Ok...So I went to go see this movie...and I fell totally in love with the CaspianxSusan pairing. I think it might be one of the few times I'm actually in love with a movie pairing. In any case, I've decided to see if I can write in this genre because I really do enjoy reading these sorts of fics and I figured I might as well add a little something if I could (though goodness knows there are better fics than this one...).
Anyway, hope everyone likes it and I'll see everyone around.
For all my readers who know me from my ME fic - don't worry I'm still going to be working on that one too!
Thanks again guys!
P.S. (Disclaimer) I do not own anything you recognize (characters/anything Narnia), they all belong to C.S. Lewis. At the same time, I do own the plot of this particular fic (though I suppose you could use it if you want) and the disclaimer for the song is at the bottom of the page.
With a sigh you turn away
with a deepening heart
no more words to say
You will find that the world has changed forever.
And the trees are now turning from green to gold
And the sun is now fading
I wish I could hold you closer
"1300 years divided by 365 days…"
It was nearly midnight, the skies over London a deep navy-black lit only by the pinpoints of white light, stars. Everyone should have been sleeping, resting their weary minds in the comfort of blissful unconsciousness. But what one should do is not always what one wants to do. Such was the case with Susan Pevensie who sat at her small desk bent over a piece of paper trying to see enough of her work by moonlight so that she might continue her calculations. Living during the war had ingrained in her an unwillingness to turn on even a single lamp after dark and so Susan continued to strain, unwilling to stop even at the expense of her eyes.
"If I carry this and then add the decimal point then…" The older Pevensie girl fell into silence as she began to scribble furiously. Mind focused completely on the work before her she never noticed the soft rustling of blankets as her younger sister turned in her sleep and then woke up. Too focused on the solution that now lay in front of her, Susan was caught by the sheer finality of her conclusion before a voice tore her quite effectively away.
Startled Susan's hand jerked and tossed the pen from her grip, the knuckles on her other hand clenching the edge of her chair reflexively.
"Lucy?" From her place by the window Susan could only just barely make out the dark outline of her sister as she rose to sit up.
"Why are you still up?" the younger girl asked, "We have school tomorrow and I know you finished all of your homework when we got home."
"I…" Susan didn't have to see the other girls' face to know she was concerned, "I couldn't sleep again."
No sense in hiding the truth, ever since returning from Narnia three days ago Susan had found herself unable to manage an entire night of sleep. Images of their journey had plagued her, of Narnia; of Telmar, of…she refused to give a name to the face that was so burned into her mind. It hurt just to remember much less think of his name and all longing that it evoked.
"Have your dreams been getting worse?" Lucy wanted to know; already she was pushing her blankets aside so that she might join her sister who was sitting quietly at her desk.
"I…I wasn't even able to get to sleep tonight" Susan admitted as she turned to face the window and look at the moon, "I couldn't stop thinking."
"About him?" Lucy's response was automatic but she regretted it immediately as Susan stiffened visibly and stilled.
She had been right of course; Susan could not deny that Lucy was perceptive beyond her years. But it hurt to be reminded of what she had lost so recently. Every waking moment was spend reliving their precious few moments together, each touch, smile, gentle caress. She dared not sleep for fear that she would wake up sobbing for his arms around her.
"Susan, what happened between you two…I don't really understand but…"
They had both been adults once. Not so long ago, just barely more than a year – but it seemed in this moment as if they were once more the children they looked like and not the adults they felt deep within.
"It's ok Lucy; I think that I'm getting over him…" Susan's voice came from a long way off, as if even she was not hearing the words she was speaking.
"What do you mean Susan?"
"It's been three…no I suppose it's four days since we've been to Narnia."
"In Narnian time that's about 14 years Lucy. For every day that we are gone nearly three," Susan looked quickly at the paper she had been working on, "and a half years pass. King Casp-," Susan caught herself before she could say his name, "he's nearly thirty by now. He probably married and has children…"
Despite her best attempt at trying to stay in control Lucy could hear the ache in her sisters' voice, the trembling of her silhouette against the pale light cast by the night sky.
Susan would never admit to the pain, so that the other three might feel less burdened. She would hide it away so that Peter could feel confident that he had protected his family, and Edmond could feel that he had shielded both girls whenever his elder brother could not. Even Lucy knew that her mild pain over her sisters' feelings would pale in comparison if the older girl ever did reveal the true depth of her agony.
Queen Susan the Gentle, the lady of kind heart and selflessness; the title had never been more of a burden than it was now. And as Lucy looked at the regal and deceptively tranquil profile of her sisters' face she realized she might never know.
"I wish I had never gone back to Narnia." Susan whispered to the still of her room, "I wish I had never met him…"
No, thought Lucy sadly, you wish you had never left.
"Hey Su, have you seen my book bag anywhere?"
It was another busy morning at the Pevensies' home and if one had simply glanced at them it would seem the same as it had been months ago, much less weeks ago. But for the four there were subtle changes that each one noticed.
"Your bag is in the hallway closet Ed, right next to Peters'."
From her place in the kitchen Susan managed to multitask as she always had. Their mother and father had long since left for work and so the care of the children fell to Susan. Though she supposed that if one really thought about it the responsibility fell to Peter; not that she could imagine her older brother cooking anything edible.
Susan allowed herself a small smile at the thought and then went back to cooking the omelets.
"Hey Lucy?" In the living room of the Pevensies' modest home Peter tried to get his sisters' attention while he tightened the laces on his shoes.
"Yes Peter?" The youngest Pevensie paused on her way to the kitchen.
"Has Susan said anything to you lately? She's been…more quiet than usual. "
Lucy could feel the sad smile form on her lips, "I think our last trip to Narnia changed Susan more so than any of us."
"You mean it's because of Caspian that she…"
"Peter? Lucy? Hurry up, you two; we're going to be late! Eat your breakfast and then we have got to go."
And without another word the two Pevensie dreamers simply sighed and made their way to the kitchen; it was just another day.
School seemed to crawl by, every second as agonizing as if someone was slowly ripping her heart into smaller and smaller pieces. Not only was it long, but worse, it no longer had anything to teach
her. Once a hard working honor student, Susan was now resigned to merely starring out the window of the classroom and let the droning of the teachers' voice become background noise.
Her mind was no longer on the complex mathematics on the board, rather, it was on the handsome brunette prince she had met but a month ago, and left only four days before.
He could already be married and have children…
It hurt no matter how many times she told herself it could be the truth, was the truth. Because no matter how much she wanted to believe that the excuse was enough it was not enough to make her stop caring about him.
Couldn't stop loving him…stop hurting…
"Ms. Pevensie I do hope that you've been paying enough attention to this class to tell me how this problem is solved using the Partial Fractional Decomposition method we just discussed."
Susans' blank stare should have suggested that she didn't know, but instead she just sighed tiredly and rattled off the answer with barely a bat of an eyelash. Then she turned back to the window and continued to lose herself in the view of the city leaving her teacher and the rest of the students to look on in wonder. Why did they even bother anymore?
Indeed, her response was nothing new, but it still left such an impression that Susan half wished the teacher would stop calling on her. Ever since their first adventure in Narnia all of the children had been doing exceedingly well in school, having lived an entire lifetime in the alternate world had more than prepared them for the very elementary education they now had to repeat as children.
The whole thing just made her so tired of being…
"Phyllis? Are you going to lunch?"
Susan would have groaned if it was not so contradictory to her character. It was him again, that boy from the newspaper stand. She couldn't even remember his name, no matter how many times he told her, and she doubted she would ever care enough to remember. Still, it wouldn't solve her problem to just sit unmoving, and so, without another word she grabbed her bag, all of her books and left both boy and room behind. Pausing only for a moment to stop the teacher, hand in all the homework for that day.
And then she was free.
City streets she had never explored became part of the days' journey, the small street vendor's places to lay curiosity to rest and gaze in wonder at some of their bizarre wares. Life gained a little more color in those hours of mindless travel and, if only for a moment, Susan felt herself believe that she could move on.
And that was when she heard it, the echoing hollow sound of a horn as it pierced the still of the afternoon. The note crawled up Susan's spine, chilling her, making her hands suddenly clammy as it shattered her belief in her ability to heal herself.
It wasn't him…he wasn't calling out for help…
In one of the recesses of her mind she knew that the sound was not from her horn, it was too sharp where hers had been mellow; it was fake where hers was real. But even with all her logic there was nothing that could stop the tightness in her chest, the pain that stung her heart and the world as it swam before her eyes.
He isn't in trouble...he's fine…you know how well he fights…
An image of his handsome figure amidst the fighting flashed before her eyes, and it was more than Susan could stand.
There is no need to worry…he knows how to look after himself…
Staggering to a nearby bench she had left not a moment earlier Susan pressed one hand to her mouth to stifle the loud sobbing that was escaping her lips and with the other clenched to the front of her shirt by her heart, nearly unusable as it trembled violently.
It didn't matter anymore if he was safe or not; she wanted to be there with him. It hurt too much to lie anymore to tell herself that she would somehow love him less despite the fact that he had, in all likelihood, moved on.
She longed to protect him from harm as she once had, and to feel him close whenever she closed her eyes. To see those dark eyes so rich in passion as he stared at her, to feel the warmth of his calloused hand against her own soft ones and to feel the firm press of his lips as he kissed her.
And then the hand at her mouth slipped and out poured all of the pain, the agony and loneliness, escaping into the air as Susan was steadily swallowed whole.
Lyrics in the beginning are from the House of Healing song on the Lord of the Rings Soundtrack (try reading this fic with the song playing – I think it sounds better J )
Hope everyone enjoyed this one - I'm not sure about making a few more chapters for this one (hopefully more happy) but I'd like to see how people feel first. So if you like it please send me a review (even if it's just a really simple 'more please') I'd love to hear from all of you.
And as always reviews as well as constructive criticism is always appreciated.