Title: Let Tomorrow Settle for Itself
Type: Single Chapter
Rating: T (for intense stupidity, terribly timing, 'not so elaborate' length, the bracket comments and numerous other things.)
Disclaimer: No possession intended. If I owned Gossip Girl, the finale would have ended VERY differently.
Couple/Triangle centric: C/B/N
Time Period: Post—S.1. Finale
Summary: Hearts are erratic things. Blair Waldorf's is no exception. She has had her fair share of the deceitful things hearts can trick people into doing, and it had never led her to where it promised. C/B/N
The art of Tuscany is still imprinted inside Blair's mind.
The Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore's architecture of green, pink and white polychrome marble flare in her head.
The pavement of the Piazza dei Miracoli is still under her feet wherever Blair goes. Its poetic words "L'Ardea roteò nel cielo di Cristo, sul prato dei Miracoli." linger in the unearthly silence Blair has grown use to.
She sighs once she enters her suite in the Villino, located inside Villa La Massa.
If only Chuck were here, would the exquisite artwork of the restored manor make it directly to Blair's eyes. If only Chuck were here, would the banks of the Arno River stop rising, flickering to her ankles, then her knees, and over her waist, before it would swallow her up whole and drag Blair into its unknown depths. If only Chuck were here, would that handsome Italian bellboy stop smiling flirtatiously at her.
Blair is disappointed at the least.
She had opened her eyes, only to have them screwed shut when Chuck texts her cancelling their trip.
But it's not over.
It's far from over.
She came to Tuscany herself (with the accessory of that attractive employee of Bart, before they parted ways) because Blair deserves this summer. She has needed to get away from the heat of New York City, the trauma, the turmoil, almost to make it all disappear into thin air as if it has never happened, and she has always been this carefree.
And during her entire stay Blair debates the merits of ever kissing that dark haired, loud-mouthed, arrogant jerk of a (sweetheart) boyfriend again.
Blair agrees to attack Chuck's lips with hers the next time she sees him (she deserves this too; someone to love and someone who has been pinning for her affections).
There isn't anyone else she could imagine kissing.
And Blair lets tomorrow settle for itself, because she has set her mind to making it work.
Making things with Chuck work.
Blair frowns when Chuck's voicemail fills her ears as she is riding inside the limousine that had been sent to pick her up from the helicopter pad.
It's Bass. I've got some more important matters to take care of, so if its that urgent, then leave a message.
(She makes a decision to force Chuck into switching 'some more important matter to take care of' to 'the Blair-fever and it needs tending to')
Although Blair has spent the past week in Tuscany, able to do whatever, whenever with no prying eyes, or attentive ears, she hasn't.
She's been feeling lonely, and all Blair wants to do is to find Chuck and have him confess to her that he has missed her.
That's all Blair really needs.
To know that she hasn't been forgotten for the past seven days.
This is why her return is an utter bolt from the blue. She hasn't told anyone but her mother of her return.
She wants to see (though it's highly improbable) Chuck be completely surprised out of his wits.
Blair instructs the chauffeur to drive over to the Bass penthouse, wishing intently that Chuck would be home.
(And Serena. Oh how she missed that blonde, best friend of hers).
Chuck isn't at home.
Serena tells her (after catching her up—to—date with the latest gossip) that he has constantly been asking about her.
It is right then, —at that moment that Blair realizes that she doesn't need to see Chuck right away.
And that she loves him.
Yes, in love with Chuck Bass (who would have ever thought?).
Maybe she has loved him all along and not his inconsiderate, prick of a best friend.
And Blair lets tomorrow settle for itself, because she can always wake up next morning and come back to this exact household to see him again.
Unless Chuck leaves for The Hamptons with the rest of his family.
It's a lie. (That's what Blair labels it as, even though it really isn't).
She was walking up the staircase in the Bass penthouse, quickly greeting Lily as she hurried down the staircase with a skinny, unknown blonde tagging right behind her.
When Blair reached Chuck's room, a familiar smell of alcohol drifted through her nostrils.
She was the one taken aback.
(She has dreamt of more romantic salutations between lovers).
A few minutes of silence erupt between them, and Blair can't think of the last time she has felt this awkward.
"Are you even happy to see me?"
"Of course I am."
"You don't exactly sound so thrilled to see me."
"You haven't given me a chance to. I thought you'd be gone for a few more weeks."
Blair refrained from scowling.
"So what? Does that mean I can't cut my vacation short just to come see my boyfriend?"
She noticed him wince when she finish her sentence.
"Oh my, —you don't…"
The words wouldn't leave Blair's mouth properly.
"That's not it Blair. It's just—"
"Just what Chuck?!"
Her voice was rising to an ungodly volume.
(Scratch what she had said before. It is a lie.)
All this time Blair had been dreaming of resolving and making the relationship work between them, only to have figured off that Chuck doesn't want it.
"I don't think I'm ready."
Blair's eyes widen with confusion.
"Not ready for what?"
Chuck motions for the gap in between them.
"But, but, but... what about the wedding? The dance? The kiss?"
"Will you let me finish?"
He questions, staring at her with those dark eyes she almost immediately lost herself in.
"Like I said earlier, I don't think I'm ready for this. And by this I mean a real commitment; a relationship. Having to leave behind everything my life I'm accustomed to—"
"You won't do it for me?"
Blair interrupts, finding some sense in his mean. After all, he is Chuck Bass. He couldn't possibly tame himself down in a matter of days.
But what about her? What was she supposed to do?
"You're going to have to stop interrupting me."
Chuck throws her one of his devilish smirks.
"As I was saying, it's not going to be easy, it was never going to be easy to start with. I'm not a miracle worker, Blair. I can't just makes things happen because you want them to. But I've been thinking…I would have never given anything as much though as I have the past month and I've finally understood why."
Her voice drones because she already knew the answer.
"I can't. It's as simple as that."
"So you're not even going to give this a try?"
"I never said that. I was actually hoping we'd try by taking this slow."
"That's what you said last time."
Blair doesn't think her emotional capability can handle going at just a measured rate. She had dived headfirst into her relationship with Nate at a sluggish rate, holding everything off.
(That was how she managed to lose her virginity to Chuck after all the time she had been in a relationship with Nate).
Blair doesn't want that to happen with him. She wants this to last.
Blair mumbles before leaving.
She tried not to assume the worst. She tried not to think of the things that could go wrong.
And Blair lets tomorrow settle for itself, because she knew that before long her and Chuck's relationship would grow out of its current lethargic state.
It just had to.
Blair cringes when she bumps into Nate a couple of days later.
She has heard from Serena, right before her best friend and family (including Chuck) departed for The Hamptons that Nate and Vanessa had broken up right before she left for Tuscany.
Blair finds herself holding back a whimper because the last time she has talked to him it wasn't for her sake, it was for Serena's.
Hastily, she steps near the curb, raising her arm high to flag down the nearest taxi.
Nate is staring at her from a few feet away. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his jeans like they always are.
She wishes he would walk away because the way he is fixedly gazing at her is spawning memories Blair wants to keep buried deep in the past.
Her mind flickers to Chuck and their current state of their relationship. The words 'slow', 'unmoving', 'dawdling' begin to mess up her mind, tangling wildly through her brown, long, wavy hair. Blair can feel tears prick in her eyes. Nate's staring, her screwed up head, the fact that not even a single cab has hailed yet it making her ache.
The next thing Blair knew her eyes were closed shut.
When she wakes up, she looks around at her terrifyingly familiar surroundings. She's in Nate's bed, and there is a damp cloth resting on her forehead. Blair sits up abruptly, the moist cloth falls from its place and into her lap, while a Black Watch plaid duvet is spread on top of her. There is a small twinge of pain in her head, but it's nothing she can't handle. Blair looks around the pale blue walls of Nate's room and tries to make sense of what has happened and why she is in his room in the first place.
Before any of her questions can be answered, Nate silently opens the bedroom door, his eyes shine once he sees her awake.
Blair tries not to panic.
Her head is swirling again by just looking at him without that nosy Vanessa around, or Chuck.
(Yeah, remember him?).
"Hey, how are you feeling?"
He creeps over towards her.
Blair clutches her head in her hands to avoid looking at him.
"What? Are you serious?"
"I'm dead serious."
She knew that Nate knew it was a rhetorical question, Blair smiles nonetheless because Nate answered.
"I don't understand you."
For the second time Blair's taken aback in less then one week.
"Sometimes I don't understand myself, either."
She replies truthfully, feeling as if he's the first person she can talk to ever since she has returned from Italy.
"I meant… do you forgive me?"
"I never said that."
"Twenty minutes ago you would have fallen onto the street if I hadn't caught you."
"Well I don't."
Blair crosses her arms in front of her chest.
"Yeah, I thought so."
She barely heard him.
"What's there to forgive?"
Blair's confusing herself.
"The fact that I broke up with you for the stupidest—"
He stopped mid sentence, turning away from her.
The hesitant feeling in her body had vanished, and in its place grew an erupting amount of curiosity.
(Or maybe Blair just really needed to hear Nate finish).
She chokes back a sob.
She can't handle this. She wants out. She needs out.
But she can't tell him for some reason.
Curse Nate for being so conscientious.
"Alright, we'll play it your way. What's on your mind, then?"
'You!' Blair wants to scream but she doesn't.
Her throat's clogged up like there's a tumor forming.
"See, now you're in denial."
"I'm not in denial. There's nothing bothering me."
"Yes there is! Why won't you just tell me?"
She wonders why he doesn't stop acting like he cares.
(Maybe because he does).
"I am telling you that there's nothing on my mind. Since when did you start caring?"
Blair regrets saying it out loud. She wasn't trying to cause anymore dispute.
"I've always cared."
(Just not loved, right?).
"Umm, I have to go."
She throws back the duvet.
The air conditioning crawls up her goose-bumped legs.
"Are you putting some moral value on avoiding me?"
Blair stops moving.
The cold temperature fully forgotten.
"When did I say that?"
"You didn't have to—it's in your eyes."
Nate was giving her that look again. The same look he was giving her that got Blair into this whole mess.
She catches herself off guard when she leans forward and attaches a kiss on his lips.
At first he kisses back, and Blair opens her mouth letting her tongue mingle with his.
She can't remember the last time she has felt so alive, so thrilled, and so awake.
Nate pulls back unexpectedly.
He states the dark haired boy's name as if it's a warning.
That's when Blair realizes her actions. She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out (again). She doesn't know what to make of this. Blair tries to shake the idea that she thinks her and Chuck's relationship won't work.
(She'll never know if she doesn't try).
She looks back up into Nate's baby-blue eyes, gulping because even if she goes back to Chuck, or not; even if she finds someone else utterly different then the two boys, or not… all she wants, needs and craves that exact moment is Nate.
All of him.
"Just one night. That's all I ask."
She mumbles, reinstating her plump lips with his, kissing him passionately.
Blair doesn't think of the consequences of her ex-boyfriend's blazing kisses that suddenly begin to smolder down the side of her neck.
She doesn't think of much at all.
Her mind has blanked out, similar to the temporary blindness someone experiences when they look into a light bulb, and they can see everything except the bright spot left by the flash.
Nate is her flash right then.
Blair isn't quite sure if she will ever be able to get over this fact.
Because the flash, the blindness, the light…it's all there.
And Blair lets tomorrow settle for itself, because right now all she wants to do is lose herself with Nate.
Just one last time.
She cries like she's never cried before.
It isn't Nate that's upsetting her.
(Blair left his place too early in the morning, stumbling around to retrieve the various items that made up her clothing, to even consider being upset at him).
(He still sleeps like he's dead).
It is her fault really. And the only reason why Blair thinks she slept with Nate is because she's terrified and she doesn't know what to expect from Chuck. The situation between them is unpredictable. Blair knows it has everything to do with the fact that Chuck is taking things too slowly, so slowly that everything will fall apart in a matter of seconds.
And Chuck will come out of it shinning like a star.
While she'll just be as broken as ever.
That's why Blair waits a few days (of steering clear of Nate, though he's most certainly doing the same) before she picks up her phone and calls Chuck.
She takes a deep breath.
"Blair? I'm so glad you called."
Blair stares ahead sceptically.
How was he glad that she called?
"Yeah. I've been thinking a lot, and I'm coming home early, just like you did…for me."
Chuck sounds so confident that it nearly breaks her heart.
"What about taking things slowly?"
"You really are flip-floppy, you do know what, right?"
"Was what I said that fickle?"
"You're never fickle. I can read you like a book."
(Then why couldn't he just know what was troubling her and she didn't have to say it out loud?).
"That may be true but…— but"
"Blair, what's wrong?"
(Insert heart breaking here).
"When are you coming home?"
Chuck replied simply. She could practically see the worry lines etched on his face.
"Could you come over as soon as you arrive?"
Blair hangs up before she can hear another word from him. She's afraid that if she does, she'll end up spilling everything over the phone. Blair would much rather tell him face-to-face.
(Or maybe she just wants to cry in front of him).
As Blair lies curled up in bed, her hands grasping onto the ends of the sheets, she thinks of what she has done the previous night.
She makes up her mind right then that it really is true.
Some dreams do fade.
However, Blair is going to make sure her dream; her final dream, Chuck, is going to come true, and stay that way.
And Blair lets tomorrow settle for itself, because she needs to think things over for the night.
Her desires are to make things the way they should be.
She wakes up to Dorota pulling the curtain back.
Dorota informs her that Chuck is downstairs.
Blair doesn't even think about fixing herself up as she brushes her hair back with her fingers.
No shower, no tooth brushing, no nothing.
(No changing into clothes more presentable then the negligee she's wearing).
Blair's virtually faltering down the stairs as her heart's fluttering and beating wildly in her chest. The though of just seeing Chuck is engulfing her in a warmth that she's missed dearly.
"You always looked your best in the morning."
Chuck was standing comfortably at the bottom of the stairs.
(He was joking right?)
Blair's head was too crammed up to think otherwise.
"I, uhh, brought you flowers."
He holds up a spray of hydrangeas he had hidden behind his back.
It's the second time she's thanking someone two days in a row.
The flowers are still in Chuck's hand.
(Blair doesn't like the silence one bit).
"I slept with Nate the other night."
He drops the bouquet onto the tiles floor.
Her heart wrenches when she sees the mixture of hurt and betrayal that loiter in Chuck's eyes.
"I'm going to kill that—"
"No! It's not his fault! It's mine! I asked him to."
Blair's lips are trembling. She fears what Chuck might do to Nate. They two had just reclaimed their friendship, she doesn't want to come in between them again.
Chuck's voice slams into her guts.
There's only one reason why.
"Of what? Of me?"
"What have I ever done that made you run to Nate just when we were finally able to start a relationship?"
Her tone matching up to his.
This wasn't supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to be arguing. It was a mistake (an intentional error).
"You said we'd try! We were going to make this work!"
Chuck grabs his hair in annoyance.
"I am trying to make this work! It would be easier if you weren't yelling at me!"
There was a stinging sensation shooting up her small nose. Blair was going to start crying.
(Isn't this what she wanted? Just to cry in front of him?)
"Do you think we're making a mistake?"
His voice softens, and so do his facial features.
"No…at least I hope not."
Chuck wants to break up with her?
"What if we are?"
"What if we aren't?"
"I don't know anything anymore. I come home to find out my girlfriend has just slept with my best friend. Everything's just a blur, Blair."
"I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what else you want me to say. That it was shameful? That I should have known better...? —"
"They're not all bad ideas."
He chuckles amidst the harsh tension in the air.
"I love you."
Chuck stops laughing. The smile from his face disappears.
Blair wants to crawl back under her sheets and never come out.
"The truth is I don't want to go slowly. I don't want to wait for you to catch up. I want this now; forever. I love you. There, I said it. I don't known what I was doing with Nate, and honestly, I don't think I'll ever find out. But I'm here now, and you're either going to take me as I am. O-Or you can show yourself the way out."
The words are flowing from her mouth, and they just don't seem to stop.
When she was with Nate, Blair wasn't able to say much, and now, when she's with Chuck, she just wants to say everything.
"You're going to make me choose?"
(No duh, genius).
Blair is aware that the chase is all Chuck knows. She just hopes that he also knows that she's not running anymore.
"Yes…I mean, I-I lo-, uhh, could I get a glass of water?"
She responds in monotone, while on the inside she waits for Chuck to finally admit it.
"I-I think I'm scared too. Or…I was. Like I said before, this isn't easy. I've grown up watching women walk out my front door still trying to put their clothes on…and I guess the thing that scares me is that I don't want you to end up like one of them. I don't want you to leave."
The corners of Blair's mouth urge to twitch up, but she wills them not to.
"Just say it."
Not until she hears the words she wants to hear.
Blair rolls her eyes at his forced childish behaviour. How hard could it be?
"The sooner you say it, the better."
"I-I, you ready?"
She rolls her eyes again.
(It's not like the sky is going to start falling).
"I love you."
Blair ignores the incredulous look Dorota was giving them as she threw her arms around his neck, almost causing him to stumble backwards.
(She also ignores the wide smirk plastered on the maid's face).
It's unexpected to say the least. This is where her heart has led her.
But Blair is absolutely fine with it.
The ridiculously fast paced thumping is something she is used to when she's with Chuck.
Blair understands that it will most likely be this way. If it ever, for any reason falters then she doesn't think she'll ever get used to that.
She loves him, and he loves her. That's all that needs to matter.
Their igniting kisses lead them upstairs where they are determined to make the most of everything lost.
And Blair lets tomorrow settle for itself, because she doesn't know what to expect and it is sufficient enough to satisfy her heart.
(Now if only she could convince Chuck to change his damn voicemail).