldn't get rid of it by going back to there shows. Eventually Rufi turned to American!Naruto and said
"Your really lucky ya know tha-hey wait!"
American!Naruto was not there. Everyone looked up alarmed. Where had he gone? Sure he was a ninja but…was he really that fast? Everyone looked around frantically, until, one by one, they all headed back into the purple circle, being plunged back into a world where edits were great and severe, and where, if they weren't cancelled, were forced to tell jokes in a very serious scene
Back at the studio, American!Sakura was going over what precious little lines she had. Since she had been apprenticed to Lady Tsunade she was taken away from the spotlight. But rumors were saying she would be back in the spotlight soon enough. There might even be a time skip! Imagine that! Maybe she would even be a Jonin by the beginning of the time skip! Or maybe...an Anbu! Or maybe Hokage! Or maybe…well, Naruto would know. He had been to Japan after all.
Where was Naruto anyway? After a couple of moments, Naruto walked into the studio, whistling some song. He had been down for the last couple of days (Sakura had assumed it was because of the quality in the ramen) and it was nice to see him so happy again.
"Feeling better Naruto?" She asked sweetly.
Naruto grinned from ear to ear. He looked into the cameras, picked up a script, and replied:
"I'm feeling great. BELIEVE IT!"
Well that's the end. My moral? Be grateful all you American Naruto haters, it could be a lot worse. Trust me. Now, in an attempt to shamelessly advertise myself, why don't you go look some of my other Naruto fan fictions I have written? Please? If not, just Review, because I never seem to get a lot of reviews.