I received some rude (and somewhat exaggerated) critique from a signed review named Randoh. Under normal circumstances, such reviews end up in the trash. However, some of the comments are legitimate.
That said, I believe it is time to find a beta-reader for The Legend Within: Rise of a Champion to cover my weaknesses as a writer, similar to how I have an editor cover my weaknesses with published work.
Of course, I went to my editor for the Spirit Fusion project, but she declined.
What I need to improve the story:
+ Overall, an improved dialogue that gives more distinction and a unique dialogue to both canon and original characters. (Without turning any of them into a Mary-Sue/Gary Stu.)
+ Also, I wish to improve dialogue so that it does not sound "forced." (This is not from his critique, but something I noticed myself.)
+ Give a more mature appearance to adult characters. (Although one must keep in mind, Naruto is a series that has adults commit childish antics. This is not Death Note with mature themes.)
I will continue to update whenever I can while I seek a beta. If you are interested and can accomplish what I seek, send me a PM.
In the meantime, please do not review this note. The next official update (which will come within a week) will replace it.