I tried bargaining, pleading, and at one point I'm pretty sure I actually resorted to begging. None of it swayed him. The only true respite I got was when he allowed me to have a human moment in the most luxurious bathroom I'd ever seen on an airplane before feeding me my lunch. It took everything I had to resist the temptation to ease my pain when I was out of his sight, but I knew he'd know what I'd done and for some reason I didn't want to disappoint him by ending this game before he wanted it to be over. So I used the facilities quickly and meekly returned to my place on his lap. His smile when I sat down and put my hands behind my back was brilliant and so full of love I couldn't regret my decision.
Not when he teased me right to the brink before going to wash his hands and get my lunch while I tried to remember how to breathe. Not during lunch when the tension between us was almost palpable as I slowly ate grapes from his hand and he spoke of how beautiful he found my submission. Not even when he decided that he needed to taste me afterward and had me lie back so that he could use his tongue until I was trembling again. He pulled me back into his lap and cradled me lovingly until the tremors stopped. For a brief moment I thought he'd finally decided to relent and let me have a little peace, but then his hands were on me again and I was back to skating on the edge of a pleasure so intense it was almost painful.
The announcement that we would be landing soon interrupted that final torturous climb but the break wasn't exactly a relief. When Edward freed my wrists and would have helped me back into my seat I clung to his neck and whimpered, "I'm going to be insane before we get wherever we're going. Why do you enjoy torturing me like this?"
He whispered "This isn't about torturing you. It's just not time yet, little one" as he removed my arms from his neck and secured me in my seat. "You've been such a good patient girl, now you just have to trust me when I say that your patience will be rewarded." His voice was soft, but his eyes were hungry when I looked into them "I think if you're honest with yourself you know that it made you feel good to obey my wishes. Be honest with yourself and with me. Was this really so terrible?"
Trapped in his gaze I felt compelled to give him as much of the truth as I had even though the idea of voicing my thoughts had my heart pounding like a jackhammer. "It made me feel a lot of things. I'm not sure whether or not good is on the list. I want you so much it hurts right now, and I want to please you. But those two urges seem to be mutually exclusive." I held my arms the same way I had in our hotel room, only this time my elbows were propped on my knees and I stared at my palms as I spoke, "It's like the more control I give you, the more out of control I feel. I'm doing things that I never thought I'd do. Things I don't think I ever even thought about doing, and it's so hard, and yet so easy to do them. My skin is suddenly too small and I'm struggling to remember how to function when I'm not restrained even though that just started this morning and it should be what feels foreign. I'm not sure that even made sense because I'm so scattered right now."
I tried to hide my face in my hands, but had to settle for letting my hair swing forward as he captured my wrists again in his left hand "Does this help? Or is it just making things more difficult?" His tone was mild, as though he was asking about the weather and not the twisted confines of his new bride's mind.
I peeked at him through the veil of my hair, half expecting his face to have assumed the remote blandness he hid behind when he was uncomfortable. Instead Edward's eyes were glittering with triumph, his beautiful face lit with a hungry smile. "Please answer me honestly Bella. I can't be sure that I'm doing the right thing if you edit your responses."
"It...uh...I think it helps. It's a little easier to focus." I was still too embarrassed to look at him directly as I said "Thank you for not thinking I'm a freak for feeling this way."
He arched one perfect eyebrow "That would be more than a little hypocritical since I'm glad I could make you feel this way. You have no idea how happy it makes me to know I'm not the only one mired in this wild tangle of emotions. Every time you do as I say...it thrills me in ways I can't explain. You can't understand how much this means to me. To know that you're willing to be this way, to do these things, it is everything." He pushed my hair back and kissed a trail from my lips down to my collarbone and back up again until I was breathless.
By the time the pilot announced we were at the gate I wanted to weep from frustration, but I consoled myself with the idea that the torment would soon come to an end. Edward wasn't in much better shape, his hands were gentle, but I could feel how tense he was as he helped me onto the tarmac. The clouds massing overhead did little to dim the beauty of our clearly tropical location.
In an effort to distract us both I said "It's so warm. And it's gorgeous. Where are we?" I peered around looking for a sign or something besides lush foliage and beautiful flowers, but I couldn't see anything aside from the plane and a waiting car.
"We are in Fiji, but this is not exactly our final destination. We still have a short boat trip ahead of us." He glanced down at me "And then we can finish our...discussion from the plane."
I smiled at his chosen euphemism, until the meaning of the first sentence penetrated. My stomach lurched. "How short exactly?" The prospect of getting into the car had been much more exciting before I knew a boat trip lay ahead, but I still slid into the back seat and tried not to let my body language betray me.
Ever observant, he noticed my discomfort as soon as he sat down. "Let me guess, you're not a fan of boats." He squeezed my hand gently. "Is it seasickness or have you just never been on one?"
"Bit of both. The one time Charlie tried to take me everything went wrong. Somehow the canoe sprung a leak and before we could make it back to shore we sank. I wound up covered in mud and nearly swallowed a live minnow whole which was beyond disgusting. That was my first and last off shore fishing trip." I was bright red by the end of my tale, and very happy that it was getting darker even though I knew that wouldn't hide my embarrassment from his scrutiny.
"That sounds...remarkably tame considering your usual luck. Well, my darling little danger magnet I can promise you'll be in something more stable than a canoe. And I won't let you accidentally ingest any of the local fauna while it's still alive." He smiled down at me "Though I think I may have to ask you not to move once we're underway. I'd hate to have search the ocean for you if you somehow managed to be pulled overboard by a wandering sea monster."
"Sea monster? Don't tell me those are real too. With my luck it'll smell me and decide I'd make the perfect lunch." I glanced up to see his eyes were alight with amusement.
"I can't say for sure, as I've never felt the need to roam the ocean floor to discover what lives in the depths. But we'll take all the necessary precautions for now since you smell so delicious. And later, after you're more durable we can come back and look if you'd like."
It hit me then that we could do anything after my...renovations."Roam the ocean floor looking for sea monsters...we could do that couldn't we? Oh wow. I could see EVERYTHING. Ooh, can we go to Egypt? Maybe try to see inside the Sphinx?" I hoped my giddiness over the possibilities could keep us in a place where for once he didn't sound upset at the prospect of changing me.
He laughed "If you like. We will have a lot of time together and exploring the secrets of the world is as good a way as any to pass the time. At least when we're not enjoying other...pursuits."
I couldn't help smirking at the subtext of that comment. "I don't think we can spend all of our time doing that, if nothing else Alice will want me to go shopping with her. That could take days, especially now that she can travel the world to do it."
"If those shopping trips include anything like last night's attire then I'm all for it." He grinned at me, "Mind you, I'm perfectly willing to forgo such fripperies, so don't feel obliged to go on any major jaunts with my sister." He twisted his perfect features into a mockery of a suggestive leer.
I laughed at the expression on his face, but my glee was short-lived as the car ground to a halt. Edward flashed me a smile and said, "Breathe Bella. I'll take care of you." before hopping out of the car. He collected our luggage and led me down the dock to a small white yacht.
"Just wait for me to help you on board." He moved quickly to load our bags on board, his long legs easily spanning the gap between the deck and the wooden pier. I stepped forward, but he waved me back and spent a couple of seconds bustling around checking things out. Apparently everything was satisfactory as he spun to offer me his hand, his beautiful eyes encouraging. I took a deep breath, took a step forward and promptly tripped. Fortunately he caught me before I fell, though there was a moment when I thought I was going to really regret my lack of undergarments. "I can't let go of you for 5 seconds, can I?"
"Nope. Guess you'll have to keep me close forever." I let him guide me to a seat as he chuckled softly.
"It's a tough job, but I think I can manage. The benefits are outstanding." He wrapped a blanket around me "It'll be a little chilly on the water and I'd hate for you to get sick." before he cast off and fired up the engines to get us underway. I tried to look at where we were going, but the rapid motion of the boat and the waves made me queasy. I finally closed my eyes in self defense rather than risk losing my lunch. Courtesy of Edward's love for speeding it wasn't long before we were slowing down again. "Just stay put love. I'll get our luggage unloaded and then I'll come get you."
I nodded, but kept my eyes closed hoping to give my stomach a chance to settle before I had to move again. Apparently sensing my discomfort Edward lifted me into his arms and didn't set me down until we were on dry land. He whispered bemusedly "Bella, you might want to open your eyes."
I opened my eyes and then promptly shut them again, the sight in front of me was so overwhelming. After a few heartbeats I risked opening them again. A string of torches lit a path up the beach to a beautiful cabin glowing in the moonlight. It was the only structure that I could see and I quickly realized that we were completely alone. "Edward, it's beautiful. Where are we?"
"It doesn't really have a name. You can name it if you like, all it has is a number. The deed to it was among my parents' papers, I think some great grandfather was awarded it as a boon for services to the Crown. I actually forgot about it for years." He took my hand and we started walking up the path.
"I was going to sell it when I ran across the papers again, but when Alice heard I owned an island she wanted to see it. Then Rose decided it could be the perfect getaway for her and Emmett's many honeymoons. Between her and Alice..." He shot me a look and I laughed at the image of him trapped between his sisters "I had no hope of peace, so we turned into a little private vacation spot. Everyone has been here over the years but me. I know how much you miss warm weather, and how much you love to lay in the sun. I thought this could be the perfect way to spend at least part of our honeymoon."
"You own an island. We're on a private island." For some reason Lauren's face popped into my head and I started laughing at the thought of her possible reaction "Oh man, I can't even tell anybody about this, they'd never believe me."
"I'm just glad you're taking it so well." He smiled at me giddily, and then the world shifted because he'd swept me into his arms. We almost flew up the beach and into the cabin. I caught a glimpse of a table covered in flowers sitting outside under the stars, but he didn't stop until we were inside the cabin standing next to a very big bed. I glanced at it and then back to him and the tension I'd managed to push to the back of my mind came roaring back. I kissed him, and it was like unleashing a flood. He maneuvered us both onto the bed, never breaking the contact between our bodies and then I ripped the buttons off his shirt in my haste to get to his bare skin. That made him pause in his efforts to ease my dress off, and I glanced up to find him blinking in shock.
"I'm sorry..." I started to stammer, embarrassed by my behavior. I just couldn't seem to control myself around him at all.
He pressed his hand to my lips "Don't you dare apologize. I just need a second to calm down. When you're so clear about how much you want to be with me it can be a very heady experience." He took a few shallow breaths before flopping onto his back "It's very hard to think clearly right now."
I grinned at him, "Now you know how I feel all the time." I knelt next to him on the bed and started kissing my way down his torso, "You've been driving me crazy all day." I unbuttoned his jeans, and was sliding the zipper down when he grabbed my hands.
"I meant it when I said I needed time to calm down. What I want to do right now, and what I can do right now are two very different things."
I recognized the firm tone of voice that usually meant we'd reached the end of the line, and I was not happy about it. "We established yesterday that this makes things easier for you. Why must you be so damned frustrating?!"
"I'm not trying to be frustrating. I'm trying not to accidentally hurt you. Or kill you. This place isn't near any hospitals and if I lose control even for a second..." He sighed "I know I promised to make the waiting worth it, and I will, but right now I don't have enough control to be sure I can keep in mind how fragile you are. Please my love, don't be angry at me."
The plea in his voice softened my anger, but I couldn't help shifting on the bed impatiently while I waited for him to compose himself. He chuckled softly every time I rubbed my thighs together, before finally saying "I'm almost tempted to tell you to relieve that little...itch yourself, but I'm not quite that generous. I want you to take off your dress Bella."
His voice was back to that same velvety command that had turned off my brain so quickly earlier, and I wasn't any better about resisting this time either. I scrambled to get my dress off and would have reached to touch him, but he shook his head. I let my hands fall back to my sides and he rewarded me with a laconic smile even as I reddened. "So beautiful." He stretched out one hand and gently stroked my breasts. "I know you don't see yourself very clearly, and we're going to work on that later. For now I just want to see you. See my beautiful wife. Do you know if I could, I'd keep you like this? Naked, and wanting, and in my bed."
"I think we can probably work that into our schedule. Well, except the wanting part." His fingers trailed over my stomach slowly and I shuddered at the idea of a repeat of what he'd done to me on the plane. "Edward please, I don't know if I can wait much longer."
"You could. If you had to. If I wanted you to wait. But, as it happens I don't want to wait either." He sat up, and I fell backwards. By the time I'd righted myself he'd managed to divest himself of his clothes before laying back down. "I had something else planned, but I think this will work out better for both of us. Come here Bella."
I crawled toward him and he groaned "What's wrong Edward?"
"My mind is determined to show me things I can't have right now." The look in his eyes promised it was something darkly seductive, and I shivered a little when I realized that I didn't need to know what it was to be willing to give it to him.
"You can have anything you want from me. I belong to you, remember?" I sat back on my heels once I was at his side, and some instinct had me put my hands behind my back and dip my head demurely.
He groaned again, then positioned me so that I was straddling him, before moving us both to the middle of the bed. I leaned forward to kiss him and he met me halfway. He murmured "You keep offering yourself to me my love. And though it may damn us both, I can't seem to refuse the gift." before plundering my mouth.
I felt his erection pressing against me, and my patience gave way. My wrists were cupped loosely in his hand, but he didn't stop me when I pulled them free. I had to break the kiss to see what I was doing, and we both moaned at the loss of contact, but the second my hand closed around him, he fell back onto the bed gasping.
His voice trembling, he said "Oh, God. I think if I just don't let myself move I can do this...but I might not be able to stop myself. You have to tell me if I'm hurting you. Do you understand Bella?"
I nodded vigorously, willing to try anything to still the persistent throbbing ache that had taken over my body. I fumbled a little trying to guide him into my body, but the sensation when the cool tip brushed against my heat gave me a deftness I'd never known was possible. I braced myself with one hand against his twitching stomach muscles and slowly slid myself down his length. It was like finding a piece of myself I'd never known was missing. It took everything I had to hold still and let us both adjust once we were joined, but my head was spinning and Edward hissed so loud I knew he was struggling too.
I wanted to ask him if he could handle me moving, but my body wasn't under my control any more. Waiting until I was sure we were both ready wasn't an option. It rose and fell in a rhythm that set my heart racing, while Edward shuddered beneath me and the built up tension of the day finally found a release valve. I was flying and falling, diving and drowning, climbing and spinning, burning and freezing all at once and it was wonderful. Pleasure raced through me so hard and fast that it hurt and still I couldn't stop moving. I tried to look at Edward's face, to see how what was happening was affecting him but it was impossible to keep my eyes open. It took everything I had to hang onto him. Suddenly all the feelings coalesced into one huge wave of intense pleasure and I was swept under just as Edward's hips started to buck against me. The feeling of him thrusting tipped me right into another orgasm just as I was starting to resurface and I found myself floating while my body spasmed and shook. Edward's back bowed abruptly, his voice harsh as he whispered "I love you". I could feel him relax under me after his release and I was vaguely aware that he was clutching me to his chest while my body shook. But, all I could do was ride out the sensations until finally my body was my own again and I was sprawled across his chest gasping for air.
"Bella, are you in there?" His voice rumbled in my ear.
"Mm...still me I think. Not sure." I shivered a little as my body finally figured out that laying on an ice cube wasn't exactly comfy despite our tropical location. He sat up still holding me against him and pulled a blanket over us.
"Are you okay? There's food if you're hungry or thirsty."
"Mostly I'm sleepy." As if to prove my point a huge yawn burst out of me. "I'm doing just fine besides this pressing need to sleep for a week. Are you okay?"
He laughed "Okay doesn't remotely begin to describe how I feel right now. Go to sleep my love, we'll talk when you wake up." He started humming my lullaby then, though I didn't need it. I was already slipping away into dreamland.
I awoke refreshed and alone. I had a moment of panic before I reminded myself that he loved me and had probably simply gotten up to tend to something while I slept. A soft "Edward?" was met with him appearing in the doorway bearing a tray of food.
"Hey beautiful. Did you get enough rest?"
"I think so." My stomach rumbled as he set the tray down. The bowl of chicken fettucine alfredo looked fabulous "Mm, that smells good. Did you cook?"
"Sort of, it's these prepackaged meals that Alice found on the Internet. They come with all the ingredients and sauces and stuff. I just had to follow the instructions. It was really easy."
"Thank you." I started to reach for the tray and he cleared his throat meaningfully. "Oops, sorry. I'm just really hungry." He nodded in understanding, but I still had to wait until he had me situated on his lap with my blanket before he scooped up the first mouthful. I tried to eat quickly, but he set a pace that forced me to relax into his embrace. By the time I'd finished the last bite it dawned on me that he wasn't holding my wrists and I still hadn't reached for the fork once. The look on his face told me he'd noticed too.
"Good girl." He set me back on the bed gently"There's dessert if you're still hungry. It's something involving several flavors of chocolate."
"Not right now. Maybe later." I was feeling sticky and I glanced around trying to figure out what else was hidden in this house "I could use a shower. Which way is the bathroom?"
"There's a door on the other side of that wall." He pointed to a short wall on the far side of the bed "Let me put this away and I'll join you."
"I'll wait for you in there." As soon as he left the room I scooted around the corner to tend to my other human needs as quickly as I could. By the time he returned I was standing in front of the shower trying to figure out why there was no wall on the other side of it.
"It's set up that way so that it doesn't get too hot in here. We built it to human specifications on the off chance that we'd want to rent it out when no one was using it."
"How did you know what I was thinking?"
"I've gotten very good at reading your face. Besides I was amused by it when we first got the plans drawn up. Esme based them off similar homes on other islands here." He reached past me to turn on the shower, "Is this too warm?"
I shook my head, so nervous once it hit me that I was actually taking a shower with him that I couldn't manage to speak. I stood under the spray for a few seconds letting the water soothe away fears about his possible opinion of my body that I knew were ridiculous.
He waited until I stepped out of the flow of water to say "You're very quiet. What are you thinking?"
"Nothing, I'm just thinking about the day is all. A lot happened." It wasn't really a lie, the new developments in our relationship were also on my mind. I tried to hid behind my hair so he couldn't tell that I was editing, but it was too wet to be much help.
"That's not all you're thinking about, but as I can guess the other parts so why don't we address everything at once?" My shampoo bottle appeared in his hand. I didn't bother trying to reach for it, I just turned my back so he could have at my hair while he spoke, "You're having one of your inexplicable moments of insecurity, and you're breaking the rules by trying to hide it from me. "Have I ever given you reason to doubt that I find you attractive?" His voice was gruff, but his touch was gentle as he worked the shampoo through my hair.
"No. I know that I'm being ridiculous when I get this way, that's why I wasn't going to say anything to you." He didn't say anything in response, and for a moment I thought that he was going to let it go. My luck has never been that good.
He just waited until my hair was clean and laden with conditioner before saying "We agreed on complete honesty didn't we?"
"Yeah, I just didn't want you to be mad at me..."
He leaned in and cut me off with a kiss "I do not understand why you insist on thinking these things, but I don't want you to hide them from me. I won't get mad at you." Soapy hands skimmed my body until every square inch of me was clean and very, very aware of his attraction to me. I tried to return the favor, but he wasn't feeling cooperative and in the end I found myself standing outside the shower wrapped in a large towel while he dried my hair with another one.
He was so quiet I finally spoke up "If you're not mad at me then why aren't you talking?"
"Because I have an idea that I'm trying to figure out how to bring up without you freaking out." His voice was melodious, "In the short term it is easy enough to simply tell you to do something, but this is more than just a momentary change. And I'd prefer not to upset you, but this is important to me."
I did my best to sound casual as I said "If it's that important to you just say it. How bad could it be?" Inside I was quaking, but I had disappointed him once that night, so I knew I wouldn't do it again by refusing his newest desire.
He pulled the towel away from my body and led me back into the bedroom. He stopped in front of a vanity table with a large mirror hanging over it and pulled me in front of him to face it. His hands on my hips held me in place. "This is my favorite view to in the whole world. We are absolutely alone for at least the next week. So, for the rest of the time we're here I'd like you to let me enjoy the view. No hiding behind your hair, no baggy t-shirts. Just you learning to be comfortable in your skin and me being able to see you all the time."
I didn't need to look at my reflection to know I was bright red. Instead I focused on his eyes in the mirror. That same dark seductiveness was back and I couldn't say no to it. I managed to nod my head, and his hands slid over my hips and up to cup my breasts.
"Do you know when you're the most beautiful?" He pressed a trail of kisses across my shoulders, "When you're coming apart in my arms. I love to watch you gasping and moaning and saying my name while I'm pleasuring you." One hand trailed down my torso, nimble fingers moving to stroke and pluck in ways that made my head swim. "Keep your eyes open." He chided softly, as he moved to press kisses down my back.
"I'm trying. You're making it very difficult." My legs started shaking when I realized what he intended to do-what he intended for me to watch him doing to me.
"Am I? Oh well, we'll have plenty of time to practice. I want you to try your hardest this time though. " He was almost kneeling now, still kissing his way to his goal.
I started shaking all over, and then his mouth was on me, all cold, firm, and utterly relentless in his efforts to drive me out of my mind. I did my best to keep my eyes open and focused on the mirror while he sucked and licked in all the right ways until I couldn't think straight. I watched my reflection coming apart for as long as I could and then everything went loose and distant when he slid his tongue into me and my eyes swept shut of their own accord. He gathered me into his arms when I stopped shaking and carried me over to the bed.
"No, I think I'm ready for dessert though. And something to drink. You're insatiable."I managed to sound almost grumpy, but he wasn't fooled by my tone.
His laughter bore a striking resemblance to a lion's roar "If you didn't insist on being so tempting I could probably learn to control myself."
"This from the guy that just told me he wants me to stay naked for...how long are we going to be here?"
"Depends, there's enough food to last a couple of weeks but I didn't know if there were some other places you might want to go. But no matter where we go, if we're alone I'm pretty much going to want you to be naked."
"So, basically you want me nude for eternity. I think you just like being tempted. You are the masochistic lion after all."
"And you're the lamb that fell in love with me. If I'm the masochist, then what are you?"
I didn't have an answer to that question so I settled for pouting. He kissed me of course and then sprang away, returning quickly with another tray. This time I settled myself into his lap and didn't resist when he set the pace. We talked about everything and nothing for hours until I drifted off to sleep in his arms.