Alright, before I start this spur of the moment crackfic (my first attempt at a crackfic as well), I'd like to say a few things so people don't start digging my grave.
First, I am not character bashing. Yes, if you've read my profile, it's apparent I do not like Peach. But the song is originally sung by Bowser, for Peach. I can't exactly change it around, or it wouldn't make sense.
Secondly, I wrote this as a result of too much caffine (a thousand curses on my aunt for making CAFFINATED COFFEE AT DESSERT LAST NIGHT!!) so it's bound to be stupid. I guess that's why it's called a crackfic anyway.
Thirdly, I'm going to insert myself and the one who showed me this song in here. (REGII!!)
And lastly, I'm stuffing my face with a grapefruit and poptarts. Yummy.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters used in this story. The song is called Ignorance is Bliss, by Jellyfish. To hear the original, it's on Newgrounds in the Mario section, but it's also on YouTube. Just look it up, you're bound to find it. You might have a better time enjoying this story if you hear the song at least once.
Ignorance is Bliss
Written by the fabulously retarded genius (and caffinated) CeleBaby20
oNCE AGAIN, pEACH WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE OH SO CRAZY bOWSER.
(Pichu: CAPS LOCK IS ON CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME!!)
Oops. Let's try that again, shall we?
Once again, in the land of Smash, Princess Peach Toadstool was kidnapped by the crazy king of Koopas, Bowser Koopa. What exactly his plan was, I'm not sure...
"I'm going to be an even bigger and better king!!" Bowser roared.
Oh, I guess that was his plan.
Peach snorted. "You? Be a bigger and better king? You're so stupid, you make Mario and Luigi look like plumbers!!"
Bowser sweatdropped. "That's because they ARE plumbers, princess."
"No! No!" Peach argued. "They're CARPENTERS!! GET IT RIGHT!!"
"Oh for the love of Koopa porn..." Bowser grumbled, wondering why he had to get stuck kidnapping a dumb princess instead of a smart one.
"Besides," Peach continued. "You're too IGNORANT to be a real king!"
"So?" Bowser said, folding his arms. "I'll take ignorance over knowledge anyday! Because ignorance...is bliss!"
The next morning, Peach was still asleep and dreaming of days in a shopping mall. Unfortunately for her, she was still held in her cell and quite uncomforatble.
"WAKE UP! Ms. Toadstool, it is I, you're one and only king..." Bowser sang. "Bowser Koopa..."
Peach looked utterly freaked out at the looks Bowser was giving her. Bowser's eyes were half closed and he actually looked GOOD...for a giant turtle.
"I'm a turtle as you've seen, a little slow and a little green but on a whole, I'd say...Supah Dupah..."
Zelda, Link, Pit, Ike, Kirby, Sonic, Red, Wolf, Olimar and two other teenagers popped outta nowhere. One teenager was a girl, dressed in all green and black and the other was a boy, wearing jeans and a regular sweatshirt. Every one of them hovered over Peach and sang,
Princess Toadstool...I know you're frightened, mmm...
'Cause if you knew just why you're here, your fear would just be heightened...
SO LET'S JUST SAY!
Bowser stomped on everyone for stealing the spotlight and sang out in an italian tennor: IGNORANCE IS BLISS
Then a thousand Pikmin came and carried Bowser off of the smashers. The smashers dusted themselves off and waited for their next cue.
"Oh while I hate to be a bummer, I've brought you here to bring me plumbers, you know those brothers...what's their names?" Bowser sang, putting a finger to his chin in thought. CeleBaby and Regii were just about to tell him, but Bowser smacked them both into silence. "OH YES! Mario and Luigi, just the sound of them makes me queasy! I'd love to take that monkey wrench and play my own game!!"
Peach looked utterly confused at what was going on. In fact, she had a face on that made her look like a crack addict. Zelda, Link, Wolf, Olimar and CeleBaby hovered over her again.
Princess Toadstool...you're so misguided, mmm...
Red, Ike, Kirby, Sonic and Regii jumped in.
I've never been fond of bookworms, but then again, this one makes good Mario bait!
Bowser punched everyone again, for stealing his limelight and growled. "I can't wait. IGNORANCE IS BLISS!"
The smashers winced in pain, but refused to give up. Bowser got out a spell book and turned Ike into a Yoshi, just to prove a point.
With my magic book, I'll shower those clumsy lizards with my power, until Dinosaur Land is nothing but fossil fuel!
My only problem with these spells is that I know not what they tell, so every hex leaves me perplexed, all I want are those plumbing fools!
Bowser was getting angry in waiting for Mario and Luigi to show up. Peach only looked more confused as the smashers began singing again with big smiles.
Princess Toadstool...you're not so clever, mmm...
All your words are alphabet soup, a picture tells it better!!
Bowser roared and dropped Bob-Ombs on everyone using his Koopa Clown Car. I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! Ignorance is bliss!
Peach squealed as Bowser flashed a picture of her and Mario kissing. Bowser growled and said, "Haven't you heard a pictures worth a thousand words?"
CeleBaby flew out, playing a violin and hovering over Peach again. You call yourself a princess, but you're a brainiac in a dress!
Regii followed her and jumped in on the next line. I can't believe you waste time with these books!
Link attempted to play his Ocarina, but Zelda smacked it out of his hand. The two hylians sang together. You remind me of my kid sister...she read so much, she got a blister...
Pit landed on both the hylians and took up the next line. A big one, I mean big! On her brain! What a snook!
Bowser threw Koopa shells at the five singers, sending them flying. "I'd like to get my hands on...just one time with a monkey wrench!"
Olimar interrupted Bowser with, "I'd fix their plumbing..." Bowser got mad again and used a Hammer to knock Olimar away.
A solo erupted with a bunch of Bowser's minions playing various instruments, and Bowser chasing Wolf, Kirby, Red, Sonic and Ike as a Yoshi around the room. Peach continued to look stoned.
Finally, CeleBaby grabbed Regii, Olimar, Pit, Zelda and Link to fill in the next chorus.
CeleBaby, Olimar and Pit: Princess Toadstool...I know you're frightened, mmm
Regii, Link and Zelda: You're so misguided!
Everyone, except Bowser and Peach: 'Cause if you knew just why you're here, your fear would just be heightened!
Ike, Wolf and Red: Princess Toadstool, you're not so clever, mmmm...
Sonic and Kirby: Pictures say it better!
Everyone (again): All your words are alphabet soup, a picture tells it better!
Bowser screamed and threw a Banzai Bill at the chorus singers. FOR THE LAST TIME!! The other singers screamed before getting blown up. Bowser paused and looked at all of them. On second thought, I think I've made my point.
His minions continued to play a jazzy conclusion to the song. Peach stared blankly at the burnt smashers. Then she noticed Bowser, as if she saw him for the first time. "Oh hi Bowser. Have you seen Mario and Luigi?"
Bowser roared in anger again. "DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE SONG?!"
"Um...no? Now take me to the shopping mall!"
Peach whimpered and started to wail. She spotted Zelda on the ground and went over to her. "ZELLIE, BOWSER WON'T TAKE ME TO THE MALL! THEN HE TALKED ABOUT HIS DING-DONG!!" When Zelda didn't answer, Peach poked her. "Zellie? Zellie?! DAMNIT WOMAN, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Then the dumb princess smacked Zelda with her purse.
"You're so stupid..." CeleBaby groaned through her pain.
"No! Ignorance is bliss! Haven't you heard that before?!" Peach snapped, causing all the people in the room to groan in anger.
Then Sain (from the Fire Emblem for GBA) came out of nowhere and poked Peach's breasts. Peach smacked him with her frying pan and sent him flying. The last thing they heard was, "BY THE WAY, YOU CALL THOSE CHEAP IMPLANTS BOOBS? THOSE AREN'T BOOBS! THEY'RE LIESSSSSSSS!!"
CeleBaby and Regii looked at each other and then looked up to the sky. "Can we end this already?!" they yelled.
OH FINE, SUCKERS.
Yeah, total stupidity. Total crack-ness. Total caffiene. Also, banana split from DQ. And bowling. I got three strikes in a row on my final turn and my score was 192. (grins)
R-E-V-I-E-W spells review!! Can you tell me what word these letters form? O-K-A-Y-!