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DiVe is a recent fan fiction obsession of mine. I decided there wasn't enough of it, so obviously I thought I'd write one (not as satisfying as reading).
She has not seen him in weeks. She has tried not to think about him, because thoughts of him just lead to thoughts of his brother, which inevitably leads to thoughts of that night on the roof, and her rape and every other bad thing in her life. But here he is, on Hearst campus, she wonders how he even got in, but berates herself for even thinking about it, he has money. People with money do what they like. Just like Logan, who, just a day after their latest break up announced he was leaving, going to a college across the country to get away from Neptune and all that goes with it. He didn't apply to a college across the country but he has passable grades and money in spades, so now he is gone, leaving Veronica alone with nothing but her thoughts.
And now she's trying not to stare at Dick Casablancas as he staggers around campus mid morning all ready out of his mind drunk. Favours may have gotten him into the school, but id he carries on this way soon he will have nothing. Or maybe he's already there.
Veronica went to Beaver's funeral. She stood back, not wanting to intrude on a private moment. There were not many people there, a few people she didn't know, a splattering of 09ers and Dick. His father was still in hiding, and his mother couldn't make it. Couldn't make it to her own son's funeral. These people disgusted her, she could not imagine being too busy to attend your son's funeral, no matter how troubled he had been. She caught Dick's eye from her spot under a tree some way away. He didn't say anything, didn't smile or frown, or give any indication of what was going on in his head, just caught her eye, and stared for a while, before finally looking back to his brother's coffin as it was lowered into the ground.
She wished Logan was with her now, she could send him over, they could do the bff thing, Dick would fight and complain but eventually maybe Logan would have gotten through to him. But Logan is not here. Logan did not even go to the funeral, refused to commemorate a killer. Veronica understood that, but she had gone anyway.
Dick stumbled away and Veronica didn't know what to do. She remembered being alone, being shunned and labelled an outcast for something somebody in your family had done. Their situations were nowhere near the same, Cassidy was a killer and a rapist, but still Veronica could almost understand. At least she had always had her dad, Dick really had no one.
She wasn't sure how it happened but she found herself outside that familiar door in the Neptune Grand at eight that night. Her hand froze in front of the door, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She almost walked away, but pulled herself together in time and knocked. It took a moment for the drunk blonde inside to answer. It was odd, coming to see this third occupant of the suite who had moved in with Logan just before he decided to move away.
"Veronica" he says as he opened the door. "Do you come free with the room or something? First Duncan, then Logan, now me! Didn't know the Neptune had this good hospitality" he says but his heart is not in it, like he's insulting her because its what he's supposed to do but can't really be bothered anymore. He just sounds tired.
She doesn't respond, just looks up at him, and for a moment its like being back at the funeral, their eyes are connected but she has no idea what's going on in his head. Finally he steps back from the door, going to sit back on the sofa and pick up his beer. He doesn't ask her in or ask her to leave, and the door is left open, so she takes that as all the invitation she's gonna get and follows him in, shutting the door gently behind her.
He doesn't say anything but passes her an unopened beer, he has plenty of them waiting for him. And for a while they just sit there, in silence drinking their beers.
"I'm sorry" he says at last. "For what he did." He doesn't look at her, he's still staring straight ahead, but she turns to look at him. He looks uncertain and lost and alone, and that's why she's here she thinks. Dick is an asshole, and she wishes he would make some crude comments and be done with it, just go back to being himself. She never hated Dick, because Dick has always been an asshole, he's the one person that never really changed on her when her world fell apart, because Dick was an asshole before hand.
"It's okay" she says softly. Because it is, the rape happened along time ago, and although she will never really be over it, she has learnt to live with it, to tuck it away in a tiny part of her subconscious where it can't hurt her. And besides, between her and Dick it really was okay, because her rape and all the other things that Cassidy did, they weren't Dick's fault.
"I miss him" he says even more quietly.
"That's okay too" she says and she reaches out to put a hand on his, because she thinks he needs it. This is probably the first time she has even willingly touched Dick Casablancas, but she does, because he needs it. He needs to know that it really is okay to miss his brother, because no matter what he did, he was his brother.
"I don't think its ever gonna be okay again" he says. He still won't face her, but she thinks she can see tears forming in his eyes. She remembers what that feels like, when your whole life has fallen apart and you really don't believe it'll ever be okay again. She remembers how it felt to have a boyfriend who had left you with no explanation as to why, and a best friend who was brutally murdered, to have your mother leave you and your virginity stolen from and then to have all the people you thought were your friends turn your back on you without a second thought. She knew what it was like to have the world crash down around you, and still be expected to go on.
"It will" she promises. "It's gonna be hard, but one day you'll wake and realise you have to go on. Those holes in your life are never gonna truly be refilled," she says thinking of Lily, and her mom, "but you learn how to live with them. You learn to live because of them."
He looks at her then. He looks at her like he's never seen her before, and maybe that's true, because she's not sure he's ever bothered to look before now, but somehow she thinks he sees her more than anybody else ever has, sees that she's been just as broken as he is, and sees that she managed to put herself back together, but it's not that simple. She tried to put all her pieces back together, but she is not the same pink and fluffy Veronica Mars she was all those years ago, its like the pieces didn't quite fit right, and they made her into a new person.
She looks back at him, his eyes full of unshed tears for his brother, and for himself, and she sees that he is broken, but she believes he'll be ok. He may be an asshole but he's stronger than people give him credit for, he won't get over this, but he'll learn to live with it, and tuck it away somewhere, and he'll learn to live with the holes that have been left in his life. "It'll be ok" she says again, and she squeezes his hand, making him look down, forgetting she had even been holding it. "I'll help you"
Not that explicitly Dick/Veronica, in fact barely implied, will probably write a sequel to this one (or add it as a second chapter) where it gets heavier. I sometimes find that with Dick stories its not always that acceptable why Veronica can stand him in the first place, I guess Logan was the same though before they dated. Anyway I wanted to make their interactions more believable. Let me know how I did.
As always people, reviews make me happy!