I don't own these characters, they're all Stephenie Meyer's…all of them but Stephen, he's my dude ;D
This idea popped into my head a while back and I finally got 'round to writing it up. Let me know what you think! It's a one shot, so don't expect any more!
"Good morning Stephen. If I could have my client list please." I greeted my receptionist on yet another dark and gloomy Monday morning in Forks.
"Sure, here." He yawned as he lazily shoved a sheet of paper into my hand and returned to his coffee.
"Thanks…" I sighed before I headed to my office. At my office door I skim read my name plaque which boasted my name, my degrees and my job title. A counsellor. After decades of studying different subjects, I felt like I finally found my niche with being a counsellor. The fact that I could read people's mind was a great advantage in my profession along with the fact that I could hear my patient's heart rate and therefore knew if they lied to me. I was an award winning counsellor due to my great success. My record was unmatched or even neared by any other in the nearby states seeing as it was practically perfect. Except for one blip. Named Bella.
I entered my office, passed the comfortable sofa that none of my patients, bar one even lay on because they all saw it as a prop. No one really lay on a sofa when they talked to me, the counsellor. 'They only did that in the films', according to all but one of my clients.
I walked around my heavy black, wooden desk and sat in my large red recliner. This piece of furniture was the only thing that I had chosen for myself. Alice bought everything else for me from the tiresome artwork which were 'expressive' to the colossal bookcase behind me which I actually loved seeing as it spanned right along the length of the wall.
Glancing at the clock on the other end of the room, I noted that it was almost 8am. Bella would be here soon as always on a Monday morning. She had been coming to see me for a year now and I had yet to crack her. She was humiliatingly, my longest running client seeing as I was unable to hear her thoughts. The rest of my family found this little fact hilarious, except for Esme who was sympathetic to Bella because I couldn't immediately help her and Carlisle who was astounded by the one exception to my talent.
As the clock ticked slowly on, I reclined in my chair and remembered back to the first day that Bella had arrived here, almost exactly 1year ago.
I sat in my chair behind my desk, reading through my client list for the day. The new name on the top didn't immediately draw my attention seeing as I usually had two or three new clients in on a Monday morning, but after reading the whole list, I returned to the top to the first name.
Miss Isabella Marie Swan, 16.
I read the synopsis beneath her name which briefly explained to me the reason that she would be here for her first appointment.
Father found her two weeks ago in her truck. Attempted Carbon dioxide poisoning. Treated at Forks hospital by a Dr Carlisle Cullen. Before suicide attempt, patient suffered from sleepless nights, nightmares and seemed disjointed. Now suffers from all of previous and has gone on to develop, mood swings, becoming afraid of the dark and being alone in unfamiliar surroundings or with men.
This shouldn't be too hard to figure out, I thought as I set down the list and stood up to pace the expanse of the bookcase behind my desk. The attempted suicide was a little frightening in such a small town like Forks. It was equally surprising to find that Carlisle had treated this girl and hadn't mentioned a word to me. Not that he should, it was against patient confidentiality, but I usually picked up things that were on Carlisle's mind like this case usually would have been. Something already felt odd about this one.
A few moments later, I could distinctly hear the sound of people talking on the other side of the door. Stephen and another man. Chief Swan. I couldn't hear Isabella talking or hear her thoughts, but I guessed that she had her mind on shutdown if she was disjointed and suffered from sleepless nights. Being up early on a Monday morning wouldn't really encourage mind productivity.
Award winning…this guy better be…if he doesn't cure my Bells… Chief swan rambled in his mind while Stephen ran him through signing the appropriate forms seeing as 'Bells' wasn't 18 yet.
I listened in on Stephen and Chief Swan's thoughts for long enough to know that they would be entering the room soon enough, so I sat behind my desk and pulled Isabella's case file out ready.
A light tap sounded on the door which I responded to with an audible "Come in."
I steeled myself as a mouth-watering aroma preceded the party. I knew that the aroma didn't belong to Stephen seeing as he had worked for me for some time now, and I guessed that it wasn't Chief Swan's from its floral quality. It had to be Isabella that I yearned to sink my teeth into.
I was eternally grateful of the open window nearby that blew in a fresh gust of air and sobered my senses while Stephen indicated to the Chief and his daughter to sit. I tried my best not to stare at the girl, but it was hard not to. She was as beautiful as her scent was torturous, but her beauty was however marred by dark circles which ringed beneath her eyes and the almost gray, unhealthy pallor to her skin. It was evident that she wasn't getting enough sleep and was plagued by something or someone.
A professional? How can this kid be qualified? He only looks around twenty and I don't like the way he's looking at my Bells…he better see how empty she looks… Chief Swan spat in his mind while he tried his best not to glare at me.
Hoping that he understood, I nodded once after having given Bella a quick look and could tell that she had lost weight and was battling some serious demons. Thus far I had also no insight into her mind. She was blocked from me. I picked up no thoughts what so ever from her which was more than a little disconcerting.
Good. Now that you can see that she's screwed up, fix it. The old man's thoughts were becoming tiresome. I couldn't just click my fingers and fix the problem.
After some basic chatter, introductions and me explaining to an engrossed Chief Swan and a passive Isabella that I would do the best I could to help and that we would take each new hurdle a step at a time in order to overcome whatever was plaguing her. Isabella never spoke a word throughout the introduction or my talking. When the time came for Chief Swan to leave for the hour, I noted the rapid increase in Isabella's heart rate. Panic. At least she was seemingly feeling something even if it didn't show on the outside.
"Isabella…" I hedged a conversation with her, guessing it was pointless. She finally showed some sort of emotion on her face as she flinched.
"She doesn't like to be called Isabella…she prefers Bella…" Chief Swan informed me as he inched toward the door, his gaze worriedly locked on his daughter.
"Right…okay, Bella…" I began one more. She tore her gaze from her father long enough to respond to my question. "Would it be alright for your father to leave for an hour?" I asked and was given a tentative nod. I could see the tears welling in her eyes as she silently nodded, but I didn't mention it.
"I'll be back in one hour baby." Chief Swan promised before he stepped out of the room leaving Bella and myself alone.
She obviously trusted and loved her father that much was obvious from the way she seemed apprehensive by his departure. If he had been the cause of her suicide attempt by abusing her in any way, she definitely wouldn't have been so secretly unwilling to see him go. She would have relished at the opportunity. I could also see that the Chief loved his daughter endlessly.
The rest of our session and the weeks after consisted of Bella lying on her side on the sofa, either facing me when she was being responsive, or turning her back on me when she wasn't up for talking. When I said talking, I really only meant that she would respond with either, "Yes," "No," or "Maybe". 'Maybe' would be the longest word that I would get out of her which was more than irritating at times.
The most irritating thing of all would be when we would be conversing and I would hit a touchy subject and she would, without a word, shut down and turn her back on me. The best days were when I could get a smile out of her or get her to answer more than five questions.
After a few slow weeks I managed to coax more words out of her and finally full sentences. I learnt that she liked music and loved to read. This gave me an idea which she reluctantly complied to where she would write a short diary-style entry for me at the start of each session and I would then talk to her about what she wrote and why. At the beginning, she would start with a few words and they would be vague, but thankfully by now, things had changed. She wrote more and her personality shone through much more also, even though she tended to keep me at an arms length. She never let me into her closed mind more than she wanted and I therefore had to analyse every detail of our meeting to figure out her problem like a puzzle. This girl was hard work, but I refused to give up on her, I persevered.
--End of Memory--
"Dr Cullen!" Stephen called to me, breaking me from my thoughts.
I quickly got up from my chair and headed out of my room to meet Bella as was customary. For some reason, she didn't like to be left alone with Stephen in the reception area and I had also noticed that she seemed more anxious around blonde men than others. I finally worked this out when Jasper popped in one morning a few weeks into Bella's therapy. He had stopped in the doorway suddenly as Bella met his gaze. The instant that Jasper sensed her terror, he drew back from the room and told me through his thoughts that she was petrified of him for no apparent reason. I tested this theory twice more after that to make my theory water tight. I had Emmett 'drop by' which ensued no reaction from her and then Carlisle. When Carlisle entered, Bella immediately recoiled into her protective shell and became scared as she had with Jasper even though Carlisle was the one to treat her at the hospital. I didn't know if she remembered that fact, but never bothered to ask her in case I caused her pain by reminding her of that night.
I passed Stephen in the reception area and walked out into the hallway where I always found Bella, leaning against the wall. "Good morning Bella." I greeted her as I held my door open for her to come in.
"Doc." She answered shortly before she flashed me a quick smile which looked extremely false, but she breezed past me and Stephen, giving him a small awkward smile regardless. From that moment, I knew that she was in a bad mood and I would be the one to suffer for it. She never went lightly on me, I knew that today we would either end up shouting at each other or she wouldn't talk for the full hour except for possibly a mockingly cheery, "See you next week" before she would get out.
As was customary, she flopped down onto the sofa and waited for me to get to my desk. I sat down and remained silent, waiting for her to make the first move today if she would indeed even bother talking.
We sat in silence while Bella got comfortable on the sofa with her head and shoulders propped up on the cushions, her feet on the sofa and her knees bent. Suddenly, her bored voice ran out in question. "Can we play a game? Like Scrabble or something?" she asked as she glanced at the games which were stacked on a shelf beside the door which I used to help younger children open up to me.
"No." I answered shortly before I crossed my arms over my chest and relaxed back into my chair.
She pouted as she crossed her arms and looked from me. "You suck…" she mumbled under her breath, but I of course heard her.
Knowing that she wouldn't willingly go ahead and initiate a conversation, I picked up a blank sheet of paper and a pen, gave them to her and then sat back down behind my desk.
Yes, she was in a bad mood. "Stop that." I ordered her but she continued to tap her pen against the seat, making clunking noises that seemed unusually loud, even with my heightened senses, due to our silence. "Isabella…" I said her full name impatiently, as a warning which immediately caused her to stop her tapping. She'd learnt a long time ago that when I called her by her full name, I was being serious.
We remained in silence for a few more minutes. When I heard the sound of the pen scratching against paper, I looked back at Bella who was now lying on her stomach. She held herself up on her elbows, wrote with her right hand and held her head up with her left. I noted the deep frown on her face as she wrote and heard her agitated sighs.
After stabbing the final full-stop she dropped the pen on the floor beside her and then held the piece of paper out. I got up from my desk and retrieved the note before I sat back down and read it.
Dear diary, mood, apathetic…ohhh god, Dr C. I don't even know why I have to do this, it sucks.
Feelings…okay, let's write about my feelings. I DON'T HAVE ANY! Now leave me alone to squalor in peace.
Many thanks, Bella.
I could never get over her sarcasm and odd sense of humour. I was sure that she would have sent other therapists out of their minds with her odd attitude and cagey nature but I couldn't give up on her. From the first time I saw her, I knew that I had to help her, if only she'd let me.
"Bella…couldn't you just give me a straight answer? Don't you want me to help you?" I asked as I set the note on my desk and stared at her.
She met my stare with cold, hard eyes. "I thought you were supposed to be a professional, why can't you just fix me already!" she yelled before she sat up on the sofa and crossed her arms defiantly.
I could tell that she was all riled up and ready for this argument, otherwise, she would have turned her back on me and ignored me for the rest of the hour. "It's hard to help you when you won't open up to me Bella…" I told her, my patience quickly seeping away.
"What do you want me to do? Open and close? What am I a book?" she spat back at me.
"Yes, that's exactly what you are." I answered before I slammed my hands down on my desk and stood up abruptly. "A closed book!" I yelled back, glad that I had finally hit the nail on the head and defined her.
"Well it's kind of hard to open up to you…" She said in a low voice a few minutes later while I paced back and forth behind my desk.
"Why Bella? Why?" I asked, but continued before she could answer, "I've always been here for you; I've never bailed on you…" I finished, flinching as I noted my slip up.
"Like Charlie wanted to do you mean?!" she screamed back. I could see the hurt in her face just as clearly as I could hear it in her voice. "I know that I got a little crazy Edward, but if you'd been through what I had, you'd be a little crazy by now too." She finished, looking dejected and hopeless. I noticed that she had called me by my name for the first time and I felt foolish because I realised how much I liked it.
"Bella, you know I didn't mean it like that. You know that you can trust me." I assured her before I sat back down behind my desk, my shoulders slumped forward already in defeat after that short battle. She had blown me away with her anger and her slip up of calling me by my first name. She usually called me Doc so this threw me slightly.
"I know that…but I can't tell you what I saw…I can never tell you…" she whimpered, distracting me from my thoughts. That same look of helpless desperation raged in her hollow eyes as they welled up with tears. I knew that she was really hurting now, she never cried in my presence unless she was at breaking point, but I had to push on. She'd been coming to see me for a year now and if pushing her to the brink would get her to open up, then we would both have to suffer.
"Bella…I understand that this is hard for you to contemplate right now, but maybe you should see another counsellor…" I stated while pinching the bridge of my nose. I knew the storm of rage that she would beat me with now. I had hinted this idea once before, months ago and I had suffered a cold shoulder from her for weeks afterwards. She was stubborn and the thought of change wasn't something that she was too fond of.
"No." she said deftly, scaring me with her calm exterior.
"Bella, I cant see how I can be of any more help to you. I'm going to have to let you go and transfer you to someone else." The words tore at me and I hoped that she would do what I guessed she would do and would fight and open up.
I looked up to Bella at the sound of her gasp. Silent tears ran down her cheeks as she shook her head slowly at me and then said in a pleading voice, "You can't leave me…"
She looked so defenceless and small; I couldn't help but throw my professional side into the darkness and let my humane side shine. I kept to human speed as I raced from my chair to kneel in front of her, pulling her hands from her lap into my grasp.
She gasped between her sobs at my contact and turned her head away from me. "Bella…I wont leave you; please…just trust me…" I whispered as I rubbed my thumbs over the back of her soft warm hands.
"No…you'll leave me…nothings what it seems anymore…" she sobbed as she tore her hands from my grasp and pushed me from her. I let her be as she got up and went to the widow across the room.
I let her words play over in my mind before I questioned her, "What do you mean? Nothings what it seems anymore?" I got up from my spot on the floor and walked to stand behind her, not that she noticed with how silent I was.
"I told you…I can't tell you, you'd think I was crazy…" she sobbed before she buried her face in her hands. I let my instinct guide me as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back against my chest. She shocked me seeing as she didn't jump at my contact, but then shocked me even more as she turned in my arms and buried her face in my chest. I rubbed her back softly while she clawed at me, finally clenching two fistfuls of my shirt.
"Bella…just tell me what's plaguing you and then I can help…" I pleaded as I stroked her hair.
"Don't Section me okay?" she begged as she stared up at me with glistening, drowned eyes. "Please, I know what I saw…and I know it doesn't…make any sense…" she whimpered through her wracking sobs.
"I promise…" I whispered while I locked my eyes with hers.
She heaved a great breath of air before she lowered her head and rested it against my chest. We both remained silent for a few minutes while her crying died down. Once her sobs stopped, she gripped my shirt tighter in her fists and spoke, "I went to the cinema one night…Charlie was with Billy and the house was empty so I decided to get out for a few hours…" she began in a cold, dead voice. "I was just on my way back to the truck so I could get home when I heard footsteps behind me." I rubbed her back gently and toyed with her hair absently while I steeled myself for the conclusion that I was already picturing. "There was a woman ahead of me, so I didn't feel too scared…but then…his footsteps sped up and I got scared because the other woman was getting further away from me too…" I could feel her shaking against me from her fear of the memory. "He passed me…walking way faster than normal and then…I don't know how it happened…" she whimpered, stopping for a moment to rip out another sob. I froze in my reassuring actions for a few seconds as I realised that I was wrong in my guess. Bella hadn't been abused…but she had witnessed something horrific. "He caught her and she didn't even scream…she just stared at him like she was in love with him…and then he said, 'you're my singer' in a way that sounded like he was saying that he loved her…" I swayed us gently side to side while she cried. "And then he bit her…she didn't even scream Edward…there was blood…I could see it in the moonlight…" she finished as a fresh load of emotion attacked her, making her weak in my arms and her legs buckle from under her.
I quickly picked her up into my arms and kept her in my embrace as I sat us down in my red chair behind my desk. "Bella…it's alright…" I assured her as soon as we had sat down. She shocked me as she frantically moved to turn in my lap to straddle me, burying her face in my neck while wrapping her arms around my neck in a vice like grip.
I rubbed her back while she sobbed and used up all of my willpower not to sink my own teeth into her neck and drain her dry. Her secret shocked me to no end. She had witnessed a vampire attack and had been lucky enough to escape it only because the vampire had found his singer and was probably fixated on draining his prey completely dry.
I cradled Bella in my lap for a while, even when her crying stopped and her heart rate returned almost back to normal. "Edward…say something please…" She whispered at last, her warm breath fanning across my neck.
"You've called me Edward twice today." I informed her, unable to let the significant detail drop. Something stirred in me when she called me by my first name which made me want to hear it again.
"Ohhh…I'm sorry…I didn't notice…" she apologised.
"No, Bella I don't mind. I prefer it actually" I told her as she eased back from me, pulling her face from my shoulder.
I registered her puffy red eyes and nose as she stared at me. "You do?" she asked, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips as she asked me. I nodded my head silently and gave her a small smile before she grinned and admitted, "So do I…"
I was sure that if I had a functional heart, it would be beating as fast as Bella's by now, but I decided that I would settle to listening to hers instead.
"I feel better having you know my secret Edward…" she whispered as she dropped her gaze from mine. "I know it doesn't make sense…" she let her sentence trail of as she shrugged and toyed with her hands.
"A problem shared is a problem halved…" I whispered with a small smile tugging at my lips at the apparently true saying. "And Bella…I do believe your secret…I believe what you saw…" I told her, unable to tell her more but hoping that would be enough.
"I hoped you would." She answered before she yawned and rubbed her eyes. "What are we going to tell Charlie? He's going to know that something's changed…" she asked as she yawned once again.
I knew that I shouldn't, but I couldn't stop myself from tightening my hold on her and pulling her forward to rest against my chest once again. "Don't worry about Charlie, I'll talk to him, you just sleep, you've been through a lot this morning." She nodded her head then moved to sit on my lap sideways instead of straddling me. She rested her head on my chest and snuck one arm around my back and let the other wrap around my front where her hand clenched a handful of my shirt into her fist. "Thank you." She whispered before her heart rate signalled that she had fallen to sleep.
For what was left of the hour, I held one arm around Bella's back to keep her to me and let the other rub up and down her arm, to her hand that was gripping my shirt.
When the hour came to its end, I heard Charlie's arrival and him talking to Stephen.
"All finished in there?" Charlie asked as he wondered in his mind if Bella had shrugged off her bad mood from the hour ago yet.
"There was a lot of shouting in there earlier…I haven't heard anything for a while though…" Stephen replied, sounding slightly nervous.
"I guess the Doctor go the full brunt of her bad mood then, poor guy…" Charlie sighed while he secretly wondered why I continuously put up with Bella's mood swings. I suppressed my chuckle as I wondered how he'd react if I told him of my true feelings for his daughter.
"They should have finished up by now; I guess you should go in there and make sure that they haven't killed each other." Stephen laughed as he recalled the muffled sound of Bella and me arguing earlier.
I knew that I should move Bella from my arms and with my speed, I could get her to the sofa and sit back down behind my desk and Chief Swan would be none the wiser, but I couldn't. I couldn't let her go now that I had her in my arms, subdued and peaceful.
I readied myself for the Chief's fury as the door opened and he stepped inside. I could have sworn that I heard his heart stop for a few moments as he evaluated the scene of me holding Bella in my arms. He silently closed the door behind him as he walked toward the chairs on the other side of my desk. I was slightly alarmed by the fact that I couldn't hear any of his thoughts but I guessed that he was as thoughtless at this moment as he was speechless.
"Chief…she opened up to me…" I whispered to him once he had slumped himself in the chair opposite me.
"Why is she asleep? Did you knock her out?" he asked while his mind kick-started and swirled with various physical punishments for me if I had.
"No. She tired herself out from all the crying." I told him as I looked down at her peaceful face. I looked back up to the Chief swiftly, not letting myself stare at her in case he noticed how content I was to hold Bella.
"She opened up?" He asked nervously while in his mind he worried about what had happened. If she had been attacked, abused, threatened along with lots more.
"She told me that she had been heading back to her car after going to the cinema one night when she witnessed a murder. A man killed a woman a matter of feet in front of her…" I whispered, not exactly lying, just skirting around the truth.
"My baby…" Charlie mumbled as he buried his face in his hands while his mind raged with the fact that Bella had witnessed such a scene.
"Chief, I really think that Bella can get over this now that I know what happened." I told him, mentally hoping that he wouldn't fly off the handle and stop me from treating Bella now that he had found me holding her which was technically against the proper conduct of professional therapists.
"Just get my Bella back to me and don't let me see you holding her again." Charlie sighed though his hands as his thoughts revolved around his optimism of Bella's recovery.
I nodded my head silently. "Sure" I answered, knowing for a fact that if I had half the chance, I would do it again. Now that I'd had her in my arms once, I couldn't imagine being without her. I knew that I was probably being selfish, but over the past year I had noticed how Bella's heart rate would rise at the sight of me no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hoped that she would feel the same way, but knew that I was playing with fire. She had witnessed a vampire attack, and I was a vampire. Her therapy sessions would no doubt become complex and interesting from now on.
"I'll wait outside." Charlie sighed before he got up and headed to the door, pulling his cell from his pocket as he went. From his thoughts, I learnt that he was going to call Renee, his ex-wife to let her know of Bella's secret.
"Bella…" I whispered her name as I shook her shoulder gently.
"Edward?" she whispered as she released her hold on my shirt and rubbed her eyes. I moved her to sit up straighter as she woke up. "Charlie here?" she asked softly as she looked at me with no trace of shyness which I had expected to see.
"I told him that you witnessed a murder. Not exactly a lie…" I told her as her hand found mine and she gave it a squeeze.
"Thank you…I should get going" she sighed, staying still on my lap for a few moments before she took a deep breath and moved. "See you next week." She said to me before she caught me off guard and leant forward to kiss my cheek. She hopped off my lap and silently left the room before leaving the building with Charlie, leaving me stunned in my seat, gently touching the spot she'd kissed.
My mind must have been miles away because I didn't hear Alice and Jasper's approach to my office. The fist sign I had of them was Alice's relieved sigh and voice from the doorway. "At last, she kissed him." Jasper followed her into my office, a smirk on his face.
I frowned at the two of them as Jasper sprawled out on the sofa which Bella usually occupied and pulled Alice down to lie on top of him so her back was against his chest.
"What do you two want?" I asked as I looked down at my client list to see that a married couple were scheduled for the session after Bella's and they were running late. Even with Bella's appointment running over 15 minutes, this couple had yet to arrive. I looked down at my client's sheet to see who the couple were and sighed in aggravation as I actually read the name. Mr and Mrs Branlock. "Branlock." I growled as I glared at the two who were grinning at me.
"We thought about Whitdon, but we can use that some other time." Jasper stated before he leaned his head down and pressed a tender kiss to Alice's temple.
"We just wanted to come see you while you're still half sane and single." Alice told me nonchalantly as she played with one of Jasper's hands in hers.
"What do you mean?" I asked, wondering what the little spite had seen and was withholding from me.
"You'll be married soon enough, ohhh and don't worry, she wont be scared of you or us, and just give into what she wants or she'll have Carlisle change her." Alice continued, completely pushing my patience.
"You're aggravating him sweetheart." Jasper informed Alice while he sent me a wave of calm
"Sorry Edward. I was just talking about your future. Now, the key is to let her know that you love her. I know that you've been debating if you do or don't and what would happen if you told her, so believe me, tell her. It'll just take another six months for things to happen if you don't." she said casually as if she were talking about the weather.
"Ohhh and go ahead and kill the guy who Bella saw, it'll make you fell better, just don't tell her you did it." She added before she quickly jumped back onto her feet and smirked at me.
"All that you just said…" I whispered, wondering if Alice was sure about what she had seen in her visions, where Bella and I destined to be together. It seemed highly unlikely at the moment, but I knew that I should never bet against Alice.
"It might as well be set in stone Edward. From the first moment she stepped in here, it's been solid." She told me before she latched onto Jaspers arm and began to walk with him to the door.
"Wait, Alice…since she first…you mean you've known for a year?" I asked, wishing Jasper would stop me from feeling calm and let me throttle his beloved as she nodded her head in conformation.
"Why didn't you tell me before now?" I asked.
"Edward, believe me, it was for the greater good of your relationship with Bella that I didn't tell you. You would have driven her away had you known." Alice finished with a disapproving look at the idea before she left the room with Jasper, shutting the door tightly behind them and leaving me to mull over my 'set in stone' future with Bella.
A bit random, but there's another one of my one-shots. Let me know what you thought of it!
A bit random, but there's another one of my one-shots. Let me know what you thought of it!