Let's see how many puns I can put in one fic

Dialogue fic

Set in the Marauders' fourth year. Sirius and Remus have just kissed for the first time.

Author Note: Basically, I was just thinking about the typical "Sirius/Serious" play on words when I decided to try and write a fic composed mainly of puns. And voila, here it is. One of the lines here was inspired by something my friend unthinkingly said after our prom, which caused us all to have hysterics for about five minutes.

"But I thought you liked girls?"

"Let's get one thing straight – I'm not."

"But how do I know you're serious?"

"Why, Remus I'm offended, you still don't know who I am, even after all these years."

"Stop fooling around Sirius."

"I wish I was fooling around. With you."

"Maybe we should go somewhere more private. Come with me."

"I'd be happy to 'come with you'."

"Stop twisting my words!"

"Can I at least stroke them gently?"

"Sure. Wait, what?"

"Never mind. So, you were talking about coming?"

"Seriously, I'm gonna head off if you don't stop."


"Sirius. Hello?"

"Sorry. The minute you said 'head' I tuned out."

"Shall we change the subject?"

"Ok. So, are you going to an after party tonight?"

"I already told you Sirius, I'm not going to The After Party."

"Yeah well, you could be going to a secret one I wasn't invited to."



"Yeah…in my bed."


"Wait, stop laughing, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant I'm going to bed after the ball, not to an after party."

"So…who's on the guest list for your party?"

"Grrr. I already told you, there is no party!"

"Can I come?"

"How should I know? If you're having trouble then maybe you should see a healer."

"Fuck you."