Summary – So this is the new Serena. Post 1x18. Hints of canon pairings.

Disclaimer – I do not own anything.

Author's Note – I was pissed at the season finale. Not only did they mush together all my most loathed pairings (NS, CB, DV). Actually I can stand DV and CB was ruined by Chuck's womanizing ways. But NV? off to kill Josh


She Keeps Calling


It takes two weeks, nine hours and three minutes for Nate Archibald to kiss Serena van der Woodsen for the first time since the famous wedding incident. The lush Hamptons, bubbling champagne and loud laughter are all they have now a days. So it isn't a surprise when Serena simply kisses him back.

But when she leans back and looks into his eyes, she'll want to take it back. She'll want to take it back because she can see dark brown hair and sharp edges reflecting back.

She just isn't sure if it's her best friend or Dan's.


But she's lonely and he's lonely and it's just so empty without D-. It's just empty and all she has is Nate. Beautiful, untouchable, wonderful, perfect, BlairVanessa's Nate. So they start this messed up, lonely, broken hearted relationship.

She tries not to think of him.

She tries not to think.

She tries not to.

She tries not.

She tries.

It's just too quiet to do anything but fuck and forget.


Blair calls her every two days. Blair complains of Chuck Bass and his manwhore ways. Blair complains on seeing little J, because they both know it's too soon to say Humphrey, every single day. But mostly Blair just complains to complain.

And then it happens.

Blair calls one night and Nate answers.

Blair doesn't call back.


She makes the mistake of taking Nate to some local market because all he sees are tangerines and brown hair and soft blue eyes. He doesn't think she notices but she knows. She's always been good at that. Simply knowing.

So for Nate's sake, she turns her head the other way when his eyes linger on a beautiful brunette. She turns her head the other way when all he eats for two weeks straight are tangerines. Turns the other way when he asks to paint the orange guest room blue.

Because blue doesn't remind him of a girl with time.


She hears from Nate, who heard from Chuck, who heard from Hazel, who heard from Blair, who heard from Jenny that Vanessa and Da- him are together.

She wonders if her eyes are misted when Nate looks at her with questions. She wonders if Nate's fighting his own feelings. But she mostly wonders if Vanessa still has her orange colored dress.

Instead of talking or thinking anymore she fucks Nate. Kisses him against the mouth roughly because gentle was only reserved for good girl Serena, and that Serena went down the toilet with an everlasting dance.

She dreams of weddings and brown hair and Blair and film school and dances and best man speeches. She wakes up and wonders if she'll ever dream of Nate.


Nate Archibald and Serena van der Woodsen.

Looks like our favorite IT girl's managed to snag the man of her best friend's dreams. Way to go, S.

XOXO Gossip Girl.


No one's prepared for the sting. Not her, not Nate and most definitely not Vanessa or Da-. Not him. The first day back is a blur of "You and Nate?" "Ohmygod! Team Serenate". A smile from Blair that screams murder and vengeance and pain and "The love of my life? Rip my heart out, S".

But no one sees it coming when Vanessa fucking Abrams shows up after school. She sees the way Nate eyes Vanessa in all her indie chic glory. No one sees it coming when Dan holds his hand out to her. And no one's ready for the bustling pain at the sight of their lips together.

But what kills her the most? The fact that they aren't kissing to cause pain. No, they're kissing to kiss.

Suddenly she'd take a year's worth of damage by Georgina Sparks then to see the look of muffled agony on Nate's face. She's pretty sure she's matching him.


So this is their showdown. An empty hallway with her skirt barley zipped up from a quickie with Nate and him shoving books into his locker. He sees her first, opens his mouth and then quickly shuts it.

She's walking the other way till.


Breathes in a sigh, closes her eyes and opens them. It's time to be a big girl, van der Woodsen.


"How've you been?"

"Good. Good."

She's forgotten this. She's forgotten how when he looks at her, she falls apart and either wants to die or smile. She's forgotten him but she never really could.

"I. I um… I heard you and Nate are… you know."

"Yeah. We are."

He smiles and she can't tell if he's faking it. She can't tell anything about him anymore.

"I saw you and Vanessa."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Guess you two really are meant to be."

He laughs and her heart gives that clutching ache because she's missed this. She's missed him. She misses them.

"I don't know about that. Vanessa hates that best friend cliché. I believe her exact words were, 'Humphrey. You're just something to pass the time.'" Dan lets out a sweet chuckle and she laughs with him because it still feels good.

It still feels good to laugh at the witty things Vanessa says, or Blair's many shallow complaints, or Lily's tut-tut tone on the wedding but. But the wedding is done and Lily van der Woodsen is Lily van der Bass and Blair isn't talking to her but she never shuts up and Vanessa isn't the best friend anymore.

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah. You too."


So this is the new Serena.

A Serena who doesn't give a damn about Blair's disapproving glance when she kisses Nate.

A Serena who's heart still loves her first love.

A Serena who doesn't fight.

A Serena who is not Serena.

So this is the new Serena.