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I'm not sure how this chapter went…Let me know. I think the next chapter will be better though. I've had the next one planned for a while.
Being a vampire had its benefits. I didn't have to sleep; therefore I couldn't oversleep and make it into work late. If my car broke down, I could simply run to work. It was usually dark in the early morning when I got to my office, so there was little chance of anyone seeing me running if I went by the back roads and especially because of my speed.
Even though I was immortal, I still managed to make it into work late one Monday morning.
I had been ready to leave the house at my usual time. I grabbed my files and papers from my desk before neatly arranging them into my case. I made sure I had all my papers for Bella in order, even though I didn't have all that many papers for her. If I could work out more from her mind I was sure I could write a novel about her and her complex mind.
From my room, I could hear Emmett and Rosalie bickering about which flowers to have in their next wedding. I knew that Alice and Jasper were in the garden. I'd seen Alice's few visions of how she and Jasper were going to landscape it.
I heard Carlisle at the front door, saying goodbye to Esme just as I descended the stairs.
"I'll see you tonight son, good luck." Carlisle said to me, obviously referring to Bella, who everyone knew I was having troubles with. I nodded my head, before Carlisle turned to go for the door.
Alice and Jasper entered the room, rolling off Latin names of flowers off their tongues quickly.
Just as I began to walk toward Esme to say goodbye, my mind was flooded with flashes of scenes. I froze, knowing I was reading Alice's mind. In the background I could faintly make out the sound of Jasper quizzing Alice about what she could see, as he always did.
The first vision was of me making my way down the long corridor to my office and walking into the reception area where Stephen was sat, behind his desk as always. Chief Swan and Bella were sat in the chairs in the corner of the room, both of them silent and Bella as still as stone while they waited.
I had a good idea of what would happen when the vision started, but as soon as I walked into that office, I was absolutely positive as to what I would do. My throat burned, my senses flared and I saw red.
Without a word, I flew at Stephen and snapped his neck. In less than a second, the Chief was crumpled on the floor, having suffered the same fate. Finally there was Bella. Sweet, sweet Bella with the blood that called out to me, which was more tempting than any other I had encountered before. I could see her confusion as I stalked toward her, moving slowly. I feet utterly astounded by her lack of fright as I picked up one of her hands in mine and she willingly let me pull her gently to her feet. We both remained silent as I drew her close to my body and bent my head to run my nose along her throat. I smelled her, drugging myself in her aroma while she remained perfectly still in my arms.
She turned her head away from me, so foolishly. It was the perfect invitation for me to take her, whether she knew it or not.
After brushing my nose up and down the full length of her neck, I pressed my lips to her warm skin before lightly breaking the skin at her neck. I hit the point of no return then and I let loose. The animal in me awoke fully and I gorged. I drank her in, drank her blood. Even from only watching Alice's premonition, I could almost feel how good Bella's blood would feel and taste as it ran down my throat. I new that I would both want to drink slowly to savour the taste and yet drink fast and deep because of how good it would taste.
I felt both relief and despair as the vision ended. I didn't want to see the monster I may become and yet, I wanted to see more so I could feel her in my arms again and know what heaven tasted of.
No more than a split second later, I was attacked by another vision. This time, I was in my office and sat behind my desk. Bella was already with me, silently lying on the therapy sofa as usual.
I was gripping to the arms of my chair, crumbling them steadily to dust which fell to the floor noiselessly. Her aroma was worse, or better, it was hard to decide, but the room seemed full of it, and there was nothing I wanted more than to sink my teeth into her. However, I remained strong, never even opening my mouth to say a word. I counted the tiles on the ceiling and once I was done with that, I began to count each book from my library against the far wall.
At book number 1,756, Jasper turned up. He entered the room and instantly his eyes were sharp, searching. He was breathing in my Bella's scent deeply, just as I desperately wanted to do and I envied him at that moment. Jasper was my brother, and he was sticking to our vegetarian way of life, but finding it hard. At that point, I didn't care what he wanted to do. I didn't care that he wanted to drink from Bella. He wasn't going to.
I vaulted over my desk and ran to Bella at the same time Jasper sprinted in the same direction. Our savage snarls at one another had cause Bella to sit up and take notice of what was going on for a change and now she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
She didn't even scream at the sound of Jasper and me smashing into each other. The impact wasn't that bad to the both of us, but it sounded bone shattering. Fortunately for me, Jasper faltered with his footing and I made it ahead in time to dive at Bella and scoop her into my arms. With a jump, I sprang us to the far corner of the room and kept her hidden between me and the wall to protect her.
Behind us, Jasper was slowly stalking forward. From Alice's vision now, it was from Jasper's eyes that we saw what happened next. I could see my back, and just a wisp of Bella's hair, but nothing else. I blocked her almost entirely from sight. Jasper got close enough to grasp my shoulder and pull me back. I felt horrified as I saw what I had done. I thought I had been protecting her, but I still had my mouth at her neck while she hung limply in my arms.
There were more flashes. I saw so many different ways in which I could kill Bella this morning. Finally, when my mind cleared and I decided that I would go and hunt instantly, the visions stopped.
I turned to Alice but saw that she was curled up in Jaspers lap, looking a little tired even though we couldn't get tired. I didn't say a word as I dropped my case and flew out of the door toward the forest behind our home.
While I hunted, I realised how careful I needed to be around Bella. I knew that her blood was the most tempting I had come across yet, and so now, I knew I had to have my wits about me when it came to her. I had obviously been thirsty, well, I knew I had been, but I hadn't thought that I would have been weak enough to loose my will power with Bella. From Alice's visions that I had just seen, I was obviously not as strong as I thought I was. I couldn't let those visions be seen again. I needed to makes sure that I hunted regularly, as to not be in this situation ever more.
I couldn't risk loosing everything just to gorge on Bella's blood and I also couldn't risk Bella's life. It had already been in the balance once before. I couldn't be foolish and have it risked again.
After making sure that I had drank my fill of animal blood, I returned back to the house to shower and change quickly. By the time I was done and in the car, I knew I'd be late for work, even if I did speed. I rang Stephen on the way to let him know that I was going to be late and then told him to let Bella in my room and to then leave her alone. I hoped the chief would have enough sense to escort her into the room before leaving. It was obvious that Bella wasn't comfortable Stephen due to her aversion to young men with blonde hair especially.
I wondered on the way if it was now such a good idea to get Jasper in on the whole thing. I had wondered before if I could use Jasper's talent of empathy to help me work out what was going on with Bella. I hoped that having Jasper in the room would help me work out what she felt when she was in therapy with me. I needed to know if I was heading down the right tracks with my questions because listening to her heart rate and trying to work out her mind was like hitting a wall repeatedly. Until she wanted to open up to me, I had nothing to work with.
I got into the building, late, for the first time ever. I quickly made my way up to my office and found the reception area empty except for Stephen who was flipping through some papers and using his coffee as a paperweight.
I greeted him silently with a nod before grabbing the second coffee at the corner of his desk which he'd got for me before hand. The poor potted plant behind my desk was still alive even though I fed it with my coffee every day. There had to be some sacrifices if I was to act human.
The moment I opened the door to my office, I was attacked by Bella's aroma. I quickly raised the cup of coffee to my lips, but didn't drink it. I inhaled the smell of coffee to give me some time to adjust. After a mere second, I lowered the cup and found some control.
It was as torturous as I recalled in Alice's memory, but I found I had better restraint, like I normally had. I could control myself and remain calm.
"Good morning Bella, how are you this morning?" I asked as I went around, walking in front of the sofa she always lay on. I made sure to walk this way so I could get a glimpse of her. I wanted to see how she was today.
She was curled up on the sofa, the same as ever and facing outward, facing the window beyond. I was met with a stone face as I passed. She showed no emotion and didn't move more than she had to from breathing. I sat down behind my desk and ran my hands through my hair before sitting back and fishing through the stacks of papers I carried for Bella's file.
"You're late." I froze still at the sound of her voice. I had heard her speak in Charlie's memories and a particularly infuriatingly torturous vision of Alice's, but never in person. The whisper was soft, her voice, beautiful, even more so than the memories.
That was the first time she'd spoken to me and I was astounded.
"I'm sorry. There was something important I needed to do at home before work." I explained gently. I sat back and began to wrack my brain as to why I had answered her. As a rule, I never let anything from my personal life in. What I had said to her hardly showed her my life story, but I would usually apologise and leave it at that for my other patients.
Maybe I felt like I owed her some half explanation because I would have been hell bent on killing her had I been in work on time and had not got my fill of blood.
I listened to the familiar sound of Bella turning her back on the window. I sometimes wondered whether she slept during these times because her heart rate slowed right down, but I knew from Charlie's memories that she always had nightmares when she slept. Another theory I toyed with was that Bella turned her back when she'd had enough of me talking or me asking her questions, even though she never answered them, finally, she might even do it if she simply had enough of our silences. It was as if she cut everything off when she turned her back. It was 'game over' for the day once she did that.
I had to move onto analysing why she'd spoken for the first time today now that she'd shown me that she was going to be unresponsive from here on.
I wondered if my being late had irked her or worried her enough to make her talk. Something must have affected her and I was itching to find out what.
The rest of the session went by much too fast for my liking. I liked to sit and think, happy in our comfortable silence while I listened to her heartbeat and breathing also. It pleased me to hear the sound of her breathing better than before. She was getting healthy even if her attitude toward the therapy wasn't improving.
The moment I announced that the therapy was over, Bella got up on her feet and went to the door. She crossed her arms over her chest and kept her eyes averted from mine while she waited. I wondered why she didn't just walk out to her father, but then I realised that he wasn't there yet. I couldn't hear his thoughts, hear him speak, smell his aroma. Nothing. He wasn't there.
I opened the door of my office to the reception area and was followed by a meek Bella. She kept to my side, away from poor Stephen who I knew always hated that Bella and some of the other patients were wary or afraid of him, but he knew the reasons. He knew why they were all here and so he took it well and remained professional as he did now, not even looking at Bella.
"I'll walk you down…save your father from coming all the way up…" I muttered awkwardly as I gestured for Bella to follow me. I opened the door to the hallway and let her pass me out of the room. She walked silently beside me, keeping her head down and her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. She was making herself seem invisible, I could see that much.
I took her outside where we stood, waiting for her father to arrive. I could hear him a minute's drive down the road, cursing to himself that he was running late. I took the opportunity to turn to Bella.
"Bella…" I spoke her name gently, willing her to look at me and not ignore me.
She turned her head a little to look at me before looking back ahead of her. I took this as some sort of sign to show she was listening to me.
"I'm sorry I was late today." I said gently, meaning every word. I caught her frown and felt so frustrated that I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. At least she showed some reaction which meant something. "It wont happen again anyway." I vowed before announcing to her that her father had arrived and pointing out his cruiser between the traffic.
Bella left and I was soon back in my office, going through my other patients like water.
By the time I left my office, it was late and dark. I had let Stephen leave at his usual time and had then just sat there in my office wondering what to do next with Bella. I played over Charlie's memories which I had embedded in my mind and saw the ones with Bella in them, screaming and tossing and turning at night in her sleep. I knew from these memories that she talked in her sleep, but the chief's memories weren't vivid enough for me to make out what she'd say. I wasn't sure if he himself had ever understood her sleepy slurs, but I oddly felt confident that I would understand her. My heightened sense of hearing would be a great help if ever I had Bella asleep in here. I wondered if there was a way I could get her asleep. I knew I could lace a cup of coffee with sleeping pills, but that was risky and a stupid move. I didn't want her drugged up and tricked.
As I drove home, it hit me. It was so obvious, I hadn't even thought of it before.
I parked the car on the side of the road a short distance from the Swan's home. I got out of the car and stood there, wondering if this was the right thing to do or not.
My feet soon carried me to the woods behind their home and then quickly to the tree outside Bella's window. I knew it was her room. Her aroma and her heart beat were both things I could pick up from afar. I knew she was in her room and I then knew exactly which it was.
I wondered if what I was doing could have been considered as cheating, but I didn't care. Being here could help Bella, it was for her own good, or so I hoped.
Being as silent as the grave, I watched Bella from outside her window. She was already in bed, the lights were off and she was curled up. I knew from her heart rate that it wouldn't be long until she got far enough into her sleep for the nightmares to begin and so I waited patiently.
A while later, I entered my home only to find Alice and Jasper in the living room, looking expectantly at me.
"You did it didn't you?" Alice asked. I gave her a confused look and was answered by a vision of me outside Bella's window, watching her while she went through her nightmare.
I ducked my head in guilt. I knew I shouldn't have done it. It was cheating, but I had been so drawn to the idea once it had come to me. There had been nothing else for me to do but cheat. There wasn't a way for me to get into her mind, and she wasn't giving me any insight, so I had to try things my way.
"Edward, enough with the guilt, please…" Jasper sighed from the sofa while looking pleadingly to me.
"Sorry…" I whispered apologetically before heading for the stairs.
"I said stop it." Jasper hissed before turning his attention to Alice.