"So everyone's dead as a door nail, right? Blood fucking everywhere. That sneaky Barry mother fucker some how tricked me into cutting off his wings for him, and he's already to go into the church and destroy the fucking universe, right?"
"Then what?" Elias sat down on the curb in front of RST Video, enchanted by the life and times of his two newest friends; Jay and Silent Bob.
No one would have thought that a kid like Elias would ever tangle with the likes of Jay and Silent Bob; just on the grounds that they were Jay and Silent Bob and he was Elias Grover. But as odd as the two ends were, they did share something in common; faith. Elias appreciated their love for the Holy Trinity, since most people close his age were completely devoid of it. He also thought Jay's story on how they came to accept that faith was the coolest thing EVER! Megatron had nothing on the Metatron! He'd listen to a new chapter of it every morning before work with the same enthusiasm he had the morning before. Which Jay and Silent Bob appreciated since no one else believe it. Holden and Banky just chalked it up as a freaky trip of theirs. But the three new better.
And so a sort of friendship was cemented. For three weeks now.
"So then, who comes and bails our asses outta that pickle? God Her self, and that glorified translator with the British accent was with her too."
"Wait! You were...you were in the Lord's presence before?!"
"Yeah, we met God before! She looks a lot like that Alanis Morissette chick, don'tcha think, Silent Bob?"
Bob shook his head "no".
"Eh, fuck you too, tubby! Alls I know is that She was a fucking hottie! Hell, I'd pay my weight in coinage to see Her doing some of that hot lesbian shit!" Jay added, making a humping motion to emphasis his point, until Bob nudged him in the ribs, that is.
"But I thought homosexuality was a mark against God!" Elias piped up. Jay just sneered. Any opportunity to attack someone else's heterosexuality...
"Why do you care? You ain't no fag, are you?"
Bob's eyes widened. If anyone could read into a silence, it would be him. You'd think Jay would be able to as well (what, with living with Silent Bob for the majority of his life), but no. He was completely oblivious to what the silence from Elias implied.
"Dude! Elias!" He snapped his fingers in front of the kids face a few times. "Dude- HEY!" Jay rubbed his head where Silent Bob had smacked it. "What the fuck, man!" Bob rolled his eyes and whispered something in Jay's ear. Elias promptly buried his face in his hands. He would have rather been able to curl up and die, but this would have to do. In the very least it hided his blush from the world.
"DUDE! Elias...Dude, your GAY?!" Elias nodded absently, still not looking up at either one of them.
"Sorry." He muttered, like a child who had been forced to apologize, which was more or less the truth. That was quite the death glare Bob had aimed at him. "It's not like me or Bob hate fags...God don't either." Jay added, hoping it'd make the kid feel better. Which it did.
"Naw, that Jerry Falwell fucker was dead wrong about Her! Knew it when I first saw her. It's like my boy Chewbacca said once..." Jay paused, searching for a Star Wars quote that related to God's stance on homosexuality. And, not surprisingly, he found none. Elias and Bob were waiting to see how he'd finish that particular train of thought...or lack there of. "...Aw, fuck this! I'm no good at this shit! Lunchbox, take over. I'm done!"
As Jay stormed into the Quick Stop, Silent Bob stepped away from his place at the wall and placed a big, comforting hand on the kid's shoulder.
"What Jay is trying to say, but is failing miserably at, is that God doesn't hate anybody for being who he is." He stopped to take another drag of his ever dwindling cigarette. "In fact, God's the only being in existence that loves everyone and everything. That's not to say that child molester's don't have their reserved spot in Hell, but you have nothing to worry about. You're a good kid, and that's all it takes to be in God's good grace."
The Elias hugged him. He couldn't help it. The boy was just touchy-feely in nature and Bob's monologue truly touched him. Needless to say, Silent Bob was rather...uncomfortable. Not just because a gay kid was hugging him, but because said gay kid seemed to be bent on squeezing the life out of him.
...And Jay came back just in time to point and laugh at his expense. But that's apparently what it took to get the kid off of him, so Bob was inwardly thankful that Jay could be a colossal ass.
"Aw, don't stop lovin' your boyfriend just cus I'm here." Jay smirked, while taking a bite of a ho-ho. He rolled his eyes as Elias' nervously tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "Lighten up, Christ! I was just joshin' ya! Here, catch!" He tossed his two accomplices equally unhealthy snacks.
"Say, do you have a boyfriend?" Jay asked, sitting back down on the curb and pulling Elias down with him. "Cause if not, I know this guy named Hooper who would fit the bill-" Elias choked a little bit on a pringle.
After his coughing fit (and after Bob gave him a few hard pats on the back) Elias was able to sputter a "no!"
"Cool! You should totally hook up with this guy then. Total character, you'll love him. Plus, he's a black guy, and you know what they say about black guys...what, with being well endowed and all. You into that shit?" Elias shook his head.
"Thanks, Jay. But um, he may not be my boyfriend but I kinda like someone..." Bob rolled his eyes. He didn't need to look at Jay to know he was sporting a cheshire cat grin. Jay loved sticking his noes where it ought not be stuck in. Much like a hyper active child. He knew Elias would immediately regret letting this tid-bit of information leak out, because Jay would not rest until he knew everything.
"Really? Who is it! And don't you fucking dare pull that 'you wouldn't know him' shit because me and Bob know everybody in the county. Hell, chances are we've done business with this mother fucker!"
"...promise not to tell anyone?" Elias asked while popping another chip in his mouth.
"Cross my heart and hope to die." Elias some how found that reassuring. He nodded his head in the direction of RST Video.
That said it all.
Jay and Silent Bob watched the kid eat his pringles in shame with wide eyes and open jaws.
Well, as it turns out, Elias Grover could only take so much embarrassment and prying into his personal life before he had to call it a day. "Um...I gotta get to work. I'll see you guys later. Thanks for the pringles." And off he went. Leaving Jay and Bob to their thoughts.
"Dude, we should totally help get those two clerks together...don't gimme that look! He's our boy! And we's gotta help our boy out, even if his ass is gay. I mean, fags are people too...That's what the good book says, right?" Bob sighs and shakes his head yes. "Glad we're on the same fucking page!" Jay continues. "Now here's what we gotta do..."
To Be Continued...