AN: This is a little meme Kadigan prodded me into doing after my Dr. McCoy reference in "Best Laid Plans". If you want to join in, hop on the wagon! The basic concept is including the line "I'm a doctor, not another profession/object/person!" into the story.


It had been Holmes's fault, once it all boiled down. He informs me a day in advance that he will be gone for two weeks on some government mission (he claimed that he rallied for my involvement but had been denied; I believed that he decided a short separation would be healthy for us after our latest case that had broken my wrist).

He had rattled off a list of instructions without having the courtesy to write them down. Remember to pay the Irregulars, contact Mycroft with any time-sensitive cases, keep an eye out for a man with red hair and a missing ear and don't ask why... I suppose the phrase "water my belladonna plants" might have been in there somewhere.

He had been experimenting with those plants for three months in his bedroom, and as I rarely ventured there (I'd been in enough war zones during my service, thank you very much), I had only seen the deadly window garden a handful of times.

Out of sight, out of mind, as they say.

When he returned, sporting a black eye and three stitches on his forehead, he went into his bedroom to drop off his luggage.

It was then that I had an inkling that there was something I had been supposed to do.

He emerged from his shambolic domain, and once he cleared his throat I lowered my paper, noting that he was glaring quite furiously at me.

"I did not think you'd want a fuss made about your homecoming," I replied, thinking this was about my lack of enthusiasm. Yes, I was thrilled to have him back, but damned if I would let him know that. "Mrs. Hudson is backing a cake, though."

He stamped back to his bedroom in a rather childish temper, coming back carrying a pot occupied with a drying twig planted in sand-dry soil.

I buried myself once more in the paper.


"Damn it all, Holmes, I'm a doctor, not a gardener!"