Only The Memories
Warnings: Major spoilers for 5.18 & 5.19
Summary: All they have is the memories.
Notes: Written for the NFA Jenny, Jenny Challenge. Lyrics are from "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. I wrote this after I saw the episode, I had to get it out.
- - -
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
- - -
Gibbs held the photo in his hand, thinking about what had happened. It was surreal, while he knew there was always the chance that any of them could lose their life whilst on the job, he never really imagined it would become a reality. Especially for Jenny. She was skilled in her job, she knew what she had to do, and she was damn good at it. He had taught her well. From a women who had no experience in law enforcement when she first signed up, to a professional, loyal and dedicated woman who knew her stuff. She was one in a million. She always occupied a special place in his heart, from the start the effect she had on him was amazing. They knew from the first day they met that their relationship would be a memorable one.
Gibbs ran his fingers over the picture, it was a picture of Jenny, looking stunning, as she usually did. Abby was right, she did always dress with class. At work anyway. Gibbs knew this Jenny, this professional woman very well, but he was also lucky enough to have known the passionate, caring, loyal and loving Jenny. This was the Jenny who stole his heart all those years ago. This is the Jenny he would miss most. While she was absent from life, from reality, she would always be there, in his heart, he knew he would think about her every day and mean it. She was one of a kind to him.
She was also an emotionally driven person, Gibbs noticed this side of her come through during the La Grenouille business, she was powered by her emotions. Her performance and actions during this time showed what a loyal person she was, she had remained loyal to her father, to what he believed in, to what he had raised her to believe in, for all these years. And she got her justice. She had made her father proud, Gibbs was sure of this.
He put the photo down, and reached into the box and pulled out another. This box housed all of his photos of his and Jenny's time working together - and socialising together. It was a special box. He knew now that this box of memories is all he had. While he did not want to, he knew he and Mike Franks had taken the right course of action, Jenny herself would have done it. It also allowed her to rest peacefully. Before setting her house alight, he had grabbed a few items which he placed inside their box. Jenny also had kept memories of Gibbs, she always cared about him, that never changed, it just adjusted to their situation. What had once been love had developed into a friendship which was made up of loyalty and pride. The moments they shared would never be forgotten by either person, it was now up to Gibbs to keep these memories in a safe place, so that Jenny's memory would live on and she wouldn't be forgotten. She deserved more than that. It was her right to be remembered. Her life had been one of achievement, though with it's sacrifices, but Gibbs knew that she had plotted her own course, she never let anyone tell her what to do, she always set the rules. Everything was on her terms. He supposed this was why she had become Director and been damn good at it. She was a special person like that. He also took pride in the fact that he was her teacher, he allowed this drive and motivation to shine through into her life and her work. He was damn proud of her and he hoped she knew it.
At the funeral, he had not spoken much, simple words could not convey what he was feeling, he cared for her on a level that words could not describe, but he knew she understood. She always had a knack for reading people, especially him. He supposed she learnt that from him. He remembered telling her his rule about assuming, she gave him a look which said, "Yeah, Jethro, whatever." But he had gotten her back, he had been right. She even said it to his face, "Okay, so maybe you were right, happy now?" Gibbs smiled at the memory, he saw her smiling face, Jenny's face always lit up when she smiled, when she smiled, you could really see the true happiness shine through, it was something special. The real Jenny was in that smile. The Jenny who stole his heart in Paris, the Jenny he loved and cared for, the Jenny who made jokes with him, who teased him, who made time to smile. He hadn't really seen that lately. He supposed it was because of her pursuit of La Grenouille. But he knew it was always there. There were a few occasions where he saw some glimmer of it, seeing this reminded him of how she used to be. It made him happy to know that Jenny was still there.
He shuffled through a few more photos of Jenny and him, as well as a few of Jenny. He picked up the pile he took from her house, the first one was one of him and her, on the back it said, 'Jethro, despite everything, we'll always have our memories. Memories of brighter times, memories of us, of Paris, of everything. With love, Jen.' It made him smile because as far as he knew no one else got away with calling her Jen and for her to use it, was a sign she really cared. He had always known Jenny was her preferred nickname, but he had to be different and call her Jen, he thought it suited her better anyway. Obviously she'd gotten used to it. He noticed that Ziva sometimes called her Jen, he guessed it was reserved for those close to her, that meant something special. He knew she was special to him, and visa versa, as well as she read him, he read her. It was the sign of a deep friendship. One that would last no matter what, he knew that. He liked to think she did too.
He picked up his favourite photo from the bunch, of himself and Jenny, and wrote a little message on the back,
For all the times we've had, for all the things we've shared - good and bad, I know you will always be in my heart, I know I will always love you. I will miss you, for as long as time goes on. I know not to hold onto things that I can't get back, but Jen, you were something special, I will remember you. Rest peacefully Jen.
Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear-.
-This line is from Run by Snow Patrol.