I am nervous, excited, surprised, pleased, befuddled.

Allow me to recount to the best of my capabilities the strange turn of events of today. Morning alone brought an extraordinary start to my day as I found myself delving into the culinary world. A quick Googling of "delicious tuna sandwich" yielded some million results in 0.3 seconds. It is somewhat comforting to see how technology agrees an apology to Grimmjow Jaegerjacque deserves less than a minute of my life.

It's difficult to explain why I'm feeling such guilt over such a minute matter. Perhaps, in a way, I can empathize. Much as I may be labeled a masochist, criticism is much more satisfying to serve out than to receive. The same could not be said for this cursed sandwich, which I hastily shoved into Grimmjow's paws the very moment I stepped into the washroom. Best get it over with and onto a delightful day of cleaning urinals, as is the common proverb. His eyes and mouth widened almost comically in unison, and a few moments passed before he belatedly nodded. Apology evidently accepted.

Yet while this good act surely induced some karmic future prosperity, I remained continually discomforted by Grimmjow's peculiar silence as I dove into one of the cubicles, reluctant to endure any awkward exchange of words. Pregnant with curiosity, I peeped through the crack of the semi-open door and the sight before me was an atrocity. There stood Grimmjow, gobbling down the tuna sandwich with both dirty hands, a few soap suds still on his elbows. I was rendered speechless, which must be the most alarming observation of the entire day. Toilet humour has never appealed to me.

After a tense 3 hours in which we cleansed the school's washroom facilities by communicating in a mixture of grunts, nods and sign language, our lunch break had timely arrived. Parting ways with Grimmjow was a relief, calling Aizen a joy.

We exchanged our customary updates: Aizen has since purchased twelve live flamingoes for the lawn, and been approached by a modeling scout. Dutifully but not imposingly, I reported how I had taken his advice and labored to foster a semi-cordial relationship between Grimmjow and myself.

There was a pause; I began to worry that I had offended Aizen somehow. And all he offered after those lengthy few seconds was a paltry "That's interesting". Two words from Aizen alone speak volumes; I tried not to dwell on them too obsessively. That's interesting? Had I not performed as he had wished? Part of Aizen's allure is his mystery that defies all probing. I shall have to accept that Aizen's heart shall never be under my microscope. We said our goodbyes and it was as if the day had come to its end for me.

In a way, it certainly did. Grimmjow disappeared promptly and was nowhere to be seen for the rest of the day. When it comes to his absence, the more the merrier is a truly apt aphorism. I returned to my dorm after being let off early – this broken arm has its merits.

A journal is crafted with the purpose of reflection, but as I end this entry and prepare for my afternoon nap, I can only conclude that recounting these events merely compounds this strange sense of unease and tension that has been plaguing me all day. My intuition was spot on the last time Grimmjow attempted to poison me fatally with a pair of chopsticks, it shall not fail again today.

24 May, 4:28pm

Ulquiorra Schiffer


Have you ever realized how hard it is to hold a pen when you've had X bottles. Y drinks. Z shots. Let me tell you, my dear diary and good sir, harder than the algebra sum this is becoming. Harder than taking off a double-hooked bra with your fucking teeth. Harder than my abs even.

O diary who is my only companion tonight, I am drunk again. Correction: I have remained drunk since the last night we got in bed together. Why?

Because I ditched detention. Because Renji had opened a couple pre-drinks bottles at his place before we headed out. I love that weird little insect. Love love loveee him so much I told him every detail of my fucked up morning, how Ulquiorra made me. A sandwich.

The fuck? No girl has ever done that, let me tell you. Renji was all

Omigod! Don't be shitting me! I'm dying here! What did you do?

I ate it, the hell was I supposed to do? Destroyed the evidence before anyone walked in and caught me with it!

And after I pounded the air out of his lungs for laughing like a moron, he couldn't move no more. He wasn't too happy and got out his phone to call up Ilforte.

I love that boy. We put our cells on speakerphone and had a three-way conference. Our relationship, it is a beautiful bromance.

Renji was all

Dude tell him Ulquiorra has a fuckin crush on him hee hee hee
He wants to be Grimmy's wife oh hee hee hee

Before I shut him up by sitting on his face.

Ilforte was all

Grimmjow, I understand you and Renji have been fucked in the mind by our dear friend absinthe. But I would advise you not to do anything rash blah blah blah have a talk with Ulquiorra blah blah blah don't do anything you'll regret tomorrow morning blah blah blah

It was a load of bullshit. Ilforte's no fun when he's on holiday.

He put down the phone to go watch NHK with his grandma and Renji and I looked at each other. I remembered "mind fuck". He remembered "talk with Ulquiorra".

We ran for his shower and instantly got two fucking shower caps. Ain't no way we're gonna let anyone fuck our minds without mind condoms, dude.

On to the second issue.

Ulquiorra didn't pick up his cell after three tries. So we had to leave him a voice message, and a fucking good one too.

Renji had the first go. I went next. In a nutshell we were bloody awesome, there is no fucking way Ulquiorra's gonna be trying to make a pass at me again anytime soon after this.

After a dangerous mission like this we had to celebrate a little. A lot. Drinks all round and a few of Renji's drinking buddies over . Came straight home after the neighbours started getting pissy. Only downer to a fucking great night, great day tomorrow. I can feel it, and my gut feeling - it is never wrong.

25 May 4:40am

Grimmjow

Edit: It was a pretty good sandwich though.


A/N: Any story ideas are really welcome!