Okay, so I kind of fell out of writing for a while and I do feel really bad about never finishing this story. I had good reasons but now that I'm back I figured I should at least get this out.
Before, I'd kind of backed myself into a corner with this fic. Building up everything that was wrong with Alec and then I couldn't really figure out how I was going to make it better for him. I came up with this. Hope it's okay.
It took her two days. Two days to come up with a decision. After Alec's confession of what was wrong, she had been at a loss of how to help him deal.
Not dealing had always been her, and apparently Alec's, way of handling things. People could talk all they wanted about how hashing out what was wrong would make you feel better but that didn't always worked and she doubted that just talking about it would really help him.
She understood that. She'd never told anyone, not even Logan, some of the things that had happened in her past. She'd never been that good at comforting other people.
Two days of thinking left her with a couple of realizations, one of which she'd known the moment he had confessed, she just hadn't thought about it. She wouldn't leave him…and she'd give up almost anything to make sure he came out alright.
Coming to this conclusion was easier than it should be, at least for her. She hadn't been sure how she really felt about him but the more she thought about it, the clearer the picture got.
More and more, Alec was coming first in her mind. Before everyone, before Logan, even herself. She had put him up in her apartment, left Seattle, done everything she could without even thinking about it because not doing so was not an option.
Seeing him the way he was now, seeing the results of what Manticore had put him through had instantly wiped away any anger she'd still been holding onto for what he'd done when they first met.
She needed to see this through. Maybe it wasn't about talking about his past, at least not at first. Maybe he needed something else as well. Staying in Seattle sure wouldn't be doing him any good.
An idea formed. It was extreme and she knew what it would mean. Knew what she would possibly lose if she followed through with it. She debated with herself for too long about it.
Realizing that she needed to help him helped her realize that maybe she, well, she just needed him. She needed him in a way that she hadn't ever needed anyone in her life and that was what brought her to the decision in the end.
Everything became clear when she finally admitted that to herself, that she needed him, that she needed him to get better.
Hiding her own feelings, even to herself, had always been her way. It had taken her a year, after all, to admit her feelings about Logan. This time, though, that wasn't an option. Alec's situation had forced her not to do that this time.
She told Alec that she needed to go back into the city for a couple of hours. She'd gone to see Original Cindy first. That was a hard one but at least Cindy understood, in a way, why she had to do it. Joshua had been sad and she'd been dreading that conversation even more but he had seemed to understand as well and she was hit once again with how perceptive he could be at times.
She'd saved the hardest for last. She had to tell Logan.
"Hey," Max said, standing in the doorway. Logan looked up from his computer and smiled at her.
"Max," he said. She lingered in the doorway, hesitant and feeling a little bit guilty about why she had come here.
"How are you?" He asked after a moment and she finally came closer.
"I'm fine," she said a little awkwardly. She'd never felt this awkward in front of him but after everything that had happened…
"And Alec?" She saw that look in his eyes again, the same one she'd seen before leaving with Alec and she wondered if he wished that Alec had never come to town.
"He's…better," she said with a frown before sighing. "Well, he finally told me what was wrong, what happened to him."
"Really?" He didn't ask what it was.
"I think I have an idea of how to help him now."
"How?" As he asked the question, she saw it in his eyes. It was almost like he knew what she was going to say. She hesitated for a moment before blurting it out.
"I'm leaving. With him," she said, avoiding Logan's eyes. "I don't think staying in one place like this is helping and I can't bring him back into the city with everything that's going on. I think I need to do more than just get him to deal with his past. I was thinking if we really did go on the road, maybe see the country…" She trailed off and looked back at him. Logan was silent for a few moments.
"So, that's it? You're just going to give up everything? For him? Your job, your friends…" Me, his eyes clearly said.
"My job. It's just a job and not a great one either. I can get a new job. I already told OC and she understands. I'm not losing her. I'll see her again. Same with Joshua. And-" She cut herself off. She knew what Logan was really asking.
"You love him?" He asked quietly. She hesitated again. She had been prepared for that but it was still a hard thing to admit to him. She didn't want him waiting for something that would never happen, though.
"Yeah, I think I do," she finally said. "I'm sorry."
"Are you sure about this?" It had taken her a while to convince him of doing this. He already felt guilty from taking her away from the city in the first place.
"Yeah, I am," she said as they walked outside. The decision made and the admission of her feelings, even if she hadn't told Alec yet, had left her feeling lighter than she had in a long time.
"It'll still be there when we get back. Everything will be fine."
"You sure about that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. She smiled at him.
"Course I am," she said, reaching out for his hand as they walked to the car. They would be alright. She saw a spark of something in her eyes as he stared at her, something that she knew was in her own.
He'd be alright because she wouldn't settle for anything else. She couldn't now. She knew it would take a while but she also felt more hopeful now than she had since he'd shown up in Seattle again.
It didn't matter how long it took. The next time they showed up in Seattle, they would come back together. She knew it.