Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Thanks, KN for the beta. Hopefully you get a better night's sleep than Brucey-pooh! ;D Go Harry Potter and healthy and happy puppies!
Bruce and Diana had been married for a little over six months. Because of obvious reasons, he had been too preoccupied and tired to notice it at first, but now with the honeymoon period winding down, one thing about his bride was growing impossible to ignore.
Diana was a bed hog.
And a sheet stealer.
To top it all off, during particularly vibrant dreams, she was also a kicker and hitter. He had a few bruises forming on his thighs and torso from her nighttime violence. He would have worn the batsuit to bed, but Diana would have asked questions.
It was almost five in the morning, and the sun was just coming up. Bruce walked over to the curtains to shut them. Before he did, he turned around to look at his wife.
She was beautiful, naturally, and wearing less clothing than her Wonder Woman uniform. But Bruce noticed none of that. All he could see was that she was sprawled all over his side of the bed, tangled up in his covers, with her foot twitching slightly. He slammed the curtains shut, wishing they would make a loud noise. But even if cloth smacking against itself could sound like rolling thunder, it wouldn't have mattered. Diana was a heavy sleeper. Hardly anything he ever did woke her up.
Even still, he cautiously made his way over to the bed; she had an uncanny way of knowing when he was back from patrol. Making sure to stay out of range from her legs, he deftly unwrapped the blanket from her. And then he shoved Diana over to her side of the bed.
Patrol had been draining tonight, and all he wanted was a decent night's sleep, which he hadn't had in over a month.
Bruce lay down gently on the mattress, and sighed in pleasure as his head sank into the pillow. He had closed his eyes and was just beginning to drift off when he felt Diana's fingers scratching his chest.
Bruce pretended to be asleep. His bride pulled the covers off and snuggled beside him, throwing her leg over his. He missed his sheets. They were very nice sheets, with a ridiculously high thread count. And they were light and airy, unlike the warm body that was on top of him.
"Good morning, husband."
Well, she knew he was awake, but that didn't mean he had to talk to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kept his eyes closed. It was silent for a few moments, but then he became aware of her breath against his neck and her hair against his skin. The slight tickling sensations were making it harder and harder for him to fall asleep.
"How was it?"
Bruce let out a grunt, hoping that his uncommunicativeness would be enough for Diana to realize he didn't want any small talk tonight.
"That bad, huh? Well, is there anything I can do to make it better?" Diana started kissing his neck, assuming his answer was yes.
Bruce knew where this was going, and he cursed his luck. How do you turn down the most beautiful woman in the world? It wasn't like he could fake a headache or say he needed to wash his hair. She would make fun of his excuses. Besides, he was too arrogant to admit that he just didn't have the strength for it tonight.
She must have noticed his unresponsiveness because she stopped. Through sheer force of will he managed to raise his eyelids. She looked very confused. No wonder, he had never said no to her before. "Bruce, is something wrong?"
He realized he should have put more feeling into it. Her lips formed a small pout, and her voice grew quiet. "I didn't think you would already grow tired of me. It's only been six months."
Bruce sighed. "It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
Crankily, Bruce grabbed the sheets, turned over and said, "Nothing. We'll talk about it in the morning."
He had his eyes closed for one second before Diana yanked the sheets off of him and was sitting on his stomach, with her hands on either side of his face. "It is the morning."
He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.
Bruce kept his eyes closed. "You know what I meant."
His lovely bride still hadn't moved, but then he felt her finger gently prodding him on various parts of his chest and stomach. She wasn't tickling him, and she wasn't pushing hard, but it still hurt. He mentally cursed. She had seen the bruises. He felt her twist on top. She must have turned to look at his legs.
"What are these from?"
Bruce groaned. He knew exactly where this was going, but he still tried to put an end to the conversation. "I've had worse, and you know it. Now go to bed."
"I wish you would let me come on patrol with you."
"For the last time, I don't need your protection." He was getting more and more tempted to just tell her how horrible it was to share the bed with her, but he feared that she would take it the wrong way.
"I know that, but I would sleep better if I did."
Bruce must have drifted off because the next thing he felt was a slight sting on his cheek. His eyes snapped open. "Did you just slap me?"
Diana was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "No. But since you're up, we should discuss my coming on patrol with you."
All he had wanted was a few hours of sleep. Angry, he flipped her over, his hands pushing her shoulders into the mattress. "We are NOT discussing this now."
Bruce almost smirked when she rolled her eyes at him, but instead he collapsed on his side of the bed. "Now go to sleep."
But Diana had other ideas. She began poking at the purple marks on his body.
"You know, wife, that doesn't feel as good as you think it does."
"I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me where you got these. Was it Killer Croc?"
"Think less reptilian."
"That could be anyone. Was it some random mugger?"
"It would require someone much more talented than that to even get that close."
He could feel her lips press softly against a bruise on his arm. "Bruce, tell me."
"If I do, will you go to bed?"
"I'll seriously consider it."
When she didn't say anything, Bruce opened his eyes a crack. Her head was tilted to the side and she was deep in thought. "Did I do that when we were…"
"You are very violent when you sleep."
Bruce couldn't help the tiny smile that formed when he saw her eyes go wide.
"I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not a big deal."
"Not a big deal? I could have killed you."
Bruce gave out a small snort. "Doubtful."
"I had no idea. I must be a really heavy sleeper."
"That's an understatement. Now can I go to sleep?"
"Not until I make it up to you."
"Diana, that's not necessary. I'm really tired."
"But you're never that tired."
Maybe it was the lack of sleep that made him talkative. Maybe it was some self-conscious desire to share his struggle with his wife. For whatever reason, Bruce decided to tell her everything. He sat up and leaned his back against the headboard. "I haven't had much sleep this past…month."
"Is it because of me?"
He tried to soften his face as he reluctantly admitted, "Yes. You also have a habit of hogging the bed and stealing my covers."
She looked so guilty, Bruce felt badly for her. He grabbed her hand, and rubbed his thumb over her palm. "This is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you would take it the wrong way."
"How else am I supposed to take it? I'm putting your life in danger while you sleep, and since you aren't getting enough rest, while you patrol too." Her face looked unhappy as she suggested, "Maybe we should sleep in separate beds."
He considered it for a second, but realized his mistake when she took the blankets and got out of bed. Walking over to the couch on the other side of the room, Diana curled herself into a little ball.
She just pulled the covers tighter around her.
Bruce was getting annoyed, and he had a meeting at twelve at Wayne Tech. "Fine. The least you could have done was leave the blankets."
She bundled them up and sent them flying straight at his face. It hurt. A lot. And then she walked out of the room.
Well, if she was going to act like that, that was her problem. He had lots of sleep to catch up on, and he wasn't going to let her foul mood prevent that. Taking his lovely, cozy, wonderful blanket, he wrapped himself in it and settled in for a good morning's rest.
A minute later, he shifted from his back to his side. Five minutes after that, he switched positions again. Ten minutes later, he started counting sheep. Thirty minutes later, he was trying every meditation technique he could to knock himself out. He couldn't fall asleep. Something felt…off.
Bruce looked over at the clock and groaned. 6:03. If he fell asleep now, he could get five hours of sleep before he had to get ready for the meeting.
But something told him it wasn't going to happen. Getting up from bed, he trudged around the manor until he found what he was looking for.
Diana was sprawled out on one of the couches in the den, sleeping soundly.
Without a word, he scooped her up in his arms and took her back to their room.
She stirred slightly as he walked, but didn't wake up until he threw her on their bed. Diana narrowed her eyes when she saw him. "What do you want?"
"I can't sleep."
"I know; that's why I left."
Looking over at the clock again and seeing his precious naptime slipping away, he released what little pride he had left. "I was wrong. It's hard for me to share the bed with you, but it's impossible to sleep without you in it." He crawled onto the mattress and pulled her over to him. He felt her struggle at first, but then Diana smiled at him and burrowed herself into his side. "I missed you too," she happily mumbled.
Trying to regain some of his masculinity back, he sternly reminded her, "We still need to do something about your compulsive sheet stealing. And I promise that if you drift over to my side of the bed without my permission, I will kick you back myself. Agreed?"
Diana nodded her head, grinning from ear to ear. "But what if I lash out at you in my sleep?"
"I've thought of that too. Starting tonight, I'm tying you to the bed with your lasso before I go out on patrol."
Diana's head rested again on his shoulder, and he listened to her slow and even breathing. Bruce wondered why it had bothered him so much before. He was finally feeling as if he could doze off.
"That's a good idea, Bruce, but why wait until tonight?"
He didn't reply to her advances.
"I was just kidding."
She gave him a light kiss on the mouth, then laughed.
He was dead to the world.