"Undisputed Assclown"

Disclaimer: I do not own Chris Jericho or any of the other wrestlers mentioned. The following was intended only for fun and nothing else. So don't sue me, you won't get anything anyway. I'm poor :(

A/N: Nothing mean was meant by this. Those of you who have talked to me know that I am a HUGE (some would say obsessed, hee hee) Jerichoholic. My friend and I were talking about this idea the other night and she mentioned that she would like to see it in the form of a fic. So if you have any rants, please remember that I am only the messenger. This is meant to be funny, and I hope you guys like it. Be sure to let me know what you think :)

Hello, present, past and future Jerichoholics!

Most of you already know who I am, but for those of you who do not know me yet, I am Chris Jericho. You can call me "The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla", "The Sexy Beast," "Y2J", whatever you like. It doesn't matter to me. But I'm sure most of you already know me and cheer for me each week on the TV. I can hear all of you now, jumping up from your couches and squealing "Go, Jericho, go! Go, Jericho, go!" And I promise to deliver an exciting match each and every week. I'm the highlight of the night, baby! Think about how boring RAW would be without me. Oh wait, I think I just described the last two years of wrestling in general….

Unlike most of the assclowns you see on the screen every week, I have actually contributed to wrestling during my career. I have held the Intercontinental Championship a record eight times. That's more than anyone else; in fact, they should just change the title of it and call it the "Jericontinental Championship". That belt looks quite good around my gorgeous waist. I think it should stay there. Jeff Hardy, I'm talking to you. Don't even try to take it away.

I'm a three-time tag team champion too. But you already knew that. I'm sure you've done your homework and researched my career (that is, if you didn't watch my career as it was happening). 

Which I doubt. You cheered for me, you loved me, hell, you WANTED me to be your champion. I could go on and on about the rest of my accomplishments, but we don't have time for that. Gotta keep movin' on. Keep on truckin', if you will.

Of all of my amazing, record-setting accomplishments, the biggest one is winning the Undisputed Championship. That's right. I became the first Undisputed Champion after beating the Rock and Stone Cold in the same night. That's never, ever been done before, and hasn't been done since. Okay, so I wasn't the only Undisputed Champion. But I was the first. I set the bar for the other champions.

Did I mention how much I loved being the Undisputed Champion? Carrying both those belts, one on each arm...that was a powerful feeling. Some would say that I liked to brag about being the Undisputed Champion; that winning the titles went to my head. That's ricockulous.

Come on, of course I'm gonna be proud! How many people get to hold the Undisputed Championship, let alone be the first one? I don't see Randy Orton or that assclown Cena having the talent or skill to be the Undisputed Champion. No, when you hear the words "Undisputed Championship," you think of Chris Jericho. You think of a man who could not only entertain you with his unbelievable wit and charisma, but also a man who had the skills of a true champion. The assclowns today couldn't cut it. Take a lesson, juniors. If you want to be a true champion, look at the career of Chris Jericho.

Some would also say that I was having a love affair of sorts with those belts, because you hardly ever saw me without them. But I just liked having them with me at all times. They reminded me that I was a king among peasants; a savior paving the way for better, more entertaining athletes. No one could match my passion or my skill. They still can't to this day.

Yeah, it's been almost 6 years now since I won both the titles from Stone Cold and The Rock in the same night and became the first Undisputed Champion. Maybe I shouldn't still be talking about it. An accomplishment like that, though, is so rare that I think it bears repeating. No matter what people like the Rock, or Stone Cold, or Triple H say, I have still set a record: I am the first Undisputed Champion. Get used to it, junior.

After all, I am Chris Jericho, the savior of the WWE. Don't you wish you were me?

Okay…..was this really sucky? I thought I'd try being funny for a change. Let me know what you thought about this….I re-read it just now and it sounds really bad to me :(