Harry felt as though he was flipping through time. He was in his own body, the layers of his soul wedged between layers of clammy flesh. He hurt all over he could feel the strain of his physical body but emotionally something had changed as well. Has the thin fog began to stretch and tear in a very familiar way Harry could tel what memory it would be. Suddenly, his skin was overcome by a fiery sensual heat. He screamed out from the burn, from Fenrir's hot breath against the nape of his neck, the slick feel of Fenrir's legs against his ass. Harry wanted to scream and to cry, the remenents of his traditional manhood stripped from him. He wanted to wake up, to be back at Grimmauld's place fast asleep, never having attempted his great feat. He cried out as Fenrir pressed against his debauched prostate. Harry couldn't understand what had over taken him. He would have never done such a thing, he told himself. He was trying hard to fight the sways of time, with every thought it seemed that his mind and his body were slipping back into that moment in time. Harry bit his lip as those great big golden eyes set on him, melting him with their intense gaze. He felt so content, broken but happy. He could feel Fenrir stretching him, forming his tight rosebud to shape the dominance of his wolven manhood. The moon shined brightly, turning a sweaty dissheveled Fenrir into a glistening god. Harry couldn't help himself, every tissue, nerve and cell seemed to dissolve into a delicious euphoria, he hadn't wanted it to stop, he had wanted to be instilled in that beautiful moment. Fenrir's eyes had been so bright and warm. The warm was seering inside of him, his gaze was an intense fire, a burning furnace and Harry felt like a piece of wood smoldering from the werewolf's attention. As his orgasm rushed through his veins, he was filled with another rush of euphoria causing endorphins, the feeling it caused seemed to wrap around his wounded ankle, pool in his crotch and shoot through his spine. The moon's gaze only seemed to intensify the effect. The moon was bringing something primal out of him, it made him hungry for everything all at once.
"P-please." Harry cried out into the abyss, a wanting erupted through his psyche overpowering his sense of shame. "More. I want you. I. . . " Harry felt lost now, empty and abandoned. The spotight that the moon had created was gone, the ochestra that had played during the demise of his purity receaded into his imagination and the man that had claimed his heart through his overwhelming dominance was no god or prince, just a sex-crazed psychotic werewolf who had left him alone to live with the shame and rejection of rape and emotionless sex. "don't know what is happening to me."
"I love it when you cry. So full of wanting, my little wizard." A voice seemed to chuckle across the abyss, breaking the illusion that time had created. Fenrir's low storm of a voice seemed to quench Harry's burning desires. He felt complete just hearing Fenrir's voice.
"I need you. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel...so far from you." Harry hung by his teeth. The silence was filled by a soft grumbling chuckle.
"Harry?" His smile appeared through the darkness, big and sharp.
"You. Are. Mine." Fenrir's warm breath was against his neck and Harry felt himself going. "The moon gave you to me and I have no intention of letting you go." His strong arms came to hold Harry around the waste and his little wizard did nothing to escape. "Remember that. Be patient my little wizard."
Then there was nothing, just the empty darkness of sleep.
As Padfoot set on the floor of 's he contemplated his life. For the fourth time in his life he had failed to protect someone he cared for. First it had been his own brother Regulus, then Prongs and Lily and now it was his only real connection to his long since dead friends, Harry. He felt so bitter. He felt so angry at himself. All his life he had never met very much to anyone, his parents mistreated and abandoned him, his teachers never quite believed in him and his friends could easy get caught up in his Playboy faccade. A rebellious Playboy faccade. That was all he really had. By the time he had left Hogwarts, even that had began to crumble. When he joined the Order he had been thirsty for purpose and validation. It was a bonus that it was against an evil force that seemed to embody the beliefs of his parents. He hadn't achieved much then either. He had been so caught up feeling bitter at his parents rejection and trying to heal his wounds with friends and attention he could have saved poor Regulus.
Regulus had always been the quiet one out of the two. He had been a well-mannered, taciturn young chap. He had kept to himself, even kept things from their parents. Emotionally forms of rebellion had always been disapproved of by their parents and it was Sirius' specialty but Regulus was quite different. It was as if he had been born with some type of innate gift for reading people. It seemed that no matter what Regulus really felt, he could always please their parents by telling them what they wanted to hear. By age 16, it had begun to wear on his little brother, Sirius could see it in his eyes, in his deaminor and the slant of his weakening physique. He had known then, that it was only a matter of time before Regulus would go searching for his own faccade. His own protection from the world. Sirius had said nothing while he watched him try out social groups until he found the purest of bloodlines to hang out with, the Malfoys and Bellatrix. He had tried to warn him about their cousin and her ilk but Regulus was at his wits end. Sirius knew that his brother had felt abandoned by him, he felt alone after his brother, his only protector from their psychotic parents, had left home. Regulus had seemed dead set on hurting Sirius through his interaction with the purest bloodlines. He had refused to acknowledge his brother's presence whenever they were within proximity to each other. He made snotty comments about Remus and James. He had become an unmanagable brat.
Sirius wished he'd known how it would end then, maybe if he had known he could have done more. He could have reached out, the way he had done when they were children and draped himself protectively over his brother, letting him know that he had never really left him. But that was just a wasted dream now.
He had promised Lily and James that he would take care of their boy, no matter what it took, if something bad happened to them. He shook his head, fighting back tears of helplessness. They had been so blind. No one ever knew how much of a screw up he really was, except his parents. They had known the minute that he was born that he was destined to be nobody. That had known that he was destined to be a let down from the beginning which is why that had spent the worst half of his life putting distance between themselves and him.
His mind was weak with worry and futility and he couldn't handle the thought of losing his godson and his last remaining chum. Life for everyone would have just been better if they had never put their trust in him.
"Sirius, are you alright?" Tonks called him from his revelries. Her eyes were big and brown, tinted passionately from worry and fatigue. She patted him gently on the back, her small hands easing the pain of his defeat. "It's not your fault. It's important that you know that." At her last sentence, Sirius scooted away.
"It is. Tonks you are a good person but much to naive. This is all my fault." Sirius buried his face in his hands. "I'm an aweful person. I'm a terrible waste of space and time." He sighed, allowing his self hate to coat his body.
"My mom used to tell me that all the time. Sirius, what a terrible waste of space you are. Pathetic." He quoted his own mother in a somber frightening replication of her voice. He allowed his head to hit the cod marble granite of the waiting room wall, emptiness consuming him.
"Don't say that! Never say that. You did all you could to help us find Harry. If you hadn't used that spell we would have found him much to late." Tonks spoke softly. "If you can do anything, atleast take heart in knowing that because of you, he is alive and safe now. Remus will be okay, we both know that. He's stronger than he looks." She finished with a light chuckle.
Sirius knew she was trying to cheer him up. He wanted nothing more than to allow her to do so. He wanted to have his enthusiam and zest for life restored but what would happen next week. If the Dark Lord decided to have him kidnapped from school, or decided to attack the Dursley's home. He could lose him if he wasn't careful. He could lose Harry and Remus.
"Nymphador-Tonks, I know what you are trying to do and I'm grateful. I really am... but I can't allow myself to be taken by silly things as momentary triumph right now. I failed, when you look at the big picture. I failed miserably." Sirius said, his words empty of emotion.
"But you saved his life! Yes, it will be different for him now. Having to adjust-"
"Having to adjust?! He got raped and bitten by a werewolf. No not just any werewolf. Fucking Fenrir Greyback!" Sirius hissed. "Have you imagined what he did? Have you seen any of his surviving victims? I'll be lucky to get Harry back as a comatose vegetable. He was covered in wounds Tonks. He was l-losing so much blood." Sirius finished, biting back tears.
"Sirius." Tonks started, she reached out again to pat him but to no avail. This time Sirius removed himself from the bench, adjusting his glamored glasses.
"I need to go get some fresh air, call me when the Nursemaid's have word." With that smooth statement, Sirius was out of the waiting room, walking briskly to the entrance of the hospital.
Tonks shook her head as she watched the well-dressed businessman walk away. She didn't know what to do to soothe him. She was fighting her hardest to keep fear from totally overwhelming her. She had seen the state that Remus had been in. It couldn't be the last time that she would see him. It couldn't. She bit her lip, allowing a few tears to drop before she quickly wiped away the trails. Remus was the one for her. They were so different, the two of them. She was clumsy, messy and fell in love easily, Remus guarded his heart vehemently, he was poised, kind, practical, clean and loving. Once she'd gotten past his ambiguous rough exterior she had found the beauty in him. She was so glad to have found him. Now, to have come so close to losing him, she felt just as helpless as Sirius. He would survive, she reassured herself. The werewolf in him was too tough.
"Remus! Remus where are you?" Abigail Lupin yelled through the maze of bubbly children, hoping that her son would hear her voice and call back to her. "Remus!" She yelled again, this time panic etched its way in to her voice and her heart.
"Remus!" Abigail yelled, pushing gently passed the children on the playground in search for Remus. Her eyes darted around the playground in vehement search for her baby but he was no where to be found. "REMUS!"
Remus groaned as he woke up as he tried to adjust himself into a sitting position he noticed that his entire body seemed to rebel with a terrible unfathomable pain. He felt nauseas as the feeling settled over him, a deep bottle-y pain that seemed to ignite every cell of him in a fiery dance of agony.
"Ah, Merlin!" Lupin complained as he fell back into bed.
"He's awake." A mediwitch said, a cold edge to the sophistication of her voice. Remus tried to make out faces of atleast limbs but to no avail, his vision seemed overtaken by bright lights and fuzzy electric haze.
"Whe-" Remus tried to speak but found himself unable to formulate words. He tried again but to no avail at which point he began to panic.
"Good Morning, Mr. Lupin! My name is Doctor Kyle Weyler and I am the overnight mediwitch for the werewolf ward. , please don't try to make too much noise, you have suffered a broken larynx as well as... a few other more serious injuries." Doctor Weyler spoke as he proded around Remus' abdomen with his stethascope. "Be easy for now, we will discuss your condition with you at a time when it is less imparative to your health. Alison, I think Mr. Lupin needs another calming draught as well as perhaps a sleeping potion." The medical wizard spoke with a type of lax ease that unsettled and angered Remus. He would talk to him later about his condition? Later? As if he was some type of biligerent adolescent! He felt condoscended and patronized but he gulped down his anger, having an angry outburst would not get him the answers he wanted. He watched as the mediwitch disappeared through the grey double doors of the Lycan ward. He hated this place, it smelled like blood, sadness, sulphur and brimstone laced with persecution. He tried to calm himself but this place had never made him feel at ease.
His parents had taken him to the Lycan ward after he had been attacked by Fenrir Greyback. The minute they had arrived, he'd been ripped from his mother's arms and placed in 'quarantine' with the other bitee-s of his age group.
Back then, the Lycan pandemic had reached a zenith point. Fenrir had been trying to start his own army, an army that would rival that of the ministry and the Dark Lord. He had been biting and maiming people on such a regular basis that he was no longer a bad taste in the ministry's mouth but a full out root canal. The Ministry had launched a full out war against him, equipped with an army of overzealous bloodthirsty wizards, a volunteer army of citizens who had felt the sting of Fenrir's wrath (most having had someone dear to them bitten or killed by the monster), and international support which stemmed from the Lycan uprising that Greyback had caused due to the attention given to him by the media.
Remus, like many of Fenrir's other victims, had just been caught in the mix. The Lycan ward at St. Mungo's had been different back then, they had relied heavily on old remedies to cure the victims. It had been torturous, Remus remembered. Children didn't handle lycanthropy as well as adults, the virus caused peaks in aggression levels, in some cases temporary mutations and even worse and rarest of them all, insanity. Because of this, visitation was not allowed in the Children's unit of the ward. Remus hadn't been able to see his parents for a year. He remembered it as one of the most traumadic experiences of his life.
To be continued ...