I didn't let myself consider the mechanics of 'trying' until a few days before the wedding. It was hard enough to remember why waiting was a good idea when all we were doing was kissing, never mind actively anticipating what would come after kissing. But one day, I glanced at the calendar and realized that amongst all the rush and fervor of Alice's planning, convincing Charlie that getting married was a good thing, and getting ready to move out, I hadn't thought through to what I'd actually be wearing on my wedding night! I debated asking Alice for advice, but in the end that was just too embarrassing to truly be a possibility, so I asked Angela to go with on a quick shopping trip to Olympia. She knew what I was looking for without me uttering a word and it took her all of a minute to make the trip comfortable, and even fun.
"So, what's his favorite color?" She asked as we turn away from a display of wedding lingerie that swung wildly from trashy to boring without ever managing sexy.
"Blue. I think. At least, he likes it when I wear it." I muttered as I slid past a display of leopard print thongs trimmed in black lace "Why are there pink sparkles all over those?"
"Because someone out there is getting paid to provide people with bad taste their own genre of underwear. Let's look for something blue that won't make you feel like you're either on a street corner or in a nursing home," Angela said softly, pulling me toward a display filled with baby doll nightgowns.
"I actually like some of those…who wants to bet they don't have my size?" That would, of course, be my luck.
"If they don't have it, we'll go to Seattle. But you're tiny, so they'll probably have what you need in stock."
We went through the racks and to my surprise, she was right. The three that I liked on the hanger were in stock in my size. More importantly, I now had choices. Trying them on was a little less than fun, though it did help me weed out the one that itched and the one that made my already small breasts look nonexistent.
"It would be the very first one you picked up," Angela said with a laugh after we'd paid and were walking back to my new car. "Hey, if you don't mind me sticking my nose in, I might have some tips to make the unveiling part a little easier."
"Erm," I blushed furiously. "If you don't mind me staring at the floor a lot and being a complete dork, I'll take all the advice I can get. I only have a vague idea of what I'm doing here."
"Does he know or are you both in the same boat?" At the look on my face, she sighed. "I thought so. Okay, first we're going to hit a drugstore, and then we're going to find someplace to sit and talk." She paused, considering. "You do know the basics, right?"
"Yeah, I know the theory and there won't be any surprises nine months from now. I just don't have any practice to make sure that he enjoys what I'm doing. I just want to make sure he likes it since we waited so long." I peeked up at Angela's face and caught a knowing smirk before it vanished.
"He's a man. It's pretty much guaranteed he'll like it. But, if you're looking to blow his mind and make sure you actually like it, there's some stuff I can suggest." She smiled as she led me into the drugstore, guiding me to an aisle near the back that held a mind-boggling assortment of prophylactics and assorted paraphernalia. "First things first. Lube is important. Very important for both of you, that is, if you want to still like him in the morning. Warming lube is more fun than the regular stuff" She handed me a bottle "Ben and I use this one and it doesn't give me any issues, but you should probably only use a little bit at first just to be sure." We walked – well, I skulked in embarrassment, Angela walked – to the counter, and I digested that little tidbit of knowledge.
"I… okay. When did you and Ben? I had no idea." I shoved money across the counter without making eye contact, though I caught the clerk smiling at me as we walked away.
Angela giggled as the blush on my face deepened to a color I was pretty sure didn't have a name "It's not exactly something to announce to the general public. We kept having near misses and finally I decided that we should be prepared just in case, so I went online and looked up stuff. Then I took a deep breath, told him that I was willing, but we needed to be prepared. He'd already bought condoms and so after a few more fumbles it finally happened." She led me to a bench near the parking lot and we both sat down.
"It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be; in fact, it hurt a little, so I did some more research. Then we started experimenting and we finally hit our stride, so to speak. I learned that it takes me a while, so it's easier for him to make me happy if I make him happy first. After that he can focus on pleasing me and by the time I'm ready, he might even get a bonus."
I blinked at her for several seconds before saying "I think I know what you mean, but…"
"But you need me to explain in a little more detail?" She smiled. "No problem. It's just that… the second we head anywhere near the possibility of sex? Ben is ready to go. He says if I smile at him the right way he wants me. However, I need a little more motivation. So, I use my hand, and that lube I had you buy, and afterward he can think straight and we don't need to rush." Angela ducked her head and smiled, "though to be honest, some times it winds up that I enjoy his reactions so much that it doesn't take me as long and I get there a few times."
"Oh…" I pondered her words for a second before the light dawned. "So if I do this first, it's easier for him to stay calm. Cool. I might even get to leave him gasping and goofy for once."
Angela burst out laughing "Oh you will. He'll get all weird at first, and then when he gets close he'll go all dumb and then afterward, he'll get toe tag face, which is awesome. Just be prepared for afterward when he's trying to make you scream." She frowned "It feels good, but I'm always afraid I look crazy. Ben likes it though."
"I think they just like watching us react period. Edward certainly likes watching me blush." I rolled my eyes. "Thank you for this, I was really nervous and now I feel a little less…" I paused trying to find a word to describe exactly what I'd been feeling. Angela knew where I was going though as she finished my sentence for me.
"Less lost? Yeah, they tell us all about the mechanics in school, but no one tells you how to actually do it. But, the thing is? You guys love each other, and in the end that's all that'll matter. Remember, practice makes perfect." She grinned at me, and I couldn't help but grin right back.
It wasn't until much later after we'd driven home and I'd tucked my purchases into the little bag I'd started packing for our honeymoon that it dawned on me that I wasn't dreading the wedding any more. It was still emphatically not my idea of a good time to stand in front of a bunch a people and be stared at while I promised myself to Edward, but it meant I got to be with Edward forever. After everything else I'd already been through, a few hours of being the center of attention wasn't really all that awful of a prospect. I managed to maintain that bubble of calm right up until the point where I was standing in the bathroom of our honeymoon suite getting ready for bed. Of course, that was when every bit of insecurity I've ever had hit me as I stood looking at my reflection. Somehow the prospect of being semi-nude in front of Edward went from exciting to daunting in a matter of seconds.
"Bella, are you okay in there?" Edward's voice drifted through the door "If you just want to go to bed that's okay too." Despite his assurances, I could hear an underlying tone of disappointment and that snapped me out of it a little bit.
"I'm fine. I just have 4,000 pins in my hair. Every time I think I'm done I find another one." It wasn't exactly a lie, I'd planned to have my hair down for tonight so I didn't want hairspray, and in Alice's quest to match my hairstyle to my gown, she had used an entire box of bobby pins. I was pretty sure there were still a couple lost somewhere in my hair that might never be found.
"Would you like me to help? I'm sure your arms are tired by now." He chuckled softly, "I did wonder how she got all that hair to do that today."
I smiled, even though he couldn't see me. "I think my hair is now officially afraid of Alice. I guess they'll find their own way out. I've got most of them." I eyed my already flushed reflection in the mirror and try to remember the way I felt in the store dressing room. Before I could chicken out again, I made myself snatch the door open. Edward was standing there, clad in a pair of pajama bottoms, and for just a second I was too busy admiring his chest to really think about how I looked, scantily dressed with my hair flying behind me.
"I…oh…you…" I looked up when I realized Edward had been reduced to gibbering to find my new husband's eyes glued to my body. Instinctively I moved to cover myself, before I realized that the look on his face was that of a man enjoying the view. Really, really enjoying the view… so much so that he's lost any semblance of composure, and is apparently on the verge of drooling idiocy as his new approach to life.
"Edward? You might want to try breathing. It couldn't hurt to close your mouth too."
"Hmm," he blinked, and shook his head a few times. "I'm sorry. It's just that I wasn't expecting you to be wearing…that. I mean I've seen the commercials and I know they exist, but I hadn't quite gotten my hopes up to the point of actually seeing you wearing anything like this tonight."
"What did you think I was going to do? Wear sweats? I know it's traditional to wear white, but those ones were all ugly and I…" I trailed off.
"I couldn't care less if you never wear white again in your life. You wore it today and that's enough for me." He held out his hand. "I had planned to be very debonair, but now I'm reduced to hoping you don't hold my moment of leering against me."
"Well, that was kind of the plan when Angela helped me pick this out." I grinned, as he led me toward the bed.
"Remind me to buy Angela and Ben something very nice when they get married. Like a house." He sat on the end of the bed and pulled me into his lap. "Do you know that I am the happiest man in the world right now?"
I trailed a finger along his cheek. "I know I'm the happiest woman in the world, so I suppose it makes sense for you to be the happiest man." I couldn't resist kissing that crooked smile on his face, which of course led to a lot more kissing. He didn't stop until I was gasping for air and clutching at his shoulders, trying to hang onto any semblance of rational thought.
"I love you Bella."
"I love you too Edward. What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong. I just felt like saying it."
"And…?" I could tell by the look on his face he was editing at least a little bit.
"I just needed a break for a second. You look very beautiful tonight and my self-control only goes so far."
I opened my mouth to engage in our running argument and then I remembered what Angela and I had talked about. This would be the perfect opportunity to try out her advice. "I might be able to help you with that problem. Take off your pants and lay down." I hopped out of his lap to grab the little bottle from my bag in the bathroom.
"Trust me. Just lay back and let me do my thing." I called over my shoulder as I freed the bottle from the bag it was in and discarded the little plastic seal. I walked back around the corner to find Edward still dressed and looking confused.
"What are you planning to do?"
"I am planning to ease your…tension first so that we can enjoy trying." Blushing I held up the bottle. "I have it on excellent authority that guys are ready before girls, so I'm going to even the playing field a little. Now will you please lie down?"
He snatched the bottle from my hand "Bella, when I agreed to try, I rather thought I'd be the one…leading the way." He peered at the bottle "I can't imagine what good this is going to do anyway."
I held out my hand until he gave the bottle back. "That would be why it wasn't your idea. Now, will you please take off your pants and lay down?"
"Not until you tell me what you're planning on doing." He crossed his arms and put on his best stubborn ass expression.
"If you can't put two and two together, then I'd prefer to show you. Just trust me." I gritted my teeth. "I'm perfectly willing to follow your lead afterward, but I'd rather we not have a fight before anyone has any fun."
"A fight? Is that where this is headed?" He eyed me speculatively. "Okay, if I do as you ask without questions then what's in it for me?"
"A damned good time if I do it right. But on the off chance I do it wrong, what else do you want?" I wasn't really in the mood for horse trading, but I figured that whatever he wanted wasn't likely to be too bad.
"How about the joy of a honeymoon where you don't pitch a fit every time I spend a little money on you?" He pursed his lips "And we don't have a fight tonight?"
I had already reconciled myself to his spending habits so it was an easy decision. "Done. Now will you please lie on the bed without your pants on?"
Before I could blink he was lying in the middle of the bed, his beautiful body rigid and all of him exposed to me for the first time. I indulged in a few seconds of… leering before he muttered, "isn't this supposed to be fun?"
"It will be. Though you might want to think about relaxing a little bit before you strain something important, and besides… there's only one part of you that needs to be…stiff." I poured a little of the lube into my hands, mindful of Angela's advice before I climbed up on the bed and straddled his hips. I let my free hand glide from his hips along the muscles of his abdomen. It was easier than I'd expected to touch him now that I was too focused on proving a point to be embarrassed.
His tawny eyes flew open, boring into mine "Be very careful Bella. If I move wrong, I could hurt you very badly."
I sighed. "Okay, so here's what you do. You focus on not moving. And I'll focus on touching all the bits I want to touch. I'll even," I nudged his left leg until he moved it, slid my knee into the space and the repeated the process with his right so that I was kneeling between his thighs, "sit right here so that there's less chance of harm. Not that you were likely to hurt me in the first place. But I want to do this for you, and I'd like it to be fun and not a battle. Okay?"
"Okay." He cocked his head to the side. "I just got to four, and for me to let you attempt what I think you're attempting I want a little more than just you not pitching a fit. Like you agreeing to let me indulge in a few of my pleasures without any… battling on your part. For the whole trip, and not just when it comes to money." He put his arms behind his head as he spoke, awaiting my response. It was unfair that he could look so lovely – he wasn't even dazzling me, and I still couldn't refuse. I was anticipating too much actually getting to touch him.
"Fine, I promise," I stroked the hand laden with lube along his shaft, "to be just as compliant as you're being right now. In fact," I couldn't help smiling when his eyes rolled back as my thumb glanced across the head, "I'll be downright submissive. How's that for a deal?"
His eyes didn't manage to reorient themselves, but he murmured, "I can do submissive." Just like that, the tension poured out of his body and I could feel him relax. I went to work then, trying to remember everything I'd ever learned about male anatomy while paying attention to any signs that he was enjoying what I was doing. I learned a few things immediately, like the fact that touching his balls made him jump a little, and the combination of the warming liquid and my own body heat made his nostrils flair repeatedly, but he stayed completely silent.
It wasn't until I got the bright idea to breathe on the places my hands didn't cover and to use my tongue too that he started making noise. First, it was just a low whiny moan in the back of his throat, but I wanted to hear him breathless and gasping, so I tried a trick I'd read about while gathering… knowledge… online, and combined sucking and stroking with both hands. At first the taste of the lube was a little off-putting, but since I hadn't used much, that faded pretty quickly, though my hands stayed slippery and the reward was enough to make it all worthwhile.
"Oh Bella…oh god…what…I'm…Bellaaaa…" He was groaning and growling now and I sped up, using both hands and my mouth to try to stimulate him everywhere at once. His head was tossing from side to side now, and his arms were flailing, knocking pillows everywhere as I pleasured him. "Belllaaargh…gah…I love…" and then with one final snarling shout he arched his back and drummed his heels and fists against the mattress as I stroked him. I pulled away just far enough to avoid getting anything on my face, but I didn't stop moving my hands until he collapsed back onto the bed. I couldn't keep the smirk off my face as I clambered off the bed and went to wash my hands and get a washcloth for him. I'd done it, and it was pretty clear he'd enjoyed it. He was still quiescent when I came back with the warm cloth and I took a moment to press a kiss against his cheek before I started cleaning off his belly.
"Am I done being submissive yet?" His voice was lower and more seductive than I'd ever heard it, and I felt a shiver run through me when I thought about the bargain we'd made.
"Yeah, you're done. Was it…I mean did you…" I trailed off as he took the washcloth from me and then disappeared in the direction of the bathroom.
"Did I enjoy it? Oh very much so. Of course, it wasn't exactly what I had in mind for tonight, but I'm not complaining. Do I have Angela to thank for that too?" He purred, stalking toward me as I reclined against the headboard.
Instinctively I curled up, resting my chin on my knees "She mentioned that it was something guys like and I thought it might make things easier for you."
"Clearly a house isn't a sufficient gift. Perhaps college for their children and grandchildren too, I'd like to make sure I can repay her properly," he mused quietly. "I am feeling very much in control of myself now. Though remind me never to let you negotiate for anything with anyone else. You're a little too selfless for your own good. You do realize that you traded unquestioning submission to my desires for the next three weeks for a chance to give me an orgasm, don't you?" He slithered onto the bed and I found myself too mesmerized by the sight of him to breathe properly.
"I hadn't really looked at it that way." I frowned. "Crap. I'm really not bright some days." His eyes were past dazzling me and onto completely shutting down my brain when he spoke again.
"Don't worry my love; I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy everything I want to do with you… and to you." His grin was positively evil. "If you don't, just tell me and I'll do my best to improve matters." He shrugged off handedly. "For now I want you to relax. After all, you got to have your fun. Now it's my turn." His hypnotic voice tugged at what was left of my willpower.
On automatic pilot now, I uncurled my body. Somewhere, dimly in the back of my head, I understood finally why he'd been so sure he could lure me to my death that first day in Biology. I knew I could trust him not to hurt me or force me into anything, but at that point trust didn't matter. I couldn't say no. I couldn't say anything. All I could do was stare dazedly into his eyes while he slid a hand under my hips and maneuvered me into the center of the bed.
"There are so many things I've fantasized about, and while some of them will have to wait a while yet, there are others that can happen now. You have no idea how much I've wanted you for the last two years. But you're going to know soon enough." He smiled and stroked my face, pushing my hair back gently before leaning in to kiss me. I vaguely expected the kiss to wake me from my slumber like a princess in a fairy tale. But this kiss simultaneously woke me and pushed me further under his spell. I was bursting with energy and all I wanted was for him to touch me. Anywhere he wanted, for as long as he wanted and he seemed to know that since suddenly his hands were everywhere stoking the energy even higher.
His thumbs found their way to my nipples and I couldn't stop from moaning into his mouth. That seemed to encourage him and suddenly his mouth had left mine and his lips were working their way down my body, then I felt the chill of his tongue circling the place where his right thumb had been. That perked me right up and when I lifted my head, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind him. It took me a second to grasp that the wanton looking woman with the wide eyes and the swollen lips was me. I couldn't stay focused on that new facet of myself for long though as Edward's right hand had found its way to my hip and was busy working its way to a place it had never been.
He paused at the edge of my blue bikini panties to drive me crazy, stroking his fingers lazily along the inside of my thighs and tracing the patterns in the lace trim until I thought I would have to scream. "Edward please…you're…it's too much and not enough. You're driving me crazy."
He lifted his head from my breast to murmur softly. "Am I really? Hmm, I wonder what I could do to fix that little problem for you…" His eyes gleamed at me wickedly just before he hooked a finger in the side and slid them off me. He held them up for a second. "As pretty as these are, I think I don't like obstacles in my way." Tossing them away, he whispered, "I think I just discovered the first new rule for our honeymoon," before bringing his fingers back to rest on my lower lips. "Pretty little Bella. I think I need you to lie down for me. I want you to be comfortable."
I nodded and started to slide the rest of the way onto my back as he pulled away from me for a second to grab a pillow from the floor. Before I could get myself settled completely, he slid the pillow under my hips and moved so that he was lying between my legs. He didn't give me a chance to react to his intent; instead he used his fingers to hold me open so he could taste me at his leisure. It was all I could do not to clamp my legs around his head as he traced dizzying patterns into my flesh with his tongue. I was aware of a breathy moaning coming from somewhere, but it was not until one of his long thin fingers replaced his tongue that I realized I was the one moaning. It just got louder when his tongue moved to my clit and he slipped a finger into me.
Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore and the tension was starting to become unbearable, he slid another finger into me. There was a slow twisty motion to his movements that had me chanting, "more, please, more" over and over again, in between moans. I didn't need to see his face to know how much he was enjoying what he was doing to me. I could feel it in every twist and thrust, as he coaxed sounds from me that I never thought I would make. Still, when he sped up and added a third finger, I couldn't stop myself from screaming – especially not when the tension finally broke and it felt like pieces of me were scattered all over the room!
I wasn't surprised to find him cradling me a few minutes later and swearing. I know an explosion like that one would have knocked anyone out. But, when I opened my eyes, I wasn't totally prepared for the pleased grin that spread across his face or, the smug look in his eyes as he spoke. "Hey, you. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just got a little loopy there for a second, but I'm feeling just perfect now."
"Perfect?" He asked with a big smile.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, since I knew what it felt like to need reassurance "Yes, it was great. You were great. We have officially tried and it was a success." I yawned. "If you give me a moment we can attempt the big show, where I'm sure you'll excel too."
"In a moment you're going to be asleep. The big show, as you put it, can wait until tomorrow. Our flight's leaving relatively early and I want you to get some rest."
"I need a human moment first and possibly something to drink. I'm feeling parched." He chuckled at me as I made my way to the bathroom while he rummaged in the fridge for a drink.
It was better than I expected when I checked myself out. I was bleeding – just a little bit – and I could tell I might be a little sore in the morning, but all in all everything seemed fine. I cleaned myself up and made my way back to bed. Along the way, I noticed my panties on the floor, and I bent down to pick them up, but Edward was there before me, and they disappeared into one of his hands.
"You wouldn't want to break the rules so quickly would you?" He handed me a glass of cranberry juice, "Here, drink up. And while you're drinking that, let me be very clear about the things that are going to please me on our honeymoon. I don't want you to wear underwear to bed. I do want you to tell me if something is scaring you or hurting you. I want you to eat right and get plenty of rest. Most importantly, I want you to let me take care of you without you trying to stop me or feeling bad about it. Is that clear?"
I took a long swallow of juice as I let his words swirl around in my head. I'd read enough online to have a pretty clear idea of what he wanted, and although a part of me wanted to resist another part of me was just curious enough to give it a whirl.
"I was only going to pick them up. I wasn't planning on wearing them. But, I do like them very much so I didn't want to accidentally forget them. I said I was going to be submissive for three weeks and I will be, as long as submissive does not mean I give up thinking for myself. Okay?"
"Okay." He took my empty glass from my hand and swept me up into his arms "Now, how about you get some rest, my love." I let him lay me down and kiss me gently. I was already drifting away by the time he started humming my lullaby.