Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate!
Author's note: following the success of my story "How to evacuate the SGC in thirty seconds", I have decided to do another humorous oneshot set in the Stargate universe.
Ways to annoy SG-1
Find what planet they're going to next. Find a skunk. Tie it to the DHD…
Have the pentagon audit their funds. Have them ask why they spent two hundred dollars on tomato juice.
Replace Teal'c staff with a non-functioning version. Tell him he can have it back if he promises not to shoot anyone with it.
While in the infirmary, use their computer to access the internet. Look up the plans for the USS Enterprise-D's Saucer section. Print them out.
Take said plans. Run up to Sam while yelling "I found the plans for the new goa'uld battleship!"
When she asks why the "New goa'uld battleship" contains a picture of a duck, stare at her very strangely.
Close the Iris. Get a pair of drumsticks. Walk up behind the 'gate. Use the iris for drum practice.
Ask everyone if they have a headache yet. If anyone says "no" skip back to number 7.
When General Hammond forces you to relinquish your drumsticks, tell him "Fine. The iris is really out of tune anyway."
constantly ask him when he is going to get someone to tune up the iris.
Find all the 'Zats, a generator, some baler twine, a few pieces of plastic pipe, and wire it all together. Add a few pieces of old computer circuit board. Wire them on. Stuff everything inside an old computer tower. Show it to Sam and ask her what it is.
Don't worry. By the end of next month, she should have figured out that it is just a mess of 'Zats, bailing wire, and old computer parts.
Replace all the base's weapons with very convincing-looking paintball guns.
Ask all of SG-1 what their least favorite color is.
Paint the Stargate that color. If it was more than one color, paint the stargate multiple colors. Be very careful painting around the "chevron eight locked" thingy on top of the gate.
When everyone asks why the gate room smells like wet paint, say they must be mistaken, you can't smell anything.
When General Hammond asks why the gate is a different color, send him to the infirmary to have his eyes checked.
Enjoy trying to get the paint out of the "manual dialing" ring.
Dial one of the Goa'uld-controlled worlds. Get the rest of the paint and a few water balloons. Fill the water balloons with the paint. Throw most of them through the gate as hard as you can.
Wait until SG-1 has gone through the gate to some planet. Before the wormhole closes, through the rest of the balloons through.
Dial a safe planet. Go through the gate. As soon as you get through, bury the gate. Hopefully, SG-1 won't be mad enough to borrow a ship to come after you.
Author's notes: Well what do you think? Press the "Review" button and tell me.