Title: What You Need
Pairings: House/Cuddy
Genre: Drama/Angst

Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 FINALE – Wilson's Heart

Rating: PG
Chapter: one-shot
Word Count: 1070
Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. nor the characters.
Summary: Why did House walk out of the bus? My take on the ending of 'Wilson's Heart'. MAJOR SPOILERS for 4x16

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"Well…You can't always get what you want." Amber said and House looked back at her startled.

You can't always get what you want… This bitter truth was like mantra in his life. If someone asked him to define life in one sentence this would be it.

You can't always get what you want…

Oh how he hated that quote! Everything he ever wanted was torn away from him. His father's love, his dreamed studies and college, his first true love, Stacy, and now Wilson. He couldn't get what he wanted. He was bound to b e unhappy and miserable…

You can't always get what you want…

But it didn't end there! No! There was a continuation to this quote, a better lesson to take. There was a- a hope in that song. A quote one should never forget, no. He looked at Amber. She smiled knowingly at him, daring him to take that step. And he just nodded. He could do it, and he will.

He got up, not looking back at her, his heart ached, longed for a peace, when nothing hurt anymore, where there was no more pain. He longed for the place he knew deep inside Amber was heading to. He longed to go there with her, yet... the overwhelming feeling of it's not over yet pushed him toward the exit of the bus.

You can't always get what you want…

…the first thing he noticed was the warmth around his left hand. Then he smelled her. This combination of coconut and orchid eloping him in the feeling of safety and content.

Then the reality hit him hard, when her grip loosened.

"Hey, I'm here" her voice was full of need, urgency and fear, sounding desperate. You here, you're always here… "Blink if you can hear me." I can… I can hear you! He blinked, the effort almost too much for him. He hear her sigh heavily, could feel the wave of relief coming from her the happiness at seeing him awake, yet couldn't revel in it as he would like to; no, he need to know… he just needed to know-

"I can't-"

"No, shsh, don't try to talk, just rest." Her voice was soothing, her words like balm on his exhausted mind, her presence – an insurance he's not alone…

Rest he'd do…

…something had woken him up from his restless slumber. He opened his eyes painfully, focusing on the room around him. And then he saw him.

Wilson was standing in front of him, watching him solemnly, his face grave, but his eyes… his eyes were vacant, …dead. He couldn't help noticing the distance his best friend had kept between them. It was a figure of this sudden chasm that came between them. His heart clenched at this…

You can't always get what you want…

He sucked a breath raising a little, his eyes fixed on Wilson, asking. He absorbed every little gesture his best friend made, and felt his heart sinking. Wilson just shook his head, looking down, then turned and walked away without a word. He watched him leaving, the painful clasp on his heart hardening. This was overbearing, he felt like dying…

A sudden void appeared in his heart. He felt as if he lost something extremely dear to him, that was not going to be there anymore, even if some of it would get back, it will never be the same…

You can't always get what you want…

A rustle next to him caught his attention. Cuddy shifted on her chair, that some nurse probably had brought in for her, and then she opened her eyes. She was still curled like a big feline, and he winced inwardly, this couldn't be comfortable. She'll be hurting all over in the morning…

Their eyes locked, and he could see the relief in hers at seeing him awake.

"Hey." She whispered, her voice heavy with sleep, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips, then disappearing as she noticed his mood.

"Hey" he replied flatly, lifelessly, sounding completely not like himself.

"Did I hear someone coming in?" she asked, fixing her hair with a hand and stretching, her bones cracking, making him wince once more.

"No." he said, looking away.

He could hear her stilling for a moment, his inner eye saw the frown on her face at his reaction. Then he hear her shifting once more.

"I see." Her tone confirmed his suspicions about her frown. It was evident she could see right through his lie.

You can't always get what you want…

He could hear her sigh tiredly. He didn't want to hear 'it-not-your-fault' and all that platitudes crap. He wasn't even sure if he wanted comfort. Yet… yet, he didn't have the strength, nor will, to push her away. Somehow, her mere presence here, her constant presence in his life was a comfort in itself.

but if you try sometime…

"You should rest some more." She said finally in a tired voice. He could tell her exhaustion was not only physical, and the guilt worsened somehow, even if he thought it was not possible anymore…

He just closed his eyes once more, never looking back at her. He hoped she'll buy this pretend. He wasn't tired anymore, and sleep didn't bring rest anyway…

He felt a tentative, a feather like, gently touch of her hand on his, and his breath quickened, eyes moistened, heart clenched, bleeding some more… he didn't deserve comfort, nor happiness, nor this…

but if you try sometime…

Her hand rested more surely on his now. He could hear the almost imperceptible sigh, mixed with concern and relief, and his heart ached some more. His instincts, taught by harassment of his life, were screaming at him to move away his hand, to not get involved, to not open up…

but if you try sometime…

He didn't move away his hand. Couldn't bring himself to cut off another important relationship in his life. Didn't want to do it. He didn't came back to be miserable again. No, he would do everything in his power to not be miserable anymore. Ambers death can't be for nothing…

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, hands joined. At some point, Cuddy's breathing slowed down and she had fallen into another restless slumber in this ridiculously uncomfortable looking position of hers. Despite that, her grasp of his hand never loosened and he reveled in it, taking as much comfort this small human contact provided…

but if you try sometime…

He squeezed Lisa's hand lightly.

you may find you'll get what you need…

He had already found it.

Xxx

End

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