Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nothing, ya hear me? Nothing! Bwahahahah!
Brenman: Are you prepared for the most epic Kakarott Zone ever? Because I hope you're Prepared for Kakarott Zone: The Movie.
You couldn't believe it when you got the call last week. You had been sitting on the internet watching trailers for the upcoming Kakarott Zone movie when the phone rang. The call was from Vegeta no Ouji himself, calling to tell you that you had won two tickets to the premier showing of the movie at the Satan City Movie-Plex. You had entered a ballot in the contest when you were at the movie theater to see Hercule Potter and the Chamber of Satans. You only wish that you had someone to bring with you. You figure that your second ticket will go to waste. You could always sell it to some collector on Ebay a couple years from now for a retardedly high price.
You still can't believe you won as you walk up the large stairs to the movie theater. A helpful usher shows you to your seat. You're so excited that you don't even notice that they stuck you between a pig on your right, who was busy devouring an Ego sized bucket of Hercule-corn, and Oolong to your left, "Your Yajirobe, right?" you say as you turn to guy on your right. You remember seeing a couple of episodes of Yajirobe's television show, 'Cooking for Monks.' It wasn't a bad show, but he did tend to spend at least half the show raiding his refrigerator.
"That's right." The fat man said before promptly turning back to devouring his Satan sized Bucket of Popcorn. You look at his popcorn hungrily and decide to get yourself some before the movie starts. You stand up and squeeze past the fat man and head for the lobby.
"Hi." You say as you reach the front of the line up at the concession stands, "I'd like some Hercule-Corn and a The Champ-Cola." you say happily.
The greasy pimpled teenager looks at you with barely concealed contempt, and in a voice you would later refer to as hostile asks you, "What size? The choices are; Brain, Bicep, Chin, and Ego."
You scratch your chin in thought, "I don't want too much. I'll get a Bicep of both."
The teenager fills out your order with the efficiency of a well trained slave and practically throw your concessions in your face. Minutes later you find yourself once again seated between Yajirobe and Oolong, but this time they're both eying your Hercule-Corn with much interest. Too much interest in your opinion.
You hold your food close to your chest as the lights in the theater dim, and a spotlight lights up two people standing in front of the screen. "Hello, I am Vegeta no Ouji," The shorter of the two said, "and this is Kakarott no Brains."
Goku grinned gleefully while skillfully ignoring his fellow Saiyan's insult, "Wow. I've been waiting for this day for so long. You have just entered a place where spin off are so bad they have to be locked up in maximum security prisons with no chance of parole, and where world war three was almost started because people couldn't decide which dub was better. *Cough* Funimation *Cough*."
"You have just entered The Kakarott Zone." Vegeta announced and quickly pulled Goku off the stage as the movie began to play.
The screen flickered to life with that grainy quality you can only get at a movie theater, or when your T.V's on the fritz.
-- Kakarott Zone: The Movie --
Dende stood on the upper deck of his spaceship heading for planet earth, and he had the strangest feeling like he was forgetting something important. He decided to ignore the feeling for now. His long awaited trip to New Namek had been a waste of time. He had arrived on the planet with high hopes of seeing his friends again. Instead he found his fellow Namekians waist deep in mud and watering themselves.
-- Flashback --
Dende stood in front of his revered Elder Muri and frowned, "Elder, what are you doing stuck in the ground?"
Muri looked at him happily, "We have decided to return to our roots." He laughed boisterously, "Get it. Roots. because we're like plants. You see Dende, we only drink water, we're green, we live harmoniously with nature, and we perform photosynthesis. In essence, we are plants, so we decided to live like them. Now if you'll please get out of my sun light.
-- End of Flashback --
The young guardian of Earth sighed and his shoulders sagged, "I can't believe I left Goku in charge of the lookout just for this. I hope he hasn't done anything too crazy." Dende went back to starring out the window into the depths of space.
RING... RING... CLICK...
Dende picked up the phone quickly, "Hello, who is this? If it's a telephone solicitor please don't call me again, and how did you get this number? What? Oh, it's you Goku. What can I do for you? Why do you need to know where I keep the insurance information? You crashed the lookout into what? Has Gohan committed suicide yet? Oh good. I'm not finished torturing him myself. Good job Goku, the info's in the glove box."
Dende smiled to himself happily, 'Take that Gohan.'
-- Meanwhile Thousands of Miles Away --
Inspector Marty-sue of the West City Police Department stood up after inspecting the brick that lay abandoned on the tiles of the Knitting World floor. Broken glass lay around it like some demented wreath. The inspector shook his head and sighed, "It's definitely the same guy. See this," He said and pointed at a blue scrap of material on the floor. It seemed to have been ripped off on a shard of the glass, "blue spandex. Who ever the infamous serial knitter is, he's not wearing knitted goods when he commits the crimes."
Marty-sue's partner, Jan, an African West City-ian Detective, nodded thoughtfully, "We've found traces of the spandex at other crime scenes in the past. Do you think he's taunting us?"
"Could be his calling card." The inspector added, "Maybe he wants us to catch him, but what ever this is. We have to stop this crime spree before it gets too out of hand. We've already caught four people trying to copy them. Like that guy last week who tried to rob a Knits-R-Us, but knocked himself out with the brick by accident."
The detective pointed at his partner while deep in thought, "I think we should check the shipping manifests of all the local transport companies. If we could find someone who's ordering large quantities of spandex, we may be able to get some leads."
-- Meanwhile Thousands of Meters Away --
Goku stood on the front steps of Capsule Corp. "Please Vegeta, can I stay here for the night?" Goku whined at his princely friend, "Chi Chi won't let me in the house because I erupted Gohan's studies or something when I crashed the lookout into his school."
Vegeta was about to shove him away and tell him to find somewhere else to stay, but stopped as soon as he heard the last part of news, "Kakarott, do you mean to say that the lookout isn't above Corin tower at the moment?" Vegeta had a look of barely concealed glee as Goku nodded his confirmation.
"What's the big deal Vegeta? Oh yeah. I'm going to need your help moving the lookout back to where it came from." Goku said.
"This is perfect Kakarott, don't you get it. Get some other people together to move the lookout back to above the tower. I'll tell you more later, come in for now, and we can make our plans."
Goku stepped into the house and closed the door behind him.
-- Roshi's Island --
Krillin was busy trying to build one of those ship in a bottle when the phone began ringing. He dropped the bottle in shock and watched in horror as all his hard work was smashed to pieces. His shoulders slumped as he grabbed the phone from it's cradle, "Hello, Krillin speaking. Hey Goku, what's up? Yeah, hang on. Eighteen, Goku want to talk to you."
Eighteen walked inside the house carrying Marron and handed the young child over to her husband, and picked up the phone, "Hello Goku, what do you want?"
"Hey Eighteen, well, Vegeta and I have been discussing some plans, and we were wondering if you wanted in, but you have to be quiet about this, it's only going to be the three of us splitting the goods." Goku said in a harsh whisper.
"Fine. I'm in." Eighteen said quickly, "I'd do anything to be able to afford to move away from this stupid island. I like the beach front property, but living with that old man is so weird, and he keeps sneaking into our room when Krillin and I are... well, never mind."
"That's great, can you meet us at Orange Star High school tomorrow at dawn?"
"No problem." Eighteen answered and hung up.
-- Capsule Corp. --
Goku put the phone back as Vegeta walked into the room with a couple of twelve foot long sub sandwiches. He handed one to Goku, "Don't forget, you still need to get some people to help you move the lookout."
Goku picked the phone up quickly, "That's what I was about to do."
-- West City Police Station --
Marty-sue was sitting at his desk with a cup of stale coffee in his hands. He looked at his partner in the seat across from him, "Did you find anything?"
The dark skinned Jan nodded, "There were two large shipments of spandex coming in. Both are to be delivered today. I sent a team down there. One of the shipments is going to some poor old lady, the other is going to Capsule Corp. The guy in question already has an extensive criminal record. I think we got the guy. We planted micro trackers on his spandex, and we're going to be keeping a close eye on him."
The investigator nodded, "Makes sense. He's just some rich guy playing criminal, that's why he's leaving the calling cards. It's all some game to him. I saw the same thing a few years back when this leacherous old pervert kept leaving these turtle shells at the scene of his crimes. Nasty old man. Never did manage to catch him though."
-- Roshi's Island Again --
Krillin was almost finished building his largest card house ever. It was twice as tall as he was. He was about to carefully put the last card on when the phone rang. Again. Krillin was shocked so much that he dropped the card and his whole house fell down. He felt like crying, but Krillin was a big boy, and he sucked it up and answered the phone, "Hello. Krillin here."
"Hey Krillin, it's Goku again. I was wondering if you can help me out with something tomorrow morning?" Goku asked.
"Sure thing Goku." Krillin said, "You can count on me, but please don't call me anymore today."
-- Capsule Corp. --
Goku looked at the phone. Oh well, so Krillin hung up on him, he still has a bunch of other people to call for now.
Vegeta walked into the room a couple hours later. He looked up from a fax he was holding in one of his hands. "I'm going out Kakarott, I have a shipment of Spandex I have to pick up. Have you gotten your moving team together?"
Goku was about to nod, but stopped on second thought, "No, I forgot to tell Krillin where to meet us."
Vegeta walked out of the room quickly, "Just make sure it's taken care of by the time I get back."
Goku began reaching for the phone before remembering that the midget didn't want anymore calls today. So Goku raised two fingers to his forehead and concentrated on Krillin's energy.
-- Roshi's Island Once More --
Krillin was on his hands and knees in the living room. He was almost finished putting the last few touches on his record breaking domino set up. He picked up one more domino and as he was about to set it into place a pair of blue shod feet appeared in his line of vision. Krillin jumped back, but managed to avoid knocking down any of his precious domino's.
Goku looked around Kame house quickly, and took a step forward. Upon hearing a loud squeak coming from below him, Goku looked down only to find a grief stricken Krillin lying on the floor crying as thousands of Domino's whizzed around him. "Hey Krillin, what're you doing down there?"
Krillin glared at Goku, and managed to choke out an angry retort through his sobs, "You know Goku, maybe you should stay as a Super Saiyan, because you make a great blonde."
Goku scratched the back of his head happily, "You think so? Well I just came to tell you that you can meet us at Orange Star High school tomorrow at nine in the morning. See you then." Goku Stuck his fingers to his head again and disappeared.
-- West City Police Station --
Marty-sue and Jan watched as a rookie on the force came running up to them, "Sirs, the spandex was just picked up. We're tracking it right now and we have a surveillance team scouting out the suspect."
Inspector Marty-sue nodded, "Good job, keep us posted on what's happening."
Jan began walking away, "I'm getting a coffee, you want one." he shouted at his partner.
"Black." the inspector yelled in response.
"Racist" his partner yelled back, "You can get your own damn drink SUSAN."
"I meant my coffee you trollop," Marty-sue yelled back, "And don't you dare call me by my real name in public, JANICE."
"Low blow Marty. That was a low blow." Jan said slowly, "Truce. I think we're all a bit high strung, especially seeing as how neither of us has had any sleep in over thirty-six hours."
"Truce." Marty answered, relief evident in his voice.
"Good," Jan said. "but you can still get your own coffee."
-- Between Satan City and West City --
Vegeta and his peasant were flying along beside each other, "Now Kakarott. The moment of reckoning has come upon us. By noon today, we will be the most powerful force on this planet. No one will be able to stop us."
Goku looked at Vegeta oddly, "But Vegeta, we already are the most powerful things on this planet. None of the humans could ever hope to stop us."
Vegeta Harumphed, "I was trying to be dramatic you Cake-for-brains."
"Shut up you numbskull."
-- West City Police Station --
"Sir, come quick, we have a transport waiting." said a helpful rookie officer, "The suspect is on the move, it looks like he's heading for Satan city."
"Jan, come on." Marty-sue yelled across the station floor. "We've got him this time."
-- A Little Way From Satan City --
The ground flew past him quickly as Gohan was flying on his way to School. The young demi-saiyan saw the outskirts of Satan City coming over the horizon and he activated his Great Saiyaman outfit.
-- Orange Star High School --
Goku and Vegeta were standing around looking up at the hulking form of the Lookout. Vegeta eyed it up and down, "You know Kakarott. I never appreciated it until now, but the architecture of this building is beautiful. Possibly the most beautiful building I've ever seen."
Goku patted Vegeta on the in a friendly fashion, "I know Vegeta. It reminds me of a giant bowl of Ramen."
Vegeta nodded, "Yes. My thoughts exactly. Now where is that useless toaster oven when you need her?"
Goku pointed out in the distance, "Here she comes now."
Once Eighteen had landed Vegeta turned to his two accomplices, "Now here's what's going to happen. The android and I are going to head to Corin tower. While Kakarott and the others are moving the Lookout back into place the towers alarm systems will have to be shut down. When that happens it'll be no problem to sneak into the vault and steal every last Senzu bean out of the place. The cat and the fat man won't be a problem either. the two of them will be too busy watching the show, because Kakarott and his group are going to 'accidentally' let the palace slip a little bit. This will ensure their attention is focused on not having their tower destroyed."
Vegeta was about to tell his team to move out when a yell came from behind some bushes and a bunch of men in uniforms came jumping out, "Hold it right there. We heard everything." Susan said while holding out his badge.
The three warriors looked at the police team that was surrounding them. "What do you want?" Eighteen asked coldly.
"We are placing you all under arrest. You, Vegeta no Ouji are being put in custody on the suspicion that you are the Serial Knitter. As for you two," He said, "you're under arrest for being accessories to crime. You will all have a court date issued to you at a later time. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. If you..."
Goku scratched the back of his head and looked at Vegeta, "Accessories to the serial knitter? would that make me a scarf or something?"
Choosing to ignore the spiky haired nitwit Vegeta addressed Marty, "Why am I a suspect?" he asked out of curiosity.
"For one, We've found traces of blue spandex at the crime scenes," Marty-sue said and pointed at Vegeta's blue spandex suit for emphasis, "You already have a criminal record, and you were a knitting instructor once, it all fits. Now as I was saying You have the right to remain..."
"Hang on." Vegeta said, cutting the inspector off in the middle of his speech, "Maybe you should try to arrest us first before making all these bold statements."
"What do you mean? We have you surrounded." Detective Jan yelled at them, "Just give up quietly and no one has to get hurt."
Vegeta smirked, "I haven't stolen anything in months. Let's go you two. We still have our fortune to make." Vegeta grabbed his two accomplices by their wrists and rushed through the ring of officers. Vegeta smiled to himself as he saw a couple of them go flying out of the way.
Eighteen and Goku began running along side Vegeta as they dashed towards Downtown Satan city. The android craned her neck around and shouted her two cents back at the police also, "I haven't stolen anything since I took Vegeta's knitting course either."
Goku laughed, "The only thing I've ever stolen are the hearts of my fans. Because I'm so lovable."
Eighteen looked at the tall Saiyan oddly, "I can't believe you actually said something that corny."
Vegeta looked behind the group, "They're following us, perfect, we need to draw them away from the lookout. Kakarott when we turn this corner, you go back to the lookout and clear the area, get your team together and take it back to Corin tower, we'll meet you there."
"Okay Vegeta." Goku said as they rounded a corner and Goku placed two fingers to his forehead and promptly disappeared.
-- Orange Star High School --
Gohan had just walked out the front of the high school to see what all the fuss was about. The lookout still decorated the front yard, but now there were cops walking around looking for stuff. An ambulance waited outside as a team of paramedics looked over an injured officer. Gohan watched as the Medic pulled out a needle to most likely administer a pain killer to the downed officer.
This is about when Gohan watched his father pop into existence beside the men. Goku took one look at the needle, and passed out cold. The following commotion was pretty hectic as the whole school watched Goku get handcuffed by a team of officers who identified him as one of the wanted men. Gohan was about to begin breathing again as they threw his father into one of the police cars when sharpener walked outside and with one sentence ruined Gohan's day, "Hey Gohan, isn't that your dad they're arresting?"
The whole school looked at Gohan in surprise, he could almost hear the gossip engines firing up. Gohan was about to deck sharpener in the face when Videl beat him to it, "Way to go Sharpener. Your almost as blonde as Erasa. There's no point in being here today, no one's going to get down to teaching anything. I'm going home." Videl began walking home.
Gohan slumped his shoulders and was about ready to walk back into the school when Goku's team of palace movers arrived on the scene.
"Gohan" Krillin called, "What's going on?"
Gohan shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. Life as usual it seems. What are you doing here?"
"We were going to help your dad move the lookout back to where it came from." The short man said and motioned to the others behind him.
"Hey Mr. Piccolo." Gohan waved at his mentor.
The stoic man waved back half heartily as he surveyed the wreckage of the lookout.
-- Downtown West City --
Vegeta and Eighteen were still leading the police away from the lookout when they turned a corner and nearly ran over an old woman. They were about to start running again when Vegeta stopped Eighteen, "It's granny Higgs." Vegeta said as he pointed at the old shriveled form of his greatest knitting student, and the woman who had blown a kiss at him in class. Granny Higgs seemed to have take a liking to Vegeta and looked up to him as a Mentor, and it wasn't easy to look up to someone as short as that. The old woman had even begun wearing blue spandex, just like Vegeta.
"Wait a minute." Vegeta said as he looked at the old woman and she stared back in admiration, "It's you. Your the Serial Knitter they were looking for." Vegeta grabbed the old woman's purse and turned it upside down. "Just as I thought." he said triumphantly, "Bricks and knitted goods, with the tags still on. I thought I taught you better then that, and why are you wearing spandex like mine?"
the old woman smiled happily, "Because it shows off my girlish figure so well," She said and began doing some surprisingly youthful Jumping jacks, "and don't I look so sexy with my feminine parts bouncing around like this?
The police came running around the corner and Vegeta and the android ran off again, both of them barely managing to hold in the bile that crept up their throats, "There's your culprit officers, I hope you never let her out." Vegeta said as one of the officers put her in hand cuffs and the others gave up chasing the two as they began running much faster back towards the high school. "Let's go Electric Mixer." Vegeta said, "We have a tower to rob."
-- A Little Outside Satan City --
Gohan and the group of misfits were carrying the lookout back to it's proper location when Vegeta showed up, "Where's Kakarott?" He asked Piccolo.
The Namekian shrugged, "I'm not sure, Gohan says he got arrested back in the city. Gohan told us to move the Lookout anyway."
Vegeta looked angry, but then brightened up, "Not to worry, we can still make this work. Come with me robot woman." Vegeta said and took off ahead towards the tower.
"What do we do Vegeta? How are we going to distract Corin and Yajirobe?" She asked.
"It's going to be tricky, I need you to make sure the group loses their grip on the building a tiny bit, and I can break in to the vault, but I can't carry all the Senzu's out by myself."
"We may have to make do with half the loot, but I'll see what I can do on the fly." Eighteen said and took off towards the top of the tower as the Lookout came crawling over the horizon.
-- Above-ish Corin Tower --
Eighteen flew up one of the sides of the floating palace and placed herself behind Piccolo. She was about to begin tickling the tall Namekian's ribs when Gohan shouted out something unintelligible. Eighteen looked to where the demi-saiyan was looking and she saw a large dirigible passing them. She watched in awe as Videl hung halfway out of one of the windows, "Gohan, help me." She said as she pointed atop the blimp at a masked and cloaked man standing for all the world to see, "It's the phantom of the opera themed room."
Gohan let go of his edge of the lookout and took off to save his girlfriend, and the remaining movers began to struggle with holding on to the palace as it tipped to the side. Eighteen took her opportunity and began flying back towards Corin tower.
Vegeta managed to unlock the vault with a small Ki blast, and as he swung the door open Eighteen came running up to him, "It's been take care of, let's get out of here."
The two of them grabbed all the beans in the tower and took a convenient exit made by Vegeta.
-- Capsule Corp. Living Room --
Vegeta, and Eighteen sat around the Capsule Corp. living room the next morning counting their loot, "You know, "Eighteen said, "this gives new meaning to the name bean counters."
Vegeta looked up from his counting as Goku walked through the door, "Hey, you guys did it. Great."
Eighteen looked at him quizzically, "I thought you would have been locked up still, what happened? Did you get bored and break out?"
"Nah." Goku said happily, "They saw how much I eat and decided that they couldn't afford to keep me locked up, and technically I wasn't guilty of anything, so they let me go."
"Who would have thought," Vegeta said thoughtfully, "the rookie that ruined our plans last time finally did something right."
Goku sits down on the couch and grabbed the news paper off the side table. He flipped it open and looked at the front page, "Check it out, they caught that Serial Knitter. She's already been sentenced to twenty years in jail with no chance of parole."
-- On the Lookout --
Dende stepped off his space ship and looked around the lookout, "It doesn't look too bad, maybe Goku was just joking about crashing it. Anyway, none of that matters, all that I care about is that I'm back and Gohan isn't going to have another peaceful school day for a while."
Dende began walking around to check on the rest of the Lookout. "I still have this feeling like I'm forgetting someth... Oh Crap, I forgot Mr. Popo on New Namek.
-- Fin --
The lights come back on and you stretch in your seat, 'Best movie ever.' you think to yourself. Oolong seems to be quietly grumbling to himself about how all the scenes he was in were cut as you squeeze past a sleeping Yajirobe and make it into the aisle and begin moving out of the crowd into the lobby.
You walk out of the movie theater and see many of the people have made it out already, You manage to get Mr. Satan's autograph as he poses for the cameras in front of a poster for his next movie, 300, staring 300 Satan's as they beat the pulp out of one million Cells. That should be fun.
You leave the movie theater with grand ideas of going home and watching Kakarott Zone reruns.
Brenman: I hope you enjoyed the most epic Kakarott Zone chapter ever.