Author's Note: Haha I'm back with another humor story. Catchy title, eh? I randomly came up with an idea for this story. I always kind of wanted to make a comedy about Hermione's thoughts in first person. Of course this story is Harry/Hermione. I have a few more story ideas racked in my brain, but they're staying there for now and yeah. My "funniness" (is that even a word?) in my humor stories isn't that great, I don't think, so please bear with me as I try to sound more funny and sarcastic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
I Accidently Kissed Harry Potter
Chapter One: It's Wrong to Curse
I was probably going to be late to Potions class.
I knew that it was 'wrong to curse' and all, and mum and dad would kill me if they heard me swear, but hellish situations like this are swearing magnets. And the magnetic strength was too much for me to resist. There. Argument won.
My heart was beating so rapidly that it felt like it was slamming against my rip cage. Which is unhealthy. It's also unhealthy to be late to class. Well, at least, for a person like me who is obsessive over her grades. One late could ruin my prefect status for good. Although Ronald has been late to several classes, nobody really notices.
But if I, Hermione Granger, was late to class, my teachers would never let me live it down. I'd get detention -- detention! -- and those kind of things go on your record. And people would remember who you were. I mean, it's not like people don't know who I am. I'm the braniac sidekick of Harry Potter, according to the general public. Just that "Granger girl". But Harry and I knew better. I was a braniac, I had to admit, but I certainly wasn't a bloody sidekick. I will be reduced to that when hell freezes over. Or when my PMSing gets so bad that Harry will no longer be able to handle it. Heck, I don't think that Harry and Ron will ever adjust to my "girl changes" any time soon.
I turned around. It was Harry. Isn't it ironic how whenever you think about someone vividly, they randomly show up, and then you feel really awkward, like as though they read your thoughts?
"Hi, Harry," I said casually, trying to act like I didn't care if I was going to be late to Potions class.
"We're going to be late to Potions class," he said breathlessly. "And you don't care?"
I shrugged. "Why are you so out of breath?" My eyebrows automatically lifted themselves without my command.
"Oh, come on, Hermione," Harry said, looking away from me for a moment and wiping beads of sweat off his forehead. "I wasn't -- I mean, I was talking to Ginny, and I lost track of time. I'm out of breath from running, Hermione."
I shrugged again. His answer seemed ligit, I suppose. Although he was kind of freaking me out with the I'm-totally-open-with-talking-about-Ginny-with-you,-Hermione. Maybe he didn't know that I had a school girl crush on him.
School girl crush: n. when a friend of a very attractive boy has the beginnings of true romantic feelings for this boy, but the school girl knows better and decides to fake sexual tension with her other friend that is a boy. The boy whom the crush is upon has no idea about his friend, the girl, having a school girl crush on him, so he is very open to this girl with lots of stuff. Therefore, they have a connection that could easily turn to romance the boy is just so freaking oblivious that it's silly.
Yeah, he had no idea that I had a school girl crush on him.
"C'mon," Harry said, urging me to sprint to Potions class with him. He began with a jog.
Harry looked kind of cute when he was jogging, desperate to make an attempt at being on time to a class. Shrugging for a third time, I began running with him.
"Harry, m'boy!" Professor Slughorn greeted us...well, he greeted Harry, but the "Granger girl" had just slipped his mind. "Just on time, just on time..."
"Hermione!" Ron said as Harry and I sat down at our desk. His eyes widened. "You were almost late to class!" He covered his mouth with his hand. I smacked him with mine. "What were you two doing, anyways?" His eyebrows raised the same way mine had just a few moments before when I was in the corridor with Harry.
"Both of you!" Harry said, still breathing heavily. "How come whenever I'm out of breath and sweating, I'm automatically accused of doing something -- something -- "
"Sexual?" I suggested.
"Don't make the situation more awkward than it already is," Harry said.
"It's not my fault that you don't want to say the word 'sexual' in my presence."
"Okay, class," Professor Slughorn interupted our discussion by beginning the lesson. "Today, we're going to read chapters ten, eleven, and twelve, then discuss. We'll begin making a mystery potion, one of my favorites, and we'll finish tomorrow..."
I jumped nearly two feet out of my chair.
I turned my head to my right, and there was Harry kneeling beside the table that I was sitting at in the library.
"Harry, you scared the living daylights out of me!" I snapped in a hushed tone. "I was about to hex you!"
"Sorry," he said, standing up and sitting next to me.
"Why did you sneak up on me, anyways?" I ask curiously without looking at him.
My eyes were focused on my Transfiguration textbook, which was also what Harry should have been focusing on because we were scheduled to have a Transfiguration test tomorrow. Not like he would bother with studying or anything, no matter how much of a nag I was about it.
"Madam Pince doesn't like me," he admitted.
"She doesn't like anyone," I said, still glancing at my textbook.
There was an awkward silence between us for a few moments. The only sound that I heard was hushed voices of perhaps five other people in the library.
"Anyways," Harry continued, "I need your help."
I looked away from my textbook. This was serious. Harry Potter was reaching out for help. It must've had something to do with girls.
"Okay. Tell me," I said, trying to hide the anxiousness and curiousity in my voice.
"Well, I mean, I shouldn't really -- "
It was so about girls.
" -- it's kind of awkward to be talking to you about this -- "
I could totally tell. I was one hundred percent accurate. It was about girls.
" -- but I can't talk to Ron, really, because he'd probably hex me into the next century -- "
"Do you think Ginny likes me?"
See, I knew it. It was about girls.
"Harry..." I said sweetly, thinking about my response.
"I didn't even say anything yet!" I whispered with a harsh tone. "Do you want the truth, though?"
Harry hesitantly nodded, looking rather nervous.
"Okay," I said, turning my body completely so that I was facing him. I carefully studied his physical appearance, and I took advantage of this opportunity. I could stare at him all I wanted for a minute or two, pretending like I had never thoroughly looked at him before and I needed to evaluate him. But I knew his appearance very well, actually. It's not like I obsessively stared at him (please, it's a school girl crush, not an I'm-madly-in-love crush), but I have certainly cast covert glances at him before. His hair was messy, as usual, now. His glasses were slightly off-balance on the bridge of his nose. His lips were curved into a nervous smile, and his eyes...God, Harry's eyes...They were the most attractive part of him. I mean, nobody's eyes could possibly be that green. But it worked for him.
"I think that she does like you."
"Really?" he asked hopefully.
It hurt to nod, but I was glad that he was happy. "I mean, any girl with half a brain would like you."
I did not just say that. I did not just say that! I certainly had two halves of a brain, Harry knew that, and now he was going to think that I liked him.
"I'm just saying," I said plainly, looking back at my textbook. That's right, Hermione. Just play it cool.
Harry, being oblivious to any sign that I liked him, seemed to take no notice. Thank goodness. Or maybe he just seemed to, but he really did.
"Did you mean that?"
Shit. He noticed.
"Well...yeah, I guess," I said. There was a hint of guilt in my voice, like I got caught stealing cookies from a dang cookie jar. I wonder what the wizarding equivalence of that would be...
"Hermione?" he asked nervously.
Okay, I couldn't help it. I looked over at him. "Oh my God, what is it? I just said one stupid thing, you don't have to go on about it -- "
But before I knew what was going on, my lips were pressing against Harry's with such a passionate force that I was about to fall out of my bloody chair. And then my hands crept behind his neck, and his hands cupped my face and I smiled against his lips...Don't wake up I thought to myself, because this certainly must have been a dream. I was dreaming.
Harry pulled away and I kind of just sat there, looking like a deer in headlights. "Um..." he said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "Sorry."
"No, I-I'm sorry," I said awkwardly.
I blinked a few times, letting stupid reality sink in. I wasn't sure if I kissed him, or if it was him who made the first move. Either way, I knew that I kissed Harry Potter, and all hell was about to break loose. I could tell, especially since Harry was now walking away and muttering apologies over his shoulder. Oh yeah, hell was breaking free of its chains and coming straight towards me.
Author's Note: Very different from my other stories, but what is a teenage-rated humor story without the words "shit" and "sexual"? Gracias for reading. Pretty please review! I reply to all of my replies personally :D