Nayru's Note: I became obsessed with D Gray-man. With Allen and Kanda in particular (they're both awesome characters in my opinion). So there.

If you want me to be honest, this is my very first attempt at writing a story that has both a male/male pairing and lemons in it. And I feel kind of... uneasy with the outcome, but I guess I'll get used to it eventually. Seriously though, I think I've died a big deal of times while writing this...

English isn't my native languange, so I apologize in advance for making mistakes. I'm aware that this fanfic might have some. If you would happen to find any, please don't hesitate to point them out. It would help me improve and I'd be grateful.

Also, I might rant about the latest chapters as the story goes. Please be aware that there are spoilers around.

Pairings: Kanda/Allen, Allen/Kanda (but the latter takes place only once, and will most likely never happen again; I blame it all on the need for plot development. It's still overall Yullen); slight Allen/Lenalee here and there (but in a more of a brother-sister kind of way). More pairings are bound to develop, but mentioning them would be a spoiler.

Setting: OU; the story starts somewhere around manga chapter 157, after Lulubell's attack on Headquarters; before the Order starts moving to another place.


They vary with every chapter, but mentioning them would spoil the story, I think, so I won't mention all of them. The NC-17 warning should be enough of a warning in itself. Expect anything from this story, really.
Overall, there are spoilers till manga chapter 157 and on, violence, blood, bad language (especially from Kanda's side), angst, sexual themes, lemons and God-knows-what as the story progresses.
I try to write lemons in a more kind of subtle way, but then there's also the question of how much one's imagination can take. Also, someone said you can't rape the willing, but if this isn't rape, then I honestly don't know what it is.

~Gone Forever~
Chapter 01: Wake up!

"I will do it."

The lingering silence was suddenly interrupted by a voice. Komui thought that everybody had already left the room, but that didn't seem to be entirely the case. He was lost so deep in his thoughts, however, that he hadn't noticed anyone saying anything at all. Not at first.

"...Huh?" The tall man looked questioningly in the direction of the sound's source, comprehension slightly off at the moment.

"I said I'll be the one to do it." Allen repeated with a straight face. His eyes were focused on the person in front of him, and one could tell the boy was as serious about this as serious a man could be. "Or would you rather let Lenalee in there after all?" He then asked, not really expecting an answer. They both knew what he was trying to get at.

Lenalee, Lavi - hell, it could be anyone, in all honesty - Allen was just trying to make a point. And the girl was used as an example for a reason. The white-haired Exorcist knew exactly which buttons to push right now, having no intention of holding back.

Well, his dark side was getting the better of him sometimes.

"Besides... It'll be less of a problem if it's a guy, right?" He then added matter-of-factly, trying to sound as convenient as possible. "And we're short on time. You said it yourself."

Just convince the supervisor, that was the main goal. Allen wasn't aware that he was probably also trying to convince himself alone in the process.

Komui could only blink, attempting to understand the boy's way of reasoning. He did have a point about the woman part, true... But, what the hell was he saying? This was a serious matter, and someone his age−

"Allen-kun, I can't let you do that−"

"−Kanda hates me anyway." The Exorcist cut him off, words of protest unacceptable. "...I have nothing to lose, really."

The taller man just stared at him, face expression far from a pleased one. More than anything, Komui seemed plainly worried.

After a moment, he closed his eyes, bringing his hand to scratch at his head, sighing deeply in defeat.

"...You know what you're trying to get yourself into, don't you?" He finally asked, already well aware that Allen wouldn't accept a 'no' for an answer.

"W-What do you mean?" Lenalee asked, worry apparent in her voice.

"Exactly what I said." Komui answered calmly, continuing his speech.

He asked only a few chosen people to come to the meeting room, concluding it would be better this way rather than making one big commotion out of their current problem.

General Froi Tiedoll, General Cross Marian, Noise Marie, Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee. Arystar Krory would also get an invitation, if it weren't for the fact that he still lay unconscious in the infirmary's bed.

"I'll explain everything one more time. As simply as I can."

Everyone turned to ears again, any kind of questions they wished to ask saved for later.

"Following Lenalee's steps, both Miranda Lotto and Kanda Yuu attempted to make their Innocence evolve into a crystallisation type anti-Akuma weapon." Komui explained.

"In Miranda's case, the process failed, and she hardly got away with her life. Thankfully, her condition managed to stabilize till now, and she's not in danger anymore."

"In Kanda's case, however, things went a bit different. When Hevlaska placed the Innocence inside of his body, it started to react to it in a strange way and show symptoms we aren't able to define yet. Among few other things, Kanda's lust factor – let's call it - increased drastically, and as if things weren't bad enough, he went totally berserk. The Innocence is still in connection with him, and as long as Kanda's body doesn't either synchronize or reject it, he'll probably stay that way untill the factor stabilizes or he dies."

The whole room fell silent. Komui coughed, claring his throat.

"What I mean to say is−"

"We need someone who'd be willing to sleep with him, is that it?" Cross inerrupted bluntly, a slight smirk apparent on his face.

Everyone turned their heads in the General's direction. Lenalee started to blush.

Marian couldn't help letting out a laugh. "This is so messed up it's almost funny."

"Master!" Allen snapped, apparently irritated with his teacher's behaviour.

"Now, now..." Tiedoll joined, trying to calm things down. "This is no laughing matter, unfortunately. Yuu might die if we don't do anything, if I understood correctly?"

Komui simply nodded. "Exactly." And then his face expression changed, to that kind of face he always carried when he talked about his 'brilliant' inventions. Such as Komurin.

Putting one of his feet on the table, his eyes flashed. "We are in need of... A WOMAN!"

"...EEH?!" Lenalee shrieked, blushing even more.

"Wha−? Ah, no! No, no, NO!" The supervisor ran to his sister, hugging her tightly. "I didn't mean it that way, Lenalee!!" Waterfalls of tears started to fall down his face. "I'd never let you do such a thing!! How can you even think that?! Waaah!!" ...Yes, he was starting to act retarded.

"Ha... Ha..." Allen's eyebrow was twitching, eyes covered by a shadow, face opened in a goofy smile, and two strands of hair were standing up on his head.

"...So, if anyone were to get any ideas or found a solution of some sort, you know where to find me. We confined Kanda in a room, so that he wouldn't run away anywhere." Komui stated after everything finally managed to calm down. "Just remember that the clock is ticking. We don't know how long this can last." He then added, when everyone turned to stand up. "...And if possible, I would ask you to keep this down. Unnecessary commotion will only bring us trouble."

And with that, the meeting was over. Everyone turned to leave the room. Well, almost everyone.

Like hell he knew what he was trying to get himself into.

The moment Allen entered the room and saw what state Kanda was actually in, he figured God had left him for even getting the sole idea of doing this. Not to mention the dark-haired man would probably kill him for this after everything was over.

Assuming he wouldn't kill him in the process first, that is.

Did Komui mention something about Kanda going berserk? Screw that − Allen could swear the guy looked as if some kind of demon possesed him. Worse, even. Akuma were small fry compared to this one. And the fact that all this was the Innocence's doing... simply terrified him.

Just− What the fuck.

"Um... Hello there, Kanda..." The boy tried to greet the other with a smile, but he didn't feel like smiling at all at the moment. The only response he got was something similar to a growl and some other hardly comprehensible sounds. God bless anyone who thought ahead and tied the bastard up − that was the only thought of relief Allen had. He didn't even want to think how things would end, were Kanda on the loose right now.

Well, they had to get to the hard part somehow. With 'how' being a very good question.

Truth to be told, anyone would have an idea of how such things worked after spending whole four years by Cross' side. Maybe Allen was still young, but the things he's heard or seen while he was in all of those brothels during their small adventure would probably leave a greater handfull of adults in awe.

Then again, theory and experience were also two completely different things...

Still keeping his distance, the white-haired boy waved his hand in front of the other's face, trying to see Kanda's reaction.

"...You don't get a word I say now, do you?" Allen asked, slight disappointment present in his voice.

He figured the "...grawh!" was supposed to be a 'no'.

"...What's this?" Allen asked his supervisor, curiously looking at the bottle that's been handed to him.

"It's a lubricant."

"Lubricant...?" The boy repeated, not quite getting the point yet. "...Oh."

"You'll need it to−"

"I know, I know!!" The white-haired screamed as if his life depended on it, blushing furiously. "Y-You don't have to say it out loud..." He mumbled under his nose, trying to get ahold of himself.

Could he go now? Great.

"Allen-kun." Well, apparently Komui wasn't done with him yet. "Before you go, I'd still like to speak with you first."

The boy stopped in his tracks and turned around, giving his supervisor a slightly confused look. "Um... Sure?"

Allen stared at Kanda, then his gaze travelled to the bottle in his hand, then back to Kanda again. Then he sighed.

"Listen... I'm going to free you now." Allen reached for the other's arm, gripping on the ties that were around it. He wasn't sure if this was the most approriate thing to do in the first place, but he had to start somewhere.

To his surprise, Kanda seemed to calm down a bit after he made the move.

Well, here goes nothing...

When Allen was done with putting Kanda free, he was aware of one thing.

This was a very, very bad idea.

For a moment there, he had no idea what was actually going on.

Stars. He could swear he's seen stars in front of his very eyes. And the thing he'd hit his head against was most likely the floor. When some sense came back to him, he noticed something else. Three things, to be exact.

First of all, the sudden, sharp pain in his neck. Apparently, Kanda had dug his teeth deep in the boy's flesh. What the hell? Was he playing the vampire now?

Second, the bottle he's been holding seconds ago wasn't in his hand anymore. It probably fell somewhere from the impact.

And, third, he could feel the dark-haired man's... erection. Pressing against him. Which, in turn, made Allen blush like crazy.

"K-Kanda!" The boy shuddered, sudden panic getting to him. "W-Wait... That's not how you're supposed to..." He brought his hands to Kanda's chest, intending to push him off somehow, but apparently the dark-haired man wasn't happy about the idea.

One swift move, and Allen's hands were being forcefully pinned to the ground. Struggling only seemed to make the other man more agressive.

"You idiot! Get ahold of yourself!!"

No matter how pointless this seemed to be, the white-haired Exorcist had no intention of giving up that easily. He was going to try and push his luck as far as it went, hoping to talk any bit of sense into the other man. Maybe he acted like some kind of wicked monster right now, but he was still the ally he knew somewhere deep inside there, wasn't he?

"Why did the Innocence reject you?!" Allen asked, trying to ignore everything else. "Was your resolve not strong enough? Weren't you−"

Suddenly, Kanda's hand shifted to the boy's waist, putting one of his hands free. Allen wasn't sure what the motive behind that was, but he could feel nails digging into his skin now and it was far from a pleasant feeling.

Then the younger boy's eyes widened, as he realized something "...Or are you the one who rejected the Innocence?" Allen asked in a shaky voice, recalling Suman's case.

No, it couldn't be. Kanda couldn't have became a Fallen One, right? Impossible. Surely Komui would have mentioned something about it if it were the case.

Then again, the berserk thing would make sense... But...

"No, that's not the case, is it?" Allen insisted, wanting to hear an answer. "The Kanda I know wouldn't even think about such a thing!" No matter how he looked at it, he couldn't even imagine Kanda betraying the Order. It was the last thing he'd do. "Come on! Say somethi−!"

He stopped as the pain around his neck decreased all of a sudden. And for a moment there, Allen wondered if he actually managed to break the barrier and get through to the other man. But then, the sharp pain came back after a second or two, even more impacting than before. And something inside of him just snapped.

"Gah...! Kanda−! Fuck you−!"

It seemed like trying to do this the easy way was a fight for a lost cause, after all.

Activating his Innocence, the white-haired Exorcist managed to set himself free, not really intending to ram Kanda against the wall in the process. Standing up, he brought his right hand to his neck, confirming that blood was indeed running from the inflicted bite-wounds.

But one more second of inattention, and Allen was the one being tossed against the wall this time, as Kanda mercilessly made his way back to the boy's neck.

"Ghh...! Goddamn, Kanda... Is biting people some kind of fetish of yours or what?"

They kept struggling with eachother for a while more, and Allen couldn't really recall when it came to the point where everything became more of a fierce battle than a mere struggle.

Holding Kanda by the colar of his black turtleneck, the boy suddenly stopped himself from placing another blow, realizing what the hell he's been just doing. He wasn't here to beat the living shit out of his fellow Exorcist. He was here because he himself decided to help Kanda, and both Allen and Komui knew what way he was supposed to help him in. Nobody forced him to come here and do this. It was his decision alone. And now he was trying to back away?

Still not letting go of the other's cloth, Allen clenched his teeth, breathing out loud.

"Get on the bed." The voice that left him was firm and filled with anger. "You could atleast try being a bit more gentle, you know."

The time in which Kadna seemed to be left stunned from the hits was up earlier than Allen expected it to be. Nevertheless, he managed to take care of a few things during it. Such as find the lubricant, get himself undressed... Or get Kanda undressed.

They were both on the bed and Allen was starting to get nervous.

When the long-haired man came to himself, he didn't waste his time in approaching the boy again. Allen didn't resist this time, letting Kanda press him against the matress. He yelped when their naked bodies met, then stiffened and held his breath for a while, trying to get used to the new sensation of skin pressing against skin. He could feel his face warm up.

Surprisingly, Kanda didn't bite him this time.

"L-Listen... This thing here..." Allen started, feeling awkward for even trying to explain such a thing in the first place. As if Kanda could hear him, anyway.

And it seemed like the older man had no intention of listening, as he pressed the boy's hand abruptly down to the bed, causing him to let go of the bottle he was holding yet again.

"...Why do I even bother." The white-haired murmured, more to himself than to anyone else. A sigh escaped Allen's lips as he brought his free hand to his forehead, then looked at Kanda with half-lidded eyes, noticing that the other man was starting to get impatient.

For some weird reason Allen wanted to smile. However, he was too nervous to do so.

If Kanda were able to comprehend anything right now, he'd probably see one of the most lifeless face expressions the boy ever managed to give anyone before.

Suddenly, Allen started to wonder whether this was really the right thing to do. Then again, if this would make Kanda return back to normal, he was positive he wouldn't regret it. He failed to save Suman, and he wouldn't forgive himself if he weren't able to help another one of his comrades.

But then came the question of what would Kanda think about all this after everything was over? Would he remember anything at all? Somehow Allen couldn't picture him to be happy or thankful about the fact, not in the slightest... Rather quite the opposite.

...He's going to kill me for this, won't he?

The feeling of Kanda's lips on his neck made Allen come back to reality. He tensed, awaiting another bite, but to his surprise, nothing of the sort came. He let out a short yelp as the other man's tounge started making it's way to the earlier-inflicted wounds.

"...Kanda?" The boy called the other's name, confused. He was slightly taken aback from the sudden... gentleness. But then, Allen suddenly felt Kanda's hand on his inner thigh and it made him tense up again. An even bigger blush made it's way to his face when his legs were being spread apart. He inhaled deeply.

"Just... Easy..." The white-haired Exorcist whispered in a shaky voice, swallowing nervously. And when his gaze travelled to the ceiling, he couldn't help but wonder...

Has Kanda done this ever before?

"Allen-kun, are you still a virgin?"

Allen almost choked on his coffee, coughing desperately. Did Komui drag him to his office just to ask him this?!

He looked at his supervisor with a goofy expression, blushing slightly.

"Come on, don't be shy." Komui gave him a reassuring smile. "You've spent four years by Generall Cross' side. Both you and I know what kind of a person he is. I'd understand." Allen's eyes widened at the words. "He dragged you to all kinds of places−"

"No." The boy cut him off, voice dead serious. "My Master might be a pervert, but he'd never touch me."

Komui blinked, slightly surprised from the sudden change in attitude on Allen's side. "That's not what I was trying to..."

"I've never slept with anyone before." Allen finally answered, averting his gaze to the floor.

Silence fell between the two. Komui let out a deep sigh, feeling both relieved and worried at the same time.

"What is Kanda to you?" The older man asked, bringing the other's attention back to him again.

"...What he is to me?" Allen repeated, a bit puzzled.

"Are you attracted to him in any way?"

"Oh..." The white-haired boy was seriously starting to worry what Komui wanted to get at with all those weird questions. "No, it's not that..." He replied, turning to look at the mug of coffee he was holding. "Even if Kanda doesn't see me as a friend, he's an important comrade to me. If there's a way to help him, then I won't hesitate to use it." He paused for a moment, wrinkling his forehead. "...I don't want to see a friend die before my eyes ever again."

Komui stared at the boy before him. "...You're aware that this might have an influence on your relationship?"

"Other than making Kanda hate me more than he already does?" Allen shook his shoulders. "I doubt it."

"What about you?"


"Can you tell you'll be able to look at Kanda the same way after spending the night with him?"

"...Why are you asking me all this?" The boy frowned.

"Allen-kun!" The taller man's voice rose, demanding an answer.

"It doesn't matter, dammit!" The white-haired Exorcist snapped. "As long as Kanda doesn't kill me afterwards, I'll live with it."

Komui fell silent for a while again. "You've been through a lot lately..." Then continued, his voice calm again. "I'm simply worried about you."

"...Yeah, sorry." The boy let out a sigh, getting ahold of himself. "I'll be fine."

After a moment, Komui stood up from his desk. "I'm going to talk with the higher-ups. I hope I'll be able to get that survelliance of yours suspended. At least for a few days."

The Exorcist looked at his supervisor, surprised. Then his face expression softened and a small smile appeared on his face. "Komui-san..."

The first thrust was clumsy and shallow, and the feeling wasn't quite what Allen imagined it to feel like. Awkward and uncomfortable, foremost. But then, the next was deeper, and he found himself hissing at the sudden pain that flashed thoughout his body.

Kanda was inside of him. And the sole thought was enough to make Allen feel embarrased beyond comprehension.

It hurt. Well, it wasn't so painful when they were still. The problem arose when Kanda started moving, making his insides burn from the friction.

Allen would do well to remember that giving up on the lubricant was a big no-no.

"Ghhh...!" The white-haired boy's eyes shot open wide as the other thrust inside of him with more force, not even giving him proper time to adjust.

"Kanda... St− Agh...! W-Wait−!" Allen reached to embrace the man around the neck, clenching on it as strong as he could manage, attempting to immobilize his partner somehow.

"S-Slow down a bit− will you−?!" But the more he tried to oppose, the more he was starting to think that nothing he did made much of a difference.

The boy cursed under his breath and closed his eyes, trying to get used to the sensation somehow. Which was far from an easy task so far.

"Oh, God... K-Kanda..." The pain was just too intense, and all Allen could hope for was that their small adventure would end soon enough.

"Ah!" The boy's eyes shot wide open as he abruptly got into a sitting postion.

He was on a bed. In his room?

What... Was it all a dream?

"Ack!" One more move was enough to convince him that it wasn't. The unpleasant pain in the lower part of his body told him more than he needed to know.

The boy took a look at the window, noticing that it was already morning outside. Considering the state he was in, however, getting up just yet was probably a bad idea.

Nevertheless, Allen mustered up the strength to at least drag himself into the bathroom.

Fifteen nail-scratches, six bite-marks, a hell lot of bruises and an abused behind... Could've been worse, I guess? The boy thought to himself vaguely, as he returned to his room, intending to get back to bed.

Did Komui bring him here? He couldn't quite recall everything from earlier... He must've lost consciousness at some point. Well, maybe he should be happy about the fact, considering...

Wrapping himself in his blanket, Allen figured he needed some rest for now. From what he's seen in the mirror a few minutes ago, he didn't look too good. And seeing that weirdo standing behind him on the other side of the mirror yet again hardly helped in making his mood any better.

He wanted to sleep.

However, minutes passed and somehow he couldn't bring himself to rest. His thoughts were constantly traveling back to Kanda.

He hoped that his efforts didn't go to waste and Kanda was alright now, but...

Truth to be told, Allen felt... uneasy. Now that it came down to it, he had no idea what he would do or say to the other man the moment they met again.

The boy could swear his heart almost jumped to his throat when the sudden sound of footsteps from somewhere outside the room reached his ears. He tried to tell himself and hope it was anyone, anyone but Kanda.

No knock came before the door suddenly burst open, then closed right after with a silent 'wham'.

Allen shifted on his bed slowly, turning in the direction of the person who just entered, trying to hide his nervousness.

To his dissatisfaction, it was indeed a very angry-looking Kanda.

"...What the fuck were you thinking?!"

Oh, boy... Here goes nothing.

A great way to start a day, indeed.

Nayru's Note: And so, the first chapter was born. :D Did you enjoy?
I wanted to thank my friend, Mori, who was kind enough /coughIdidn'tforcedhimIswearcough/ to beta it for me. And while we were at it, an alternate ending came to life. xD


Mori: Yeah... Look, they could have just called some brothel. I'm sure Marian had it all covered. It would go a little bit like this:

Cross: "YO, KANDA!! WHICH ONES DO YOU FANCY?! Asian? Mixed?"
Kanda: "MUADADAGHAaa!!"
Cross: "..........Oooookay. The cheapest ones - yeah, a dozen of them, just in case. Pssst, Komui, call the boss and warn him that we'll need some extra funds to cover the damages for both physical and mental harm..."

-several minutes later-

Cross: "Are they done yet? Komui, status report."
Komui: "Eight dead, two serverly wounded. He's still not done with the remaining two, but I'd say they won't last another five minutes... It's a disaster! We have to stop this and−"
Cross: "Seven minutes."
Komui: "...What?"
Cross: "Ten bucks says they'll be dead or dying in seven minutes."
Komui: "Wh-what?! Are you out of−"
Allen: "Eight minutes and fifteen dollars, Master."
Cross: "You're on. Shake on it."