Author's note: Hello. I am rather new at this, and am looking for anyone who would like to contribute proofing, idea bouncing, revising, or any sort of general advice. If anyone could help, that would be lovely. Message me please?

"I won't go! You can't make me!"

"Bella, you need to try something to get better," Charlie angrily insisted.

"I'm eighteen, I can live where I want! I won't leave Forks!"

"Bella, please," pleaded my mother looking more concerned than she'd ever been over any injury or disappearance in my eighteen years on this planet.

Would they stop acting all concerned? I knew I really didn't matter. They tried to help, because they were good people, but the one person who knew me, who I'd told every fear and dream, and had loved utterly and completely, he knew I was worthless. After he saw me as I truly was, he knew that I wasn't worth all the trouble to him and those he truly loved.

Him. Those beautiful eyes swam in front of my face, as my parents continued cajoling me. So warm and safe, my whole world.


"You're no good for me."

"Bella!" cried Charlie, as I collapsed to the floor. I couldn't think or move, just laid there crying.

"Gone," I whispered as I sobbed. My abused body had finally betrayed. I could do nothing but curl into a ball. I felt Charlie picking me up, and carrying me towards my mother's rental car.

"No!" I shrieked. But it didn't make it past my own ears. I had to stay awake. I had to stay in Forks! What if they came back? What if he changes his mind?

But he wouldn't. He'd said I'd never see him again, but he was wrong. He was all I saw. All I heard. And it was all a lie. I couldn't even tell when I was hurting in real life or just in dreams any more. I couldn't tell if I had fallen on those rocks below the cliff that he ran towards, or if I'd tripped on the stairs chasing him. I saw him turning away, after I'd been placed in the car. Why was I in a car? Why wouldn't he turn around and come back to me.

"Edward," I moaned as I faded into blackness.

Where was I? This light in my eyes, a golden color. Almost like.. like nothing. I had never known gold or topaz or deep black.

I shook my head. I saw Renee looking very upset in the seat next to me.

"What happened? Where are we?"

Suddenly I remembered. We were going to Florida.

"No!" I shouted.

"Bella, there's nothing we can do right now, lets give this a few days, see how you do. We can talk about it when we land can't we?"

"No! Let me out!" I fumbled with the seat belt, but I got it open before she could stop me.

"Bella!" she cried.

"Miss, I'll need you to take your seat," said a flight attendant with a look of alarm.

"No, please, you don't understand," I explained in desperation. "I have to go back. Please."

I lunged for the aisle, past my mother. All I managed to do was in up caught on the strap of her carry on, which whipped my head down towards the seat on the other side of the aisle.

CRACK! I felt my vision swim as my head hit, and I heard the voice of an angel crying out.

"Bella!" called his voice, as desperately as I called his. He came back!

I tried to sit up.

"Edward," I murmured. I'd heard him, right there by me. If I could just turn to see him. I felt rivulets of something dripping down the side of my head, but I didn't feel any pain from the impact. It was nothing compared to being away from him. From knowing how worthless I was.

A rusty, salty smell hit my nostrils, and I began to swoon.

No! I had to find him. Please, I couldn't faint now, he was so closed, I'd heard him call my name. Please. No. I just have to turn...

This time when I come to, its almost a familiar setting. I've been in rooms just like this many times over the years. My mind flashed back to the one that I'd met Carlisle in, and I felt myself begin to curl up again as a sob escaped me.

"Hello, welcome to Shands," said a woman in aquamarine clothes. Scrubs, I think their called.

"Where am I?"

"You're in Shands, it's a hospital." The look on her face said that she was willing to be as patient as she needed with a person who had just woken up from a head injury.

"What city am I in?" I was afraid of the answer, I already knew it.

"Jacksonville, honey."

I'd lost him forever. He'd never find me here. Not in the sun, not in a big city. I started sobbing again. Why would they keep me alive without them? Couldn't they let me die one of these times? Just be too slow. Then they wouldn't feel guilty, and I wouldn't feel!

"Can I get you anything?"

I shook my head. There was nothing. Nothing. He knew that I wasn't good enough, for him, for anyone. Why couldn't they see?

He'd wanted me to be human. If they would just let me go, I could do the most human thing possible. Why wouldn't they just let me die?