I just wanted to tell you this on your wedding day. The day that I lose you forever. ('The day I lose you forever' it hurts so much to even think that.) I couldn't say this face to face. I can't even look you in the eye. And it hurts to share your mind, when all you think about is her. It hurts to know that you love her like you used to love me, but so much more.
I hate it when you do the things to her that you used to do to me. Like kissing the palm of her hand when she reaches out to touch your face or pull something out of your hair. Or how you kiss the edge of her mouth as you pull away from whispering something into her ear. It hurts to hear you say 'I love you' so willingly, when all I want is for you to say that back to me.
The last time you said it to me was right before you left my house the night before Emily came. You said "Leah, forever and ever, it's only you. I love you. More than life itself." Those words are forever etched into my mind. I can hear them as plainly as the day you said them. When I close my eyes all I see is you. I see the way you used to smile at me, the way you do to her now, and that's why I try to keep my eyes open. It hurts to see you.
Maybe it's my fault. I think about it all the time. If I had just loved you enough. Loved you like you needed to be loved, like she loves you. Then maybe...maybe you would still be mine. Maybe it would be gravity holding you to this earth, maybe it would be me. Not Emily. I can't help but think that if I had just done things differently. If I hadn't made you come to dinner to meet my best friend, my sister, the one person I loved almost as much as you..If I hadn't thrown a fit and made you come. What would've happened then? Would you have met her some other way? Perhaps at our own wedding? What would have become of us then? What if I hadn't invited her at all? I can't help but think that I could have prevented this. Kept us together. Kept us whole. But then, you wouldn't really be whole would you? Not without Emily.
I was so mad when it first happened. When you didn't want me anymore. When you craved nothing more than Emily in your arms. When you told me that you didn't love me anymore. When I found out about you and Em, I was angry. So, so angry. I wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to hurt. I wished that Em would tell you no. That you belonged with me. I wished that she would do that, and for a while, it seemed she would. And then she got hurt, and it all changed. It was as if the scars on her face tied her to you in some unexplainable way. You two were together and I was forgotten. It's only now that I understand.
I've seen what imprinting does. I've seen how it hurts, physically and mentally, to be away from that person. I can't be mad anymore. I can't hate you, I can't hate Emily. I'm not mad anymore, I'm just hurt. I don't think that hurt will ever go away. No matter how long I wait. It hurts to see you with her, happy. But at the same time, I'm glad you are. Because if there's one person that I would want you to be with. That I would want to take you away from me. It would Emily. Sweet, sweet Emily. My cousin, my best friend, my confidante, my sister. I love you both and I wish you nothing but the best.
I'll always love you, and you'll always hold that special place in my heart. but I'm letting go. I hope you can too. One last time, Sam. Forever and ever, it's only you. I love you, more than life itself.
A/N: So I wrote this the other night when I was angry and upset and all that other good stuff. It literally just popped into my head and I quickly wrote it down before I lost it. I'm putting it up because I read it to my grandma (another rabid Twihard) and she said that I must put it up. So I did. for her. I hope everyone else likes it as much as she did.